so if you didn't feel like you had to get a girl....

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Well, for that, you're going to have to help do something about the incidence of sexual assault/violence and harassment by men against women. It happens often enough, and with enough severity, that women are right to be wary, and they don't have any way of telling whether you're nice or not from down the street. It's not safe for them to assume you are.

As for the physical-attraction thing...I think for now I'd like to stick to "how important is it to have a girlfriend, how much does it drive aggressiveness in finding one to date." Or, for that matter, shame at shyness in asking girls out. If the *male* culture is telling men, "Go get her, you p****!" -- well, I'd think that'd feel horrible, and then if the woman says no, it feels terrible and like a set-up.

Yes, that is true. And you're very right about people dating for different reasons and driven by different things

Assuming that you are correct and seeing his picture was indeed the catalyst for said ex asking him out...
It's quite possible though, that his ex has already been enamoured by his charming and approachable personality before ever seeing his picture.
So rather than her choice to ask him out being based on looks, it might have been that she found his delightful personality attractive and then how he looked was like a bonus.

no, that's not what i said.


the ones who lash out with extreme violence, perhaps. what about all the guys on the street who hoot and holler at women and then call them a b***h for not responding positively to their attention? is every single one of those guys (and there are TONNES, take my word for it) "very unhinged"? or all the guys that try to start conversations with lone women on buses/the subway/etc only to react with name-calling, anger, jeering, and aggression, when their advances are rejected--those guys are all unhinged too? if what you're saying is true, then there are a LOT of seriously unhinged dudes in the world, or a small handful that really get around because every woman i know has dealt with this kind of backlash. it's not a small minority of "unhinged" men, or street harassment and the backlash that goes with it when the women subjected to it don't respond in the "right" way, would not be as epidemic as it is. and if you doubt that street harassment is epidemic, check this out:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/she-the-people/wp/2014/06/04/new-study-suggests-street-harassment-is-widespread/



i never said that it always leads to abuse. you are arguing against points i never made.



neither do i have any doubt there are insecure women with resentment against men, nor do i think sexism is one-sided; once again you are arguing against points that i never made.

please stop putting words in my mouth and then arguing against things i didn't say as if i did say them. it's quite annoying, and a waste of your time as well as mine.

Funny, my two closet female friends always complaine (and excessively joke about being always alone) in almost every outing. I've never complained about it to any friend tho. One of them stopped it once she found a soon-fiancé but now she's complaining that she doesn't have strong feelings toward him.

So no, my experience prove to me that it isn't one sided.

Laddo, you're confusing "Women keep rejecting me and won't go out with me, I can't get anywhere" with "this man I was intimate with and trusted lied to me and betrayed me." I'm not talking about lies and betrayal. I'm talking about rejection of advances, trying to get into a relationship.

You also live in an extremely sexist society where women aren't so free to live as we do in the West. If there's tremendous pressure on women to marry, then I imagine they'd fear rejection and take it as hard as men do.

This is possible, the other way around is possible too.

It would take the pressure of when trying to approach a woman. It would not make me feel any less hostile toward women. For me, my female caregivers taught me how to treat women (what is right or wrong). I got the impression that you had to be superman (provider, protector, Prince Charming, counselor, and that you are a pervert if you want sex). I can't be all that! Besides, what's in it for the man, besides sex, something I can easily do without? My task is to remember that not all women think like this. It is starting to sink in after being here for a while and talking to women IRL.

Nevertheless, it is the social expectation that men approach women that makes me mad and the social expectation that men are supposed to provide entertainment, and if your routine isn't entertaining enough, you won't get sex. Or if you say the wrong thing you won't get sex. You will not know what you did wrong because the social construct for rejecting men is to just not contact them again or to be polite but non-committal. It goes against the grain to be direct and blunt, but that is what I need. I cannot understand indirect communication. Missing these signals makes me appear to be a stalker when I am not. I just don't "get the hint". This is very dangerous for me. Women who feel threatened will attack you whether or not you meant any harm.

Basically, I don't like the fact that I am expected to do the pursuing because I suck at it. I always end up doing something that offends the young lady and I get rejected. I am a physically attractive man. I have learned to pick up the cues that a woman wants me to approach. It happens everyday. But I feel like it is pointless to approach because it will end in rejection once the woman gets to know me a little better. She will realize that I am "weird" or "crazy" or not "manly" enough and won't like me. So that is where the anger comes from. It isn't men putting peer pressure on me. It is the way our culture says people should go about dating. I am going to be failure 99.9% of the time following the traditional script because of my AS. The only way I have been able to pick up women is to pretend to be somebody else (a macho, gangster type guy). I want to be accepted as me--a nerdy, college professor-type guy who is shy and artistic and nurturing and also very conservative when it comes to sex and relationships.

With all that being said, let me take some personal responsibility because I have been approaching the wrong type of women--women who want a more traditional "macho" kind of man for a relationship. This makes me an active contributor to being rejected. I don't really know what a more compatible partner would look like or where she would be.

The statistics are not as high as you think. For all the women who have been abused by men, what about all the women who have not been abused by men? Women hit men too, you know. One of my exes shoved me and elbowed me hard enough in the ribs to bruise them just because I annoyed her. It wasn't jokingly done, either. It was an aggressive act. Men are just less likely to say anything about it. If women live in fear of men constantly, what is that going to do to the woman's self esteem? Being in fear all the time does terrible things to you. A lot of people on this forum can testify to that, considering a lot of aspies suffer from anxiety. What about the incidence of sexual assault/violence in gay relationships, too? Both with gay men and gay women? That always seems to be glossed over. Abuse of gay men by their partners rarely seems to be reported about, because men are just supposed to suck it up if they get physically assaulted

no, i didn't say that. hatred is often, not always but often, a result of insecurity/fear. people complaining about being rejected are not expressing hatred unless they are saying things like "i've been rejected a lot so now i hate all women." saying things like "i get rejected a lot by women and it hurts" is not an expression of hatred, and i never said it was. please stop putting words in my mouth.



i didn't say that insecurity due to rejection as an explanation for hatred is universal, nor did i say there aren't married people who are sexist or anything else you're talking about. please stop putting words in my mouth.

selective reading again.

wow,I never had any ''real trouble''hitting on random girls.Most have
been respectful and nice.I've had some that got annoyed and mad(mainly
because I whistled at them)but no most Women are good people.
I don't where this hostility is coming from...

No, I asked her out. I hope she doesn't mind me talking about this. We got chatting after she approached me. She made it clear she was attracted to me, which gave me confidence to ask her out. If she hadn't, I would probably not have had the balls to do it. Thus proving women do in fact approach men based on looks, too. Nice try with the jabs, by the way. I admire your relentlessness.

That suggests more than half. Incidentally, what would you estimate the stastitic for women doing the same would be?

All of my female friends are working women, some have their own cars, independents in their lives and fairly moderate to liberal, they want to get married soon because they are in late 20s- mid 30s and want to have children because they desire it.
Yes, a lot of people here have extreme gender roles views and sexist (both men and women). It's almost like the US in the 40-50s; with some liberal sub commnunities (ie. socialists, seculars, feminists, pro homo), I live in a very mosciac society, from islamists to nudists. You know very little.

But is it really we as a society as whole, is much more "extremely sexist" than your country? The #1 producer of porn?