It’s driving me crazy...

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To be fair though, she was never a gold digger, I know that, during the whole 2 years of relationship she never showed the slightest sign of greed or such kind of intention even in the small things, like she never showed any material expectations from me, she was even used to explicitly refuse to let me take her to a fancy restaurant for instance. In fact she borrowed a sum of money once for 2017's Christmas and she returned them on time, without any reminding or pressure from side. Nor she ever asked me to pay anything for her papers' costs, nor she ever hinted on me to help her in such things.
She was used to work as a private nurse/helper for an elderly of a very wealthy family - a father of a wealthy man, living with his family in a mansion on the sea side, as per a work contract of 2 years, they went into a financial downside losing some businesses due to a scandal that got exposed across the whole country, then the lady of the house fired her maid and made her (my ex) to work virtually in her place, as a maid, nanny, nurse, cleaner, her personal massage therapist...everything, more work hours and less vacations and weekend time for her (but we were still be able to spend whole days together whenever she could)- the employer lady was also verbally abusive to her, I know this kind of snobby wealthy people and they're known of treating their staff like cattle.

According to her, she asked to leave and not wanting to renew contract, but somehow she pressured her into signing again for another 2 years, she never told me how and why she couldn't ask her embassy for help(yet I know their embassy is corrupt and greedy, like the case of most 3rd world countries). So eventually, she decided to escape, her sister , who works in a salon as hairdresser nearby, was against this and asked me to convince her not to do so knowing that will only make things far worse for her, rendering her illegal and wanted, I've tried so but her head was set on this while I was certainly thinking this was a crazy move but I couldn't find the arguments to convince that things may be worse, she didn't want to stay and she did so, she escaped; and made her sister to help her in so.
She took asylum in the house of an old American lady living here in Beirut, a expat how owns a medium business here, she was kind enough to let her work with her for a very good pay.

The sister then got interrogated by the former employer, threatening to call the police after her, she freaked out and told them of her location, the employer contacted the American lady and asked for a large sum of money to fix her papers in return, without involving the authorities, the American lady not willing to pay that, asked my ex to escape elsewhere and told her "They're very bad people, don't even think to return to them because they will lock you up, just go for now". And so she did.

She's a certified massage therapist which allowed her later to find a good job in that in a luxurious hotel, I did find it bit weird that a such hotel would hire illegal migrants but I was like yeah, probably less costly for them. Since she didn't want me to involve in her risks, she rented in a ladies-only dorm with 4 other roommates of her same community, who are all older than her and more experienced of the workarounds of the country. I did support her during this phase, paying half of her rent which wasn't much honestly, she didn't even accept the other half , and every time she got paid for a massage session in the hotel she actually tried to return some, but I refused telling her that this can wait. Her plan was to collect money for a year, send some to her daughter , then going to embassy and pay her penalties and going back home, she didn't want to end up old locked in this country away of her family like her roommates , which I understand; her parents even wanted to buy her ticket go back asap, but she refused, didn't want them to pay money.
I agree with Rho, probably some guy exploited her desperation and smoothed talk to her, convinced her of a much quicker solution, I highly doubt that he's someone who loved her on first sight , all the above (the escape and finding the job in hotel's spa) happened in a very short frame of time; he's probably someone in that hotel, some manager or some frequent old fart customer.

That's probably what happened, Boo.

People would do practically anything to obtain the "proper papers."

Some of which might not jibe with their moral code.

One of her majors complaints about me was my “lack of showing affection” - this was a repetitive issue topic between us.

She doesn’t know abt my suspected autism, since I don’t have an official diagnsosis then I don’t tell anyone.

Unm... maybe I should delete this thread.

If you have it deleted save a copy for yourself first. There is some very good advice and comfort here.

*puts hand on face in disgust*

Go bring a a bucket because you may puke a ton after reading this. I've warned you.

Ok people, something else happened this weekend, I did something a bit sinister, I was not mentally at ease with that closure via texting I had, I wanted to tell her face to face my feeling of disappointment and disgust.
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So on Friday night, she attempted to 'fix' everything and told me that she never dated this guy yet, and that it was just a thought but she never acted on it.

We had a very very long chats on friday night, yesterday night and this morning (and it was full of lies).

I pretended that I believed everything she said, about her not going out with this guy, but her roommate was leaking to me otherwise..


So this was parts of the yesterday's chat, trying to put some blame on me for what happened, yet she claimed that she never dated that guy yet:







You get the git.....and it's not true, I've told her I love her plenty plenty of times, besides all my actions.


And this how the yesterday's chat ended:



The dragon represents a strong hug for us.

Next morning she pretended that she cares for my health and my wellbeing.:




AND pretending that she's not dating this guy yet, and just she simplly needs more "Time for herself"
For the literal aspies, by "This girl" , she was referring to herself, as you can see she was trying to manipulate me to get back to her.






And TODAY morning, she sent me "Good morning" , like she was always used to do when she first woke up (and she always woke up before me), as if nothing happened:



I asked her to send me a selfie to her now (something we used to do when missing each other)

And she sent me a photo of her in her work costume (while I know she's actually at home, I called the the hotel where she works and their spa doesn't operate on sundays - after all Lebanon is half Christian population wise and Sunday is a weekend and church day).




You can clearly see here that she's pretending that she didn't date that other guy, and that she just "wants time" for herself and as you can see she's trying to "win me back" with lovely and sexual talk - calling me sexy and yummy





No comment...






So not only she was cheating on me and denying it, she was also planning ahead to get me 'back' and keeps cheating on me.



Meanwhile I was in contact with her roommate, my spy, she doesn't speak English well at all but at least she has some good conscience.



I sent some screenshots to this roommate:






And she revealed to me the other man's identity, I know this man, he's a Turkish driver, And she suggested a plan to catch her in the midst of her lies:





I suggested a different, quicker plan (because I was dying from these lies!), I didn't want to see the face of her lowly new guy (who knows I was her bf)






So I went there.....the roommate opened me the door, she whispered that she's in the WC, she let me in to wait for her. I saw her purse and phone on her bed.

She went out of the WC, fully makeup, and wearing all tight black.

She saw me, and she got shocked:

Her: "What....what are you doing here?"

Me: You are still lying to me, darling, eh?

Her: How did you know I am at home?

Me: I called the hotel, they told me the spa does't operate on Sundays.

Her: Ah...

Me: So you were lying to me all this time about your work time since weeks ago (since she started at this spa job). You were instead cheating on me with this turkish driver guy.

Her: (looking at the ground) How do you know...?

Me: I am not stupid, you told me he tried to ask you out but you refused, and I know he's the most available one for you now so I figured it.


Then her sister, and her 2 best friends knocked the door, she opened the door and they came in, the sister got surprised by seeing me as well.

Her: Please, let's talk in the kitchen, not here.

Me: What more to talk about? You're a cheater, you disgust me.

(I said that loud right in front of her sister and her two best friends, they looked at each other in shock. The roommate was just in the next room, listening to us.


I went that kitchen anyway, and kept asking when the cheating happened, I am also concerned of STDs.

Me: So how long you've been lying to me about your love and feelings? Since when?

Her: (pressing her head with her two hands on each side) I really loved you! It just happened! I am so sorry...

Me: It just happened? God, we had an intense sex just last less than 2 weeks ago for 5 hours straight, and right afterward you went busy all the time, and just like that it just happened during that short time? It was the same day when this driver came with your friend to pick us to your new apartment.
All this love you claimed to have toward just disappeared like that, with the first new guy you just happen to meet frequently?

(She lighted her cigarette and started to smoke nervously) .

Her: I dunno..I dunno! It just happened?

Me: What I was for you all these years?

Her: .....you were my lover.

Me: Really? no tell me, what was I really for you? Your sex toy? your tool, just tell me (And here I cried like a baby for the first time in 10 years, last time I cried was for a family death 10 years ago)

Her: No no (teary) .... (Trying to hug my head) ...you were my Sam, a very good guy. I loved you and respected you so much.

*I pushed her hand*

Me: Enough of your lies and acting, lying is so natural to you, it's like the oxygen you breath,

Her: I swear it's not like that.

Me: So is this what you always do? You change lovers as if they are diapers, just like that?

Her: ..... no ... (faintly)

Me: Is this what you did to your ex-husband? Is all the story you told me about his drug abuse lies? Who knows what you did to him?

Her: No, you know the story well.

Me: O really, as if I can tell anymore which you tell is lie and which is true, probably most of the things you told me of your life and values were all lies lies.

Her: (looking at the ground) I just didn't want to hurt you, it just happened. He came everyday to pick me to work, and from work to home....it happened.

Her: Maybe it happened for a good reason, maybe know you will find the right girl.

Me: Stop with this BS, no , nothing good came of that, you just killed my faith in love and probably will never trust another person in my life. It did not happen for "a reason", it happened because you're a low cheater, and liar, that's why.

Her: We all did mistakes, but i know mine can't be fixed. This why i wanted to remain your friend....and not telling you quickly. I am so sorry Sam.

Me: Stop with your lies, you were trying to win me back, not only you were cheating on me before, but you were also planning ahead to keep cheating on me.

Her: (looking elsewhere).


(Silence)

Me: So what did you see in him that you didn't see in him? Eh? I know he's a bigger guy, he promised you to take you to Turkey eh? Smoothed talked you about it? Bigger cock? More available and useful than me the busy one? What?

Her: Don't compare yourself to others, you're Sam.... it just happened.

Me: Stop calling me with my petname,

Me: I am so shocked and disappointed by you, you disgust me, I hate you.

Her: I know....I became bad. I am sorry. what can I say

Me: I am going now, this is the last time you see my face ever. I hope your new relationship will end in misery as well.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 20 Jan 2019, 1:23 pm, edited 6 times in total.

Sigh...I am scared now, I should do full STD blood test, who knows what she was doing before. I wasn't having sex with her using condom (she did tubal litigation years ago in her life, so she can't get pregnant anymore) because I trusted her and our monogamous deal.

I am much more relived regarding this former relationship tho, all the feeling of guilt that were lingering are all gone, I am now 100% sure it wasn't my fault, and 0% of love and care remained for her.

Yes, do full STD blood test. It's the only logical thing to do.

Yes, it certainly WAS her, not you, and she certainly DID lie and cheat.

We could have done without the screenshots of the texts, though.

I hope you will now let it go and just take care of yourself for a while. You certainly will love again, but next time, make sure everything "checks out" - trust but verify, etc. If someone has a very complicated back story, it's likely got some creative angles and interpretive freedoms thrown in. This gal had a VERY complicated back story. When that starts coming up with someone you date, it's a sign you might want to put the brakes on.

I am hiding her face and her identity, none of you will recognize her - but it's ok, I don't value her nor her privacy much, I am still being too good tho.

Btw, she is still lying,

New chat with the roommate :











And learned from her that this Turkish guy is a player, she will get what she deserves from him one day.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 20 Jan 2019, 2:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I can't see how am I gonna trust any future girlfriend in the future, this was too much.

If you never trust a future girlfriend, then this girl wins.

Probably she partially did, Ms. Bea.

There's a reason why I remained relationship-less till mid 30s and finally I got.....this morbidly fake love. Probably I am not supposed to be in one. You see, I am not someone with a high self esteem to begin with and she crushed what remained of it.

This story is truly horrific. I know how it feels like to get your heart broken by the person you love and trust the most. I have one piece of advice: break off contact with her completely, including everyone that knows her (especially her room mate).

Already did, I said farewell to the roommate and thanked her.

The real hero of my story was the roommate actually, she let me know the full truth, she has a good conscience. I wished her a good life.

I like to advise everyone take a “mourning” period after a relationship dies. And then start all over again. Relationships are a process, a life cycle. They all always end. And I do mean ALL of them. It sucks, but I think understanding that might be helpful in moving forward. You’ll get another day. Just give it time.

Did you read page 5?