Dating advice vs. gender equality

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That will most likely lead to spending the night with one of them.

I have a job i only make 9$ an hour but i do make tips and I managed to buy a car for cheap which is now my daily driver its no BMW but i still get compliments on it and some ladies admire the car. I may be a poor awkward aspie but I do drive in style! Not bad for only 1000$ runs like a champ too soo...any ladies want a ride in my crown vic? Its got a roomy back seat as well!

What if the couple that's dating is Gay?

Why do you expect that? If you don't offer to pay your part, and the guy asks to split the check, you don't think that guy's worth your time? What if, heaven forbid, a hetero guy is looking at generosity in the lady? Or maybe it's just thoughtfulness. If I don't know you well enough, I want to get to know you before I choose to buy you dinner, not buy you dinner so that you're willing to give me your time to get to know me. Why does paying for your meal have to be a precursor for you wanting to get to know me? That just makes me feel used...it sure doesn't make me feel like a person who will try to get to know me if I pay for their food is a very genuine person.

Agreed!

Also, why should I expected to pay for someone I'll probably never see again? Most first dates don't go anywhere or even result in a friendship in my experience.

She said that she is prepared to pay for part of the date, so I don't think she's saying he's not worth her time in that case.

What I'm curious about from elkclan is, what happens when this is in reverse? When you ask the man out on a date, it is therefore implied that you are going to pay. How do you then look for generosity in this man? If he offers to pay his share, is that generosity? Yet he is offering the very thing you won't offer yourself in the original scenario. So if you wouldn't expect him to offer to pay anything, would he need to show generosity in a different way? If so, how? And is this a gesture you would show towards the man in the original scenario?

A guy who asks a woman to dinner and then hopes the woman will be generous and pay (or reverse genders, same thing) is not looking for someone generous, he is a mooch. If you're doing the asking, you're probably the host. Particularly if you've chosen the restaurant. Even my sixth-grader understands this. She also understands -- although we'd never discussed it before -- that a reasonable thing for a dating couple is he pays sometimes, she pays sometimes. Unless one of them is really rich and the other isn't.

What people usually do, so as not to spend a fortune on dates that might go nowhere, is to ask her to have coffee first. If you can't spot a gal a cup of coffee, then no, probably she won't come out again.

A thing that does happen, btw, esp if you're in a metro area: there are a lot of young women who make good money, and not all of them have massive college debt. And they want to enjoy their liberty, travel, go to fancy places. And they're okay with paying for themselves, but they don't want to pay for you. So if you don't have money, no, they won't date you. That's not a thing to get bitter about. There are also men my age who want to run around and travel, enjoy their money, and as a single mom that's just not in the cards for me -- even if I have the money, I can't just take off like that. So they're not going to date me, and that's fine.

Coincidentally, in past first dates, I have asked to meet for a cup of joe (if I am not dating someone I've known for some time). I usually offer to pay or just pay, unless they insist on paying themselves. In a relationship (ie, if the dates become a regular thing for over a month, and I particularly enjoy the other person's company), I don't see paying as a big deal as my focus is usually on the other person and not on the cost of the date. However, the majority of people whom I have dated either 1)never offered to pay from the start and has no intention in starting or 2)offered to pay on the first date, and every so often afterwards, but with decreasing regularity. At the end, both become a mooch. I've only dated one person for whom the reciprocating paying did not decrease over time, and we were never "official" (whatever that means). I don't try to keep track of who pays for what, but as someone on the spectrum (and undoubtedly because of my low socioeconomic background), those are some of the things I automatically remember whether I want to or not. When it goes both ways, I feel completely fine and don't think about it, but when it doesn't, frustration builds up as I have to deal with these nonsensical patterns of one-sided spending from people I enjoy being around (don't get me wrong, I spot people when they need it, I'm far from stingy. But I don't like being taken advantage of either). Especially when the other person invests more on accessories for themselves than in a relationship; why am I expected to put my hard earned work into a relationship while she gets to put her hard earned work into herself? That's just dumb and egotistical.
Your post reflects that you may have read another thread I posted in, so I'll briefly address that. One person in particular that I became romantically involved with came from a very privileged background. We dated for almost a year. She professed to be very interested in me, and we had made long term plans to stay together. However, she was unable to rid herself of or lower her sense of female entitlement, and thought that it was my duty to invest most of what I would earn on her, while she was handed more than I earned to just throw away at whatever expensive present she wanted to gift herself at the time. It was insulting, disgusting and an incredible learning experience. It's fine if she wants to take advantage of her liberty. It's disturbing when you profess to love someone but can't see past your deeply ingrained sense of entitlement in order to meet them halfway. Through her, I was able to experience a part of the world I had not about before. That, and some other defining moments in my life prevent me from believing anyone could earn that kind of lifestyle (at least not in the current state of injustice the world is in). These "ideal lifestyles" are the equivalent of a free lunch, ie, someone has to pay for it, and it's not the one eating it.

nah. and if I did over come my anxiety to go to a strange woman's house, it would resault in me sleeping on a floor or being raped.
though i'd more likely just see her to he bed in leave, though what if she is too drunk and could be sick. though how did I end up having drinks with 35 year old women o.O how did I get to the bar

I wonder about this generosity "test" a lot. I don't mind paying for the whole dinner. Not that I ever did. Apparently, I'm so unlikable that a free meal isn't worth spending time with me. Because I only eat out with coworkers and family members, I have no experience in this thing.

Do you guys think that a scenario, where a girl offers to pay but expects me to insist and show generosity, is likely to happen? And if I insist on paying, I could offend someone egalitarian. How would you know when you're expected to do something like this?