Oh girls have it so much worse....

Post Reply New Topic

Actually, no it doesn't. There are sorts of variables here, it could be that they weren't able to judge the character of the person or the red flags. Most men who are abusive are good at hiding themselves in the beginning of the relationship. Also, women on the spectrum are even less able to pick up signs because of their autism, so they're even more likely to end up in abusive relationships than NT's.

It does however appear to be a statistical fact that there are more abusive men than women.

Oh btw this talk about the 6 months reminds me of a girl I know. She had a relationship with a guy for 6 months and dumped him because he had trouble with sex and they didn't do it. As you see it's not just done by men!

Of course not, and that was The_Face_of_Boo's point. In fact, they didn't need to be good days for the husband, either, if the marriage was arranged and nobody involved cared whether they liked each other as partners. The one who dismissed this as unimportant was rdos, who suggested people should always refrain from sex, except for procreating, and, in the latter case, have sex whether they enjoy it or not. Well, it makes perfect sense for asexual people to behave this way, but I don't accept it as a moral standard for everybody. It's only good for making the vast majority of the population permanently guilty for having sexual desires, and, in practice, especially women, since they are the ones who get slut-shamed.



What you do is your sole business, but you seem to be implying again that those of us who care for sex necessarily don't want an emotional connection, and that's the opposite of what I've said. I know many people insist on separating these possible goals, but I haven't learned to separate them and have little motivation to at this point.

It'd be nice if you stopped twisting our words around, putting in our mouths precisely the opposite of what we've said.

Last edited by Spiderpig on 26 Jul 2015, 3:22 am, edited 1 time in total.

I disagree. First, these things were not really "forced", rather family paired-up people. Second, marriages in the old days generally were happier and lasted longer than today. Of course, from an aspie guy POV, getting paired with a girl by family was far better than failing on 100s of dates like people do today. Additionally, for aspie girls, the family picking a good guy for you was far better than getting into multiple abusive relationships where you only were used for sex as people do today.

So, no, I definitely do not agree with your view that it was worse in the old days. There were as*holes back then too, but they kind of were supervised by family, unlike today when you are on your own.

Well no I did not mean you, but I have seen some disdainful posts from others. And yes its certainly possible a neurodiverse male after the initial interaction with a female might just end up getting mocked and judged for not being 'normal' probably just as likely.

Also the being expected to do more to pretty yourself up isn't the 'only' difficulty it was just one example...though if you really look at this simple seeming 'problem' it does point to more serious issues within society. Likewise guys can get endless crap for painting their nails or putting make up on or looking 'too feminine' which I think is B.S as well. Basically 'That's not fair!'

Statistics say females are more likely to get into abusive relationships than males...as in collecting numbers, putting together results. Perhaps it has changed since that statistic was done...its not just a myth that was created because guys are 'expected' to be less vulnerable. But do want to mention I am not trying to downplay abuse males face...that certainly just as serious as women being abused and unfortunately due to societies idea that men gotta be 'tough' it can be much harder for a male to be taken seriously about abuse. So while females statistically are more likely to find them self in an abusive relationship, males are more likely to not be taken seriously when in an abusive relationship.

What an a**hole.

But then nobody has claimed that only guys are idiots.

Another problem girls face that guys don't is that age is less important for guys than for girls. This means a girl have a shorter period of time where she is considered attractive than a guy.

Are you sure marriage in the old days was generally happier? I mean the lasting longer thing could have to do with the fact divorce was a taboo for a very long time so people where forced to make the best of a relationship they maybe didn't really want to continue. Also though which old days? and were...I mean in days of kings and queens and before marrige was a means of creating alliances for a lot of people meaning girl has it pre-decided she will marry so and so because a political alliance is needed so essentially many women were akin to bartering chips.....I suppose guys would also get stuck with women they didn't want to be with and be pressured to go through with the marrige. I mean watch Game of Thrones and see what happens to Sansa its not that far off from what a lot of women in much older times had to go through. Oh and I could mention the whole war thing and the practice of 'raping the enemies wives' being more or less socially acceptable to some groups.


Also what if one in the olden days was being 'supervised' by abusive family, taking the side of the abusive spouse...to further enable them to continue abusing the person. Sometimes this closer supervision by family worked to peoples disadvantage. Then of course there are historic arranged marrige like you describe where the idea was to pair two people who would be good for each other and a 'matchmaker' would do the pairing or whatever though I do not think that was commonplace 'worldwide' probably specific to certain groups.

Or there is that whole Salem thing, would have been very difficult to be a women in that town during the time of all the 'witch burnings' especially a neurodiverse woman or one with a mental disorder...and god help you if your husband dies and someone starts rumors you 'killed' him. I mean things that helped them decide who was a witch
-unhappy demeanor
-any unusual/outside of the norm behavior
-expressing unhappiness in a marriage
-being a widow the towns people don't like
and other ridiculous things.

So anyways point is people romaticize the olden days......and also assume 'everything' everywhere is better nowadays. There where probably things easier and better about older times, and things worse and harder about older times....also varies depending on what part of the world one is talking about.

Maybe you don't but I do. Asexuality occurs at twice the frequency in women compared to men. That means your statement "women want sex as much as men" is false. Not only that, but women often try to trade sex for favors, something that almost is impossible to do for a man. Also, asexuality occurs at 5 times higher frequency in neurodiversity compared to NTs. What this means is that it is a definite advantage being a asexual guy looking for a neurodiverse asexual girl.

I don't have interpretation problems, Boo. The "just saying" part says it all. And the "good" in front of "old days" also says all I need to know what you meant.

Of course. Some things were worse back then, and some things were better. If we go by depression scores in neurodiverse people, which should reflect general happiness with life, I'm pretty sure that things are much worse now for this group. Even if some were abused and even killed in the olden days. We have to judge the typical individual. As for NTs, they might be happier today. After all, society reflects their preferences, so they should have made it better for themselves.

It is not an issue for guys to show interest in females....but honking a horn and screaming 'oh hey sexy' from a car whilst driving by is not a good way to initiate a relationship with a woman for instance. Coming off as though all you're focused on is potential 'sex' isn't a good idea unless you're in a setting where women are there to get sex to...I mean like at some crazy party of a club then its acceptable to to approach women to 'pick up' not that it will become a long lasting relationship maybe just a one night stand. But say there's a women having a coffee at a coffee shop and a guy wants to approach her...best thing would be to start a conversation not just up and start hitting on them. I even know I have heard guys say they dislike it if a girl comes up and just starts fawning over them like 'omg you're hot' in a normal social setting as a means to try and get a date. Now in a setting people are making a point to be 'sexy' then the above mentioned is not so weird at least based on my observations.

But yes just like a women who hasn't faced multiple rejections won't understand fully what it is like to be a guy in that position....a guy who's never had a relationship cannot possibly entirely understand what its like to get into a crappy relationship or be used for sex under the guise of thinking your with someone who really cares for you. So no point in one claiming to have it worse if you have not experienced the thing you say its worse than. If that makes sense.

I don't think I used the word "refrain". That would be similar to religious abstinence, which is certainly not what asexuality is all about. It's about planned reproduction in the absence of contraceptives.



Nobody has claimed that everybody should become asexual, but some people have trouble understanding that not everybody wants a lot of sex, especially in our sexualized culture. I don't think a woman with sexual desires has any problem finding a man willing to fulfill them. The world is full of those.



It's a given that sexual people have sex for emotional needs. That's the whole evolutionary scheme behind it. The problematic thing is when this group think that everybody works / should work this way, and especially for neurodiversity where there is a large sub-group that doesn't work like that.

Yes, this is true...but that is another can of worms, probably deserves its own thread.

yeah i'd pass you off as not interested in me romantically. but I'm sure there's a asexual guy out there who will be fine with that.

I only have sex with women I love and care deeply for and am attached to, well that doesn't take 6 months and I'm also hyper-sexual. after a few dates I tend to think a lot sexual about the woman I care for it drives me crazy. watching other porn feels like betrayal. I'm hyper-sexual. so no one with some rule like that is a compatible match to me. you have a low sex drive which is find but it wouldn't work out, so why should I wast either mine or their time. I don't want to get emotionally and loyally attached to a woman who isn't compatible. and if I date and interact with you for a few weeks to a month I'm going to get attached.

being resentful isn't' a choice. also as no woman would want you anyways being resentful also doesn't make you less datable either.