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hurtloam
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02 May 2016, 2:40 pm

Yes. That's why I'm cautious. I don't want to jump into a relationship for the wrong reasons. I need to be sure. I have a gut feeling I will still suffer from depression.

Even though I do think that loneliness probably does play a part in some aspect of what causes my depression. The synapses or whatever is going on in my brain are still going to have those connections that have been there for a long, long time even if I do enter a relationship. They won't automatically rewire right away, or maybe ever.

That's why I'd recommend at least trying Cbt to anyone. Part of coping with depression is training your brain in the way it thinks. If I'm prone to going round in a negative circle with my thoughts when single, I'm still going to do that in a relationship. It's how I think. It's a dance I've danced for a long time.

That's part of my problem in starting a relationship in the first place. Nevermind my incommunicado nature and my dreadful inability to express my feelings. I see some spark with a chap and then start thinking negatively. What if he doesn't really like me? What if no one will ever like me? What if he's just playing a game and this is just fun for him and I'm being a fool? None of this could be true. He could like me and my depression is imagining all these awful scenarios. It holds me back because it's overprotecting me. But even in a relationship my brain is going to keep doing that and it will be a struggle to conquer.



Alliekit
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02 May 2016, 2:56 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Yes. That's why I'm cautious. I don't want to jump into a relationship for the wrong reasons. I need to be sure. I have a gut feeling I will still suffer from depression.

Even though I do think that loneliness probably does play a part in some aspect of what causes my depression. The synapses or whatever is going on in my brain are still going to have those connections that have been there for a long, long time even if I do enter a relationship. They won't automatically rewire right away, or maybe ever.

That's why I'd recommend at least trying Cbt to anyone. Part of coping with depression is training your brain in the way it thinks. If I'm prone to going round in a negative circle with my thoughts when single, I'm still going to do that in a relationship. It's how I think. It's a dance I've danced for a long time.

That's part of my problem in starting a relationship in the first place. Nevermind my incommunicado nature and my dreadful inability to express my feelings. I see some spark with a chap and then start thinking negatively. What if he doesn't really like me? What if no one will ever like me? What if he's just playing a game and this is just fun for him and I'm being a fool? None of this could be true. He could like me and my depression is imagining all these awful scenarios. It holds me back because it's overprotecting me. But even in a relationship my brain is going to keep doing that and it will be a struggle to conquer.


That is very good advice. When I was a shut in for 4 years the lonelieness was horrible and all I wanted was a bf. When I gave up on that I decided to focus on my education.

It wasn't till 3 years after that I met my now bf. It took ages for me to be comfortable enough to believe that someone could even love me and I had accepted I would be alone forever. Even now sometimes I wonder how on earth could he love someone like me.

Depression is hard and I know I will always suffer but I look forward to the little things :) :)



EnmaLionheart
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02 May 2016, 3:19 pm

sly279 wrote:
Women hid behind saying they want a guy who's finical stable not rich. Well only 1% of people are rich. So put them out of the way. When men say women only care about guys with money we aren't saying rich guys. We're talking about upper middle class guys which is the same guys you women talk about when you say finically stable, we're not stupid we can read between the lines.

You don't consider a min wage guy finically stable
You thinking middle class makes more then $22 an hour guys. Why because everyone in the west is brainwashed to think you need to be middle class. Must be middle class. If your not middle class you failed.
Well full middle class. I hop I'm never middle class. I never want to be part of such a selfish bunch of people,who think they'll better then everyone else and all the problems are because of poor people and why won't they just die so I can have little bit more money.

If I guy makes $2 and hour and lives off $2 and hour then he's finically stable . There isn't some arbitrary income that makes you finically stable. You can make 100,000 and hour and spend 150,000 an hour. You can make min wage and cut cost on stupid superficial stuff and make it just fine, two people working min wage make 2/3k a month which is More then enough to live on. Most why can't a woman making 22 an hour be with a guy making mine wage and do ok?

Would you be happy if most guys rejected you for not making enough? Or not looking beautiful enough?

Really don't get why you all want me to live since you look down on me and other poor guys so much. If you won't date us why would any other women. Freaking two sided is what it is.



Whoa, this is crazy plus shallow and superficial on thier end on multiple levels. I suspect the person in question should have been told the saying: "Money does not bring happiness." I hate to say what I'm going to say next. This in a small way of this person wanting a Sugar Daddy...I think. :-/


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Alliekit
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02 May 2016, 3:22 pm

EnmaLionheart wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Women hid behind saying they want a guy who's finical stable not rich. Well only 1% of people are rich. So put them out of the way. When men say women only care about guys with money we aren't saying rich guys. We're talking about upper middle class guys which is the same guys you women talk about when you say finically stable, we're not stupid we can read between the lines.

You don't consider a min wage guy finically stable
You thinking middle class makes more then $22 an hour guys. Why because everyone in the west is brainwashed to think you need to be middle class. Must be middle class. If your not middle class you failed.
Well full middle class. I hop I'm never middle class. I never want to be part of such a selfish bunch of people,who think they'll better then everyone else and all the problems are because of poor people and why won't they just die so I can have little bit more money.

If I guy makes $2 and hour and lives off $2 and hour then he's finically stable . There isn't some arbitrary income that makes you finically stable. You can make 100,000 and hour and spend 150,000 an hour. You can make min wage and cut cost on stupid superficial stuff and make it just fine, two people working min wage make 2/3k a month which is More then enough to live on. Most why can't a woman making 22 an hour be with a guy making mine wage and do ok?

Would you be happy if most guys rejected you for not making enough? Or not looking beautiful enough?

Really don't get why you all want me to live since you look down on me and other poor guys so much. If you won't date us why would any other women. Freaking two sided is what it is.



Whoa, this is crazy plus shallow and superficial on thier end on multiple levels. I suspect the person in question should have been told the saying: "Money does not bring happiness." I hate to say what I'm going to say next. This in a small way of this person wanting a Sugar Daddy...I think. :-/


He is saying that all women want this not one particular person



EnmaLionheart
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02 May 2016, 3:28 pm

Alliekit wrote:
EnmaLionheart wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Women hid behind saying they want a guy who's finical stable not rich. Well only 1% of people are rich. So put them out of the way. When men say women only care about guys with money we aren't saying rich guys. We're talking about upper middle class guys which is the same guys you women talk about when you say finically stable, we're not stupid we can read between the lines.

You don't consider a min wage guy finically stable
You thinking middle class makes more then $22 an hour guys. Why because everyone in the west is brainwashed to think you need to be middle class. Must be middle class. If your not middle class you failed.
Well full middle class. I hop I'm never middle class. I never want to be part of such a selfish bunch of people,who think they'll better then everyone else and all the problems are because of poor people and why won't they just die so I can have little bit more money.

If I guy makes $2 and hour and lives off $2 and hour then he's finically stable . There isn't some arbitrary income that makes you finically stable. You can make 100,000 and hour and spend 150,000 an hour. You can make min wage and cut cost on stupid superficial stuff and make it just fine, two people working min wage make 2/3k a month which is More then enough to live on. Most why can't a woman making 22 an hour be with a guy making mine wage and do ok?

Would you be happy if most guys rejected you for not making enough? Or not looking beautiful enough?

Really don't get why you all want me to live since you look down on me and other poor guys so much. If you won't date us why would any other women. Freaking two sided is what it is.



Whoa, this is crazy plus shallow and superficial on thier end on multiple levels. I suspect the person in question should have been told the saying: "Money does not bring happiness." I hate to say what I'm going to say next. This in a small way of this person wanting a Sugar Daddy...I think. :-/


He is saying that all women want this not one particular person


Oh crap! I thought it was one person. ^^;.
But all women are not like that from the original post. :-/


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nurseangela
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02 May 2016, 3:29 pm

I, for one, am tired of this subject of women constantly being brought up by him. Then when he doesn't get people feeling sorry enough for him, he'll run for The Haven and bad - mouth women there knowing that there can't be any backlash.

I think this thread should be DELETED. It's sexist and against the rules.


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Alliekit
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02 May 2016, 3:30 pm

EnmaLionheart wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
EnmaLionheart wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Women hid behind saying they want a guy who's finical stable not rich. Well only 1% of people are rich. So put them out of the way. When men say women only care about guys with money we aren't saying rich guys. We're talking about upper middle class guys which is the same guys you women talk about when you say finically stable, we're not stupid we can read between the lines.

You don't consider a min wage guy finically stable
You thinking middle class makes more then $22 an hour guys. Why because everyone in the west is brainwashed to think you need to be middle class. Must be middle class. If your not middle class you failed.
Well full middle class. I hop I'm never middle class. I never want to be part of such a selfish bunch of people,who think they'll better then everyone else and all the problems are because of poor people and why won't they just die so I can have little bit more money.

If I guy makes $2 and hour and lives off $2 and hour then he's finically stable . There isn't some arbitrary income that makes you finically stable. You can make 100,000 and hour and spend 150,000 an hour. You can make min wage and cut cost on stupid superficial stuff and make it just fine, two people working min wage make 2/3k a month which is More then enough to live on. Most why can't a woman making 22 an hour be with a guy making mine wage and do ok?

Would you be happy if most guys rejected you for not making enough? Or not looking beautiful enough?

Really don't get why you all want me to live since you look down on me and other poor guys so much. If you won't date us why would any other women. Freaking two sided is what it is.



Whoa, this is crazy plus shallow and superficial on thier end on multiple levels. I suspect the person in question should have been told the saying: "Money does not bring happiness." I hate to say what I'm going to say next. This in a small way of this person wanting a Sugar Daddy...I think. :-/


He is saying that all women want this not one particular person


Oh crap! I thought it was one person. ^^;.
But all women are not like that from the original post. :-/


The orginal post he is talking about was saying women are not obsessed with money. Sly disagrees and things they all are



The_Face_of_Boo
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02 May 2016, 3:32 pm

Alliekit wrote:
I suppose my thing is that at the end of the day getting into a relationship won't stop you being depressed.

I know how it is to be there because despite being in a happy relationship I still suffer with depression. For me having the better good days with my bf can mean even worse days on my bad days.

I still have days where I consider the unthinkable and hate the world but the thing that keeps me going is how I plan to become someone who can help save life's.

I love my bf but he is not the centre of my world and nor is he the cure to my depression


Sly is saying that his depression started after he went in the dating realm. I mean it's possible that failure in dating is the source of his depression, why is that so hard to believe? Why people always say things like "Oh..but love doesn't cure depression", "you might be seeking it for the wrong reasons" while in reality the failure in that might the source of it?



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 02 May 2016, 3:36 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Alliekit
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02 May 2016, 3:35 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
I suppose my thing is that at the end of the day getting into a relationship won't stop you being depressed.

I know how it is to be there because despite being in a happy relationship I still suffer with depression. For me having the better good days with my bf can mean even worse days on my bad days.

I still have days where I consider the unthinkable and hate the world but the thing that keeps me going is how I plan to become someone who can help save life's.

I love my bf but he is not the centre of my world and nor is he the cure to my depression


Sly is saying that his depression started after he went in the dating realm. I mean it's possible that failure in dating is the source of his depression, why is that so hard to believe? Why people always say things like "Oh..but love doesn't cure depression", "you might be seeking it for the wrong reasons" while in reality the failure in that might the source of it?


It won't cure it no matter what caused it. Outside factors cause the chemical imbalance but only time and/or medication can cure it.



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02 May 2016, 3:37 pm

Alliekit wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
I suppose my thing is that at the end of the day getting into a relationship won't stop you being depressed.

I know how it is to be there because despite being in a happy relationship I still suffer with depression. For me having the better good days with my bf can mean even worse days on my bad days.

I still have days where I consider the unthinkable and hate the world but the thing that keeps me going is how I plan to become someone who can help save life's.

I love my bf but he is not the centre of my world and nor is he the cure to my depression


Sly is saying that his depression started after he went in the dating realm. I mean it's possible that failure in dating is the source of his depression, why is that so hard to believe? Why people always say things like "Oh..but love doesn't cure depression", "you might be seeking it for the wrong reasons" while in reality the failure in that might the source of it?


It won't cure it no matter what caused it. Outside factors cause the chemical imbalance but only time and/or medication can cure it.


The chemical imbalance is a pseudo-scientific overused term, don't believe in it much, most depression cases are causes by life reasons.

Dating might be a really depression experience, it's actually a "O judge me! O judge me!" ritual.



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02 May 2016, 3:41 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
I suppose my thing is that at the end of the day getting into a relationship won't stop you being depressed.

I know how it is to be there because despite being in a happy relationship I still suffer with depression. For me having the better good days with my bf can mean even worse days on my bad days.

I still have days where I consider the unthinkable and hate the world but the thing that keeps me going is how I plan to become someone who can help save life's.

I love my bf but he is not the centre of my world and nor is he the cure to my depression


Sly is saying that his depression started after he went in the dating realm. I mean it's possible that failure in dating is the source of his depression, why is that so hard to believe? Why people always say things like "Oh..but love doesn't cure depression", "you might be seeking it for the wrong reasons" while in reality the failure in that might the source of it?


It won't cure it no matter what caused it. Outside factors cause the chemical imbalance but only time and/or medication can cure it.


The chemical imbalance is a pseudo-scientific overused term, don't believe in it much, most depression cases are causes by life reasons.

Dating might be a really depression experience, it's actually a "O judge me! O judge me!" ritual.


You are incorrect it is the real cause of depression, reduced chemicals in the brain such as dopemine and seratonin. I'm studying human biosciences and have written plenty of papers about it. There is also conclusive evidence in jornal articles

The life reasons cause that imbalance



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02 May 2016, 3:50 pm

AND another thing, my post got deleted today because it was in the Haven I guess, but only was telling the truth. I'm in the same boat, I'm not married and no possibilities on the horizon. I'm the opposite of you, Sly. I'm too picky and want only certain things and it's because of this that I will probably never find anyone. I'm lonely just like you, but I choose to not wallow in self pity. Instead, I'm working to improve myself and enjoy whatever time I have left. I'm not blaming men all of the time (just sometimes :mrgreen:) because it's my fault for having the standards I do and not wanting to deviate from them. I just know what things will make me miserable. You think that women should lower their standards and go out with you, but it doesn't work like that. Social classes stick together. I'm a realist and I know I'm not going to land me a guy with a lot of money because those guys want better looking women than me - I know I'm not a model (I could use bigger boobs) and I'm not flirty and blah blah blah. But, I'm not going to let that ruin my life. I focus on the good things about myself - my personality, I'm smart, dependable a hard worker, pretty much ok on the eyes (I'll probably never be bombshell quality like those women on Turbofire), but I keep working on it and working to improve myself.

You have to accept you will never be able to go out with certain people. Life isn't always roses, but belly aching constantly about it isn't going to help your matters either. Man up, work with what's been given to you and work on trying to improve yourself in other areas. And stop bad mouthing women - it's not attractive and it gets old.


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02 May 2016, 3:51 pm

Alliekit wrote:
You are incorrect it is the real cause of depression, reduced chemicals in the brain such as dopemine and seratonin. I'm studying human biosciences and have written plenty of papers about it. There is also conclusive evidence in jornal articles


Are you sure of that? because plenty of medical studies (which are also done by people in your field too) point to a variety of reasons including abuse, certain medication and grief; it's not always a imbalance of chemicals out of nowhere (genetic).

Successive failures in dating might feel like being bullied or abused, like imagine you go out with the first date, then he tells you "No thanks, you're overweight" - then the second one also points "No, you're too heavy", then third points to the same ...4th...5th... all pointing to the same thing.

You would be made of iron if that would not depressing you, making you feeling somehow lacking something fundamental. In my own experience, almost every girl (except only two really) out of dating sites had pointed out to my height as unattractive (just ask hurtloam,I showed her a recent real life example), the repetition of that can be depressing to some people - I am not clinically depressed for that, not yet at least, but it got me for the next day and it might have a worse effect for people with weaker spine.



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02 May 2016, 3:58 pm

PS: My post didn't get deleted. It's in this thread. I guess Sly makes so many threads on this topic that I got confused. Oops. :mrgreen:


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02 May 2016, 3:59 pm

Alliekit wrote:
[

The life reasons cause that imbalance



I think you added that, and that makes the whole difference.

If that life reason (Failing in dating) that causing that imbalance which in turns is causing him the depression, then the root reason for his depression is... failure in dating.

So attempting to restore his chemical balance with drugs, can only work temporarily, and he has to rely on them for life as long this life problem persists,- in that case, the real cure is the removal of the root reason, which can be done by either him succeeding in dating, or to mentally not to care anymore about it.



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02 May 2016, 4:01 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
You are incorrect it is the real cause of depression, reduced chemicals in the brain such as dopemine and seratonin. I'm studying human biosciences and have written plenty of papers about it. There is also conclusive evidence in jornal articles


Are you sure of that? because plenty of medical studies (which are also done by people in your field too) point to a variety of reasons including abuse, certain medication and grief; it's not always a imbalance of chemicals out of nowhere (genetic).

Successive failures in dating might feel like being bullied or abused, like imagine you go out with the first date, then he tells you "No thanks, you're overweight" - then the second one also points "No, you're too heavy", then third points to the same ...4th...5th... all pointing to the same thing.

You would be made of iron if that would not depressing you, making you feeling somehow lacking something fundamental. In my own experience, almost every girl (except only two really) out of dating sites had pointed out to my height as unattractive (just ask hurtloam,I showed her a recent real life example), the repetition of that can be depressing to some people - I am not clinically depressed for that, not yet at least, but it got me for the next day and it might have a worse effect for people with weaker spine.


The chemical imbalance is caused by outside influences such as the thing you mentioned.

Example (where '>' means causes)
Abuse > chemical imbalance > depression

My point is the dating may have caused it but it doesn't mean it will fix it due to this imbalance that was caused by the dating

Example:
Dating > chemical imbalance > depression
Chemical imbalance > depression

When you take away the dating you are still left with the chemical imbalance that causes depresion. Although keeping the dating there will only fuel his depression but taking it away won't be an instant fix

The studies you mentioned actually support my point

My depression was caused by bullying and a messed up uncle



Last edited by Alliekit on 02 May 2016, 4:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.