Not feeling (romantically) - is that an AS thing?

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I'm sorry, but I just never understand anything you say. I'm not saying that to be rude. It is like you are on a differently level of communication. I didn't get anything you just said.

I actually think it could have been some PTSD and not feeling anything was a way he coped by shutting down - a defense mechanism. He had been molested when he was 7 and ended up with MPD.

@nurseangela,

Casandra effect is one of the primary reasons that I am bringing my relationship with my female more towards friendship, in a respectful way with lots of conversations so that we both better understand and so she can work through her hurt and feelings - I think you get that as you posted through the thread.

This is a really good conversation.

So now that you know this about yourself, what are your plans in the Hunny department if you are unable to find another Hunny who has this alexithymia? (if I may ask)

No plans at the moment.

What CBerg is saying:

Alexithymia does not necessarily indicate total absence of feeling.

People with alexithymia are not sociopaths.

The person with the "positive background" seems to be a sociopath, is not a person with Aspergers, is "normal" in fact.

I would say there is a very fine line (or spectrum) between the three - alexithymia, psychopaths and sociopaths. The one I spoke about was diagnosed with Aspergers and MPD. Is CBerg a psychologist now and able to diagnose?

Exactly. That's why the alexithymia definition is a load of crap because people don't understand that difference.

Nurse, that's exactly why alexithymia is pure BS. The above is a neurotypical interpretation of neurodiverse people with zero understanding of how they function.

As cberg already noted, neurodiverse people have problems identifying and talking about feelings. They don't lack them or have weaker feelings. The reference to "psychic life" is especially problematic because neurodiverse people actually have superior psychic abilities compared to NTs.

At least for me, infatuations don't happen very often (maybe once a decade or so), but when they do, they often are mutual. Also, an infatuation doesn't mean I connect with somebody. It only means I think obsessively about somebody. In this stage, I don't consider interest or intellectual compatibility. The emotional connection then develops over time.



A linkage between neurodiverse traits is dubious information at best, and completely misleading at worse. In fact, all neurodiverse traits are linked, so these links only show that both traits are neurodiverse. It might not, and probably doesn't, say anything about something being related or causative to the other.

Sex is emotional to NTs because they bond with sex. Many neurodiverse people will not bond with sex, so regular sex will only be physical pleasure at best. Instead, these people need to bond strongly with obsessive thoughts. In the absence of that, they will get weak bonds that easily breaks. The latter is probably why many NDs think they cannot feel love. They simply try to bond in the wrong ways.

I'm sorry but you are being completely ridiculous with equating these conditions, are you a psychologist now? And you are rude with how you did not apologize to CBerg when he said it hurt what you said about equating these conditions.

Whatever problem you had with that alexithymic/AS person, it was not necessarily simply due to their condition. Don't let that affect your judgment and don't generalize in such an unfair way just because you have been frustrated with some friends.

Last edited by itsme82 on 07 Apr 2017, 2:07 am, edited 1 time in total.

Only if you have no understanding of how emotions work in NDs.

And what is the rolling of the eyes about?

I see, I wasn't trying to equate infatuation with connecting with someone. But I did not fully experience either yet... My consideration of compatibility (intellectual and recently I added emotional compatibility too to the list) probably gets in the way yeah.




What you say about the linking of two things not meaning causation is of course true. I just wondered what kind of sexual difficulties are meant by that when the alexithymic person does have such difficulties.

Interesting what you say about the ways of bonding. Yeah, I would need obsessive thoughts too, but not just that - have had such before, but on the intellectual side, not emotionally and that's not enough for an emotional bond, noo, as soon as the emotional compatibility didn't check out, I was easily past the whole thing, so that intellectual obsessiveness is not a replacement for a true bond.

I have not given up with this though...

See I don't understand or pretend to have knowledge regarding the alexithymia thing. I find it easier to work and understand my friend as an individual. I understand that he has difficulty recognising emotions beyond happiness and irritation. I do also know though that he does experience empathy . . I have seen his reaction when I am upset or physically hurt. I'm not sure that lots of labels are necessarily helpful although researching and understanding these things probably help to a greater self understanding. I suppose I may be considered emotional hyper reactive . . .. but that's not something I relate to. Surely we are all differing degrees of many different diagnosis but it runs the risk of making us very compartmentalised and forgetting that we are all unique human beings.

Your approach of acceptance and understanding is exceptional and extremely rare, good for you for going the distance!

Thank you . . .. I feel he shows me the same level of acceptance and understanding. It works both ways for it to work