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Don't put women on a pedestal

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sly279
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28 Dec 2018, 4:01 pm

hurtloam wrote:
quite an extreme wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Ok. Upon reflection this thread was mean. He's shy. Very shy.
But there's being a gentleman and there's too shy to want to hang out with me alone.

In this case it's onto you to change this. Don't be to shy just to say him that you want him to be with you.


The thing with shy guys though is I don't want to push it. I think they need to slowly emerge out of their comfort zone.

I don't want to cause anxiety when I'm trying to be nice.

As a shy guy I say push it.
We won’t understand you like us otherwise, we will never leave our comfort zone.



Last edited by sly279 on 28 Dec 2018, 4:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

cberg
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28 Dec 2018, 4:02 pm

Seconded.


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rdos
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29 Dec 2018, 6:36 am

I'm with hurtloam. There is no reason to push it. It's better to be persistent & stay interested and let them become comfortable. Whatever the timeframe is. Additionally, I think a few ND women work that way too, and they will only reject guys that don't let them become comfortable first. Love is not a race. It needs time.



RetroGamer87
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29 Dec 2018, 6:43 am

There was a film called Blast from the Past. The main character says a gentleman is someone who makes everyone around them as comfortable as possible. He didn't say a gentleman is someone who makes women uncomfortable by singling them out for weirdly special attention or special praise.


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RetroGamer87
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29 Dec 2018, 7:00 am

fiber bundle wrote:
What do you think of Mike Pence?

I fear him more than I fear Trump.


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hurtloam
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29 Dec 2018, 7:38 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
There was a film called Blast from the Past. The main character says a gentleman is someone who makes everyone around them as comfortable as possible. He didn't say a gentleman is someone who makes women uncomfortable by singling them out for weirdly special attention or special praise.


That's a good comment. I agree with that.



The_Face_of_Boo
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29 Dec 2018, 10:47 am

So can you be more specific hurtloam?

What gentlemanly acts that are considered singling out women and those aren't.

That would mean opening doors and 'ladies first' are of the singling out things because men don't do it usually with other men, so what else?

Does that also mean a man friend of yours should talk to you like he talks to a man by 100%? Can he for example say swearing terms while talking to you like f**k, dick, wtf, the f**k with that, and so on, and burp in front of you in beer times- because guys joke with each other like that and use such terms all the time, these things are simply so natural among them (but never in a female presence, this is one of the most common worldwide gentleman rules in the world: not to use swearing words in front of women), is that what you want? Or if he uses a more gentle language while talking to you is now considered putting you on a pedestal - and hence being sexist?



sly279
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29 Dec 2018, 4:54 pm

rdos wrote:
I'm with hurtloam. There is no reason to push it. It's better to be persistent & stay interested and let them become comfortable. Whatever the timeframe is. Additionally, I think a few ND women work that way too, and they will only reject guys that don't let them become comfortable first. Love is not a race. It needs time.

As a shy guy all I can say is it’d never work for me. So she’d lose interest thinking I didn’t like her. Most people aren’t going keep at it for 10 years hoping the guy comes out of his shell.



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29 Dec 2018, 5:09 pm

sly279 wrote:
rdos wrote:
I'm with hurtloam. There is no reason to push it. It's better to be persistent & stay interested and let them become comfortable. Whatever the timeframe is. Additionally, I think a few ND women work that way too, and they will only reject guys that don't let them become comfortable first. Love is not a race. It needs time.

As a shy guy all I can say is it’d never work for me. So she’d lose interest thinking I didn’t like her. Most people aren’t going keep at it for 10 years hoping the guy comes out of his shell.


Well, no not 10 years, I was thinking maybe a few months.

It's not like I've got anywhere to move on to anyway at the moment.



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29 Dec 2018, 5:15 pm

Boo. I think the title I gave this thread is misleading.

What I mean is an overreaction to the whole #metoo thing. "If I'm not alone with a woman she won't think I'm trying anything dodgy on." We wouldn't even be alone alone. It was a gig in a small venue. There would have been other humans in the room bopping and singing along.

Or maybe he doesn't trust me not to slip a Mikey into his drink hmmm... I probably shouldn't joke about that sort of thing.



rdos
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30 Dec 2018, 4:46 am

hurtloam wrote:
sly279 wrote:
rdos wrote:
I'm with hurtloam. There is no reason to push it. It's better to be persistent & stay interested and let them become comfortable. Whatever the timeframe is. Additionally, I think a few ND women work that way too, and they will only reject guys that don't let them become comfortable first. Love is not a race. It needs time.

As a shy guy all I can say is it’d never work for me. So she’d lose interest thinking I didn’t like her. Most people aren’t going keep at it for 10 years hoping the guy comes out of his shell.


Well, no not 10 years, I was thinking maybe a few months.


A few months is much too short. A few years requires a mutual interest and from that point can then go on forever. At least if they build a mind-to-mind connection, which should happen around that point.



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30 Dec 2018, 5:13 am

hurtloam wrote:
Boo. I think the title I gave this thread is misleading.

What I mean is an overreaction to the whole #metoo thing. "If I'm not alone with a woman she won't think I'm trying anything dodgy on." We wouldn't even be alone alone. It was a gig in a small venue. There would have been other humans in the room bopping and singing along.

Or maybe he doesn't trust me not to slip a Mikey into his drink hmmm... I probably shouldn't joke about that sort of thing.


You still didn’t answer me if the Medusa’s hair legs are tiny snakes too.



sly279
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30 Dec 2018, 5:22 am

hurtloam wrote:
sly279 wrote:
rdos wrote:
I'm with hurtloam. There is no reason to push it. It's better to be persistent & stay interested and let them become comfortable. Whatever the timeframe is. Additionally, I think a few ND women work that way too, and they will only reject guys that don't let them become comfortable first. Love is not a race. It needs time.

As a shy guy all I can say is it’d never work for me. So she’d lose interest thinking I didn’t like her. Most people aren’t going keep at it for 10 years hoping the guy comes out of his shell.


Well, no not 10 years, I was thinking maybe a few months.

It's not like I've got anywhere to move on to anyway at the moment.


I’d be surprised if most women waited a month before moving on. I’d expect it’s a week or less.

You may wait forever. If some lady liked me and didn’t ask me out then she’d be waiting forever, and she won’t wait that long lol. So I can only summarize no woman has ever liked me no will. If they did then they moved on quickly to some other guy.



sly279
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30 Dec 2018, 5:24 am

rdos wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
sly279 wrote:
rdos wrote:
I'm with hurtloam. There is no reason to push it. It's better to be persistent & stay interested and let them become comfortable. Whatever the timeframe is. Additionally, I think a few ND women work that way too, and they will only reject guys that don't let them become comfortable first. Love is not a race. It needs time.

As a shy guy all I can say is it’d never work for me. So she’d lose interest thinking I didn’t like her. Most people aren’t going keep at it for 10 years hoping the guy comes out of his shell.


Well, no not 10 years, I was thinking maybe a few months.


A few months is much too short. A few years requires a mutual interest and from that point can then go on forever. At least if they build a mind-to-mind connection, which should happen around that point.


Besides you humans are telepathic.
If some woman thinks liking me silently for years is going make me her bf or date her she’s crazy. I don’t think that works at all or women would been my gf by now.



rdos
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30 Dec 2018, 1:19 pm

sly279 wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
sly279 wrote:
rdos wrote:
I'm with hurtloam. There is no reason to push it. It's better to be persistent & stay interested and let them become comfortable. Whatever the timeframe is. Additionally, I think a few ND women work that way too, and they will only reject guys that don't let them become comfortable first. Love is not a race. It needs time.

As a shy guy all I can say is it’d never work for me. So she’d lose interest thinking I didn’t like her. Most people aren’t going keep at it for 10 years hoping the guy comes out of his shell.


Well, no not 10 years, I was thinking maybe a few months.

It's not like I've got anywhere to move on to anyway at the moment.


I’d be surprised if most women waited a month before moving on. I’d expect it’s a week or less.

You may wait forever. If some lady liked me and didn’t ask me out then she’d be waiting forever, and she won’t wait that long lol. So I can only summarize no woman has ever liked me no will. If they did then they moved on quickly to some other guy.


Two waited three years or more, and then another waited a year or so. So, definitely works. Some women are not that shallow (or desperate) so they move on in a week, or even in a month.



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30 Dec 2018, 1:22 pm

sly279 wrote:
Besides you humans are telepathic.
If some woman thinks liking me silently for years is going make me her bf or date her she’s crazy. I don’t think that works at all or women would been my gf by now.


No, silently doesn't work. You must make sure it is mutual. It's when both know it is mutual that it can continue for years.