A girlfriend is not a lost puppy.

Page 5 of 24 [ 377 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 ... 24 Next

Previous topic | Next topic

goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,612
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

10 Sep 2018, 6:34 pm

rdos wrote:

For me, an LTR is a process involving a crush and that will ideally last for several years. I don't think your advice to go up and talk to a stranger girl and ask her for a date will be of much help for me. :mrgreen:

goldfish21 wrote:

You discounting my experiences as valueless because your goals are different is simply an excuse not to learn from someone, IMO.

No, I'm discounting them because I have experienced the best way for NDs to get into LTRs. :lol:

Um, if that's how you think relationships form you are WAAAAAAAAAAAAY out in left field compared to the rest of the world.

And based on your lack of understanding the basics of how relationships begin, I really don't think you've "experienced the best way for NDs to get into LTRs."

_________________
No :heart:

for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

10 Sep 2018, 6:37 pm

I wouldn't go up to a stranger girl, and immediately ask her for a date. I'm not good-looking enough, and I'm not "suave" enough. And girls don't usually like that, anyway.

But crushes with the duration of many years are not exactly my cup of tea, either.

goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,612
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

10 Sep 2018, 7:21 pm

You don't even have to go to the sock hop and ask a girl to dance like it's 1950 anymore.. everyone is on Tinder/dating apps & we can use our ability to communicate via text to our advantage.

I certainly do. Almost ALL of the dates/hookups I've had have originated from apps/sites/texts/emails, not live in person PUA stuff.

Get textual. Learn how to ask the right questions & when in a conversation (and how to even HAVE a conversation if that's an issue for you.) and eventually things just click along comfortably almost like a script when you're chatting with someone new. Conversations flow, back and forth Q & A, then an agreement to meet up. Pretty simple process - and no live in person confidence & social skills required to initiate things.

_________________
No :heart:

for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

cberg
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 31 Dec 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,183
Location: A swiftly tilting planet

10 Sep 2018, 7:24 pm

Fnord wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

The only ones I see who are objectifying 'girlfriend' are you and the OP.

Then you have missed the point.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

The only thing I wonder about is why they don't just click sign out if that forum bothers them that much.

It is not just a few posts in a few fora on this website alone; it is on other websites and in real life -- you can't just "sign out" from a co-worker or a relative.

You have beleaguered the point.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos :mrgreen:

cberg
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 31 Dec 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,183
Location: A swiftly tilting planet

10 Sep 2018, 7:28 pm

goldfish21 wrote:

rdos wrote:

cberg wrote:

In disrespecting his juniors Fnord refuses to learn from us. Some of us are even fellow engineers.

I studied for years to choose my profession and it's not going to pay rent here any time soon. I'd also be an idiot to think it's going to get me anywhere socially, that's up to me.

Exactly. Another engineer here. :-)

Also, love is not about success. It's about finding somebody suitable and compatible you can get along with long-term. Advice aimed at getting a date or sex will never be relevant for long-term relationships.

Ok, fine.. you like titles? Engineering Technologist here, and also, AFAIK, more socially successful than either of you - and IMO that counts for something in these discussions.

It depends how you measure success. If you sucessfully find a loving partner that you remain with for life, is that not success in love? And just like absolutely any process, in engineering or cooking or whatever, you've got to start with steps 1, and 2, before completing 3-10.* (*Sometimes people can safely skip steps, obviously.) Advice aimed at getting a date or sex is valid because it's how long term relationships are initiated.

I loathe titles but they normally confer respect. I work on the infrastructure that allows you to post this social darwinist drivel. That's my kind of social success. People all over the world are implementing my work seamlessly.

Last edited by cberg on 10 Sep 2018, 7:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

cberg
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 31 Dec 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,183
Location: A swiftly tilting planet

10 Sep 2018, 7:31 pm

goldfish21 wrote:

You don't even have to go to the sock hop and ask a girl to dance like it's 1950 anymore.. everyone is on Tinder/dating apps & we can use our ability to communicate via text to our advantage.

I'm not on those apps because I understand and strongly disapprove of their schemes. When software is free, users are the product. If I EVER told an online date what I do for a living they would just accuse me of hacking my way into their 'matches'. If I ever dated online I'd be exposing so many loose ends online that I'd be a liability & nothing more.

Do you want a text from me? I've been hacking for almost two decades.

Last edited by cberg on 10 Sep 2018, 7:37 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 60,939
Location:

10 Sep 2018, 7:35 pm

cberg wrote:

Fnord wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

The only ones I see who are objectifying 'girlfriend' are you and the OP.

Then you have missed the point.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

The only thing I wonder about is why they don't just click sign out if that forum bothers them that much.

It is not just a few posts in a few fora on this website alone; it is on other websites and in real life -- you can't just "sign out" from a co-worker or a relative.

You have beleaguered the point.

How so? I have asserted in this and other threads that women are neither property to be owned nor prizes to be won.

If certain men want relationships with women, then they need to first make themselves attractive to women; it is just that simple.

How does that beleaguer the point?

cberg
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 31 Dec 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,183
Location: A swiftly tilting planet

10 Sep 2018, 7:36 pm

The insinuation of our un-attractiveness did so rather neatly.

I'll reiterate: I'm way to geeky to be considered conventionally attractive but some guys claim that's a self-fulfilling prophecy & that I should just stop acting like it. Other people view these aesthetics as canon & say I'm not working out enough. I split the difference: I'm too busy doing real work to care. Perhaps that's attractive.

Last edited by cberg on 10 Sep 2018, 7:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 60,939
Location:

10 Sep 2018, 7:47 pm

cberg wrote:

goldfish21 wrote:

rdos wrote:

cberg wrote:

In disrespecting his juniors Fnord refuses to learn from us. Some of us are even fellow engineers. I studied for years to choose my profession and it's not going to pay rent here any time soon. I'd also be an idiot to think it's going to get me anywhere socially, that's up to me.

Exactly. Another engineer here. Also, love is not about success. It's about finding somebody suitable and compatible you can get along with long-term. Advice aimed at getting a date or sex will never be relevant for long-term relationships.

Ok, fine.. you like titles? Engineering Technologist here, and also, AFAIK, more socially successful than either of you - and IMO that counts for something in these discussions.It depends how you measure success. If you sucessfully find a loving partner that you remain with for life, is that not success in love? And just like absolutely any process, in engineering or cooking or whatever, you've got to start with steps 1, and 2, before completing 3-10.* (*Sometimes people can safely skip steps, obviously.) Advice aimed at getting a date or sex is valid because it's how long term relationships are initiated.I loathe titles but they normally confer respect. I work on the infrastructure that allows you to post this social darwinist drivel. That's my kind of social success. People all over the world are implementing my work seamlessly.

I disrespect only those who disrespect me. If anyone wants my respect, then start earning it. An engineering degree makes no difference who who does or does not know anything about attracting women -- being successful in attracting women is what makes one any kind of 'expert' at attracting women. Further, anyone who is in a successful, committed relationship with a woman should know something about what that takes, too.

In any profession, men who are successful have a better chance of attracting women (and friends in general) than men who are not successful. The advice I give for dating is the same advice I give for job-hunting -- how you present yourself matters.

Now, if it's a p*ss*ng contest you're really after, then don't bother. I've been in enough to know that they are not about who is the better professional, but who thinks he should be the Alpha male.

cberg
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 31 Dec 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,183
Location: A swiftly tilting planet

10 Sep 2018, 7:50 pm

This is why I don't trust humans enough to stick around at all. You can deride me all you like & I'll keep working on building stuff for you because your silly ideas about conditional respect nauseate me. It's pretty un-Christian to pick & choose who you respect.

Relating to someone is not any kind of job, it's not a chore. Much the opposite.

Last edited by cberg on 10 Sep 2018, 7:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 60,939
Location:

10 Sep 2018, 7:54 pm

cberg wrote:

The insinuation of our un-attractiveness did so rather neatly...

By definition, people who attract other people are attractive, and people who do not attract other people are unattractive. It only stands to reason.

One can be physically appealing, yet also be completely unattractive to others.

I am physically ugly, yet somehow attractive to others -- not everybody, but I do have friends and a wife.

cberg
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 31 Dec 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,183
Location: A swiftly tilting planet

10 Sep 2018, 7:56 pm

If you're stuck dividing everyone you see into columns A & B I suggest taking it up with your preacher; I got nothing.

Spiderpig
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 14 Apr 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,893

10 Sep 2018, 8:31 pm

goldfish21 wrote:

It may be my ASD lack of empathy (I do have empathy. I'm not an emotionless robot or anything.), but I have an increasingly difficult time feeling bad for any of the long time complainers here.

Well, I don’t know what you mean by long-time complainers; in particular, whether I’m one.

_________________
The red lake has been forgotten. A dust devil stuns you long enough to shroud forever those last shards of wisdom. The breeze rocking this forlorn wasteland whispers in your ears, “Não resta mais que uma sombra”.

Spiderpig
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 14 Apr 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,893

10 Sep 2018, 8:33 pm

goldfish21 wrote:

It's not as if I've EVER posted "I can work make a bit of money, use my body for sports etc, and make friends and you can't, Nah nah nah nah nah nah!" or any such nonsense. Everyone who's been on this forum as long as I have knows what I've shared with the group. I've said "I can do all of these things & more now, and here's how I did it and how you can, too." And people do not want to do any work to treat their own symptoms in order to function higher and live better, happier, healthier lives free from major depression, anxiety, and strong AS symptoms that interfere with life. There are No secrets to my success. I have been incredibly transparent about everything I've learned and done.

Well, there are a few “secrets” from my point of view. There are some pretty important things you, and other people like Fnord, had to do to accomplish what you did, that I have no idea how you did. I was trying to find out something about them, as that’s what would be helpful to me. Especially if they give me any ideas about what I can do now, in my current situation. And it seems reasonable to think the same is probably true of some of those “complainers”, whether I’m one of them or not.

goldfish21 wrote:

I shared all of what I did here ONLY because I want it to help others.

And since you seemed to express frustration about being unable to help some people, I told you what I know from my perspective. It’s not always that they don’t want to help themselves.

cberg
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 31 Dec 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,183
Location: A swiftly tilting planet

10 Sep 2018, 8:34 pm

Seconded:

Spiderpig wrote:

goldfish21 wrote:

It may be my ASD lack of empathy (I do have empathy. I'm not an emotionless robot or anything.), but I have an increasingly difficult time feeling bad for any of the long time complainers here.

Well, I don’t know what you mean by long-time complainers; in particular, whether I’m one.

If people didn't whine on the internet, we couldn't build the internet! Man it's called bug reporting.

Spiderpig
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 14 Apr 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,893

10 Sep 2018, 8:35 pm

goldfish21 wrote:

Many here are content with themselves and their symptoms and their lives, but for those who are constantly complaining about their social lives, love lives, work lives, financial situations (I was $110K in debt and bankrupt 6 years ago & unable to function well enough to work at all.) etc etc.. well, I have an increasingly difficult time feeling bad for those people. Especially the ones who make posts saying that their "stomach problems," (wrong organ) and their disabilities/mental health both keep getting worse.. still they refuse to see the correlation & have a will to do something about it for themselves.

No, this can't help every one of us. But it can help many. (70% according to medical stats) And from my perspective, I'd think with those that complain the most would want to change themselves and their lives the most.. but, they do not. They just want to complain. And that's their choice, it's their lives. All I can do is offer my knowledge to help them, but like the old adage says "God helps those who help themselves." I am Not comparing myself to God, but in a similar vein, I cannot help anyone that doesn't want to help themselves. I acknowledge this. It's just frustrating for me to sit here and read complaints from the same long time members over and over and over again when I've handed them the solution - they're just simply not wanting, willing, or ready to do anything for themselves. I'm Not wired like that. I'm not greedy, but I Want Better of & for myself and it's completely unfathomable to me to be in such a painful hurting place of suffering and not want to get oneself out of it by any means necessary.

All right. Most of that seems to escape me, probably because I don’t see it from the perspective of someone with your accomplishments. But I still think there’s more to it than meets the eye when some people look to you like they don’t want to help themselves. I know I’ve probably looked that way my whole life, and I do want to help myself. This includes shamelessly trying to find some useful knowledge in this thread.

Page 5 of 24 [ 377 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 ... 24 Next

Jump to:

A girlfriend is not a lost puppy. Post Reply New Topic

A girlfriend is not a lost puppy.