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Still haven't found a girlfriend

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Luhluhluh
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13 Dec 2016, 12:55 pm

I think AngelRho has the best post here yet.

If you want something bad enough you'll work for it. It won't come to you. You can't sit in your house playing video games and expect to meet the girl of your dreams.


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14 Dec 2016, 1:21 am

It sounds like more self-improvement stuff most of us have heard a thousand times disguised as something else.

You're right AngelRho about self-improvement, but prioritizing I disagree with.

Most N.T.s juggle everything in life, approaching things one thing at a time when you know you could do better is just wasting time.

No one should have to improve themselves to 'earn' a relationship.

Women are all different and unique, yes?

They all have different tastes?

So that means NO man ever truly has to improve themselves since there will be women out there who wants him, and vice-versa for women.

"Improve for yourself" they say.

But cricketman, an overweight, acne-faced awkward shy aspie who does not work or study, IS happy with who he is, so why should he have to improve himself?

For himself? He's already happy with himself!

We're not all lazy NEETs because we never tried, plenty of us are because we tried already and failed.

A common problem for many aspies on this site is they already tried college but couldn't handle it so they dropped out.

Personally, I already pursue my hobbies and interests, and at my best time this year, I was eating healthy, lifting weights as exercise, getting good rest, volunteering, creating electronic music, hanging out with my out of town friend once every few months, and otherwise doing my best to enjoy life and succeed.

But I still have no friends here, and no girlfriend, and no way to meet others my age as even when I volunteered there were no young people and young people rarely even shopped there.

I don't want friends or a girlfriend because I'm 'supposed' to have them. I am not entitled to these things.

I simply WANT them really badly because otherwise I feel very lonely and depressed without it.

Social isolation and loneliness are awful.

My loneliness makes me so miserable it drains my motivation, self-esteem, and happiness, and therefore makes improving my life HARDER.

Most people don't get through college, work, life in general, without a wide support network of good family, friends and an S.O.

I don't believe self-esteem truly comes purely from within.

Deep down we all need people who love and care about us and appreciate us for our efforts, we cannot be happy on our own opinion of ourselves alone.

Y'know the saying "How can anyone love you if you don't love yourself?"

Well the opposite is also true, how could you love yourself when not a single person on god's green earth ever has?

This isn't true for me, but there are plenty of lonely orphans in this world who have never even had an acquaintance, let alone a friend or girlfriend.

Why do I lift the weights to get a good looking body if aside from compliments from family, NO girl has ever been attracted to my body?

I've gotten some attention from girls, some catcalls, some have approached, some have crushed on me, I've been on a few dates and had two girlfriends.

But I don't even think either of my girlfriends were truly attracted to me since I didn't last very long with either of them.

Very few people have ever heard my music, barely even any friends.

I've crushed on 40 different girls in high school and pursued them all. I've spoken to at least 20 males and females through online dating. Some I barely spoke to,some didn't reply, others I asked out.

I've had a total of 8 direct rejections including online, real-life rejections and break-ups. 6 of those rejections were last year in my senior year of high school alone.

In the last 3 months of high school, I suffered 3 break-ups, 2 by the same girl, and one rejection by another girl I tried to begin a relationship with. 4 rejections in 3 months.

3 months!! !

Anyway, this year I improved greatly.

I dress better, take care of my health and hygiene better, carry myself better, have improved my social skills, etc. but it's all worthless if you just don't meet girls your own age. Ever.

Luhluhluh wrote:
I think AngelRho has the best post here yet.

If you want something bad enough you'll work for it. It won't come to you. You can't sit in your house playing video games and expect to meet the girl of your dreams.


I have severe Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, Depression and Aspergers.

The problem for those with mental disorders is we have to work 10x harder just to be average and normal.

The aspies here who can actually go to social clubs and groups are the lucky ones.

I can't even leave the house by myself without having panic attacks, let alone go to a meet-up group all by myself without having to have 'mommy' being with me to hold my hand. :roll:

For me, I can't go out and meet women since I can't even f*cking, well, GO OUT, yet.

So if I 'prioritize' I could spend several years just to overcome my Agoraphobia.

Life would be so much better without agoraphobia, but is it worth it if I'm 25 and can finally leave the house to go meet women when an 18 year old NT has been doing it for the last 4 years and already got a girlfriend.

For me, what I'm already doing is a lot of 'hard work' for me.

I DO want a relationship bad enough but I actually CAN'T work hard enough for it, apparently.

I volunteer at quiet, slow-paced relaxed places with mature-aged co-workers because I do not LIKE places that attract young people.

How do you meet girls to get a girlfriend if you hate the vast majority of young people? Male or female?

I am semi-misanthropic towards people my age except a tiny 1%, but it's very rare I ever meet them...

See the problem here?

I don't, nay, can't volunteer at trendy, upbeat young people places with loud music and such and I don't want to.

Just walking a few blocks is hard work for me to do without freaking out so I do it every other day and go a little further here and there.

I am using online dating.

I already lift weights. I already am a musician.

What else can I do? I can't go to university, too much anxiety right now + could be moving before I finish my degree so waiting until my family moves, hell I don't even want a career anyway but might just study to at least pretend I'm doing something with my life. I cannot volunteer more than a few hours a week at small, quiet places, and just walking to downtown right now by myself is too hard because of anxiety.

I hate online dating already.

I could probably go to indoor social groups if I can find any that interest me.

I guess I just have far more issues right now in my life than just being lonely...

But guess which one I'd rather get rid of first?



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14 Dec 2016, 2:41 am

Outrider wrote:
It sounds like more self-improvement stuff most of us have heard a thousand times disguised as something else.

Luhluhluh wrote:
I think AngelRho has the best post here yet.

If you want something bad enough you'll work for it. It won't come to you. You can't sit in your house playing video games and expect to meet the girl of your dreams.


I have severe Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, Depression and Aspergers.

The problem for those with mental disorders is we have to work 10x harder just to be average and normal.

What else can I do?


Self improvement is the BEST thing you can do. Ever. Always.

Still valid. People have to work for e v e r y t h i n g.

I had most of that & more quite badly. There was a time ~4 years ago or so that my depression was the worst imaginable and my anxiety so sky high I could barely breathe. I couldn't work, couldn't function. Now I've got to be among the highest funcioning ASD ppl on the planet. Like in the 0.1% if I had to put a number to it.

Work on yourself. You're welcome to pm me about the work I've done on myself if you're interested.


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supguysfriedchicken
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14 Dec 2016, 5:49 am

AngelRho wrote:
supguysfriedchicken wrote:
Moccu wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
Outrider wrote:
Moccu wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
You have to get to know people first. Not many people are really open to going out on a date with random strangers. Some, yes, but don't count on it.

In my experience, women don't like being chatted up. Either that or I just don't do it right. Instead, meet girls where they are. I play clarinet in a volunteer orchestra. So for me, a "pickup line" might be "that is an interesting-looking ligature. Can you tell me about it?" Or if I hear a good pianist, it's "You are awesome! Do you play at a church/in a band?" Back when I used to do community theater, it was "are you auditioning for anything next spring/fall?" Or singers in the musical "Do you sing anywhere else? What other kinds of music do you perform or listen to? Favorite songwriters? Do you write songs?" Obviously I don't flood girls with questions, I just start with obvious common interests. We're both in community theater, we're both musicians, so start with the obvious. Chase some rabbits to see what else she's into, then become interested in those things.

I can confirm that women don't like being chatted up the majority of the time, especially when they're not in the right frame of mind, and don't want to be put on the spot. I don't like it when someone chats me up in an elevator or when I'm completely alone with no one around, because it makes me feel vulnerable.

A compliment (on appearance) from a guy can rub me the wrong way, and I don't like to feel like I have to thank them for it. I'd prefer to be asked something harmless that I wouldn't lose anything from answering.

Girls are more likely to be approached when they're alone, but often they'll put a guard right up. I can usually handle it and can occasionally be pleasantly surprised when I'm chatted up, but the majority time there's this trapped/prey feeling if it's a guy that's going about it the wrong way, even worse without an escape route. Especially when they come off as strong and persistent with personal questions.

Anyway, sometimes a girl might be more confident if she's with her girlfriends. It's probably better to leave a girl alone if she seems distracted, is with her family, or if she's quickly on her way to somewhere. If she's looking nervous and doesn't want to talk, just leave her alone.

And by god, never catcall.

Quote:
So for me, a "pickup line" might be "that is an interesting-looking ligature. Can you tell me about it?" Or if I hear a good pianist, it's "You are awesome! Do you play at a church/in a band?" Back when I used to do community theater, it was "are you auditioning for anything next spring/fall?" Or singers in the musical "Do you sing anywhere else? What other kinds of music do you perform or listen to? Favorite songwriters? Do you write songs?" Obviously I don't flood girls with questions, I just start with obvious common interests.


^This is good stuff.


The problem is, there's really NO situation where it's considered appropriate by women to be approached.

All women are different and inidivudal, yes?

So this means no matter what situation you approach her, some women will like it,, and some won't.

Some will like being approached while browsing in a bookstore, some won't.

Some will like being approached while she's relaxing at the park, others won't.

So best to just approach women anyway as long as you don't do it creepily and don't approach in obviously bad scenarios like at night or when she's alone in an alley or such, and you should be good to go.

Or are most/all women the same and we should make generalizations about them and claim they don't ever like to be approached when I'm sure there's plenty that would?

Enjoyed reading this post!

As a guy, it's important to distinguish more "human" responses from ultra-feminist propaganda. I'm not interested in seeing girls like that, so if she tells me to fark arf, I consider it doing me a favor. Sure, it's provocative. Sure, it can feel humiliating if you fail to recognize it. This whole "do not approach women..." is nothing more than rhetoric. Sticks and stones.

Don't fall for it. You ARE allowed to talk to girls. Yes, there ARE ways of doing it that are inappropriate and creepy. So don't do that. And you don't have to ask permission first!

Build up your circle of friends, draw your dating pool from that and start expanding. Then when you do go out with a girl, she's like, "well, YEAH, I'm hanging out with him. That's what FRIENDS do." Now, you might be able to move the needle past "friends" and you may not. But the more you "hang out" one-on-one with different girls, the closer you get to a romantic LTR.

Honestly, it's easiest to meet people through your friends, you barely even have to try. That's how I've met every single guy, almost.


Now how do you find someone to meet if you don't really have any friends outside of work, and even then, meet up with someone if your free time is usually between 12AM-6AM?

You prioritize.

I look at it from several different perspectives. Most people can't live up to their full potential in high school and college. People try to have everything, but they usually end up sacrificing, settling, or compromising one thing for another. By trying to balance everything, everything suffers. You have to pick and choose. And that's just not a good time for romantic LTR. The earliest years of your career-building life, same thing.

Once you know what you're doing and you feel comfortable handing the reigns over to others, e.g. you get a promotion or take a better job, you have to work some margin into your life for other things that are important to you.

If playing video games is what you value, you'll do that. If you always dreamed of writing novels, do it. Making friends and dating? Go for it. If you "don't have time," it's time to be honest with yourself. Either you don't have your priorities in order, or you do. If not, you'll trim the fat off your schedule or find work that's not so demanding of your time. If you do, then making friends and dating aren't all that important to begin with. I find myself getting stressed out because I can't complete certain tasks on time. I either find someone else to do it, do it myself if I really care and sacrifice something to make up the time, or I cancel the task altogether if something else is more important.

Social anxieties aside, I suspect more of us enjoy our status quo. If I'm right, most of our complaints have more to do with social pressure to live like NTs without all the responsibility. We don't really have anything to complain about, we just look around and feel we're just supposed to have things like friends and gfs, because everyone else does.

So, yeah, I get that it's depressing, because I've had to take charge of a large group of people this year and had to endure a lack of support that a more naturally charismatic guy could have easily overcome. I'm one week away from being out of a job, and it sucks. But it was understood from the beginning this was only temporary, and in a way I'll be relieved and can breathe a little easier after Sunday.

If getting a gf is not important enough for you to create margin in your life for her, resolve to get out of the game and leave that for more "capable" people. You will feel A LOT BETTER and you will be free to focus on things that actually matter to you. Just like my pending demotion...I might actually get back to writing and producing music again. I might actually take part 2 of this film composing course I took last winter. I might send a C.V. out to see if there's a full time gig open doing what I've been doing this year. Maybe I'll start my own band. Who knows? Sky's the limit.

Giving up something that doesn't work for you means gaining time/energy to focus elsewhere. Just don't forget that works BOTH ways. All you have to do is decide what you really want the most and then go for it.

You can sum up this entire post in one word: Prioritize.


Even if you do prioritize and make it a mission to get a date, you have to find someone who would agree to such an endeavor.


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14 Dec 2016, 6:52 am

goldfish21 wrote:
Outrider wrote:
It sounds like more self-improvement stuff most of us have heard a thousand times disguised as something else.

Luhluhluh wrote:
I think AngelRho has the best post here yet.

If you want something bad enough you'll work for it. It won't come to you. You can't sit in your house playing video games and expect to meet the girl of your dreams.


I have severe Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, Depression and Aspergers.

The problem for those with mental disorders is we have to work 10x harder just to be average and normal.

What else can I do?


Self improvement is the BEST thing you can do. Ever. Always.

Still valid. People have to work for e v e r y t h i n g.

I had most of that & more quite badly. There was a time ~4 years ago or so that my depression was the worst imaginable and my anxiety so sky high I could barely breathe. I couldn't work, couldn't function. Now I've got to be among the highest funcioning ASD ppl on the planet. Like in the 0.1% if I had to put a number to it.

Work on yourself. You're welcome to pm me about the work I've done on myself if you're interested.


N-o t-h-e-y d-o n-o-t always.

Or at least some have to work less harder than others.

The fact 99% of people on Earth do not an agoraphobia already puts me at a disadvantage due to my genetic luck at being disabled.

You know this.

I sure hope so.

The results of my life since I begun self improvement about 2 years ago have been wonderful for me, but have not gotten me any lasting friendships or a girlfriend, or any education/financial/job/level of independance success for that matter so I an still just as lonely.

Very lackluster aside from increased overall happiness.

People need to have some successes to feel encouraged to keep trying at all.

The fact all my hardwork in dating got mW an emotionally abusive mentally messed up unhygienic girlfriend while Norm McNT has his 3rd girlfriend, yet another friendly pretty girl (average pretty, not hot pretty) hes been dating for 3 years now, really reminds me how much of the sh*ttier end of life.

I have and am trying. And always will. You are.partly an inspiration. Alex is leas so. He is succesful but clearly aspie and embraces awkwardness rather than.fights it.

Besides, i hate how people say "progress is progress, no matter how small".

No, there comes a point in life where small progress doesn't cut it and you need to be more aggressive in your pursuits.

I am this point.



cricketman123
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14 Dec 2016, 11:35 am

Outrider why are you calling me Overweight. I don't think thats very nice. Also i do study, i do travel & tourism at college, im 24 and just older then most girls at the college as they are between 16-20



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14 Dec 2016, 5:02 pm

supguysfriedchicken wrote:
Even if you do prioritize and make it a mission to get a date, you have to find someone who would agree to such an endeavor.

Time to exit the Chrysler Building quote tree. :p

You can't find someone to agree to it unless you make a point of creating margin in your life enough for it. You have to be honest with yourself about how important having a love life is relative to everything else.

My music career, such as it is, takes precedence over all else. Without it, I can't support myself of have any kind of independence to do anything with anyone. So, basically, no music means no relationship. So, in other words, my music really isn't about me.

Now, sure, if it were a non-stop 18-hour a day thing, I might be pulling in some serious cash flow. But then I wouldn't have any margin for actually spending time with someone. Remember, my music isn't about ME. At some point I have to balance my career values and my relational values--because one without the other is meaningless. So at some point in the day the laptop is powered down and the headphones come off. That's when you have to shift gears and put some energy into making relationships happen.



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14 Dec 2016, 7:53 pm

cricketman123 wrote:
Outrider why are you calling me Overweight. I don't think thats very nice. Also i do study, i do travel & tourism at college, im 24 and just older then most girls at the college as they are between 16-20


I'm sorry, you're right that was very rude what I was saying.

I was just trying to point out that people always try to give the advice of improving yourself when:

1. There might be things you don't want to change about yourself because you are fine the way it is.

and

2. You might already be trying very hard in other ways.

What I meant was you are happy with who you are, and you have every right to be.

There are plenty of people, like me, who are always trying to look better, lose weight, gain muscle, have the best car, dress different, try all these different hairstyles, etc. but it is not healthy.

It is out of unhealthy obsession and low self-esteem to keep trying to be the best at everything and it means never being happy with yourself.

I respect and admire the fact you are happy with who you are. I envy it.

Also, yes you are definitely making an effort then, just like me.

But it seems whenever we ask for this kind of advice people make us feel like we're never trying hard enough. We're never doing enough.

You are studying, you go out with the disability group, and I'm sure there's other ways you get out of the house.

But if you look at these type of threads it's always "You need to improve your appearance, you need to dress better, you need to lose weight, you need to work for it, you won't just find love by doing nothing", etc.

when it's all just not true.

There are high school dropouts with no job with girlfriends.

There are criminals and sociopaths with girlfriends.

There are people much 'more successful' and probably more 'unsuccessful' people in the world who are in relationships.

Relationships are very random and uncontrollable. You can slightly increase your chances but it means nothing if you just aren't meeting women, especially compatible women.

Relationships come in all kinds, and all kinds of people have them. Skinny, short, tall, black skinned, white skinned, American, Chinese, Arabian, blonde-haired, black-haired, CEO, no job, owns their own house, homeless, depressed, disabled, etc.

Just as when it comes to being single, not all single men are lazy guys who sit at home playing video games all day like the stereotype says.

We get all kinds. There are tall single people, short, skinny, fit, disabled, non-disabled, drive a ferrari, don't own a car, etc.



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15 Dec 2016, 1:05 pm

Outrider makes some excellent points.

My take on it is that it depends on what you're going for and how much you value that. It's a given that you will be limited somewhat by abilies. Do you have the ability to achieve, and if not, do you value the RIGHT THINGS, or is there some other way of making that attainable? I have found things more attainable the less I try to get those things, not because avoiding it magically makes it happen, but because most often the timing was wrong. I've been running our church choir most of this year. I've always wanted to do that, just never had the opportunity. There's a certain rock band I've wanted to join since my college days, and this year I got "that" phone call. Didn't even ask for it, they just handed it to me. All I did was be available and open for the possibility. I worked hard and paid dues along the way, sure. Maybe all those years were to prepare me for awesome stuff. When the phone rings, you answer. When they ask, you say YES. I didn't ask to be a teacher. Didn't fill out an application, didn't cold-call, didn't name-drop, didn't sweet-talk the receptionist into slipping a resume on the top of an administrator's desk. I just asked how the music program was going, and the next thing I know they ask ME for an interview. I didn't even try, they just handed it to me.

All of those are examples of relationships. Sure, some seem to drop out of the sky like a blessing from the Almighty (yes, I really do believe that). Some people appear to just get lucky. Well, if that is true, just remember that luck favors the prepared. I gigged every chance I got. Wrote music every chance. Went to conferences (that other people paid for). Got exercise/spent time outdoors. Quit bad habits. Took
classes. Made friends with "random people on the street" (yes, you CAN).

People who succeed are in the habit of doing certain things. There's never a guarantee that anything will happen exactly the way we want, when we want. But those who stop trying will guarantee failure every single time. Jesus said "Keep knocking, and the door will open. Keep asking and you will receive."

Be prepared, and never, EVER stop!

Start by relentlessly making friends. Honestly, I think I get more compliance from people because they feel sorry for me. It used to bother me, but then awesome stuff happened and I quit questioning it. Don't ask why...you probably don't want to know. Just accept whoever comes your way as they are and don't be picky. Let them talk, let them open up to you, and just lean back and listen to what they have to say. At all times keep them talking about themselves. It will make them feel important. When they feel important, they will want to keep hanging out with you.

Some of these friends will be girls. Same principle. Keep them talking, keep making them feel important. Every regular guy, nice guy, and bad boy that has follower this rule has been successful every single time. I don't care how ugly you are or how bad you smell--if you do this and never, ever stop, you WILL find yourself in a LTR. The caveat is that lack of ability along with personal hygeine might get in the way and make things difficult. But, hey, even Stephen Hawking is INTERESTING despite disability.

Difficult is not impossible. It may take more time to win. It may require 100 times more effort. But it WILL happen.

Just be prepared for it. Getting married to my ex's bridesmaid wasn't exactly in my top 100 things to do in life. Not even my first choice after the breakup. I was trying to make things happen with a cute girl I had some history with back in my high school days. She ended up cheating on me and dumping me for some other guy not once but TWICE. I thought she was everything I wanted in a relationship. Turns out everything I wanted SUCKED. Settling for leftovers ended up being awesome beyond my wildest dreams--and better-looking, too, than my wildest dreams.

So, yeah, I will say you have to work for it. If you feel changing something about yourself is what it's going to take, then go for it! Be bold. Be patient. Be prepared. If it's not important enough to change yourself for it, that's ok, too. You can probably find someone just right for you that way, too. It's merely a question of what you want and how much it's worth.



schopenhauer with a keyboard
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18 Dec 2016, 7:48 am

all this endless mental masturbation and struggling and attempted self-improvement and then NTs just go out and have hot girls flocking to them and they don't even have to try.
it just feel completely futile.. i've never approached a girl and i already feel like giving up, we're just too handicapped.
everything about us is off-putting to women and it only gets worse as we age.



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18 Dec 2016, 4:41 pm

schopenhauer with a keyboard wrote:
all this endless mental masturbation and struggling and attempted self-improvement and then NTs just go out and have hot girls flocking to them and they don't even have to try.
it just feel completely futile.. i've never approached a girl and i already feel like giving up, we're just too handicapped.
everything about us is off-putting to women and it only gets worse as we age.


False. I'm not NT and hot girls hit on me at the beach all Summer. I'm gay, though, and they have no chance. I joke with some of my straight friends and coworkers that they should come to the beach with me & they can get dates with all the girls I don't want - which is all of them.


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18 Dec 2016, 4:56 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
schopenhauer with a keyboard wrote:
all this endless mental masturbation and struggling and attempted self-improvement and then NTs just go out and have hot girls flocking to them and they don't even have to try.
it just feel completely futile.. i've never approached a girl and i already feel like giving up, we're just too handicapped.
everything about us is off-putting to women and it only gets worse as we age.


False. I'm not NT and hot girls hit on me at the beach all Summer. I'm gay, though, and they have no chance. I joke with some of my straight friends and coworkers that they should come to the beach with me & they can get dates with all the girls I don't want - which is all of them.

It is not about being Nt or ND, it's about having some traits that MAYBE are more common among NDs. I said maybe because there are NTs too out there who struggle.



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18 Dec 2016, 5:22 pm

Peacesells wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
schopenhauer with a keyboard wrote:
all this endless mental masturbation and struggling and attempted self-improvement and then NTs just go out and have hot girls flocking to them and they don't even have to try.
it just feel completely futile.. i've never approached a girl and i already feel like giving up, we're just too handicapped.
everything about us is off-putting to women and it only gets worse as we age.


False. I'm not NT and hot girls hit on me at the beach all Summer. I'm gay, though, and they have no chance. I joke with some of my straight friends and coworkers that they should come to the beach with me & they can get dates with all the girls I don't want - which is all of them.

It is not about being Nt or ND, it's about having some traits that MAYBE are more common among NDs. I said maybe because there are NTs too out there who struggle.



Goldfish: I find it quite interesting where women attracts to gay male. I believe this is a femine sexual appeal. Unfortunately they seek you sexually rather than serious. I know one girl who is a lesbian who is sexually attracted to women but she has done it in other way. She had sex with straight males whilst being a lesbian because the males were sexually attractive.

I am getting quite furious towards the LGIT communities where they try to voice their equality concerns whilst hearing some of their community members having sex with opposite gender. Its confusing me, and it making me uncomfortable because "I thought they prefer their own gender". This freedom of personal choice is quite radicalised and selfish. It sounds like they are trying to gain public attention rather than majority of support.

In your advice Goldfish, be careful of what you doing.



goldfish21
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18 Dec 2016, 6:08 pm

Ecomatt91 wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
schopenhauer with a keyboard wrote:
all this endless mental masturbation and struggling and attempted self-improvement and then NTs just go out and have hot girls flocking to them and they don't even have to try.
it just feel completely futile.. i've never approached a girl and i already feel like giving up, we're just too handicapped.
everything about us is off-putting to women and it only gets worse as we age.


False. I'm not NT and hot girls hit on me at the beach all Summer. I'm gay, though, and they have no chance. I joke with some of my straight friends and coworkers that they should come to the beach with me & they can get dates with all the girls I don't want - which is all of them.

It is not about being Nt or ND, it's about having some traits that MAYBE are more common among NDs. I said maybe because there are NTs too out there who struggle.



Goldfish: I find it quite interesting where women attracts to gay male. I believe this is a femine sexual appeal. Unfortunately they seek you sexually rather than serious. I know one girl who is a lesbian who is sexually attracted to women but she has done it in other way. She had sex with straight males whilst being a lesbian because the males were sexually attractive.

I am getting quite furious towards the LGIT communities where they try to voice their equality concerns whilst hearing some of their community members having sex with opposite gender. Its confusing me, and it making me uncomfortable because "I thought they prefer their own gender". This freedom of personal choice is quite radicalised and selfish. It sounds like they are trying to gain public attention rather than majority of support.

In your advice Goldfish, be careful of what you doing.


I think most girls who are attracted to gay guys are attracted to them as friends, since they are not a threat to them as we're not trying to get in their pants. As for sexual attraction to gay guys, I think it's more that so many gay guys tend to be in physically fit condition vs. straight guys who don't tend to care nearly as much about their appearance. As for being attracted to "feminine appeal" - I am not a feminine guy. At all. I can count on the fingers of one hand how many times in my life people assumed I was gay vs. straight. Almost everyone assumes I am straight, and likely the same for these girls at the beach.

I have no idea what you're talking about re: "LGIT" (LGBT?) people hating on people who have sex with the opposite gender nor your furiousness with it. It's not something I've ever been around. Some people are bisexual. (Hence the B in LGBT) I couldn't care less who other people sleep with or don't. Equality concerns are an entirely legitimate thing, though, and there's a LONG way to go around the world. I applaud the efforts, small and large, of people continuing to advance LGBT rights.

What advice am I supposed to be careful of? :? I said I'm not NT and girls hit on me all the time, pointing out that just because you're not NT doesn't mean that attractive girls aren't going to pay any attention to you. Regardless of my neurotype, I'm 6'2" tall, 200lbs of muscle, am told I have nice eyes/smile/beard, and look pretty good naked - so, I get hit on by attractive girls at the nude beach I hang out at all Summer. Not being NT does not automatically = unattractive to NT girls.

I have no idea what you're trying to tell me to be careful of.


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cricketman123
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22 Dec 2016, 4:09 pm

Just thought i'd give an update. On Tuesday i went to the cinema with my mate to see Star Wars Rouge One and then i went to the neighbours house to have a drink/Christmas party. I was in the room with 3 guys older then me but it felt great and i felt that i belonged their. I wasn't nervous at all.

I still haven't found a girlfriend or a girl that is a friend and that i am struggling at. I don't know how and where to start. I love traveling but i don't think any single girls do travel because most are with lads or with a group of girls. So yeah i am putting myself in social situations, my face is getting clearer and my stepdad even noted that my nails were clean.

I just need to put myself in stage 1.5/2 finding a girl and being her friend and then the dating stage



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23 Dec 2016, 1:09 am

I got some bad news for ya.

It's not a good idea to be 'friend's first' with a woman because then she might lose whatever physical attraction and chance for a romantic relationship she wanted with you.

It's so confusing.

There are males and females who fall in love after a long time of being friends but this is inefficient, unreliable and not guaranteed, and if one person develops feelings for the other (usually it's the guy) and the girl doesn't feel the same way, one person will end up heartbroken and rejected and the friendship may be ruined.

There are men and women, usually women as most men are secretly attracted to their female friends, who become friends without being attracted to each other at all.

There are men and women who might be attracted to you at first, but once you become friends they lose their interest and aren't interested in trying for a romantic relationship anymore.

The best method is to get to know a woman a little bit without becoming a good friend, and then making your feelings clear early on by asking her out on a date a few times after you see and talk to her.

Become her acquaintance, not friend, that tiny, tiny sweet spot between "complete stranger/some guy" and "my friend who I'm not really interested in going out with because he doesn't appear to want to go out with me."

Confusing?

We're only just getting started.

This is the most non-confusing, straightforward part of the confusing sh*tfest that is dating.