My Partner has aspergers- the toll on my emotional health

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ImHere is right . . .we are the ones trying to understand otherwise we would be on the sites for partners of people with aspergers where everyone would agree with any grievance or concern and probably tell us to walk away.

We are here because we care. If you read my posts even times when I was sad and upset I ALWAYs pointed out my appreciation of my friend and his many wonderful attributes, but if I try to discuss something I find difficult it is often interpreted as a criticism . . .. this is a problem, and one that I noticed in trying to communicate with my friend via text. Face to face he can see my smile and I can see his anxiety and we find understanding before he goes down that road of feeling criticised. Via text it was often problematic.

Yes I completely understand the reasons for this but please don't disparage us for being here trying to understand.

We know we are different - you are as confusing to us as we are to you - . . .

Just tell them they're right and hug them.

They may make a pizza for you.

Boo you are right of course .. I made chocolate brownies and carrot cake this week . .. . ..

Aww....let's hug.

I also ran errands . . . .

And the occasional text message asking if I'm ok . . .dont forget that part of the deal

You guys need to ask us questions.

Don't try to impress us with what you already know. Don't tell us how you interoperate your aspie friends.

Don't expect us to respond with what you need to hear by telling us a story of what's been happening. We can't know what you want that way.

Ask some specific questions and we'll try to help.

See that's just more story telling and complaining and telling us how you see things.

You're not asking questions or trying to learn. You just want a soundboard It seems.

Do you have the same deal with your other friends?

Wow, so basically I nailed it. I literally nailed it. Can you read your own post? So you have this person who's an Aspie who you are upset with. Sorry to hear that, even though I'm not personally responsible for it.

You don't even know me. We've never met. Do you understand that? So when you ask me how many people I may have hurt, it's based on an assumption related to me being an Aspie. You are defining me by my disability by using your Aspie friend as a template. Can you please stop doing that?

You don't know if I have anybody in my life who loves me. You don't know me, and we've likely never met. You don't really know me. I'm a person, I'm an individual, I have a personality that is unique. I can't make assumptions about you because you are NT, and you can't make assumptions about me because I'm Aspie. Do you understand this? Can you separate your experience with your friend from other people with autism and become objective? Can you stop using emotion as a basis for projecting your friend's flaws unto others?

All my other friends text me more often probably . .. . . Certainly I know better how they feel about me . .. . This works for us.

I do not see an effort on the part of ImHere to learn about people with Asperger's. I see a person teaching us about Asperger's; explaining to use that those with Asperger's have issues with social situations and conflict. I don't see any demonstrations of the same in your posts so far, in all fairness. But please understand, ImHere has a friend who apparently hurt her in some way and now she's projecting that person's faults onto the people in this forum who have Asperger's. If I had a friend who failed to save my son from getting hit by a car because my friend is paraplegic and than I go to a forum of paraplegics and blame them, am I right and trying to understand them? Also, how do I know that some of the folks in that forum wouldn't be able to overcome their inability to walk and save my son if they were there because, perhaps, they have stronger upper body strength.

ImHere cannot assume that people with Asperger's go around hurting people's feelings without knowing it. She can't go around assuming we are all the same. That isn't fair. I don't think we should put up with that, because it takes away our individuality. It makes us into labels instead of people. It wouldn't be fair to label gay people or black people with stereotypes, and it isn't fair to do that to us either.

Please don't defend this, you don't seem like you have such an axe to grind with the Aspie/autistic community.

I am personally sorry for anybody who has suffered because of a relationship with somebody who has Asperger's. I'm sorry for anybody who's suffered from a relationship with somebody who is Neurotypical. However, I don't think having a poor relationship with somebody is a reason to project that experience onto others.

You make some good points and I accept them. The point I was trying to make is that I often feel that I am also stereo typed into being an uncaring neurotypical when I try and explain the problems I am having in my friendship . . . . .we know on both sides we are all multi faceted people with strengths and weaknesses.

And there are currently no problems . . . .we have managed to negotiate and navigate into a point of mutual understanding . .. . . It is a good strong friendship and we obviously both think it is worth the work.

Well thank you. Sorry if you are being stereotyped as well. To be honest, I wouldn't really begin to stereotype an NT, you have a grasp to understand certain situations and see nuances that I'm unable to even fathom, even if you explained them to me like I was a 2 year old. That's kind of humbling.

So hopefully us Aspies and you NTs can learn from each other (at least to the extent our mutual limitations will allow us to).

I text romantic interests daily bunch daily at first. They call it clingy yet you say you want that 0.o women are confusing do you want independence and distance or do you want closeness

My nt friends don't text me I always have to initiate or they go months or years without taking to me. I'm clingy for wanting regular human contact