What do men want?

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Probably the most sexually explicit music videos I have seen are by Pitbull. Yet I adore him. I remember the 90s song by Sir Mix A Lot Baby Got Back. That was probably a bit sexual too. A singer can still be hot without having women in g strings in his videos right? Will Smith though doesn't have that in his music videos. But now I see sexual explicit or close to it in music videos by Katy Perry, Britney Spears, J Lo. Taylor Swift however is not that type of woman! Taylor is amazing. So I figure that women maybe dress like that to get men to love them more? . I don't know.

Try looking at Pitbull Hotel Room Service
or Don't Stop the Party.

Well, those things aren't very nice.


You'll garner less attention as you age.


For a woman to be successful in mating and eventual breeding, she has to be able to cause a man to have an erection. There is no question about that. Responding to a woman's apparent mating call does entail the risk of being accused of sexual harrassment.

If your goal is to get me horny, then it is working.


I like the outfits. But, for a guy like me, I would probably think that you thought that I was out of your league, and that you were looking for someone a lot flashier. You would have to take a lot of the initiative initially, but then I'd be counting my lucky stars until our first date.

No not really.. I hated to see my ex fiance when she got really really drunk. I liked to get a little tipsy with her cause it made every 10 times funnier and made sex 1000% more fun for me. not to mention when we would go into the kitchen and drunk cook together lol...

But I liked her best when she wore nice clothes that accentuated her figure rather than mushing her into sausage casings.

I actually liked her best when she was wearing dresses, or bell bottoms and sweaters...

If I was going to take a woman on a first date, and I didn't know her well, I'd probably take her to a coffee shop. For one thing you can tell a LOT about your date just by the drink they order, their views on money, their tastes, all kinds of stuff.. even better for me would be a coffee shop/bookstore or something like that.. since then you can easily branch out into talking about books, movies, music.. etc.. all the sort of cultural artifacts a store like that sells, and yes, Nick Hornby IS right in that that sort of stuff actually IS important in whether a relationship will work or not. And then after we had done that, maybe go and get dinner or something where the setting is a bit more intimate, but not as good for talking and learning. Or reverse it and if it was a nice day have a picnic outside then go to the coffee shop or something.

I don't like bars particularly so I would probably never try to have a date in one.

long before I was diagnosed, I figured out a really good dating strategy for me. If by some magic or sorcery I am in the uncommon position of being able to arrange a first date, I try to take her kayaking.

let that sink in.

We meet up and get to the kayaking place as quickly as possible preferably we would meet in the parking lot, they know me there and I have a pass that lets me take out any kayak they have on specific days.

I select our kayak and gear then provide a quick training on safety and technique. By rote memory and having been an obsession, I have this bit down as a performance, its also a little diatribe I can recite.

Then we get into the kayak, first me in the back, while I demonstrate the maneuver, and then her in front. paddling away from the dock, we've got until we get back to have a conversation in which she can't see me unless she stops paddling to turn all the way around to look at me. I have had a meltdown on the water, but I'm usually in a small space and removed enough from other social stuff that I've never needed assistance to get back to the dock.

For anywhere from 30 minutes up to a couple hours, we are free to meander, and converse in a setting that is more intimate than a phone call that has several benefits for me specifically. For example, there is no way for her to expect me to react to her facial expressions at all. Also no matter how weird the messages my face sends off, they are unheard. No physical contact of any kind happens when we're in the kayak. It simply can't. The physics and environment don't allow it. Thusly I am not spending the entire time wondering what i'm expected to do or not do in re hands, posture or anything all. Everything physical and most social elements are removed or defined by the activity.

As for the drinking, it can be a way to meet women for me, but it usually just ends up weird.
As to revealing clothes, it is simultaneously a turn on for me, and a relationship red flag, a giant stopsign. I never approach a woman if the first thing I notice about her is body related, My ex was wearing a huge baggy lab coat when we met.

Wow you realize right under that quote you took, I wrote this;
With that said, sometimes it really makes no difference what she's wearing with these kinds of men, but it certainly doesn't help. And in a perfect society, a woman would walk around naked without fear of harassment or rape, but that's not the world we live in unfortunately.

Sigh. Maybe you should actually read what I've written, before typing a response...
And I did say "certain men", I'm well aware that there are men who assault women despite their fashion choices..

I also read the first few pages of http://scholarship.law.duke.edu/cgi/vie ... text=djglp ... seems to me like she's discussing rape, not cat calls.
Not only that, I didn't find an actual definition of what she believes to be sexual harassment..
In addition, the majority of my stance has simply been how men will perceive these women. That means no action, only their thoughts.



No, YOUR image is distorted. Do you know who makeup was invented for? Prostitutes.
You don't know any woman who would dress up just for the sake of male attention? Have you met teenage girls? The girls that grow up to be women... the young women who make the "beauty" industries thrive, these young girls who start wearing makeup at 10-12 years old and never take off that mask...
If slabbing dead horse skin on your face (or whatever the hell it's made with these days) and wearing next-to-no clothing makes you feel beautiful, and makes you feel like you take care of yourself, you've bought into your consumerist culture and given up your idea of beauty to an impossible face/body that doesn't exist.

I forget who it was now, but I once heard a great idea about fashion. Fashion needs to be quick, it needs to be constantly changing, so that no one has the time to sit around and think "what the hell is the point of all this?" ...

The mere fact that you mentioned Dita von Teese makes me wonder why I'm wasting my time responding.. a woman who makes a living using her body, clearly a great role model for young girls aspiring to advance the agenda of feminism..


Finally, a woman who lives in the real world...


To the OP:
If you want to bag a good man, who has a good job, wants kids, wants to get married, and all that... don't dress provocatively. You can wear something to accentuate curves maybe, but don't go overboard with cleavage, skin tight clothes, etc... It doesn't send off the message "I'm ready to settle down" etc.
If you're not looking to settle down, and you're just looking for 'dates' or whatever, then by all means, wear revealing clothing. It will get you dates ... with what kind of guys I don't know, probably not the right kind, since you sound like you'd be forcing yourself to be that person.... It's never good to lead into any kind of relationship with any dishonesty.
Myself, personally, I love the natural beauty of asian women so I get rather disappointed when they wear a lot of makeup and 'fashionable' clothes.

in that paper, they are discussing both sexual assault and sexual harassment in a workplace setting. not sure why you had difficulty with that. you were talking about women getting into "trouble". men's thoughts about women are not "trouble", obviously; it is their actions that are trouble (including rape, which you specifically stated in your posts), which is why this paper applies.

that sentence that i omitted simply added that sometimes it really makes no difference what women wear, and that certain men don't care what women are wearing before they harass or rape them, but you got it wrong - there is NO connection between what women wear and whether they will be raped. so your sentence didn't actually help your argument - it weakened it further.

No one's talking about rape. I've never said "I want a wife who dresses modestly so she doesn't get raped" ... It is HER mindset of getting off on the attention that she'd have to be an idiot not to notice that she's getting, that turns me off.
The rest of this all snowballed out of that statement, I'm not even sure what's going on anymore but I'm done arguing about it.

That is very offensive... First of all, make up has been used for milleniums, by both men and women depending on the trend, and far more by nobility than women less able to afford it. I have been a teenage girl once and I started wearing make up at 13. It was my savior with acne at the time and I haven't gone back since. I don't mind not wearing any, but I much prefer seeing my best features highlighted and imperfections covered. The point in make up is not that it makes a person look like a doll, but that it highlights one's best features. Don't think women are unable to consumerism or size of the industry. There's only one aspect you forget: The industry is this big because there is demand for it and people find certain products actually to be of help. Is the current beauty standard unrealistic? Yes. But that doesn't stop women to be able to feel beautiful or good about themselves.

Wearing next to nothing is something you'd generally see done by a portion of young girls on a club night. If you think of an average woman and especially a "style conscious" one, that is not exactly the look they go for. There are people who have questionable outfit choices and often for wrong reasons (men and women) but I do find it insulting that you point the finger at whole female population to be at blame. Also, what "fashionistas" do, is not to go for every trend, but have their own strong sense of style and add a few contemporary accessories or key items when new trends come along.

Dita von Teese dresses up very classy as well as acts, talks and has the mannerism of a true lady. I don't have anything against her choice of career, in which she has also had phenomenal success at. I don't get how I am supposed be proud of my womanhood, if I didn't appreciate it? Woman's body is not the enemy or "evil".

And yes, your ideas are distorted. No one forces you to like TOWIE type of style, but you are in your posts painting a generalized image that all women have the main concern of pleasing men and are asking for trouble with any efforts to look better.

Let me make something clear, I have never once said anything about "ALL" women. If I thought all women were this way, I would be planning a long life of solitude.
Makeup has been used for a long time, and you were either a shaman, rich, or a prostitute when you wore it.
You have just made it clear that a lot of women are brainwashed by the media and cosmetic industry to feel as if makeup is a necessity to "hide one's imperfections". As I have said, you are buying into the idea of a perfect face and body, that does not exist. You acknowledge it doesn't exist, yet you say "oh, well, we can still try to get there". The whole point is to stop trying to create a damn illusion or mask to hide behind, this actually has psychological implications... on women and men.
There may be some positive ones, but they are pure egotistical and materialistic, and the negatives far outweigh the positives.

Just because there is a demand for something, that doesn't make it any less messed up. I hear heroine is in high demand too.

The fact that you think someone who poses nude to make money is classy, and a true lady is enough for me to just ignore the rest of the BS you're saying.

You need to learn how to read and interpret information if you believe my opinion is that women's main concern is to "please men". If that was my opinion, I would be suggesting that you walk around naked 24/7. That will please the majority of men.


This sums up my entire view of what you're saying.
You are quite forwardly telling a woman that she is not good enough the way she is, and she needs to make an effort to "look better".

I'm done, this is worse than convincing a creationist the earth is older than 6,000 years

Last edited by uwmonkdm on 11 Mar 2013, 5:34 am, edited 2 times in total.

Ancient Egyptian rulers used makeup, I don't think they were prostitutes.

No, they were just the most egotistical people ever to have lived who believed themselves to be Gods .... what a coincidence.

That's a very well thought out post regarding logical and emotional thinking, I think it is important to balance and measure the two side by side. I also find the cultural minefield comment particularly interesting as each has different ways of greeting each other or showing affection. On most dates when I have gone for a kiss, it seems to have gone fine but I have analysed their body language and looked for certain indicators. I think being on the spectrum, we must consciously make an effort to pick up on the signals so we can seize the right moment.

I don't know if a misstep can jeopardize a relationship if you have a partner that has a mutual understanding towards you but it can definitely jeopardize a relationship in the initial stages with someone that doesn't have a full understanding of Autism.

The shorter skirts give us more freedom of movement in the legs so we can kick-stab people with our stilettos.

I do agree that I wish more girls took care of their skin instead of just relying on make up to hide their imperfections. I think sometimes make up can definitely overemphasis beauty and even magazines can overexaggerate and create unrealistics goals or expectations for young girls.



I agree some make up looks fine but I prefer it to look natural or at least a light amount of make up like this. I think it looks much more better in the girl below and the girl below seems like someone I would have a white picket lifestyle with.

Her name is Isabel Lucas and she shows why natural beauty can be so much more attractive than made up artificial beauty if done right.