WHAT ARE YOUR DEAL BREAKERS WHEN IT COMES TO RELATIONSHIPS?

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Factory Ten
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15 Jul 2015, 9:41 pm

darkphantomx1 wrote:
1. Obese. Curvy is fine, I like curvy girls but if you're just obese, then sorry.

2. You're between 5 ft 7 to 5 ft 9. I like girls who are around my height and maybe a couple inches taller. Surprisingly, I also find very tall girls very attractive for some odd reason. I'm only 5 ft 2 so that can be a problem.

3. Your ideal of fun is going out and getting wasted on a Saturday night. You probably won't be attracted to me because i'm just some short socially awkward autistic and you probably want some tall alpha male who has amazing flirting skillz.

4. You have no sense of humor. I'm a guy who likes to joke around.

5. You're not willing to date a 5 ft 2 guy. You're missing out on an awesome badass guy like me. Ima 7th round draft steal baby.


I'm going to appropriate some of these. I agree with #1 because health is important. I don't think women need to be skinny and toned all the time but there are women my age (early 20s) who are so heavy set that they are having back problems already. That's not cool when you complain all the time about the pain but you aren't willing to do what it takes to get healthy. Even as I self-medicate with food while typing this, I realise that every pound (last weight check was 6'1ft @ 210lbs) I gain, I will be less attractive to the female side of the human race. Those are my consequences and I accept them - maybe one of these days I can find the energy consistently to overcome my depression-induced weariness and work out on a regular basis.

#3 YES. The biggest garbage is the YOLO lifestyle. Not my cup of tea whatsoever and I find it very unflattering when people engage in such reckless behaviour.

#4 - I have a dry, subtly evil sense of humour. When Frankie Boyle is one of my favourite comedians, that should tell you something about me. So I can see the value of a woman who at least tolerates a sick sense of humour lol.



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15 Jul 2015, 10:26 pm

I don't really have any.


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15 Jul 2015, 10:34 pm

Peacesells wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
2) Religious or Agnostic


What's wrong with being agnostic?

I love that you asked her what's wrong with being agnostic, but not what's wrong with being religious. :mrgreen:
sly279 wrote:
I don't have the option of having deal breakers. I suppose the only one I have is that they be attractive to me.

I remember that you said you wouldn't absolutely accept anyone who wouldn't comply with your sexual fantasies, like for example let you give her oral sex. So I am not sure why you are talking like this now.

This been said, my dealbrakers woud be her not liking Walker Texas Ranger or CSI: Miami.




I can understand why religion would be a deal breaker, some people take it to extreme to a point where it rules your life because its against their religion and they are telling you how to live your life or what to believe in.

Also what is wrong with not liking those TV shows?


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sly279
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15 Jul 2015, 10:48 pm

nurseangela wrote:
sly279 wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
sly279 wrote:
I don't have the option of having deal breakers. I suppose the only one I have is that they be attractive to me.

I do hope they'll nice and not abusive, but if they choose to hit me then so be it I guess. they'll probably be verbally abusive though. but women can be both physically and verbally abusive. my brothers wife is.

deal breakers are for women and well off men. not worthless men like me. suspect I'll probably be hurt by future gf maybe killed. seen so many stories in news and show where women kill guys. :( not usually well off ones but the worthless guys that no one will miss.


I'm just going to come out and say it because no one else is saying it and Aspies want bluntness, right? You need an attitude adjustment. I'm tired of listening to what you have to say. The reason you can't get a date probably has no bearing on your looks or your job or whatever else. I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt - it's the way you talk. Women are not going to want to listen to it. I'm not going to listen to it. You want to keep pushing people away? Keep up with what you're doing right now. No one likes to be around someone who feels sorry for themselves all the time. Do something about it and quit playing the victim.


ok first I don't like you're posts either sometimes. you can just ignore me, see my name skip the post simple.

2md think of wp like a therapist. would you tell your boss or a date the stuff you tell your therapist? no
I tell and talk on wp about thigs I would never tell others not even my family. I not going to message a girl and start talking about how she thinks I'm bad for not having aa job. they say so i stop messaging them. its simple as that. fighting them on it won't make a difference.

you mean stop posting. thats what you really mean. because I am doing stuff. you and goldfish can ignore that all you want because it doesn't suit your anti loser guys agenda.

well I won't I have every right to post here about my feelings and emotions as you or anyone else does.

boo hoo no one meets my idea of a man, I'll be alone forever. is what you post. so why can't i post about not meeting anyone's idea of a man and being alone forever. because I'm a man? is that it?

difference is you could get a man if you wanted by lowering your standards, no matter how much I try no matter what I do I still wont' get a woman. I went to college, didn't help i tried to find a security job didn't work out, I tried joining the marines, can't. I did everything society said to do and didn't work out. Im a cashier who gets paid sligtly over min wage.
theres a guy with a phd that works at McDonald, do you think that was his goal in life when he went to 8+ years of college?

maybe reality is that no matter how much you try no matter how good you think you are, if you unlucky life goes sh***y. some people don't try or work hard and get lucky and end up well.


Look, I'm trying to be honest with you. Every post you write is something negative about yourself. If you are saying that much negative stuff about yourself here, then it probably flows over into your real life. AND the way you think about yourself also gets portrayed on the outside where others can see it. It's totally up to you if you want to keep saying negative things about yourself, but where is it getting you?

You talk about goals in life. I honestly thought I would have been married just like all my friends and have maybe 1-2 kids and a house and whatever else I should have at my age. IRL, not married (even once), have a condo with a cat (Waldo) that I love dearly but still no "Hunny", a great paying job but highly stressful, still going to school to get my BSN (so I don't even have a Bachelors degree yet) and no possible dates for the future right now that I can see. I'm not going to lie. I've cried in my class of wine a few times feeling sorry for myself, but after my sinuses are all clogged up where am I at? With the same circumstances except then I have a sinus infection. I'm not going to feel sorry for myself because I do have good things happening such as my health, my friends (3), my Ma, Waldo, a good paying job with health insurance, and I got accepted to a great school (because of the hard work I put in that took me several years). I worked for those things, but I lost out on other things. The thing is I CHOOSE to look for the positives. I could be all down in the dumps about myself saying "Crap. I wish I was as smart as some of the people on this website. A lot of them have several degrees and Phd's and here I am with just a little ole Associates degree in nursing. I'm nothing but a professional butt wiper." I have thought that, however, I choose to stay on this site and make new friends and get whatever information they can teach me about all subjects - not just Aspies. I'm never going to be as smart as most of the people here, but that's ok. I have other assets that are beneficial, just different. A lot of the people here have been married - I haven't. That's probably another reason why I stay on this site is because I want to be around people who are intelligent and can challenge me from time to time. Try hanging around positive people and people you would like to be like and mirror yourself after. What you have going now is just not working for you and you don't sound happy or like you will ever really be happy because you just keep looking for the negative in things. Everyone has something to offer - it just takes some a longer time to find it.


well wrong planet doesn't have areas to cover my interests. I tried posting about shaving but no one else shares that.
so I post in love and dating and politics. but only time i post in politics is to defend my hobby/interest or my being alive.

honestly I don't have much going for besides still being alive. is living for living sacks a good life? bet many would say no.

i thought voc rehab was good but it hasn't worked out still jobless. i thought going to college was good but that didn't work out and just put me more into debt yay. I really just want someone to share my life with, to tell any good news I might get to talk about interests with. to look forward to seeing at the end of a hard day working.

I'm not as smart as lot of people here, but that doesn't bother only that most women want a smart man. if most women didn't have similar high standards then I wouldn't care about a lot of this stuff. its super stressful having such standards placed on you and if you don't meet it no woman will ever even consider you :(

i try to find happiness where I can but its the happiness that only last very short time. I enjoy shaving but its only last 30 minutes a day. I like video games but the games I like are months from coming out. tv shows are only on sundays because summer is like dead for tv shows. my other hobbies/interest need other people to do and none of us can afford to do it. never met many positive people in rl. but guess I don't know many middle class or above people. everyone seems to have something to complain about, be it work, relationships, family, friends, school etc.

no people outside my house think I'm content and shy. i only see them during work though. i don't talk about life at work and i don't talk about work at home. I only feel safe talking about either here. so please don't say it must be me talking or showign it else where. I don't talk to women becaue they say I can't on their profile. or they tell me and stop talking to me. ie job job job. If I had one wish. I'd wish there be no economy no money, no none of that horrible system.



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15 Jul 2015, 11:15 pm

League_Girl wrote:
I can understand why religion would be a deal breaker, some people take it to extreme to a point where it rules your life because its against their religion and they are telling you how to live your life or what to believe in.

Yes but I don't see why you refer this to religious people in particular, when people like this is present in every group. There are people who behave like this about their atheism, political views, food preferences, TV shows ( :mrgreen: ), favourite music, soccer teams... Pretty much everything. It's not fair for religious people to be labeled like that.
Quote:
Also what is wrong with not liking those TV shows?

Of course I don't want to be with someone who doesn't understand Art at its finest!



Last edited by Peacesells on 15 Jul 2015, 11:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

nurseangela
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15 Jul 2015, 11:22 pm

sly279 wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
sly279 wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
sly279 wrote:
I don't have the option of having deal breakers. I suppose the only one I have is that they be attractive to me.

I do hope they'll nice and not abusive, but if they choose to hit me then so be it I guess. they'll probably be verbally abusive though. but women can be both physically and verbally abusive. my brothers wife is.

deal breakers are for women and well off men. not worthless men like me. suspect I'll probably be hurt by future gf maybe killed. seen so many stories in news and show where women kill guys. :( not usually well off ones but the worthless guys that no one will miss.


I'm just going to come out and say it because no one else is saying it and Aspies want bluntness, right? You need an attitude adjustment. I'm tired of listening to what you have to say. The reason you can't get a date probably has no bearing on your looks or your job or whatever else. I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt - it's the way you talk. Women are not going to want to listen to it. I'm not going to listen to it. You want to keep pushing people away? Keep up with what you're doing right now. No one likes to be around someone who feels sorry for themselves all the time. Do something about it and quit playing the victim.


ok first I don't like you're posts either sometimes. you can just ignore me, see my name skip the post simple.

2md think of wp like a therapist. would you tell your boss or a date the stuff you tell your therapist? no
I tell and talk on wp about thigs I would never tell others not even my family. I not going to message a girl and start talking about how she thinks I'm bad for not having aa job. they say so i stop messaging them. its simple as that. fighting them on it won't make a difference.

you mean stop posting. thats what you really mean. because I am doing stuff. you and goldfish can ignore that all you want because it doesn't suit your anti loser guys agenda.

well I won't I have every right to post here about my feelings and emotions as you or anyone else does.

boo hoo no one meets my idea of a man, I'll be alone forever. is what you post. so why can't i post about not meeting anyone's idea of a man and being alone forever. because I'm a man? is that it?

difference is you could get a man if you wanted by lowering your standards, no matter how much I try no matter what I do I still wont' get a woman. I went to college, didn't help i tried to find a security job didn't work out, I tried joining the marines, can't. I did everything society said to do and didn't work out. Im a cashier who gets paid sligtly over min wage.
theres a guy with a phd that works at McDonald, do you think that was his goal in life when he went to 8+ years of college?

maybe reality is that no matter how much you try no matter how good you think you are, if you unlucky life goes sh***y. some people don't try or work hard and get lucky and end up well.


Look, I'm trying to be honest with you. Every post you write is something negative about yourself. If you are saying that much negative stuff about yourself here, then it probably flows over into your real life. AND the way you think about yourself also gets portrayed on the outside where others can see it. It's totally up to you if you want to keep saying negative things about yourself, but where is it getting you?

You talk about goals in life. I honestly thought I would have been married just like all my friends and have maybe 1-2 kids and a house and whatever else I should have at my age. IRL, not married (even once), have a condo with a cat (Waldo) that I love dearly but still no "Hunny", a great paying job but highly stressful, still going to school to get my BSN (so I don't even have a Bachelors degree yet) and no possible dates for the future right now that I can see. I'm not going to lie. I've cried in my class of wine a few times feeling sorry for myself, but after my sinuses are all clogged up where am I at? With the same circumstances except then I have a sinus infection. I'm not going to feel sorry for myself because I do have good things happening such as my health, my friends (3), my Ma, Waldo, a good paying job with health insurance, and I got accepted to a great school (because of the hard work I put in that took me several years). I worked for those things, but I lost out on other things. The thing is I CHOOSE to look for the positives. I could be all down in the dumps about myself saying "Crap. I wish I was as smart as some of the people on this website. A lot of them have several degrees and Phd's and here I am with just a little ole Associates degree in nursing. I'm nothing but a professional butt wiper." I have thought that, however, I choose to stay on this site and make new friends and get whatever information they can teach me about all subjects - not just Aspies. I'm never going to be as smart as most of the people here, but that's ok. I have other assets that are beneficial, just different. A lot of the people here have been married - I haven't. That's probably another reason why I stay on this site is because I want to be around people who are intelligent and can challenge me from time to time. Try hanging around positive people and people you would like to be like and mirror yourself after. What you have going now is just not working for you and you don't sound happy or like you will ever really be happy because you just keep looking for the negative in things. Everyone has something to offer - it just takes some a longer time to find it.


well wrong planet doesn't have areas to cover my interests. I tried posting about shaving but no one else shares that.
so I post in love and dating and politics. but only time i post in politics is to defend my hobby/interest or my being alive.

honestly I don't have much going for besides still being alive. is living for living sacks a good life? bet many would say no.

i thought voc rehab was good but it hasn't worked out still jobless. i thought going to college was good but that didn't work out and just put me more into debt yay. I really just want someone to share my life with, to tell any good news I might get to talk about interests with. to look forward to seeing at the end of a hard day working.

I'm not as smart as lot of people here, but that doesn't bother only that most women want a smart man. if most women didn't have similar high standards then I wouldn't care about a lot of this stuff. its super stressful having such standards placed on you and if you don't meet it no woman will ever even consider you :(

i try to find happiness where I can but its the happiness that only last very short time. I enjoy shaving but its only last 30 minutes a day. I like video games but the games I like are months from coming out. tv shows are only on sundays because summer is like dead for tv shows. my other hobbies/interest need other people to do and none of us can afford to do it. never met many positive people in rl. but guess I don't know many middle class or above people. everyone seems to have something to complain about, be it work, relationships, family, friends, school etc.

no people outside my house think I'm content and shy. i only see them during work though. i don't talk about life at work and i don't talk about work at home. I only feel safe talking about either here. so please don't say it must be me talking or showign it else where. I don't talk to women becaue they say I can't on their profile. or they tell me and stop talking to me. ie job job job. If I had one wish. I'd wish there be no economy no money, no none of that horrible system.


Don't you think you need to get your own life in order first before looking for someone to share it with? I think you're putting too much emphasis on your happiness depending on whether you're going to meet someone and you just won't be happy until you do. I'd like to have a "Hunny", but I have to find my happiness outside of that because it may not happen for me. You have to create you own happiness first. A relationship isn't going to do it. Get some rest and think more about it in the morning, ok? I gotta call my Ma and tuck Waldo in bed - then it's time for my facial and some Me time. :D


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15 Jul 2015, 11:57 pm

nurseangela wrote:
Don't you think you need to get your own life in order first before looking for someone to share it with? I think you're putting too much emphasis on your happiness depending on whether you're going to meet someone and you just won't be happy until you do. I'd like to have a "Hunny", but I have to find my happiness outside of that because it may not happen for me. You have to create you own happiness first.


Quoted for truth.



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16 Jul 2015, 12:12 am

I nearly missed this topic because I thought I'd already seen it..."oh it's that one in all caps"...but that's how you do topic headings. I'm sure it's not against the rules or anything but could you possibly do your topic headings in title or sentence case, so it doesn't look like you are shouting at us? Cheers :)

Ok, so, my dealbreakers are something like this:

Smoker
Religious
Votes Liberal (the Liberal Party of Australia)
A social extrovert
Wants to marry
Wants to have kids
Brushes teeth fewer than two times a day

I haven't included obvious things like "abusive" or "doesn't like me" or anything else that would be a dealbreaker for most people.



Last edited by yellowtamarin on 16 Jul 2015, 12:15 am, edited 1 time in total.

sly279
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16 Jul 2015, 12:13 am

nurseangela wrote:
Don't you think you need to get your own life in order first before looking for someone to share it with? I think you're putting too much emphasis on your happiness depending on whether you're going to meet someone and you just won't be happy until you do. I'd like to have a "Hunny", but I have to find my happiness outside of that because it may not happen for me. You have to create you own happiness first. A relationship isn't going to do it. Get some rest and think more about it in the morning, ok? I gotta call my Ma and tuck Waldo in bed - then it's time for my facial and some Me time. :D


my life is in order just not to women like you's standards.
no i just don't derive happiness from the same place you do. everyone can be different right unless its how they get happy then everyone has to get happy exactly the same. :roll:

no actually I've only ever been 100% happy while with a woman romantically. so yes it can actually and no they don't have to do anything other then be there. see I have no one to share any of my stuff with which to me makes it all worthless in the end. so if i build a giant castle whats the point if no one else ever sees it. some people are people people we need people to be happy. its not wrong its just differnt from how you find happiness. thats fine, why can't you just accept people are different we can't all be the same.

it could happen for you. you don't let it. sure there's plenty of guys who would love to be with you if they could.

right now I'm playing some minecraft. only cause two people wanted to play its pointless playing it without people as no one sees what you build.



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16 Jul 2015, 12:41 am

Deal-breakers, when it comes to relationships:

-- First-and-foremost, the person MUST have manners! !! !! !! !! ! I'm really old-fashion, I guess, in believing people should be ladies and gentlemen----I know it's alot of work, as *I* am not always completely successful, myself, but.....

-- The person must be loving, kind, giving----but, not so much so, that they allow themselves to be a doormat; and, witty is good, too!

-- The person must NOT be controlling, abusive, into drugs / drinking (as in, being a drunk----a social drinker, is okay), getting wasted, or any OTHER thing that is destructive to me or them.

-- The person must, ABSOLUTELY, have similar values / philosophies, as mine, in regard to religion, patriotism, politics, race-relations, gays, and a few other things----but, those are "the biggies". (I say similar, because I don't want them to be EXACT, because then we'd just always be saying: "Oh, I agree", and then we wouldn't be learning / growing, as individuals; and, therefore, as a couple.)

-- The person must NOT be against the military!

-- The person must, at least, tolerate animals, well----especially, cats.

-- The person MUST like camping----or, at least, TRY it; then, if they don't really like it, that much, but can put-up with it, say, twice a year, then I can live with that. (I, in turn, will put-up with stuff, for THEM!)

-- The person must NOT be athletic to the point that they are always trying to get me to go play tennis, softball, hiking / biking, etc. If they're an outdoor person, to the degree of going horseback riding, playing miniature golf, having a picnic at the beach / mountains, riding a bike down the boardwalk, while at the beach, going swimming----that type of thing----then, that's GOOD!

-- The person must NOT be a person who is a sheeple (someone who goes-along with what everybody else thinks, just cuz)----the person must be someone who thinks, for themselves.

-- The person must have interests.

-- We MUST have similar things in common, regarding entertainment (i.e., similar interest in movies, TV, board games, restaurants, amusement parks, museums, concerts, etc.; what to do on a Saturday / weekend / vacation, etc.----even if that means just being quiet and reading a book, doing crossword puzzles, or working-on hobbies, or whatever).

-- I would PREFER that the person didn't have kids----but, being my age, that's pretty rare.

-- The fewer people the person has in their life, the better----cuz, quite frankly, the more people surround them, the farther down the line, I am.

-- I REFUSE to date anyone who has a cell-phone as an appendage----or, Fb, or any other social media, for that matter!

-- The person must not be obese----cuz I would just be worrying, all-the-time, that they're gonna drop-dead, any minute. If they are, say, 6'2" / 230 pounds, I can live with that----God knows *I* like potato chips and ice cream, a little too much, and have been overweight, in the past.





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16 Jul 2015, 3:13 am

OK here are mine, which may or may not correspond with anyone else's.

1) Insists on non verbal communication for anything important.
2) Treats me as a stereotype rather than a person.
3) Seeking financial entanglement.
4) Seeking cohabitation.
5) Seeking monogamy.
6) Primarily interested in sex for procreation.
7) Didn't know what 'SSC' or 'RACK' ment.
8) Didn't know what 'metamour' ment.
9) Didn't know what 'relationship escalator' ment.



The_Face_of_Boo
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16 Jul 2015, 3:21 am

- Greedy
- Obese
- Too dramatic
- Plays mind games
- Not attracted to me
- Very religious
- Very traditional



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16 Jul 2015, 6:44 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
- Greedy
- Obese
- Too dramatic
- Plays mind games
- Not attracted to me
- Very religious
- Very traditional


If she's not attracted to you, why would she want to be in a relationship? Or is that a part of playing mind games? I'm with you on the drama bit and mind games bits though. There's this one woman I know from my childhood who is very nice but is overly emotional when stressed to the point where she acts like a child. She also plays mind games with some people by not talking to them because they have to talk to her first and then is extremely flirty when they do talk to her. Though to be honest, my friend and I think there may be some disability going on or it's just because of her environment because she was raised in a very... crazy home.



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16 Jul 2015, 6:52 am

Well, some people are so desperate to get into a relationship that for them it's not necessary to like the other person. I once knew a girl like that.



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16 Jul 2015, 7:06 am

I have a lot of red flags now with new women I meet ,

Picking up from conversation that they have bad and feudal relationships with all the other women in their lives (friends, colleagues, relatives) and can't get on with other women

Conversation that hints the person has anger and frustration and is over-confrontational and dramatic

Speech that hints they want to be a "mommy" to partners IE, "Oh I'll have to feed you up, I'll have to make you get a haircut, I need to sort out your clothes" etc, talking about past boyfriends who were "disobedient"

Obsessive crushes on a pop star or actor with a room full of pictures of them - this is my oldest one, even as a kid I knew this was bad news. I don't mind if they crush on someone they respectfully admire, like having lots of pictures of David Bowie in his interesting outfits, but there's a difference between healthy fandom and stalkerness.

Any low esteem or bad family issues/trauma - sorry, I've had a lifetime of it in myself and others and I need a break. Someone would have to prove themselves to me as very healed and sorted out if they had trauma.

Low esteem that makes them need to flirt with and seduce all men they meet for good feelings.



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16 Jul 2015, 7:10 am

tombo12boar wrote:
I have a lot of red flags now with new women I meet ,

Picking up from conversation that they have bad and feudal relationships with all the other women in their lives (friends, colleagues, relatives) and can't get on with other women

Conversation that hints the person has anger and frustration and is over-confrontational and dramatic

Speech that hints they want to be a "mommy" to partners IE, "Oh I'll have to feed you up, I'll have to make you get a haircut, I need to sort out your clothes" etc, talking about past boyfriends who were "disobedient"

Obsessive crushes on a pop star or actor with a room full of pictures of them - this is my oldest one, even as a kid I knew this was bad news. I don't mind if they crush on someone they respectfully admire, like having lots of pictures of David Bowie in his interesting outfits, but there's a difference between healthy fandom and stalkerness.

Any low esteem or bad family issues/trauma - sorry, I've had a lifetime of it in myself and others and I need a break. Someone would have to prove themselves to me as very healed and sorted out if they had trauma.

Low esteem that makes them need to flirt with and seduce all men they meet for good feelings.


I would add those to my list too - it all makes sense.