Fear and Loathing Toward my Future, Nonexistent Wife

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Love is a vast minefield.

But it could reap delightful explosions!

Given that he specified conversations with a co-worker, I am well aware that it isn't coming from thin air. But women like that are STILL the exception, in my experience. Maybe you all run in social circles where women have no social graces or filters, but I most certainly don't. The only people I ever got into any intimate details with were the fellow moms in my first time mother's group and, well, recent childbirth kind of does that to you: there is nothing private about the experience, so for a short time you drop walls. Still, we new mothers limited all that to just each other, since we were in the same mental space, AND my husband knew all about it, and had no problem with it, as long as it was left within that small group - which it was.

There may also sometimes be women who feel they don't have women to talk to who know anything about men, and in those situations they may seek out opinions from men they are close to but not in relationships with. When that happens, it isn't for the purpose of gossip or over-sharing, it is with the goal of being a better partner to their man, so I would think you guys might excuse that one. Still, I haven't seen it happen that often.

Just because there are documented instances, does not mean a generalization can be drawn. Generalizations are wrong, period, end of story, and not allowed under the rules for this board (which I know, given that I wrote the stickie up top back in the days I was a moderator here).

These topics are so weird. They never fail to amaze me.

Well, I kind of have to agree with Nambo here, generalizations be damned. I had the same experiences. I work in IT, and once thing I noticed is that other departments tend to treat you like you're furniture. People will have the most private conversations with you right in the room, forgetting or ignoring the fact that you have ears just like they do. While men often talk about house payments and such, women often talk about dissatisfaction with their relationships.

One day, I was in some upper manager's office, to fix her printer. While I was redoing the TCP/IP settings on her printer, she was talking to other managers sitting there. Topics included her husband's lack of attention to her, and how she faked a headache yet again. It took me tremendous effort not to look up from the printer's config console. I could hear it all, but letting on that I did could have cost me my job. So to disguise that, I mumbled "default gateway... ten... dot... one-hundred-one... dot...". (I have a habit of thinking out loud when fixing things, and she knew.) Ten minutes later, I announced that I was finished. The slightly alarmed "oops, did he hear everything?" looks on their faces almost made by day.

I personally don't feel that discussing one's personal feeling that a husband isn't giving you enough attention is the same as revealing private details about the man. It was how she felt, and discussing it is a way of trying to get input to improve the relationship. Would it be better if she simmered angrily in silence until the relationship was so broken that one of the two felt the need to file divorce papers? It isn't the kind of thing you are going to bring up except to the closest of friends, but to me that example is pretty different from others raised in this thread. It could be said that the conversation was more about what she needs than it is about him.

I shared an office with a guy who made a point of going into detail about his sexual conquests, and I mean porn level detail, talking to other men in the office, loudly in front of me, looking over occasionally to make sure I had heard every word. Have I concluded from that that "men share every detail of their sexual encounters with their friends?" NO. I knew what the guy was doing: hoping to make me so uncomfortable I would ask to move to a different office, and then he would have the space to himself. In fact, in today's world, what he did would qualify as sexual harassment. And yet, despite that and many other similar stories I could tell you, I never managed to generalize the bad behavior to all men or even most men. In a way, generalizing such garbage to "men" would be a way of excusing it, a way of suggesting I have to accept it because it is their "nature." Well that is #&*(&*#(!@#@!; a person never has to accept bad behavior. So not only do you harm the people you inappropriately extend the generalization to, but you also harm yourself by failing to draw appropriate boundaries and expectations for decent behavior from the few people who do fit the description.

Some people exhibit questionable or bad behavior. That belongs to the individual people, NOT "women" or "men." That is worth learning and remembering.

You guys post as if encountering bad behavior is the sole purview of guys like you. It isn't. I could tell you factual stories that would shock you. The difference is I was able to shove the incidents into their appropriate places.

I second this. I strongly believe in equality and would never harm a soul. I'm the person who moves stranded worms off the hot pavement to the grass so they don't turn crispy. Do you imagine I have it in me to harm another human being in anyway? Worst I've done is left a man while he was at work because I was afraid to tell him.

That said if you don't want to get married then don't. If you don't want her trapping you use protection. Infact it's easier for men to get sterilized than women. Both the procedure and convincing the doctor you won't change your mind. Then there is no way anyone can ever trap you.

And if in the end you only still feel comfortable with escorts just make sure she's clean and wrap your willy up tight. There is s**t out there Ajax won't take off. But you can get that from anyone, not just a professional.

Not all women do the "alpha male thing."

Some women do-- there is some hormonal impulse to be attracted to the biggest, the strongest, and the most aggressive.

I notice that these women are also likely to have serial (bad) marriages, and to end up sporting bruises in the shape of household objects and/or their husbands' hands.

My neighbors have this type of relationship. He is the kind of guy who will one day shoot at me for putting the trash out five hours too early. She wears dark glasses on cloudy days and long-sleeved shirts in very hot weather.

Personally, I find "alpha-males" nauseating. "Beta-males" make better mates because they will actually talk with you and care about you as a human being. UNLESS they have a complex about being "beta-males." Then they tend to be paranoid, jealous, controlling, impossible to please, and verbally, emotionally, and sometimes physically abusive.

Of course, I am an "omega female." I cannot speak for "queen bees" and "wanna bees". I "bees" some other kind of insect.

Now, I will happily share the most personal of pieces of information. Not out of a desire to shame or expose, but in the spirit of full disclosure if asking for help or advice and in the spirit of honesty/full disclosure/I-do-not-know-the-correct-term if attempting to offer help or advice.

I believe that, out of a long history of human collectivism, this is probably the baseline impulse of most women in "oversharing." This is not to say that malice does not, at some point, become involved. We currently live in a highly individualistic, competitive, and malicious world.

This is a phenomena shared by other occupations. Cleaning people, medical professionals, etc., ... I once had a transesophegial echo which took half an hour. The techs were standing right over me the whole time, but bantering with each other about their weekend, while I was trying not to choke and vomit at the same time.
People can be asses.

females have alpha, beta and omega too?? O.o

For the most part, no. Since women have the final say in whether or not she will sleep with a man, there is no divide of like this for women that there is for men. In a way, women make the decisions who's alpha/beta/omega. (Well, in reality, they're responding to a man's genetic makeup and the rank it carries, similar to how men gravitate toward women with large breasts and long hair.) There are concepts of "queen bee", "wanna bee", etc, but those are roles within all-female groups and some mixed groups, rather than ranks in sexual selection.

DW_Mom, Aspie1,

look at this: http://wrongplanet.net/dear-aspie-why-d ... their-men/

Rings a bell?

That's a one girl's perspective tho, but we can't totally dismiss her experience, no?

That's just so true.

When you attempt to apply an anecdote or anecdotes to every member of a group, that's a generalization. Negative generalizations are offensive, and negative generalizations about women are misogynistic.
Have you been reading all the posts in this thread? I feel like this has been said a dozen times already.

These anecdotes are so numerous and everywhere tho, are we living on the same planet?

And btw, why talking about relationships is a negative generalization? That's your subjective opinion on the matter.

Oh well, whatever....

That doesn't make it right or healthy. In fact probably the reverse as most people are idiots.

It became a negative generalization when the OP said he found it to be a negative trait of women in general.

We've tried to point out that there are nuances to this and that no one can generalize.

As for the article you linked to, I disagree with the article and find it really off-putting. On multiple levels.

Fine, lemme make dinner now....