Aspergirls, do guys approach you?

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I agree with your sociological view on the situation. That being said, if a guy is just waiting around hoping to be approached by a female in current society he better pack a lunch, and probably dinner too. Likewise in your situation, don't be surprised when eventually a guy turns you down because he feels intimidated and thus emasculated. The NT dating scene is a seriously messed up place. I've never understood strict gender roles myself, but like 80% of the population swears by them and the tyranny of the majority rules the day. Keep on keepin' on though and put a dent in that ceiling, and I hope you find what you're looking for.

I've had men be a bit shocked when I've initiated (a long time ago now), but I've never had an actual negative reaction. Someone who would feel negatively about it wouldn't be for me anyway, so it would be good that he would reject me.

I'm not sure that I've been putting a dent in the ceiling, I've just been going after people who aren't the 80% I suppose. I think I naturally just don't find them particularly attractive/interesting, which is lucky for me. I feel for the neurodiverse people who are most attracted to straight-down-the-line, conservative neurotypicals. These people would have the toughest job as they would have to play a game they don't want to or aren't good at playing. I feel for them less, though, when they complain that the opposite sex in its entirety has it easier for some reason or other, such as "just having to exist to be hit on", when such claims are unlikely to be true.

The dating scene is full of gender rules from A to Z.

And the women are more often to be so rigid and strict about these rules, even in their seeking process.

When you see a woman like aged 33 on okcupid, she usually put seeking for something like 34-40 because god forbids that him to be same age or one year younger :lol; as if a guy reaching 34 is magically a better suitor than a guy 32 old, that's even more odd than the rigidity in height preferences. All this indicate how much their heads are so full with gender rules (ie. guys I date must be taller, guys I date must be older...etc)

And all these little things like who initiate stuffs, calls first, who pays, who kisses first...etc are so rigid about them.

and we are obliged to get along with the majority as Aristophane said.

You might never get approached. You might be repulsive and destined to be never be approached for the rest of your life. You're neither owed nor guaranteed a guy approaching you, you are not ENTITLED to get approached. Making peace with a simple fact of human existence might be a good place to start.

/inspired from Kaytekate' posts.

I'm glad I'm not the only one. I was beginning to think that I must be really ugly. Or maybe the culture is just different in Britain. Are there no other English women here?
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Nutella!! ! oh I'd rather die.
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Ok, so I hear what you are saying Spiderpig. It's a catch22 I don't like being ogled, but if a guy is interested he's obviously got to look over at me to get my attention, but I guess curvy women get too much non-verbal attention, which makes guys feel like, man why would she like me, so they just look, but don't talk.

Ill health doesn't help my case either, some days I'm too tired to smile. No spoons for smiling, I used all my spoons up trying to leave the house. http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

I do think my body language is off as well. I went through a phase of reading loads of stuff about body language, but it didn't really help me with men. Although, I think my problem is mostly the whole problem with my communication issues. I really don't enjoy putting things into words unless I feel really comfortable with someone, but you can't feel comfortable with someone you've just met, so how do you communicate with them? Randomly I once tried to learn sign language, but I found it far too expressive, so even dating a deaf guy wouldn't work for me. (that is probably the most non-politically correct thing I've ever written)

So it's not just verbal communication I have problems with, it's my whole body. I would get on better as a non-physical being. Like some sort of vapour alien from star trek, like that one who abducted Zefram Cochran in the original series episode Metamorphosis, mind you she fell in love with a human and couldn't communicate properly with him. Yeah, that's what I'm like, I'm like that vapour alien. (Also I'm a trekker, so that's probably why I'm single too...)

Do you ever forget that you are neurodiverse? I forget and occasionaly I remember and think, "oh, of course I'm struggling, I don't do things the way other people do."

I sometimes feel I am more like a head in a jar.....



Any kind of geek/nerd is certainly not much popularly admired- that's really really part of the problem.

if only I can get rid of my glasses as my eyes are too sensitive for contacts

I knew a girl.....who was a close colleague to me at school for years (and she was the strongest crush ever for me), she was super nerd and nerd-looking: She was very short, very shy, A+ student, she was super nerd in every way... she fits the whole TV stereotype of 'nerd'.

I recall two of her friends in senior year who planned to change her in order to make her more accepted (and I found out later to help her to find a boyfriend); they have completely transformed her presence: in the way she wears, her haircut, her walk... most importantly got rid of her thick glasses. She got a boyfriend soon after in university, she's married now.

Ironically I think she might had a crush on me too, but I was too shy to do anything- anyway puppy love often die after graduation.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 30 Aug 2015, 1:38 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Not on this planet. There are no officials ruled about how to date. That's what makes it confusing and hard.



Some women have standards. Some men have standards. They're personal, variable and (usually) negotiable if someone meets a person they happen to click with.

I don't know about you, but I don't want a million guys. I'm looking for one guy, the right guy for me.



A girl who posts those specifications is looking for a guy with those traits and there is nothing wrong with that. Her life, her dating specifications. It is reasonable to assume that a girl with those precise requirements in her online profile is:
(1) getting asked out by guys who meet her requirements
(2) willing to be single until and unless a guy meets her requirements
(3) will likely revise her requirements if she's not getting asked out and gets tired of waiting.

The potentially irrational and unreasonable standards problem tends to be self-resolving as a result.



A girl who likes a guy, who thinks there's a spark with that particular guy, will overlook the occasional social faux pas -- everybody makes them, everybody overlooks them when the potential partner make it worth it to do so (and doesn't if that individual doesn't; there are, after all, plenty of fish in the sea).



I guess. Except that more women than men on Earth makes it more likely that WOMEN will have to the person willing to overlook [social faux pas, aspect of physical appearance, etc] if they want to have a partner.

Your overall repulsiveness, resulting in repelling all women everywhere, might just be Mother Nature's way of keeping your genes from further tainting the gene pool.

[MODERATOR]

It's been banned (again).

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Lol, well she's getting better at trolling. She kept her post fairly on topic until the personal slam at the end gave it away. Touche, little troll, touche, you made me read the entire diatribe. There's a thin line between love and hate and concerning Boo I'm not actually sure which side you're on.

Im a guy, and I've had to do all the initiating, though I've not been involved with any aspie girls. I've known a couple online usually when i meet them in a MMO Game, they are obsessed over some guy or girl (most i've met have been bisexual) and are usually unsuccessful which makes them miserable and not receptive to anyone else.

Most women I've met (including family) tend to be rigid and strict about things, as another poster mentioned, and prone to irrational anger and behavior, which really complicates things. I realize thats not all women, but from my perspective, women can really be terrible and wrathful seemingly over nothing.

I have to imagine aspie girls are much worse in that regard due to the intense passion, it kind of makes me scared of dating a aspie girl.

Guys don't really approach me, which is okay now that I'm no longer single. I've had situations where guys in public have flirted with and I didn't know it until my mom or aunt pointed it out to me. There was this one guy who I talked to in college who asked for my number, but we're just friends and I would like to keep it that way. Besides that, not really. I don't know if it's because I don't really look beautiful by today's standards or I'm intimidating somehow. I would be annoyed if someone approached me now, which I thank God it hasn't happened.

Not to scare you or anything, but its been my experience girls who have normally not been approached before, somehow start getting approached alot when they find someone they are happy with.

I have an experience once, where I got involved with a girl who had no friends and was lonely, and overlooked but from some strange luck a few weeks after we got together suddenly she was getting approached alot. Eventually she told me pretty much "I am popular now, so I don't need you."

I don't recall anywhere ever saying that not being approached was a problem for me. It's not. I like it the way it is. I think randomly approaching strangers is kinda weird (outside of setting where it is the norm, like bars and clubs), which is why I have my doubts that it happens so often to most woman, just because they exist.

Sort of like you I've had drunk guys approach me at the bar to try to flirt or hook up which I am not into because I don't like one night stands. But aside from that I haven't had guys interested in a relationship just come up and approach me typically...there was one in college who I think initially started talking to me, but he turned out to be a douchebag anyways.

Aside from that I have an Okcupid account and have dated guys who have messaged me there initially. I have also tried sending initial messages to guys a couple times but didn't get any response. I have started dating someone new now...and so far so good, we've hung out twice and haven't had sex yet. All the others I've dated from Okcupid that ended up occurring on the first date I think I certainly prefer waiting till a few times of getting to know each other better.

So you're saying since you were a baby you've been sexually frustrated?...that is a little, well disturbing.

I guess this is something I should be afraid of, not her, since I am her boyfriend. But I think she can decide about the value of our love, and that of a new adventure with someone else. I trust that she will find the former more important in her life, and stay with me regardless of the attention she gets from others. I'm hoping that our love is strong enough for us to stay together despite all odds.

I am sorry that you had some negative experience in the topic (I had my share, too), but I don't think that's the case with every woman out there. There would be no such thing as a happy relationship otherwise.