Casual sex and Asperger's/autism

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Interesting viewpoint.

"Picking-up", in my opinion, is about the least "social" of "social activities". Technically, not even a single word needs to be said, so verbal interaction is not important. All you really need to convey is sexual interest. And in the right environment, with the right mind-altering substances, this can be made fairly easy, even for an aspie. Not all aspies, of course, but I'm just suggesting why some might find it easy.

but all that requires flawless command of body language. not all of us are able to use body language, or even to learn the rudiments of such. that is a type of inborn intelligence that some lack and that there is no acquired fluency possible, except for the high-functioning quasi-NTs.

As an example, have you ever watched two really drunk people at a bar meet and subsequently hook up*? The body language is far from flawless! And I reckon the basics can be learned and faked, in the right setting.



No, I didn't mean that you watched that part too. Pervert.

not everybody can fake it or learn the body language which must be exactly right lest one fall into the "uncanny valley." all I know is that what the high-functioning socially apt people here do is a continuing mystery to me, akin to a cat watching people use a doorknob.

My problem is that I am told I act very sexual without even realizing it, so I tend to be "sending out signals" and not knowing 1. that it's happening, or 2. what the signals even are, and therefore 3. how to quit.

To make it worse, others are responding to those signals and hitting on me.

Meanwhile, I'm thinking about diatoms.

Nope. Casual sex is not for me. Did it once, and hated myself the next day. I am a relationship kind of guy.

Can't say that I have! So it's still a mystery to me how it happens. I mean, of course I understand intellectually that it happens and, in general terms, how, but since I've never seen it I don't really "get" it. Also, it's unclear to me whether the benefit is worth the cost.

You know, I'd really like to watch an aspie successfully pick someone up! But there are some caveats:

1) The aspie is male.
2) The person they pick up is female.
3) He would find her attractive enough to have sex with her in his sober state.
4) For it to count as a "successful" hook-up the casual sex has to have net benefit effect on his life. So, for example, he should not regret it the next day (or the regret should not outweigh the pleasure he experienced at the time or other positive effects).

Oh, and I don't really like bars, so if someone could document this on video and post it on YouTube that would be great.



Collecting the numbers is the easy part of such a study. The hard part is finding valid interpretations of the numbers! Both the video and the actual paper make some assumptions that I don't think are valid, because there are plausible alternative interpretations available.

Here's the worst example:



The script used by the experimenters did not make it at all clear that taking candy would reduce the amount available to children. That was a matter of the subject's interpretation, which the study makes no attempt to measure. I would bet that very few people actually thought of themselves as depriving children of candy! (I certainly would not have interpreted the statement in that way myself.) That's some very sloppy research. They should have either been clear on this point or, if it was left ambiguous, they should have determined how subjects actually interpreted it.

A less obvious example:


Again, the researchers assume the reason for people cheating. But was it really to win cash? Maybe they just liked to feel like they won?

Then there's the rigged monopoly game. Yes, people tend to attribute success to themselves and failure to circumstances. This is a well-know cognitive bias. But were wealthier people more biased in this way? The study doesn't address that.

it doesn't matter WHY they cheated, just that they would feel the need to cheat more often than the poorer folk, is the signifigant thing.

That's why AS was removed from the new DSM and made the requirements of its equivalent more strict.

I'm more or less in the same boat as babybird - casual sex is the ONLY way I've ever had sex since the fates dicatate that I cannot enter a relationship. The term "getting lucky" describes all of my sexual experiences perfectly. Approximately 15% of my experiences come from a woman saying the equivalent of, "Okay, let's get busy."

The other 85% comes from me putting myself in sexual situations like swing parties & hookers.

This is peculiar. I don't think God made whores, he made women who were either abused and forced into being whores or other various earthly reasons became whores, because of men.

I think most us autism guy,wouldn't know if some women was giving us non-verbal sexual interest.
some woman,would be giving us autism guy,a yeah come f--k me,look. and we
be like ''oh,wonder how old she is'' and we wouldn't even know

unless people use plain direct language with me, I would never have a clue what they were thinking.

i've had a lot of one-night stands... it was part of my "self destruction" thing until recently... seemingly I am fairly good at going to a bar and then waking up with a hang over in some strangers house. Don't do it anymore though, it does leave you feeling fairly sort of empty and stuff. I think my being female is an advantage here though as it's easier for a woman to "pick up" men then for a man to pick up women... all I have to do is go to a bar alone and get drunk essentially :/ not complicated social stuff needed as for a one night stand you don't even really need to speak to each other or know each others names or anything

Having only a few weeks ago been dumped by the man I thought I'd grow old with, I do quite fancy casual sex - or, at least, sex with someone who knows I'm not in it long-term. I have someone in mind but it's so difficult. Maybe it's just the fantasy of it that sustains me, cushions the horrible blow of being discarded.

I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong with relationships but for me I can have an abstinent relationship or a one-time hookup (probably mostly to my foot in mouth disorder). For me it's always been opportunistic. The situation is right/ I picked up on a green light social signal and end up with my face between someones legs. Somehow I manage to do 3 things: Not have a condom, get interrupted (or have a panic attack/ moral dilemma), and fail to turn the interaction into a relationship. Which is kind of depressing because I don't even like sex all that much, I just like being close to someone. Alternatively the people I form emotional bonds with I cannot also form a sexual/romantic connection with (though I may be picking up social skills now that would have helped back then.)

I hate casual sex because while it is fun it leaves me feeling more lonely than spending the night alone. This person was willing to have sex with me, found me attractive, laughed at my jokes and filled my thoughts with their smile... and then nothing. just emptiness. If I was good enough last night, why not this night? or the next?