need advice on my marriage...

Post Reply New Topic

While I was rubbing husbands back my son started choking/coughing either cause he swallowed air down wrong tube or was having trouble swallowing snot. Husband got mad and punched the headboard.

He told me after diagnosis all the physical attention I give him is nice but he would rather I be there for him emotionally and talk him through his problems. He gets mad cause I don't just know what is bothering him like other people do.

He posted a link on his facebook to a site where he complains about all the horrible things I've done, including suspecting he isn't faithful. He googled "is it okay to cheat on your wife" after marriage. He said he was just curious if other guys did.

Your husband seems literally incapable of thinking of anyone but himself. As a father he has to put the children first. He sounds absolutely awful and my heart goes out to you for putting up with his selfish behavior this long.

He said a few days ago he loves me more than I love him. He said he cares about me more than he cares about himself. That he has done so much more than me to make this marriage work (something like that, I don't remember the exact word. Invested so much...)

If he cared about you he would help out around the home, he would actually take care of the kids properly and not be jealous of them and not leave actual drugs lying around the house, he would ask you how your day was and if he could do anything to help you considering you're the one who works. Abusers will often feign kindness/love to keep their partners confused. Don't be fooled by his manipulative tactics.

When I was working and he stayed at home with baby girl, he would lay her on couch and prop her baby bottle up to feed her. A few times I came home she was alone in living room in bouncy chair in front of tv, screaming because she fell face down and her legs were tangled in buckle holding her there. I was in shock. I would drive home crying everyday. I was so happy when she started going to daycare. It took a while for me to be able to bring it up to him. He said he only put her there at end of day and she wasnt there long. And that he played with her all day. I just don't believe him. Why didn't I tell anybody? My poor baby. I let it happen. I'm such a bad person.

You're not a bad person, you're a person in a bad situation. Making a wrong judgement call (like trusting THE FATHER with his daughter) does not make you a bad person. Daddy is the one who messed up here and he then blames you and the whole world before looking at himself. Sorry, but daddy sounds like an arse.

woman84 please, please, please take the children and leave him before it's too late--before he learns what you're posting here. If he finds this thread and connects it to you he will do something terrible. He is so wrong; as others have said he is narcissistic, he has major anger issues, he is gaslighting you and manipulating you and abusing you in every way but physical. Please get yourself and your kids away from him as soon as possible--BEFORE he crosses that line and batters you or hurts the kids through neglect, idiotic acts like leaving a weed pipe or psyche meds where they can get their hands on them, or even just twisting your mind into knots so YOU can't take proper care of the children.

Please.

Please.

Please.

Leave him tonight. He is not going to get better. If he's not in therapy that influences him to treat you and the children as human beings deserve to be treated, he is not going to get better. Leave him before he gets worse. Leave him before you get hurt. Leave him before you're damaged beyond recovery.

Leave him.

Please.

Leave him tonight.

Woman84--

Please please please go someplace safe these folks (or any other domestic violence hotline or women's shelter) can help you safely leave:

http://domesticviolence.gouv.qc.ca/need_plans.php

For your sake.

For your baby's sake.

You both deserve to be safe.

What a day. I'm staying with his mom indefinitely while I recover and make a decision. She survived a mentally and physically abusive relationship and she understands what I'm going through. I do trust her.

He asked why I don't trust him today. So I just told him everything by text and took the kids to my best friends house. He agreed even though he argued a little. He took an online test and it said bipolar and adhd but we will see what a professional says.

I will be leaving the state with his permission to visit family with the kids.

Thank you everyone for building up my confidence or else I'd still be in the same situation. I wish I could repay everyone that's helped me.

The best way you can repay all of us is to take care of your children and yourself. No one deserves what you have been through. If he really did love you, he would belittle you, blame you, want you do to things that violate your values. That is not love.

*wouldn't

I'm so happy to hear you've found a safe space for you and your kids. Though you may be out of the danger zone, the fight is still on. Not just with getting stability back into your life, but also to recover from the years of psychological abuse you've received from this man. I know you can do it. You're a very strong woman and don't let anyone tell you different. Just take it one step at a time. I wish you all the best.

Also one last thing, if he tries to claim that he "loves you", that he's "changed", that he's "getting help" and is "doing better now", please please please be vigilant. Abusers will do or say just about anything to get back their narcissistic supply.

This to the nth degree. I'm so glad to hear you are away and getting away, but this is a crucial time now.

It's just when the victimized party is making tracks to leave that the victimizer will turn around and do or say anything to stop them leaving. This is a crucial time to ignore anything he says or promises.

He will promise he'll change, promise the two of you can make it work, PLEASE do NOT listen to him. Continue with keeping the wheels rolling now toward getting yourself and the children away from him, and forging ahead to sever ties. This man's behavior is genuinely dangerous to the lives and the minds of both you and your children and you can't go on like this. Be vigilant now and keep on with your plans. You can do this, you really can do this.

Why do you think you need "his permission" to visit YOUR family with the kids?

That right there tells me that you're in a controlling, abusive relationship.

Basso53, I'm guessing maybe it's because she's taking the children across state lines and the abusive husband might kick up a stink about possible "kidnapping"? I think she may mean she got an okay from him about taking them out of state without him, just in case he wants to call that absconding, given the rocky situation.