The REAL reason why you don't have a girlfriend/wife

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It is remarkable how black & white some of the postings here are.
Sexual reproduction is about a billion years old.
Just maybe it could possibly be a tad more complex than aspie v. nt.

This tread looks very much like barking. Barking at someone who is currently discouraged seems aggressive and minimizing of true challenges.
Since it does not take into account even most things commonly involved with courtship and the battle of the sexes, it also looks like impatience with "complainers".

From a certain point of view men are at a disadvantage in courtship.
(From a certain point of view women are at a disadvantage in courtship. But let's ignore that because they got all the cards anyway =)

This isn't tennis, you don't just keep swinging til you win.
Rejection HURTS. It's unadulterated dishonesty to say "you're no worse off"...
If one does not understand the power of rejection I'd recommend reading up on Evolutionary Ethics.

The number one reason why aspie guys suck at courtship is because they are guys.
Aspieizm limits additionally.
This is like yelling at someone who's discouraged that they'll never make pro basketball because they're only 4' 2".
It's pointless and cruel to tell them "just throw the ball more".

I believe the truth is closer to: an aspie's misunderstanding of other guy's 'successes'.
I think this is coupled with a misunderstanding of how profoundly other guys may settle for a less than awesome mate.

If you want a woman who is picture perfect, get a picture.
But even pictures aren't perfect, they can get creases, they can tatter, they can give papercuts, they don't kiss well, they don't cook.
See the point, or was that too figurative?
Even gorgeous women can still be a pain in the axe.

You wont begin to know enough about a woman until you've been with her for a decade or so. Maybe much more.
So there's a lot of short term relationships (and very, very short term relationships;"hi"-"get lost") that happen to everybody.

Fifthly (or whichever number) how many books and "experts" are there on the subject? 200 billion? They are not all solely funded by aspie guys.
So it's not real surprising that a person with social issues would come here seeking advice -sometimes that advice may include which books or articles seem good- AND that they may not ask or communicate in a smooth skilled politician mannerism that all the other aspies can so easily decipher and answer.

Each person must decipher for himself what his limitations are, test those theories (maybe even here), find several courses of action, and attempt to minimize their negative impact.
Wash, rinse, and repeat.

Specific issues can be specifically run through this wringer. If anyone wishes, PM me with them, or email me ([email protected]) I'm good at this.
But blanket statements, like blankets, don't go through a wringer very well.

Real reason why I am single?:

This is an interesting theory you provided but Im going to provide my own:

See I meet new people on weekly basis.
Once a week I go out and just talk to whoever may want to listen/listen to whoever may want to talk.

There are plenty of people to choose from but I tend to end up with males or females that are twice my age.

Last time a girl my age showed some interest in me I didnt know what to do.
I was honestly just standing there, looking at her telling me to join her and her friends by signs, one of my older friends had to ask me what was wrong and tell me to approach them once I told her...
(did eventually join them, had a few beers, left them at 2 AM but they were still going to another bar)
I dont see how this has much to do with whinning on a board though

Hmm. I knew there would be disagreements and arguments on the first page. I like the message the OP is sending as I have learned that the only thing stopping me is me. The only disagreement I have is the fact that reasons why I may not have a girlfriend will have to do with the communication and understanding. Things do have to work both ways in order for me to have a girlfriend. If one of us is putting in more effort than the other, we will not feel the other is meeting us halfway. I understand some of the complaints some might have because I've been there.

In the book I am writing I even explain what I feel is the three levels of connecting. The first level is surface value: physical vs personality and you can break the personality down further: emotional vs practical (feelings), and abstract vs literal (thinking). I can assure you that if you can't get past the physical attraction, the personality won't matter.

As for everyone in here. I will do my best not take to anything personally. I have learned that taking things too personally will hinder progress in any friendships as well. I will do my best to not make assumptions. It's easy to make assumptions based on what I have lead myself to believe before. I will also do my best in whatever I do. Failure to do so will show to other people and I know I will lose sleep if I don't do my best. I will also do my best to be honest with myself. Being honest with myself prevents unnecessary drama. Four simple agreements that I believe will help me.

The REAL reson you cant own a 3 million euro home is you donnt try hard enuogh.
The REAL reason you dont win the nobel prize is you give up to easily.
The REAL reason you cant hold a job is not becuse of schizophrenia, but your a bum.
The REAL reason you dont rule the world is you dont work very hard....

Need I even point out whts wrong with this logic, which is the exact saem logic used in the op? The real reson you dont have a girlfriend or are married is your a whiner and yuo give up too easily, etc. - not that yuo have a genetic condition that affects yuor behaviour and cognition and yuor unique experinces in life have molded this disposiotion for the worse, or any other genetic or situational influences or explanations. Its taking the vast array of mankind as developd by genetics and experince and reducing it to one individual's limited experience (i.e. I can do it so you shuold be able to as well!), while also totaly disregarding the fact that mental disorders can severly inhibit or make it imposible to function in any semblance of neurotypy, depending on the degree of expresion of the phenotype (schizophrenia bein the most extrem but vivd example of said disorders preventing normal functioning no mattr what will the individual tries to exert against it). It is frankly compltely idiotic and an oversimplifiction of the human mind besides a slapp in the face to those who genuinly try to overcome thier disabilty but for one reason or anothre (such as its expresion is very severe due to genetics or experiences agravating it in the course of devlopment), they often fail and begin to becoem despondant or discouraged, if their personlity so dictates. In a way then, it is thier fault, but becuse the disorder or deformity or disabilty is a part of them and a perhaps deleterious part of them, and whiel there are of course people who give up too easily when it is in thir capacity to have kept going, the blame cannot and certinly does not always fall on a part of the person that is just "stupid" or "lazy" or "bitchy," but it can be attributable to their disordre, their individual experinces that shaped their psyche, and/or even their current environment.

I believe the main reasons for me not having a GF are a few-fold:

1) Isolation; I live so far away.
2) I don't know worth a damn to talk to a girl......

So I guess this is mostly of my doing. But I am trying to change all this...... I just need help.

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Feel free to talk to me, if you wish.

Every day is a gift- cherish it!

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I find with me, it's has been hard to connect with people because of Aspergers. I don't think we can really say that Aspergers doesn't at least contribute to people not having relationships, even if it's not the only cause. Through my 20's I really wanted to have a girlfriend, and tried my best to talk to girls, be socialable, ask a girl out if I was interested in her, etc. I did have some success, but not very much relatively speaking, a lot less than the average person my age in my similar circumstances at least.

Let's face it, one of the main challenges of Aspergers is in socialization, and relationships are built on that, especially when first starting out. It's the initial awkwardness that Aspergers can cause that I think makes it hard to break through to getting to know someone better. You could be a great person, but a lot of people won't realize that when first talking to you, and may be put off by awkwardness due to Aspergers that you don't even realize you're doing.

I'm married now, and actually met my wife initially online (in a MMO in fact), where I think Aspergers awkwardness isn't quite as obvious at first. This let her and I get to know each other without that being as much of an issue. I'm not saying we wouldn't have gotten together if meeting in person first, but sometimes I wonder about that. I think it may have been a bit more awkward at the start of our relationship least. Also, our relationship still has some challenges to it that are clearly due to Aspergers, mostly with me getting confused by NT stuff. Since she knows and understands that I have Aspergers, it helps with that quite a bit, but it can still interfere with things going completely smoothly on a fairly regular basis.

I don't have a girlfriend because the last time I tried asking one out I got rejected. It hurt for a week but you live. Now the reason I dot have a girlfriend is there is nobody I want to be with. I guess for once that makes me happy to be alone

mr. OP, I did have a girlfriend once, or twice before, well kinda of. The first one in high school, we didn't really do anything.
but my second one, was the best one I had.

my ex girlfriend who I call the ''cute autism girl'' was the best woman I've ever met, ( exclude relative of course) she didn't force
me to do any of the stupid traditional role.

if it wasn't for her, I would had never had sex, never kissed a girl, never make out. I still wish our relationship didn't fail.
sadly, not too many woman is willing to play her role in dating.

so, yes it capable of me getting a girlfriend, but the right kind of girl doesn't come along very often, if again.
I hardly doubt I will ever date again. But it nice, that I did get to Experience with a woman. But sadly alot of
autism men will not get that kind of Experience with a woman.

and I still try to get back together with ex girlfriend, but she not taking me back. so it sucks for me.

Because I like being single. I've only ever asked out two girls and that was in the past year.