Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

Ever wonder if you'll find someone?

Page 5 of 7 [ 101 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

Kiprobalhato
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Mar 2014
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 29,119
Location: מתחת לעננים

01 Jun 2014, 4:39 pm

No, I don't believe I ever will.



DW_a_mom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Feb 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,689
Location: Northern California

01 Jun 2014, 5:16 pm

Marshall, glad to see you seem to be feeling a little better today. I am so sorry that things are hard for you, I really am. I know that sometimes words seem empty but in this time and place I don't know what else to give. Hang in there, ok? It sounds you kind of know what you need to do and the biggest obstacle is doing it. I hear you on that, it can be really hard and I'm not going to even try to pretend I have all the answers. Just know I'm pulling for you, OK?


_________________
Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).


AspieOtaku
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2012
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,051
Location: San Jose

02 Jun 2014, 1:05 am

Ann2011 wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
Ann2011 wrote:
marshall wrote:
I'm sick of hearing antidepressants working for others. I'm on antidepressants. Been on them my whole life. I'm on the highest prescribed dose. I think I've been on the damn things for so many years my body no longer produces whatever I need to feel happy naturally.

Have you tried marijuana? It works wonders for my feelings of isolation.

As for the question, I guess I haven't given up on the idea although I find it unlikely.
Smoking marijuana alone isn't always fun I wish I could provide you company and we can both smoke marijuana together!


It can be fun to get high with someone else! You're in California, right? Lets say your place :wink:
Hope you like anime if not I got tons of funny movies like supertroopers, Harold and Kumar, South Park the Hangover and many many more! I can also provide some booze and munchies as well! :D


_________________
Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList


Ann2011
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jul 2011
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,843
Location: Ontario, Canada

02 Jun 2014, 11:07 am

AspieOtaku wrote:
Hope you like anime if not I got tons of funny movies like supertroopers, Harold and Kumar, South Park the Hangover and many many more! I can also provide some booze and munchies as well! :D


Yum! Can we swim in the ocean? I've never been to the Pacific Coast, but it looks idyllic.



Lace-Bane
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Nov 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,633
Location: florida

02 Jun 2014, 11:24 am

I am rather skeptical of actually meeting love that lasts... I suspect I'm too unusual for women to love beyond the short trial period of infatuation.

It's not a stinging feeling anymore though... It just is what it is.



AspieOtaku
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2012
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,051
Location: San Jose

02 Jun 2014, 11:30 am

Ann2011 wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
Hope you like anime if not I got tons of funny movies like supertroopers, Harold and Kumar, South Park the Hangover and many many more! I can also provide some booze and munchies as well! :D


Yum! Can we swim in the ocean? I've never been to the Pacific Coast, but it looks idyllic.
Yes we can! Here's China Beach one of my favorite swimming spots! [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMrVzOFL7Rk[/youtube]


_________________
Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList


marshall
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,752
Location: Turkey

02 Jun 2014, 2:16 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:
Marshall, glad to see you seem to be feeling a little better today. I am so sorry that things are hard for you, I really am. I know that sometimes words seem empty but in this time and place I don't know what else to give. Hang in there, ok? It sounds you kind of know what you need to do and the biggest obstacle is doing it. I hear you on that, it can be really hard and I'm not going to even try to pretend I have all the answers. Just know I'm pulling for you, OK?

Thanks. I'm okay. I just feel I'm going through the darkest time in my life. I keep waking up early with anxiety attacks. I wish I looked 90 lbs and feminine. I hate being a 6 foot tall 200 lb guy. People think you must be strong when you're not. They can't see you. My suffering is completely invisible to this world. People just aren't caring enough. I'm just hoping someone somewhere will reach out and give me a chance. That's all I want really. All the time I feel alone and ignored the vacuum inside gets more powerful and overbearing, and then that feeling of desperation makes it impossible to relax and not be on hyper-alert for signs of rejection. It's the most ridiculous catch-22.



DW_a_mom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Feb 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,689
Location: Northern California

02 Jun 2014, 2:20 pm

marshall wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
Marshall, glad to see you seem to be feeling a little better today. I am so sorry that things are hard for you, I really am. I know that sometimes words seem empty but in this time and place I don't know what else to give. Hang in there, ok? It sounds you kind of know what you need to do and the biggest obstacle is doing it. I hear you on that, it can be really hard and I'm not going to even try to pretend I have all the answers. Just know I'm pulling for you, OK?

Thanks. I'm okay. I just feel I'm going through the darkest time in my life. I keep waking up early with anxiety attacks. I wish I looked 90 lbs and feminine. I hate being a 6 foot tall 200 lb guy. People think you must be strong when you're not. They can't see you. My suffering is completely invisible to this world. People just aren't caring enough. I'm just hoping someone somewhere will reach out and give me a chance. That's all I want really. All the time I feel alone and ignored the vacuum inside gets more powerful and overbearing, and then that feeling of desperation makes it impossible to relax and not be on hyper-alert for signs of rejection. It's the most ridiculous catch-22.


That it is. ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) (hope you don't mind cyber hugs)


_________________
Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).


marshall
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,752
Location: Turkey

02 Jun 2014, 2:20 pm

Lace-Bane wrote:
I am rather skeptical of actually meeting love that lasts... I suspect I'm too unusual for women to love beyond the short trial period of infatuation.

It's not a stinging feeling anymore though... It just is what it is.

I sometimes think sexual attraction ruins everything. It makes deep platonic connection impossible. We have this one-size-fits-all model called the "nuclear family", and those that can't peg into that hole are left to rot on the margins if they aren't strong enough.



Ann2011
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jul 2011
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,843
Location: Ontario, Canada

02 Jun 2014, 2:30 pm

marshall wrote:
Lace-Bane wrote:
I am rather skeptical of actually meeting love that lasts... I suspect I'm too unusual for women to love beyond the short trial period of infatuation.

It's not a stinging feeling anymore though... It just is what it is.

I sometimes think sexual attraction ruins everything. It makes deep platonic connection impossible. We have this one-size-fits-all model called the "nuclear family", and those that can't peg into that hole are left to rot on the margins if they aren't strong enough.

A sexual relationship changes with time. The initial infatuation wears off, but that's not the end. It's nice to have someone that it's not a big deal to have sex with. If you have sexual compatibility with someone who is also a friend I think it is a very deep connection.



DW_a_mom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Feb 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,689
Location: Northern California

02 Jun 2014, 2:30 pm

marshall wrote:
Lace-Bane wrote:
I am rather skeptical of actually meeting love that lasts... I suspect I'm too unusual for women to love beyond the short trial period of infatuation.

It's not a stinging feeling anymore though... It just is what it is.

I sometimes think sexual attraction ruins everything. It makes deep platonic connection impossible. We have this one-size-fits-all model called the "nuclear family", and those that can't peg into that hole are left to rot on the margins if they aren't strong enough.


Deep platonic connection is not impossible, but it is extremely difficult, for the very reason you mention.

You aren't the only one who thinks sexual attraction ruins everything. Or, if not everything, a whole lot of things. In a lot of ways, it is entirely illogical, isn't it?

My son in eighth grade had to write a paper describing "utopia" and in his ordered world no one had rampant hormones. They partnered up based on compatibility, and engaged in physical intimacy to procreate, but never felt all the stuff that teenagers commonly feel, and that messes with their brains (and sometimes their actions). Even though he has moved on and accepted that he is going to feel and, thus, may as well date, he really can't wait until it gets a whole lot less intrusive on his other thoughts. He hopes to be content to never marry or have kids, but I think his hormones are plaguing him to choose differently, and of course there is me hoping for grandkids someday (certainly not in the near future!) ;) (OK, I'm trying not to influence him, but instinct is instinct, you know?)

There are people out there that feel as you do and want what you want, but the issue is how the heck to find them. In many ways, you've got to hope that fate (or God, or whatever you believe in) will help things align at the right time. And that can be a pretty thin thread to hold onto during the life space you are in. I really do wish there was more I could offer.


_________________
Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).


marshall
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,752
Location: Turkey

02 Jun 2014, 2:50 pm

Ann2011 wrote:
marshall wrote:
Lace-Bane wrote:
I am rather skeptical of actually meeting love that lasts... I suspect I'm too unusual for women to love beyond the short trial period of infatuation.

It's not a stinging feeling anymore though... It just is what it is.

I sometimes think sexual attraction ruins everything. It makes deep platonic connection impossible. We have this one-size-fits-all model called the "nuclear family", and those that can't peg into that hole are left to rot on the margins if they aren't strong enough.

A sexual relationship changes with time. The initial infatuation wears off, but that's not the end. It's nice to have someone that it's not a big deal to have sex with. If you have sexual compatibility with someone who is also a friend I think it is a very deep connection.

Why not just skip the infatuation stage? It's a barrier that keeps me and a lot of others out of having deep connections. I'm just not a very sexual person and don't feel comfortable with that BS. Platonic affection with the opposite sex is considered awkward if you're not officially in a "relationship" and platonic affection with another guy, well I'm just not into that for some reason. We basically live in a society devoid of affection. I suppose I'm a bad person for being judgmental, but from an outside perspective it is SHALLOW AS HELL. I might try looking for some kind of alternative community or something, somewhere. I've looked into asexual meetups, but it hasn't been fruitful really. I just don't know where to start. I don't want it to be the harder I try the harder I get beaten down kind of thing. I'm worried I'll completely snap if that happens.



marshall
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,752
Location: Turkey

02 Jun 2014, 2:53 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:
marshall wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
Marshall, glad to see you seem to be feeling a little better today. I am so sorry that things are hard for you, I really am. I know that sometimes words seem empty but in this time and place I don't know what else to give. Hang in there, ok? It sounds you kind of know what you need to do and the biggest obstacle is doing it. I hear you on that, it can be really hard and I'm not going to even try to pretend I have all the answers. Just know I'm pulling for you, OK?

Thanks. I'm okay. I just feel I'm going through the darkest time in my life. I keep waking up early with anxiety attacks. I wish I looked 90 lbs and feminine. I hate being a 6 foot tall 200 lb guy. People think you must be strong when you're not. They can't see you. My suffering is completely invisible to this world. People just aren't caring enough. I'm just hoping someone somewhere will reach out and give me a chance. That's all I want really. All the time I feel alone and ignored the vacuum inside gets more powerful and overbearing, and then that feeling of desperation makes it impossible to relax and not be on hyper-alert for signs of rejection. It's the most ridiculous catch-22.


That it is. ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) (hope you don't mind cyber hugs)

I just want to say thank you (((((((((hugs back))))))))))). Sorry for getting snappy earlier. It's the same problem I've had with dating. I get snappy and mean whenever I feel misunderstood.



GiantHockeyFan
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jun 2012
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,293

02 Jun 2014, 2:57 pm

marshall wrote:
Thanks. I'm okay. I just feel I'm going through the darkest time in my life. I keep waking up early with anxiety attacks. I wish I looked 90 lbs and feminine. I hate being a 6 foot tall 200 lb guy. People think you must be strong when you're not. They can't see you. My suffering is completely invisible to this world. People just aren't caring enough. I'm just hoping someone somewhere will reach out and give me a chance. That's all I want really. All the time I feel alone and ignored the vacuum inside gets more powerful and overbearing, and then that feeling of desperation makes it impossible to relax and not be on hyper-alert for signs of rejection. It's the most ridiculous catch-22.

Marshall, I can relate all too well being 6'6" 200lbs but feeling weak and 'feminine'. I also wake up with anxiety attacks almost every night between 3-4am. Everyone thinks I am tough but I am a complete wuss and I can relate to that feeling of desperation. When I am rejected what most guys would shrug off I will usually fall into a deep depression over and no doubt its my severe anxiety that turns people who don't know me off. I've said before that I feel more comfortable around women and have zero interest in being a "macho" man or sleeping around.



Ann2011
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jul 2011
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,843
Location: Ontario, Canada

02 Jun 2014, 3:22 pm

marshall wrote:
Why not just skip the infatuation stage? It's a barrier that keeps me and a lot of others out of having deep connections. I'm just not a very sexual person and don't feel comfortable with that BS. Platonic affection with the opposite sex is considered awkward if you're not officially in a "relationship" and platonic affection with another guy, well I'm just not into that for some reason. We basically live in a society devoid of affection. I suppose I'm a bad person for being judgmental, but from an outside perspective it is SHALLOW AS HELL. I might try looking for some kind of alternative community or something, somewhere. I've looked into asexual meetups, but it hasn't been fruitful really. I just don't know where to start. I don't want it to be the harder I try the harder I get beaten down kind of thing. I'm worried I'll completely snap if that happens.


Well, you're obviously not the only one who feels this way. So I imagine your chances of finding a partner who feels similarly are as good as anyone's.

I don't agree with you that sex is shallow. It may not be your thing and that's fine, but that doesn't make it bad. At least not intrinsically. I know what you mean about some people engaging in shallow relationships to get sex, but it's not always that way.



marshall
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,752
Location: Turkey

02 Jun 2014, 3:46 pm

Ann2011 wrote:
I don't agree with you that sex is shallow.

I mean initial knee-jerk sexual attraction is often shallow, as it's based on attributes other than the ability to emotionally connect. It also shuts people who aren't very sexual in nature out of rewarding relationships.

Quote:
It may not be your thing and that's fine, but that doesn't make it bad. At least not intrinsically. I know what you mean about some people engaging in shallow relationships to get sex, but it's not always that way.

No, it just makes life kind of miserable for me. It makes me some kind of deficient outsider that's not worthy of affection or emotional closeness because I don't have major sexual urges the way normal guys do.