Guys Paying on a Date

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I think that’s really it, an NT thing. I think NT’s are more instinctive with it. I’m nearing 40 years and I’m just now arriving to the game. I started paying more attention to the patterns and began making assumptions when I heard certain phrases.

The trouble with idioms is that they’re never consistent. In the South, when we say “Bless your heart,” it means “you poor idiot.” Except SOMETIMES it really is about pity. In both situations, because I usually can’t really tell the difference, I just take that as a cue to change the subject or politely excuse myself. Smile, nod, g’bye. I have learned to break my habit of gossip and complaining, and I even try to actively discourage other people from doing the same. People tend to dislike people who engage in that, and that’s another one of those subtle social things I never picked up on until now. I also keep away from people I do business with on regular, special occasions. The local Junior Auxiliary calls me up every single year to book me for their big fundraising ball. It’s a good moneymaker for me and gives me excellent exposure within the community. I really think part of that is from not involving myself too much with my JA contacts. They don’t get enough time with me to be annoyed by me. I just make sure I show up with tux and gear and my A-game.

Before I started to get a clue about other people, I leaned more on my wife to survive socializing. I’d be lost without her...

...bless my heart.

^ And if you can't read the code, NTs will assume that you can read the code and that you're intentionally ignoring their messages.

Had a good laugh on FB messenger today with one of my (male) cousins about how it's his heterosexual problem to have to shell out $100 for a date & meanwhile us gays get to bank all that money. Suckers!

A hundred dollars? I've never spent anywhere near that much on a date.

It's REALLY easy to spend that much money out, especially if you want to impress someone by going to a restaurant that's slightly more impressive than your typical fast food or w/e. Even with a very modest budget for dinner and a movie.

2 reasonably priced meals $20 each = $40.
2 drinks, just one each, round up $10 each = $20.
That's $60 + tax & tip, so $75-80 already.
Movie tickets are around $18 a piece now, more for the super fancy seats, so another $40.

Dinner and a movie is EASILY over $100 for two.

Sure, you could go for $11 pho x2 + tax and tip $35 & $40ish for a movie, still $75.

It's not difficult to spend $100 on a date, ESPECIALLY if you're trying to make a good impression by going somewhere "nice," and all too easy to spend $150 or more, really.

Why has society decided to be extremely calculated on who pay's first? Worrying who pay's first sounds awful if that's the most important thing on a date. Why should sex be another important factor. If anything, I want dates to feel like a fun romantic bonding more so than any of that, but that's going to only be my opinion.

Social norms & gender roles over eons of evolution.. traditionally, the guy pays.

In my gay case, I pay because: I'm older, I almost always have more money, I don't mind/want to etc. Besides, us gays rarely go on dates anyways.. so the expense is minimal. We're too busy hooking up or partying with our friends to be bothered with the heteronormative expectation of buying each other a few meals before we get naked.

Hey,

Breedin’ ain’t easy! lol

Or, perhaps more accurately, they assume you’re an @$$hole.

Why would that be a more accurate assumption about me?

Because those NTs assume that you understand the message yet just don't bother to answer them? That does sound kind of mean behaviour after all... just like if someone you know greets you on the street, but you're so stuck in your own little world that you don't notice them and they'll think you're an arrogant jerk for not greeting back while in reality you just didn't notice (happens to me all the time.)

It would be more accurate to SAY they would assume one of us is being an @$$hole. lol. I wasn’t calling out any one specific person.

Yep. No wonder people hate us. We're doomed!

This could seriously explain why my previous gf called me selfish before the dumped me. I probably missed the signals she was sending me and she surely thought I was intentionally ignoring them. The same principle could also explain some of the arguments I've had with my current gf but she seems to be more forgiving. I think she's getting used to me.

That’s because everyone is selfish. It can’t be helped. It’s just part of human nature. I believe NT’s are more naturally inclined to instinctively follow a rational self-interest that links the interests of others to their own. Aspies have difficulty making the connection—why should I voluntarily invest so much and become so involved with others, put my special interests on the backburner, make myself so uncomfortable when it has absolutely nothing to do with me?

Why should I make friends with so many girls, take so many girls to lunch, buy small gifts, or do other gestures if it won’t lead to something meaningful? I want a GIRLFRIEND. Hey, SHE looks good. I’m a nice guy. She’s practically contractually obligated to go out with me.

No, I want a GIRLFRIEND. Someone who will hang out at my place, watch movies, play games, and have sex. Children? Ew...

No, I want a GIRLFRIEND. Someone who loves me for me. Not someone I have to buy gifts for all the time or take out, because I can’t handle socializing. I need my money for food and for my hobby or special interest.

I’m not trying to play up stereotypes, but I’ve seen very similar narratives right here on WP. We really can’t help behaviors we’re unaware of. But I think if we are aware that some ways we behave inadvertently cast us in the a-hole zone, we might have a basis for changing that image.