Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

Why NT`s are not atracted to aspies?

Page 5 of 6 [ 95 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

meems
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Dec 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,869

13 Jun 2013, 1:03 am

billiscool wrote:
meems wrote:


*raises hand*
Bill, I talk about this on here all the time, I'm a feminist, like all the feminists I know, who wants to change outdated gender roles in dating, as well as in general.

It makes no sense for an entire gender to have the burden of "taking the lead" or whatever.

Feminism is all about changing gender roles and challenging the gender binary.


but you like women, like tyroin said only lesbian and bisexual women usuall agree with him on gender role in dating.
but any ways kudos for being against the stupid lead role that men have to take part of.

but I think it's alot more than just that. I think our society needs to stop this bias against shy guys
and social awkward men. I just don't like this dating society where if is man is shy and unpopular, no
woman would ever date him, but yet if a woman is shy and unpopular, she can still find guys to date her.
What is difference between a shy aspie man and shy aspie woman, really what's the difference
if a woman has bad social skills there always some guy that will like her and date her, but if a man has bad social skills,
chances are he will be single. what the difference between the two. How are men never bothered or effect by women with
bad social skills, but yet women are ( on higher average) bothered or effect by men with bad social skills.

like being at job, and you have a co-worker, and the co-worker does the same amount of work, same quality of work.
but the co-workers, always get raises, always get a promotion. the boss has no problem with the co-worker.
but you, the boss never gives a raise, or promotion, but you are equal to your co-worker.



The job situation you mention is something a lot of women have actually been through, and had a man promoted over them etc.

But yeah, every popular feminist website I'm aware of has written articles on gender roles in dating, and wanting to change them. And every heterosexual feminist I know agrees with me on the subject of gender roles in dating.

But women are often rejected for trying to initiate things, it's seen as an attempt to be masculine etc.


_________________
http://www.facebook.com/eidetic.onus
http://eidetic-onus.tumblr.com/
Warning, my tumblr is a man-free zone :)


appletheclown
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Apr 2013
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,378
Location: Soul Society

13 Jun 2013, 7:10 am

meems wrote:
billiscool wrote:
meems wrote:


*raises hand*
Bill, I talk about this on here all the time, I'm a feminist, like all the feminists I know, who wants to change outdated gender roles in dating, as well as in general.

It makes no sense for an entire gender to have the burden of "taking the lead" or whatever.

Feminism is all about changing gender roles and challenging the gender binary.


but you like women, like tyroin said only lesbian and bisexual women usuall agree with him on gender role in dating.
but any ways kudos for being against the stupid lead role that men have to take part of.

but I think it's alot more than just that. I think our society needs to stop this bias against shy guys
and social awkward men. I just don't like this dating society where if is man is shy and unpopular, no
woman would ever date him, but yet if a woman is shy and unpopular, she can still find guys to date her.
What is difference between a shy aspie man and shy aspie woman, really what's the difference
if a woman has bad social skills there always some guy that will like her and date her, but if a man has bad social skills,
chances are he will be single. what the difference between the two. How are men never bothered or effect by women with
bad social skills, but yet women are ( on higher average) bothered or effect by men with bad social skills.

like being at job, and you have a co-worker, and the co-worker does the same amount of work, same quality of work.
but the co-workers, always get raises, always get a promotion. the boss has no problem with the co-worker.
but you, the boss never gives a raise, or promotion, but you are equal to your co-worker.



The job situation you mention is something a lot of women have actually been through, and had a man promoted over them etc.

But yeah, every popular feminist website I'm aware of has written articles on gender roles in dating, and wanting to change them. And every heterosexual feminist I know agrees with me on the subject of gender roles in dating.

But women are often rejected for trying to initiate things, it's seen as an attempt to be masculine etc.


How is it seen as an attempt to be masculine? If a girl talked to me and said something like "Hey kid, your gonna be my bf or else!" I might see that as more masculine, but no less attractive to be honest. If a girl walked up to me and said "Hey um, would you like to go to John's Steak and Onions, I know you really like it..." I would think she just really liked me and wanted to go on a date. There are ways, for sure, that a lady could initiate without looking masculine, probably without even having to go to John's Steak and Onions.


_________________
comedic burp


Tyri0n
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Nov 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,879
Location: Douchebag Capital of the World (aka Washington D.C.)

13 Jun 2013, 7:14 am

meems wrote:
billiscool wrote:
meems wrote:


*raises hand*
Bill, I talk about this on here all the time, I'm a feminist, like all the feminists I know, who wants to change outdated gender roles in dating, as well as in general.

It makes no sense for an entire gender to have the burden of "taking the lead" or whatever.

Feminism is all about changing gender roles and challenging the gender binary.


but you like women, like tyroin said only lesbian and bisexual women usuall agree with him on gender role in dating.
but any ways kudos for being against the stupid lead role that men have to take part of.

but I think it's alot more than just that. I think our society needs to stop this bias against shy guys
and social awkward men. I just don't like this dating society where if is man is shy and unpopular, no
woman would ever date him, but yet if a woman is shy and unpopular, she can still find guys to date her.
What is difference between a shy aspie man and shy aspie woman, really what's the difference
if a woman has bad social skills there always some guy that will like her and date her, but if a man has bad social skills,
chances are he will be single. what the difference between the two. How are men never bothered or effect by women with
bad social skills, but yet women are ( on higher average) bothered or effect by men with bad social skills.

like being at job, and you have a co-worker, and the co-worker does the same amount of work, same quality of work.
but the co-workers, always get raises, always get a promotion. the boss has no problem with the co-worker.
but you, the boss never gives a raise, or promotion, but you are equal to your co-worker.



The job situation you mention is something a lot of women have actually been through, and had a man promoted over them etc.

But yeah, every popular feminist website I'm aware of has written articles on gender roles in dating, and wanting to change them. And every heterosexual feminist I know agrees with me on the subject of gender roles in dating.

But women are often rejected for trying to initiate things, it's seen as an attempt to be masculine etc.


Women who get rejected for initiating things might be trying out of their league. I have seen it happen. Women don't usually initiate things unless the guy is super compelling, but chances are, he's also compelling to a lot of other women. Guys initiate left and right; women initiate only when a juicy specimen passes by who is irresistible, but their lack of self-awareness gets them rejected. Then, they think all men are like that, which probably isn't true.

A woman who is objectively 6/10 should not be asking out Matt Damon at 10/10. She should be asking out 5's, 6's, and 7's. Unfortunately, that rarely happens.

The biggest legitimate fear is that a woman who initiates will be seen as an easy target for bed and dump. She initiates. The normal guy (not the 10/10 who already has a bed full of 7 girls) is NOT going to refuse. He's saying: "here's someone I get to sleep with without even working for it." This could cause a safety hazard, if the man feels entitled to sex because the woman initiated.



appletheclown
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Apr 2013
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,378
Location: Soul Society

13 Jun 2013, 8:25 am

All I hear is league this, league that, why not just find someone compatible instead of rating people.


_________________
comedic burp


MacDragard
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Nov 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 542

13 Jun 2013, 9:56 am

Also, it's not so much that "NT's are not attracted to aspies" nearly as much as people in general are not attracted to misery. I can't speak for all self-proclaimed aspies, but the ones on WP have developed an identity where if they can describe themselves in one word, that word would be "miserable".



amapola
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 31 Dec 2012
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 80

13 Jun 2013, 2:08 pm

MacDragard wrote:
Also, it's not so much that "NT's are not attracted to aspies" nearly as much as people in general are not attracted to misery. I can't speak for all self-proclaimed aspies, but the ones on WP have developed an identity where if they can describe themselves in one word, that word would be "miserable".

That`s not true.I don`t think that I`m miserable.I am a person who is good ,atractive and honest,but I have some problems because I have AS(but it`s only self`diagnosed,so I can`t guarantee this).The problem is with people who live in ilusion of a perfect partner without problems.But problems that AS people often face,make them insecure and depressed.I have sometimes pesimistic moments when I think everything worst,but I am generally happy person.



meems
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Dec 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,869

13 Jun 2013, 3:38 pm

appletheclown wrote:
All I hear is league this, league that, why not just find someone compatible instead of rating people.


I think leagues are a way of comparing compatibility for people who are trying to simplify things/make things easier on themselves in terms of dating.


_________________
http://www.facebook.com/eidetic.onus
http://eidetic-onus.tumblr.com/
Warning, my tumblr is a man-free zone :)


nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,786
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

13 Jun 2013, 4:13 pm

meems wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
All I hear is league this, league that, why not just find someone compatible instead of rating people.


I think leagues are a way of comparing compatibility for people who are trying to simplify things/make things easier on themselves in terms of dating.
Using that league word makes me think of baseball teams & their skill levels & I hate sports & know very little about them


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


aspiemike
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,287
Location: Canada

13 Jun 2013, 4:27 pm

MacDragard wrote:
Also, it's not so much that "NT's are not attracted to aspies" nearly as much as people in general are not attracted to misery. I can't speak for all self-proclaimed aspies, but the ones on WP have developed an identity where if they can describe themselves in one word, that word would be "miserable".


I can definitely support this claim as well. A girl I became good friends with recently actually told me before the revelation of my diagnosis that she felt Aspergers was a "horrible disease." Funny thing is I have a lot of fun around her and she around me too. Due to certain circumstances in her life and due to recent experience in mine, any spark we both felt was never acted on. We remain good friends. I miss seeing hanging out with her though.



meems
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Dec 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,869

13 Jun 2013, 4:53 pm

nick007 wrote:
meems wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
All I hear is league this, league that, why not just find someone compatible instead of rating people.


I think leagues are a way of comparing compatibility for people who are trying to simplify things/make things easier on themselves in terms of dating.
Using that league word makes me think of baseball teams & their skill levels & I hate sports & know very little about them


I'm pretty oblivious to leagues and I wish someone would explain them to me sometimes. Other times I think... maybe not.


_________________
http://www.facebook.com/eidetic.onus
http://eidetic-onus.tumblr.com/
Warning, my tumblr is a man-free zone :)


appletheclown
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Apr 2013
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,378
Location: Soul Society

13 Jun 2013, 5:17 pm

I never wanted dating to be easy, just successful in finding me the right lady. Tells me a bit about myself. My new favorite love song as of now is My Clingy Girlfriend by Psychostick. Yes I said love song :mrgreen: :clown: :skull: :cyclopsani: :skull: :clown: :mrgreen:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYCpEvVj_tc[/youtube]


_________________
comedic burp


aspiemike
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,287
Location: Canada

13 Jun 2013, 9:19 pm

meems wrote:
nick007 wrote:
meems wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
All I hear is league this, league that, why not just find someone compatible instead of rating people.


I think leagues are a way of comparing compatibility for people who are trying to simplify things/make things easier on themselves in terms of dating.
Using that league word makes me think of baseball teams & their skill levels & I hate sports & know very little about them


I'm pretty oblivious to leagues and I wish someone would explain them to me sometimes. Other times I think... maybe not.


The thing about leagues is simple: It's all BS that is created out of people's minds. Leagues are all ego-based.



Tyri0n
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Nov 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,879
Location: Douchebag Capital of the World (aka Washington D.C.)

13 Jun 2013, 10:37 pm

aspiemike wrote:
meems wrote:
nick007 wrote:
meems wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
All I hear is league this, league that, why not just find someone compatible instead of rating people.


I think leagues are a way of comparing compatibility for people who are trying to simplify things/make things easier on themselves in terms of dating.
Using that league word makes me think of baseball teams & their skill levels & I hate sports & know very little about them


I'm pretty oblivious to leagues and I wish someone would explain them to me sometimes. Other times I think... maybe not.


The thing about leagues is simple: It's all BS that is created out of people's minds. Leagues are all ego-based.


I disagree. I think leagues would be good for decent-looking shy people like most aspies. If NT's and aspies weren't always striving after media images, I think life would be much easier for those who aren't pushy, aggressive, or loud.

I think a 6/10 girl has no business hitting on a 10/10 guy, and vice versa. Especially pathetic when the 6/10 girl hits on the 10/10 guy and gets rejected while the 6/10 guy gets rejected hitting on a 10/10 girl; meanwhile, both the 6's reject each other. I have seen situations like this happen so many times. Why can't people learn to be more self-aware? I'm not going around hitting on cheerleaders or movie stars, even aside from the fact that I am not attracted to shallow, judgmental extroverts. I am a 6 or 7, so I only look at other 6's or 7's or maybe 8's if I feel like I connect with them really well. If a 9 hit on me, I would reject her. Why? I wouldn't want the pressure of dating someone who is much more attractive than me.

If my self-awareness were a universal trait, life would be easier for pretty much everyone. f**k Hollywood. Society is so screwed up because of Hollywood and it's love stories and the damage it does to people's body image.



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,786
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

14 Jun 2013, 12:09 am

Tyri0n wrote:
aspiemike wrote:
meems wrote:
nick007 wrote:
meems wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
All I hear is league this, league that, why not just find someone compatible instead of rating people.


I think leagues are a way of comparing compatibility for people who are trying to simplify things/make things easier on themselves in terms of dating.
Using that league word makes me think of baseball teams & their skill levels & I hate sports & know very little about them


I'm pretty oblivious to leagues and I wish someone would explain them to me sometimes. Other times I think... maybe not.


The thing about leagues is simple: It's all BS that is created out of people's minds. Leagues are all ego-based.


I disagree. I think leagues would be good for decent-looking shy people like most aspies. If NT's and aspies weren't always striving after media images, I think life would be much easier for those who aren't pushy, aggressive, or loud.

I think a 6/10 girl has no business hitting on a 10/10 guy, and vice versa. Especially pathetic when the 6/10 girl hits on the 10/10 guy and gets rejected while the 6/10 guy gets rejected hitting on a 10/10 girl; meanwhile, both the 6's reject each other. I have seen situations like this happen so many times. Why can't people learn to be more self-aware? I'm not going around hitting on cheerleaders or movie stars, even aside from the fact that I am not attracted to shallow, judgmental extroverts. I am a 6 or 7, so I only look at other 6's or 7's or maybe 8's if I feel like I connect with them really well. If a 9 hit on me, I would reject her. Why? I wouldn't want the pressure of dating someone who is much more attractive than me.

If my self-awareness were a universal trait, life would be easier for pretty much everyone. f**k Hollywood. Society is so screwed up because of Hollywood and it's love stories and the damage it does to people's body image.
So your saying leauges are about physical attractiveness? I personally don't care about looks & I think attraction is in the eye of the beholder. I became attracted to most any single girl who was nice towards me for abit. I mostly came on to women who were desprate &/or had various issues & I got rejected but as I mentioned in one of my other post in this thread some of the rejection was due to misunderstanding.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


aspergerking
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 7 May 2013
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 25

14 Jun 2013, 1:13 am

because of chris chan



aspiemike
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,287
Location: Canada

14 Jun 2013, 11:47 pm

I have actually dated attractive women myself. I had the thought as you did Tyrion about the possible stress I might feel. To be honest about my experience. Dating a girl who is more attractive than me is not actually that bad for me. I've dated more than one. The thing that stressed me out about dating anyone is simple: a girl who had no boundaries was just hard to deal with. People I wasn't as attracted to were similar to this. Girls without boundaries had a tendency to blame me for their misbehaviour. I simply have no patience for that kind of bs now.