Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

My wife is asexual

Page 5 of 6 [ 95 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

Gauldoth
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 7 Feb 2015
Posts: 333

29 Sep 2015, 11:41 am

Phemto wrote:
beakybird wrote:
It's just a shame to have to live with that. At least, putting myself in your shoes I'd seriously contemplate suicide. Totally honest.


It is interesting how sex has a depreciated value in our relationships. If your spouse needs conversation, comforting, food, even at-home counseling, you're a neglectful spouse if you don't provide it on demand. And you certainly would get away with saying "I'm not interested in talking as much because you're conversational style isn't satisfying for me."

If, on the other hand, your spouse needs validation as a sexual being, sorry. Take a cold shower. No sex is the default. You're even a bad person if you voice your needs too much.

I've been there and I did become seriously depressed and suicidal. It even went so far as to trying to admit myself to a psych clinic. That was a fiasco. Counseling (on my part) helped some. You know, paying a stranger a bunch of money so that you can tell them the kind of secrets you spouse would leave you for telling to a friend. How is that not a violation, but that's considered OK.


Because the need for sex is something that by in large only men feel, and we live in society where men's needs, wants and desires are constantly shat on. :roll:

It wasn't always so. Honestly, I think even past societies had a better attitude towards sex than ours does. In those, it was largely understood and accepted that men were the only ones who really needed sex and women would have to, on occasion just have to bite the proverbial bullet and give it to them. Women were taught that they weren't really supposed to enjoy sex, that it was an obligation, and as depressing as it that is, I honestly think it was better that way.

This idea of equal sex drives is one of the most toxic notions in modern history; it makes men miserable, and forces women to put up a constant facade of false interest in sex.



YippySkippy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Feb 2011
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,986

29 Sep 2015, 11:50 am

Quote:
Because the need for sex is something that by in large only men feel, and we live in society where men's needs, wants and desires are constantly shat on. :roll:


Wrong, and wrong.

Quote:
It wasn't always so. Honestly, I think even past societies had a better attitude towards sex than ours does. In those, it was largely understood and accepted that men were the only ones who really needed sex and women would have to, on occasion just have to bite the proverbial bullet and give it to them. Women were taught that they weren't really supposed to enjoy sex, that it was an obligation, and as depressing as it that is, I honestly think it was better that way.


It was better when women were property and men could rape them freely? I'd almost take that for misogyny, but of course there's no misogyny on WP.

Quote:
This idea of equal sex drives is one of the most toxic notions in modern history; it makes men miserable, and forces women to put up a constant facade of false interest in sex.


My husband and I are both quite happy. Don't project your misery on us, thanks.



XFilesGeek
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jul 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,031
Location: The Oort Cloud

29 Sep 2015, 12:20 pm

Asexual female weighing-in......

I don't find the idea that a sexual person expects, ya know, sex in a relationship is the least bit offensive. My advice would be to talk to her about it, and try to figure out why she's lost interest.


_________________
"If we fail to anticipate the unforeseen or expect the unexpected in a universe of infinite possibilities, we may find ourselves at the mercy of anyone or anything that cannot be programmed, categorized or easily referenced."

-XFG (no longer a moderator)


XFilesGeek
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jul 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,031
Location: The Oort Cloud

29 Sep 2015, 12:26 pm

Gauldoth's been given the boot.

Please keep it civil.

Thanks.


_________________
"If we fail to anticipate the unforeseen or expect the unexpected in a universe of infinite possibilities, we may find ourselves at the mercy of anyone or anything that cannot be programmed, categorized or easily referenced."

-XFG (no longer a moderator)


Peacesells
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Sep 2014
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,915
Location: Anzio, Italy

29 Sep 2015, 12:40 pm

YippySkippy wrote:
'd almost take that for misogyny, but of course there's no misogyny on WP.

I don't think that anyone denied that there are some misogynists on WP.



Phemto
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

Joined: 7 Sep 2015
Posts: 217
Location: Gaitherburg MD

29 Sep 2015, 1:01 pm

XFilesGeek wrote:
Gauldoth's been given the boot.

Please keep it civil.

Thanks.



Thanks. Gauldoth needs a bit of an education, but I don't think he was going to get it here.

I'd say that we can raise the value of the discussion now, but I think we've pretty much run out of what we can speculate on based on OP's report. He and his wife need to communicate their needs and expectations.

Mis-matched sex drives is a problem with solutions. A refusal to communicate and negotiate isn't.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,038
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

29 Sep 2015, 1:10 pm

Peacesells wrote:
YippySkippy wrote:
'd almost take that for misogyny, but of course there's no misogyny on WP.

I don't think that anyone denied that there are some misogynists on WP.


We are probably both misogynist in her view; we both come from Mediterranean "Macho" cultures after all. ;p



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,038
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

29 Sep 2015, 1:17 pm

Quote:
Mis-matched sex drives is a problem with solutions. A refusal to communicate and negotiate isn't.


True, if all fails the final solution would be divorce, if sex is that important to the sex-wanting spouse.

No one should be obligated to give sex, and no one should be obligated to stay with someone who isn't wanting sex.

/Thread.



neilson_wheels
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Mar 2013
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,404
Location: London, Capital of the Un-United Kingdom

29 Sep 2015, 1:25 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
YippySkippy wrote:
'd almost take that for misogyny, but of course there's no misogyny on WP.

I don't think that anyone denied that there are some misogynists on WP.


We are probably both misogynist in her view; we both come from Mediterranean "Macho" cultures after all. ;p


FWIW I reported Gauldoth as he started making personal attacks.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,038
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

29 Sep 2015, 1:37 pm

neilson_wheels wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
YippySkippy wrote:
'd almost take that for misogyny, but of course there's no misogyny on WP.

I don't think that anyone denied that there are some misogynists on WP.


We are probably both misogynist in her view; we both come from Mediterranean "Macho" cultures after all. ;p


FWIW I reported Gauldoth as he started making personal attacks.


Good! good!

See, the button doesn't bite :p.

Oh no... I am fantasizing of this beautiful button again.



Peacesells
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Sep 2014
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,915
Location: Anzio, Italy

29 Sep 2015, 1:46 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
YippySkippy wrote:
'd almost take that for misogyny, but of course there's no misogyny on WP.

I don't think that anyone denied that there are some misogynists on WP.


We are probably both misogynist in her view; we both come from Mediterranean "Macho" cultures after all. ;p

I'm not really concerned about how she views me, but I was hoping that today's arguments would prove that misogyny isn't the only mis- here on WP. :(



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,038
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

29 Sep 2015, 1:57 pm

Peacesells wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
YippySkippy wrote:
'd almost take that for misogyny, but of course there's no misogyny on WP.

I don't think that anyone denied that there are some misogynists on WP.


We are probably both misogynist in her view; we both come from Mediterranean "Macho" cultures after all. ;p

I'm not really concerned about how she views me, but I was hoping that today's arguments would prove that misogyny isn't the only mis- here on WP. :(


Not this discussion again.

:| Zip it! Zip it!!



rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,089
Location: Sweden

29 Sep 2015, 2:04 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
YippySkippy wrote:
'd almost take that for misogyny, but of course there's no misogyny on WP.

I don't think that anyone denied that there are some misogynists on WP.


We are probably both misogynist in her view; we both come from Mediterranean "Macho" cultures after all. ;p


That explains a lot.... :mrgreen:



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,038
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

29 Sep 2015, 2:59 pm

rdos wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
YippySkippy wrote:
'd almost take that for misogyny, but of course there's no misogyny on WP.

I don't think that anyone denied that there are some misogynists on WP.


We are probably both misogynist in her view; we both come from Mediterranean "Macho" cultures after all. ;p


That explains a lot.... :mrgreen:


At least me and him don't believe we are entitled to the exclusivity of a crush (and to her love life).

I don't know...but probably no culture on earth can explain this mindset of yours. :mrgreen:



Venger
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 Apr 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,519

29 Sep 2015, 3:05 pm

^^
He's obviously really "excited" about something judging by his constant use of those weird-azz smilies.



Peacesells
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Sep 2014
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,915
Location: Anzio, Italy

29 Sep 2015, 3:12 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
At least me and him don't believe we are entitled to the exclusivity of a crush (and to her love life).

The approach he wants to have is not the problem, as long as he is happy with it and he doesn't hurt anyone. I even envy him to some degree. The problem is that keeps actively putting down and shaming people (guys) for having a sex drive, which is neither a bad thing neither depends on them, and that he keeps looking down on them.