Why do Women do this on Dating Sites?

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It's actually you who screwed up. You should have messaged her when you first saw her profile. Then she might have thought "oh, there is indeed a decent guy!"(if you really are a high-quality male like you claim you are) and might have saved her from ranting on her profile.

Damn Geekonychus, that's a very powerful projector you got there. Displays HD resolution 30 meters away!

I don't think I am "unwilling" to understand (or else I would not be here) but I believe you have a valid point. In fact, I believe as much as I hate to admit it that the reason I stayed in my terrible relationship was that because I literally had power and control over her in some ways I cannot discuss outside the adult forum.

I will also make a confession at this point. I got (and get) severe anxiety when I read about how a girl I was dating at the time had been to Las Vegas, Edmonton/Calgary and Boston in the past few months. I could not figure out why I feel that way and it is gradually dawning on me that my anxiety shot up because I would NOT be able to control such a person and would be expected to change some of my habits for her not the other way around as well that they would NOT be dependent on me to be happy. It just highlighted issues I had with myself even though I suspected it at the time. Ditto to women who are more experienced, make more money and have better jobs or degrees like the last one I dated.

Again, it bears mentioning again that I am NOT happy having such an attitude and it bothers more than you can imagine and I am almost in tears making this post. I believe it is deeply ingrained from being a severely bullied Aspie teenager. I had no control over my own life and was treated so poorly by everyone so I tried to control others to provide some degree of comfort even though the only people who want to be controlled have serious issues of their own. I guess it is further difficult because outside of Wrong Planet, nobody has a clue how bad the bullying actually was and how much it traumatized me as I am discovering recently but I digress.


You will get no argument from me. I worried too much about whether she would respond instead of saying to myself: hey, if she is decent she will if she isn't she won't and if she is a snob I will know for sure. Maybe I will message her with no expectations and ask her something like "is it really that bad? I can't imagine doing that to anyone!" You are right if she DID have quality guys like me message her, maybe she would not have done it. I still think it ridiculous to put that in a dating profile but your point is VERY well taken. Maybe it's because in the past I considered myself a piece of $#@ until I realized I hey, I am a pretty good catch that has all the qualities women are looking for.

I'm just curious but what's wrong with this statement? You just don't want someone who wants to travel?
And are you saying $30k is not a enough salary to afford travelling?

I always see profiles saying no dick pics etc. I respond saying hey I'm a good guy who doesn't take pictures of his dick and also I have interests in common with you blah blah blah, and guess what? Never get a reply. I think they do it to get attention mostly.

It's happened enough times that I'm tempted to take some pics of my dick and start sending them out just to be contrary. It's not like they could treat me any worse than they already do... and I don't even deserve it, so I might as well start doing bad things if they're going to treat me like a bad person whatever the f**k I do.

I think its bad treatment to get blocked all the time for sending polite, friendly, bespoke, thoughtful, and sincere messages. I'd probably get a better response if I did just email my dick to 100 women.

Just my two cents.

An over-travelling statement would turn me off as well, it sounds like bragging (and travelling is no achievement really) and someone who is probably seeking a man who pays her traveling costs - at least this how they turned out to be in most cases so it's a red flag for me ever since.

Probably so in your area but in North America the people on OKC is mostly young liberal hipsters and they like to travel and probably do it very cheaply like backpacking, staying at hostels or couchsurfing. (And if they want to find men to pay for travelling and other stuff OKC isn't the right place to look.)
To me someone who has never traveled is a turn off, especially if they were Americans.

Nobody seems to actually have a good answer for the question in the title. I still think it's because she simply didn't think about it that way. She just had feelings she wanted to express and she went ahead and did that, as opposed to calmly reasoning along the lines of "what is the likely effect of saying this? is this the effect I want?" I think NTs often behave like this. But hey, what do I know?

I'm struggling to reconcile this statement with your earlier one about a woman being in your bed within a few hours of meeting you (because you were wearing a suit). Did she practically beg you for it, then?

different areas different people different situations, one size fits all doesn't work. this is why i generally have a hard time accepting peoples advice that runs opposite of how people in my area behave.

less judgmental, have empathy, or sympathy for it, even understand it, yes, do i have to accept and be ok with a rant profile and consider it for dating as another profile that doesn't rant no. I did the same thing this girl did although about different things. I was told how they came off as ranting and turn off , so I changed it. she could do the the same thing. ranting is better left to other forums, tweet, tumbler, fb or a random cl post.

I can understand why a person might get upset and vandalize a wall. I don't agree with it or accept it. but I understand the pain and anger. so I can understand how getting dick or wanna sex messages is irritating and bad, but I don't have to accept the response. me posting don't message me unless you read my bloody profile, would come off bad, plus those people wouldn't read the profile to see that comment. the guys sending dick pictures might not even look at her pic, name or profile, they probably just spam all women in their area and wait to see if any respond, if 1 out of 1000 respond then its a success for them.
only way to combat that is to report the message and get them banned from the site.

anyways for me at least there are tons of compatible women with me, so skipping the one what comes off as aggressive, ranting and negative , isn't really all that bad.

I can't afford to travel. I don't really want to travel. tells me right away this would become a big issue, as they would want to be constantly traveling and I wouldn't. I don't want to hold them back and its likely they would just dump me before they went on a trip anyways since I couldn't go with.

I do like to travel in my state and northwest. I love the coast. but generally people say travel as in go to other nations. I can't even afford a international plan ticket.

I'm going to echo LKL a bit in pointing out that you're not necessarily using the proper metrics, and that in the dating world, there is no one universal set.

Take me, I work part time, don't make a lot of money, share a basement apartment with a roommate, drink and smoke and carry on, and have a number of polarizing hobbies, but I'm very successful at online dating. Why? Well, that part time job that doesn't pay very well happens to be a cooking at a sustainable butcher shop / restaurant, which is very attractive to Seattle women, my apartment is tastefully furnished and guests have to cross my commercial style kitchen on the way in, again, attractive to who I'm pursuing, my thuggish hobbies, while a liability if disclosed up front, make me more interesting later, as they add complexity to the intellectual persona I usually lead with, and my looks and snark complete the package. While intellectually the girls may be looking for the steady partner with the stable life, what they're attracted to is more often the bad boy with the kitchen scars and funny stories about cocaine who can cook and mix drinks while cracking them up deconstructing pop culture, at least in my experience. I should also point out here that I'm fairly conventionally attractive and can write reasonably well, which may have as much if not more to do with any of my online success as any other factor.

Now I'm not suggesting that you go out and develop a coke habit and acquire cool looking scars or anything, merely pointing out that not everyone is looking for the same thing, and that's part of the reason why people reacted so poorly to the way you phrased your statement, which does have a whiff of arrogance about it.

The other part is an unfortunate aspect of feminism where in using certain words or phrases, however justified under the circumstances, cause you to be lumped in with certain 'undesirables'. Call someone who's clearly acting hysterical hysterical, or, god help you, tell them to calm down? Sexist! Bemoan the fact that you're seemingly what women claim to want but aren't having any luck? You're a "nice guy" / Elliot Rodger! It's one of the less charming facets of the ideology, the seeming inability to sort historical misuse of terminology from genuine/honest usage by those who've never taken a gender studies class, and the shrill (uh oh) reaction to those unfortunate enough to blunder into one of these little landmines.

As to the OP, while I understand why some people put disclaimers like that in their profile, I also find them a definite turn-off, they evoke a certain type of judgmental personality that I just don't find attractive, and that goes for just about any kind of blanket 'don't contact me if...' statement on someone's profile. I feel the same way when I see a huge list of "deal breakers", especially when they're petty topical things like politics or taste in music. Don't get me started on the dealbreaker threads here in L&D, when the same people who complain about being unable to find a date post multi-page lists of reasons they wouldn't date someone, that's in my top ten WP pet peeves, right after people who don't know how to collapse a quote pyramid.

Not replying if you're not interested for any reason is a fairly standard thing on OKC for both men and women. Just get used to it. They don't even owe you "no thank you" reply. Seriously, no need to get bitter about it unless you get a hostile rejection reply like "how dare you effing ugly loser think have a chance with me, blah blah blah...." then you have every right to be bitter but just not getting a reply? It's fairly standard on OKC. So don't start sending dick pics just because of that. For your fellow male users' sake at least.

Not sending dick pics is normal, not a bonus to be added to your score. It's hard for us to know why women aren't responding to you without invading your privacy

I've always been tempted to send pics of my Dick...



We actually have this exact model at my work, right down to the word 'Dick' in huge letters on it. Yes, it's nonstop dick jokes every time someone gets it out, I mean look at that thing, all it's missing are balls.

What does that even do?