Dont drag me down with you!

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My husband is a surgeon and he works with a man who has an obvious case of Aspergers. He simply cannot look anyone in the eye and does not make any small talk. His office is meticulous. However, this man is an extremely talented vascular surgeon and has a wife and two kids. So, let's just say Aspergers can make things more difficult but not impossible. There is another pain management doctor who works with my husband. His kids have Aspergers and other minor conditions, and his wife thinks that he (the doctor) has a mild case of Aspergers. I imagine there are as many successful people who have the condition as much as those who don't, but many have figured out ways to not let it stand in the way of their dreams. This is not to say that it is not a legitimate disability, but many people DO learn to compensate, get laid, have successful careers and get married and have kids. These are people who have the condition but are not reflected in the statistics, because they learned to adapt and function so have no reason to identify with a disability. Who are the most vocal? Probably the ones whose lives have been most negatively affected by it.

^ so OP, become a surgeon lol.


there's a small advice I gave it to a parent, maybe you can apply some on yourself:

OP, this is what worked for me; I didn't lose my virginity before the age of 20 and didn't have a serious relationship before the age of 21:

- Get the f*ck out of the house.

- Don't listen to anyone who says "just be yourself", "It'll happen when you least expect it" etc. It happens when a man has made a considerable effort, risked rejection and humiliation and not screwed anything up on the first dates.

- Yes, most girls do care about experience, even though they won't admit it. If you're over 18 and haven't had a relationship, you have to tell a white lie. In return, if you do lie, dating girls over 18 is easier than dating girls below 18. The former have more individual tastes and doesn't automatically think that pretty boys that look like sparkling vampires are attractive.

- Don't be afraid of one-night stands. They won't cure your loneliness, but they'll give you experience and will relieve sexual tension the way jacking off won't. Women like sex JUST AS MUCH as men do. Women who complain about being used, are only doing so because they take sex for granted.

- Get the f*ck out of the house.

- Since aspies don't have social intuition, you're gonna have to compensate for this somehow. As a boy, you're automatically born into a popularity contest; girls care a lot about social popularity and what the media deems as "cool". to compensate for this, brush your teeth after every meal, exercise hard and seriously and get a good education.

- Try online dating; just don't message girls where the profile picture has MySpace angles, Photoshop filters or high contrast.

- Get the f*ck out of the house.

- Make new friends. Lack of friends is a major red flag to many girls and friends will make both school and spare time more enjoyable.

- Don't be someone's emotional tampon (i.e. "just friends" after a failed date). Real friends won't dump their problems onto you to boost their egos; they'll go to concerts with you, they'll talk to you about interesting stuff like video games and exercise and some girls even sleep with their friends. Nobody will realize what a great guy you actually are just because you boost their egos.

- Get the f*ck out of the house.

Vincent, I apologize for carelessly mistaking your gender by not initially paying attention to your screen name. Anyway, I will say this to you:
First and foremost: Take care of your appearance and hygiene. If you have any NT friends or relatives, enlist them to help you shop for a few decent outfits that you can coordinate easily and wear. Keep yourself well groomed. Because you never know when a nice girl will cross your path. Sometimes it is hard to know if a girl is single, but unless there is an engagement or wedding ring on her finger, you can consider that all is fair game unless told otherwise. Go to events that cater to your special interests so that you have common ground and have something to talk about. Don't act desperate because girls hate the smell of desperation and it scares them wondering if your desperation will force them into something dangerous. Say a few words of compliment and then go about your business. Sometimes even saying something simple as "Hey" can get a girl's attention. Maybe 20 minutes later go back to her and see if she may be receptive to chatting more. If you have any relatives that could help you out, ask them to give you advice or go out with you to give pointers on specific things to improve in your delivery of lines, etc. It is hard to give specific advice because I don't know you, what you look like or how you act, but if you hole yourself up at home you will never get practice. Even NT guys are terrible at picking women up until they get lots of practice. So, the struggle is near universal, unless you live in a country of arranged marriages. Practice, practice, practice is key! Good luck! I hope this offers a little bit of help.

PS I will also add this--

If all one wants to do is get laid, you can simply pay someone. However, many girls will not go near a guy who they sense is just looking to get in their pants. If they do, they play games with guys like that, or they outwardly reject them. A girl wants to sense she is valued as a human being first, appreciated and admired for her good qualities. But she doesn't want a guy who has no other prospects. This is where it gets tricky. Because it's that old stupid Marx saying that "I wouldn't want to be in a club that would have me as a member." If you exude some confidence (not desperation) that if the girl isn't your last resort or only hope, then she will likely see YOU as the prize and look to win you over the competition. Even if there is nobody else, you must have the confidence AS IF you had them lining up. Just don't be an a$$hole about it. It's about attitude. Be real and don't make it into a game otherwise you might not like the outcome.

Also, about having sex... Just because you CAN have sex doesn't mean you SHOULD. If you are unable to deal with the emotional ties or get too obsessive about it, then you shouldn't do it. Because that will creep a girl out and you might not make the best decisions, or worst yet, decisions that may get you into trouble with the wrong girl. So, you must be intellectually and emotionally ready these days to do that. Otherwise you may regret it. Just sayin.

Work on #1 and then the rest will follow. Don't let the people here set the example for you. You are the captain of your own ship. Envision a reality and go for it.

Don't look at it like that. Not everyone has problems, but it happens. You just have to learn to cope with it if it does happen. Not all of us are negative, but some of us have been hurt to the extent that we get that way. And then it projects as negativity.

I never used to be damaged goods
We can rebuild him, make him stronger faster, better than before
We can fast, diet, exercise and lose 30lbs
We can make the worlds first
Happy and healthy aspie