Virtual Sexists

Post Reply New Topic

I am not stating that there are not things which are downright unfair when you are a woman. I am the first to tell other guys when they are being jerks. I hate misogyny. We still don't have equal pay in this country(UK), which is a joke.

But it would be nice if occasionally a lot of women acknowledged that it isn't always them being sc**wed over by gender stereotypes, and that many would avoid doing it to us guys who aren't idiots. And that people would get angry properly when it is being done. Because sexism is wrong, and if you don't like getting it, you shouldn't be doing it.

Sexism has no gender. both genders do it to each other. And it needs to stop either way.
I believe in true equality, and I get treated like garbage because of it.

And if you want to see bad effects of anger, well I have to check myself constantly as a man. If you get angry, people treat you in an unfair dismissive way, because it's part of that condescending way of treating an angry woman. It's not right no question.

If I get properly angry, and even though I know I won't hurt anyone, it could end up in me being branded intimidating, potentially dangerous, threatening, take your pick.

People will stop taking you seriously, I could end up arrested. Which do you think is worse?

We are often not judged by what we have actually done, but what we look like we might do.

Yep, been there, done that, have the T-shirt. Horribly, this response provokes a wordless, all-encompassing rage. I have to get away from the person to avoid physically assaulting them.

Have you considered that provoking you is exactly their intention? Walking away is hard but the right thing. I often fail to do this, though.

When it comes to sexism, if you are a woman and men say sexist things to you and you don't stand up for yourself and just walk away, they think that is tacit permission to be sexist and think less of you and keep saying sexist things to you. If you don't say anything, it never stops. It's just like when people tell you to ignore bullies and they will leave you alone--it's just bad advice. No, they will not leave you alone until you let them know unequivocally that you will not let them get away with it and you will always stand up for yourself. You have to make them back down by showing that you will not back down.

*sigh*

I walk away - they taunt and sneer, labeling me as a typical weak, emotional female
I stay - and risk assault charges or being beaten up myself when I finally 'blow'

I really don't *like* to hurt other people, even ones who aren't being... nice... to me, so I typically shut down and then get away as quickly as possible. Hard to do, though, when you are cornered, as I have been. I have knocked down and kicked a boy who was a foot taller than me, whacked another one over the head with a (really heavy) book, punched one in the face, and bit one on the hand (his hand kept finding its way onto my thigh, finally, without thinking, I finally grabbed it and bit it). Eventually I figured out the fine art of not letting most of them get anywhere near me, and always having a clear exit when they did approach, and the violence (mine) mercifully stopped before I was old enough to be arrested (and before anyone retaliated and injured me).

I want to be perfectly clear about this - I do not like or condone violence. I simply did not have the self-awareness to realize what was happening until it was a 'work in progress' and even after I started to get a clue, I had no idea how to stop myself. I didn't learn this until my late teens/early twenties.

I find women successfully defending themselves from harassers, let alone ones a foot taller, truly impressive. I managed to get bullied by kids a foot shorter, and probably even more. No matter how angry or frightened I got, beating my bullies as hard as I could only ever made them laugh even more at my pathetic helplessness.

The only reason I'm not sure I'd have wanted to have a tough girl as a friend is that she'd probably have beaten me up sooner or later, even if she were half my size.

So it never occurred to you to arm yourself with a weapon....Or even a baseball bat to defend yourself against bullies?

Same if you're a men and women say sexist things...

You could also try giving these men the silent treatment. And I don't mean just ignoring only the sexist things they say; but ignoring them completely for long periods of time and then telling them that this is the consequence for their disrespectful behavior.

Because some of them might be using verbal sexism to provoke a reaction from you.

That's weird. I was bullied frequently when I was young, but when I grew bigger and stronger, people stopped screwing with me.

Neither was exactly an option at school. Besides, I'm sure they'd have grabbed the bat, so I'd have just foolishly given them an extra weapon.

I brought a kitchen knife to my Junior high school once. Luckily, they didn't do body searches or have a zero tolerance policy back then. Even more fortunate, the people who had been pushing me around (literally) stayed away from me on that day.

If I had a chance to do those years over again, I'd have taken up martial arts, not so much for the physical training as for the confidence and discipline that this training builds. Both traits are useful in dealing with sexism or in fact with any form of bullying or discrimination. Strength training eventually filled that role for me, when I was 19 and in Jr college I took a weight training class and was immediately hooked on moving heavy weight.

I said stand up for myself, not just "react". I state that I won't be talked to that way and here are what the consequences will be if you don't stop, and then if they don't stop I follow through with the consequences (like if it's in the workplace, I report them). If that is the sort of reaction they are looking for, then they are stupid and only harming themselves, not me.

Yes, this is the mature approach. I certainly wish I'd had your wisdom at an earlier time in my life.

That's part of what I admire in other people. I might have been able to get away with carrying a kitchen knife to school ... as long as I kept it hidden. The moment I tried to threaten someone with it, I'd be screwed, and knowing this made me too afraid to even entertain the idea. I'd be much too afraid of the consequences of hurting anyone with it to be able to use it effectively, so I'm sure it wouldn't stop my bullies from laughing at me or from pointing out what a coward I am for wanting to fight them with a knife when they're unarmed. I'm also sure they'd have taken it from me sooner rather than later, and soon teachers would know I brought a knife to school, and so would my parents. In fact, just knowing my parents would not like it was enough to deter me in the first place.



I did judo at school, and it was absolutely insufficient if it was meant to be useful for defending myself. The only lesson I effectively learned is that raw strength and innate ability to fight will always prevail. Any other, more serious activity was out of the question, since I'd have had to ask my parents to pay for it.