When do you deserve to be single?

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Why wouldn't I be optimistic? Imagine if you didn't have that obstacle how much easier it would be.

Good for you.

Some people aren't cut out for friends or significant others. I learned that early in my life :p

When you feel like the effort isn't worth the stress. Loneliness sucks, but it's better than being overwhelmed and stressed out trying to figure out whether or not someone is interested or if there's even a shot to begin with. If I have to be anxious and on edge the entire time I'm interested in someone with 0 guarantee that my feelings will be reciprocated, it's better to just be single; no human being is worth that much inner turmoil.

Yup. I find it very stressful.

Even when it seems to go well there's still this voice inside me that says "He doesn't really like you." And then lo and behold I get dropped like a hot potato. Every time I meet someone and things seem to go well it never turns into anything and I don't know why.

It tears another layer of confidence off me each time.

Do you have any NT friends or family that could give you some insight into why things have been going wrong?

Sometimes other people can help us figure these things out and navigate relationships.

Everyone has a different opinion.

One friend says i just need to wait and be passive and the right man will be the one who bothers to make an effort.

My Mum says all men are horrible and she's learned that life isn't about romance.

Others tell me there is nothing wrong with me.

My sister says i need to dress more sexily and flirt more. Her husband says that's a hortible idea and I should just be myself.

I already feel like pond slime. I don't think I could take anymore criticism.

All sorts of people find someone. The non flirts and the fat frumps find someone without following all the "advice" I've had thrown at me.

I highly reccomend this book to anyone who has had so much unhelpful advice thrown at them.

It's not you. 27 (wrong) reasons you're single

It's not always you, people have the tendency to blame the person struggling in romance rather than acknowledging the societal expectations.

Personally I don't believe much in individualism, I see humans as 20% individual and 80% herd/culture/community driven. And genetically speaking humans are almost clones.

This is very apparent when you talk politics/religions with people, you can predict with very high accurancy how each group would react to a certain topic.

Certainly, it’s best to avoid unhelpful advice, but sometimes people that we’re close to, usually friends, have a better understanding of us and our culture. Different cultures and regional differences can hugely dictate the way dating is “supposed” to go.

Twilightprincess I know you're trying to be helpful, but people's advice is simply justification of their own methods and insecurities. People are biased towards their own views. All men are different. My friends advice might turn off the right man, so can be completely unreliable.

First, I'd say recognizing what's a conversation and what's a debate is going to be skill you need to learn. If people are in agreement and having a friendly conversation with each other the last thing they want is for someone to jump in and stir the pot. Second, walking away from a debate isn't defeat because a debate can't be conclusively won or lost, it's an attempt to influence other people to your point of view-- something you can't measure, therefore you can't truly keep score. Sometimes your best bet is walking away. For example: if you debate a person that believes Bob in accounting is the descendant of a love-child between Jesus and Mary Magdalene you're only giving credibility to that person's opinion by even debating it. In that situation your best bet is to walk away because without a debate there's no audience, and with no audience there's no one for the crazy to influence with his crazy ideas. Third, I don't have specifics to work on, but tone goes a long way, especially in online conversation. If you're trying to get along with people and you're constantly turning them off, pay close attention to the tone you're using. If it's aggressive (my personal favorite in a debate), you're not going to be making many new friends in casual conversation.

If it's in person and you're constantly annoyed by the politics/culture of the people around you, then you're in the wrong culture and you need to move to a place more aligned with your values. If it's online try just passing over the comment, you'll lower your blood pressure, avoid an unnecessary argument, and eventually when you've passed enough toxic comments over you'll feel more confident in your ability for self-restraint.

Last edited by Aristophanes on 05 Aug 2018, 2:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Everyday.

Nailed it right there. For myself, I know the way that I am, and I refuse to be a burden or embarrassment to anyone.

Thank God for casual sex and solo pursuits in life.

Honestly, my friends tell me that I'm a great guy and that people are missing out, but at the same time, it infuriates me to hear that and then someone goes "You're a great guy, but I dunno." I'd rather them just tell me that they're not interested without throwing in the "You're a great guy." part.

Maybe I am intimidating because of how straightforward and open I am about what I want. No need to beat around the bush. Typically, whoever I'm interested in meets the basic requirements of what I'm looking for. Either way, I've decided that if they're not jumping at the opportunity to date me or being any kind of affectionate, it's not worth any effort. I try to detach myself from a person the moment I feel like I'm developing feelings.

I felt that way before I stumbled into my 1st relationship due to my mental & many physical disabilities & problems getting along with my parents & being bullied aLOT in skewl as a kid cuz they didn't understand my issues & lack empathy. i learned from the experience of being in that relationship that I do have some problems but I always try my very best within a relationship, relate better to others who also have problems. & being supportive is a strong point for me. My problem since then the many years I was single was getting others to overlook my disabilities & give me half a chance.