What is the hardest thing for you when it comes to dating?

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But I didn't agree with her, so that's your non-existent male logic out the window.boards? I've never been on a board, if were meaning the same thing No I did not know, thank you for telling me.
But can you name me one I can use as an example to copy, that's what I meant. How is the process of asking a man out supposed to go? there are so few examples and it's not like I can predict how a man (or anyone else) is going to react.

Oh, wow.. now you understand exactly what it’s loke for a nervous/anxious boy asking a girl out.

It’s exactly the same thing. The only difference is the bits between your legs and your gender identity. That’s it that’s all. Feel free to emulate any example you’ve ever seen of a boy asking a girl out and you’ll do just fine - or just as well as any boy would be expected to do. Heck, maybe even better since it’s not exactly commonplace yet. Guys might respond more favourably to your asking for a date than the other way around because you’re female and they instinctively may not want to hurt your “delicate female feelings,” with rejection. This could play to your advantage.

If she is actively looking for or desires a mate and she lives in a society where there is an expectation of this non verbal communication on her part, and she is intentionally refraining from doing so to this man then yes.



This is a topic for a different thread but if you cannot discern what types of approaches may reasonably be considered sexual harassment from ones that are socially appropriate, that hints at a deeper lack of understanding of social rules and etiquette in society and is concerning.



You are free to decide who you do and do not approach for whatever reason but my point is there is a selection/rejection process going on in your head.

I think my claim that not asking can be a form of rejection has solicited such a negative response from some members such that they have felt the need to wage personal attacks against me is that many people on this forum have difficulty putting themselves in the shoes of others, so to speak, and because they can only see their own hardships and struggles, they like to think they have the market cornered on things like rejection.

They have never been a girl out with other girls who gets ignored while her friends get all the attention from the men or the girl who doesn't have hoards of men approaching her or the girl who never gets asked to the school dance despite her best attemps to be attractive. If you are that girl it doesn't matter if there was a guy out there who fancied you because the fact of the matter is he never made it known and life proceeded the same way it would if he didn't or didn't exist.

If you are going to form and have a succesful relationship you need to stop thinking that you are the one with all of the hardships, or the one doing all of the work, or the one taking all of the risk. You need to stop accusing the other side of being too picky or irrational or illogical when you can't or don't meet their standards because those standards are a reflection of the needs that person requires to be happy in a relationship and if they never find anyone and are alone forever as a result, that's their business, not yours. You need to stop demanding others transgress social norms because they do not meet your ideals of romance or equality, because you yourself cannot abide by those norms,...the NT dating world is not going to change the rules of their game for you. You will just have to find someone else who also does not abide by them if you yourself cannot find a way to do so.

How do I know if I am taking smart risks or just senseless risks? Without any rhyme or reason involved it is likely going to be hundreds of no's before any chance of a yes(if I conclude there are zero ways to know except ask out everyone). Or is that it, do they want me to have to try hundreds of times? If this is the true model it may take thousands of times over my life to get several dates and by that time I might already be too old. I feel I need to learn things if there's anything to learn at all since my lifespan is finite.

Are you asking me?

Yes. You seem to know and have confident position.

Are guys who want to have relationship someday supposed to essentially be like cold caller salesmen(Who btw irritate me very much, calling me to sell BS and lies)? Starting to wonder sometimes if looks and status might mean nothing, only random chance involved? If women intentionally refrain from giving any signs then I won't notice anything different even if I someday earn well over six figures(Am looking into computer science & have seen job listing saying 140k-170k per year), improve my looks by working out, successful and exciting life, etc.


Why is intentionally refraining from doing so the best course of action? Does engaging in giving these signals devalue women?

My point is that I feel I have to violate my own definition of sexual harassment (both moral definition and my understanding of the laws) and make an approach when it definitely feels inappropriate(no signs or signals=almost definitely unwelcome). Like I have to engage in behaviour that if I were female would 100% make me very uncomfortable.


I am trying to looking for signs of interest when in conversations(when talking to women that I feel attraction towards.). Does this alone constitute reason enough to reject me?

How can I possibly comment on an undefined hypothetical multidimentional social object I have not observed and have no information on, much less on a one dimensional forum?

Even if I were to observe it, what I observe may differ from what you observe. We all take risks in social situations and some are better at assessing those risks than others and for some no risk is acceptable and some don't care about risk at all.

I get the impression, however, that you feel I may be condemning you for not taking certain risks. I am not. I am of the opinion that people should not take risks they don't feel comfortable taking. Rejecting people in itself is not inherently bad.



Some do, though personally I don't think this is a very good method.



I didn't say it was the best course of action. Where do you get the idea that I did? I don't understand the motivation for your questions.



It depends on the context and the way and place you ask.

Asking at work or when you are in a position of authority over her has a high potential to be considered sexual harassment no matter how you ask but approaching someone you don't know who is sitting on the bench looking at their phone and striking up a conversation with them, introducing yourself and asking them if they would like to get coffee sometime probably wouldn't be by most reasonable standards, at least in the west.



I understand your point. I wouldn't approach if I had misgivings about doing so either. We are not in disagreement here. But my point is, I would be rejecting the person/situation because I don't think they are a safe person or that it is a safe situation to approach. Again there is nothing inherently bad about this. NTs do it all the time. It's a healthy part of socialization.

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A person may reject another person for any reason they please. They may reject a situation for whatever reason they please.

If a man declines to ask me out because he is not attracted to me, or his judgement tells him not to, or he thinks I am so beautiful that he would rather never know whether I would say yes or no than take the risk that I would say no, that is his choice. In addition to being seldom approached for reasons I will never know, I've been rejected for being too old, not in his league, creepy, too masculine, I wasn't interested in sports cars, I was the wrong religion by a guy who didn't follow his religion anyway, I wouldn't have sex with someone I barely knew, and these are the reasons I know. Men have their preferences. Men decline to ask women out for a variety of reasons and sometimes it's because he isn't attracted to her.

Yep. I keep trying to tell the guys and girls here that we are not si different. No gender has it easy.

How can I disconnect my NT girlfriend from the borg collective?

The hardest thing?
Being closer to asexual than sexual and even if at the very beginning it seems like not a massive problem, soon I'm in a position of them wanting to f*** my brains out daily/twice daily and I seriously can't stand it. Discussing things and talking does not help. I'm not into poly- or open relationship stuff either so I'd need to find someone with same attitude towards sex (take it or leave it, meh), which is really hard.

Second hardest thing - my need for space. Not too much, but I need my alone time, when I simply leave the world behind closed doors and do my own thing.
I'm dreaming of a guy or gal who would message me "hey, I'm going to be like, locked in my shed for 2 days, working on (something), hope you don't mind if I don't talk to you often". And they'd actually be in the shed, not shagging everything around instead

You can't. Sorry.

Well I never thought it was a nice thing to have to do and I've always been impressed that guys manage it at all yet alone again after a couple of knock backs.I will do some research so that I have an example that I can follow if I am in a suitable situation. It's not the same thing as for males though, as the hardest part will be shutting up the little voice in my head telling me that I am the only female in the world so pathetic that they have to resort to it, and I will most definitely NEVER MENTION IT TO OTHER WOMEN (NTs), if I actually do it. I agree my chances of a positive (or at least non-offensive) reply probably are higher.

An available guy not asking a girl out can be rejection, but it depends on why he's not asking her out and whether she signified any interest or not. If a woman is dropping hints that the guy is picking up on but not doing anything with, that's rejection. If the woman does nothing to indicate she might be interested in the man though, and they don't have much of a rapport, he may not think he has a reasonable chance of his advances being accepted by her and thus would rather avoid the possibility of rejection and the potential of an awkward situation arising. That is not rejection, even though you might say the end result is the same in that no relationship is formed.

Most guys aren't particularly keen on rejection, and as such will take into account the factors of the situation to determine whether or not they believe they have a reasonable chance of success. If they believe they don't, they won't ask, which, like I said before, is not rejection.

This bit seems to have confused things

I've done a bit of research on this (I'd never heard of it) and it's basically the female version of the play hard to get advice. It also advises to be thin, have straight blond hair, wear big hooped earrings, and NEVER pay for anything.

I am fairly sure most women don't follow this and so I think advice on those pre-contact or early contact signals would be very helpful for both sexes.

Uhhh, dating
That is all.