How Many Girlfriends/Boyfriends have You Had?

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I don't hate other races, I would gladly be friends with women of different color, I just don't want to date them. As a matter of fact, in some way it would be really nice to be friends with, say, an asian woman: I would get to experience female friendship without obsessing about the dating aspect of it.

In any case, to answer your question, lets put it this way. We all know that breakups are horrible. So each time we date someone, we are "hoping" we will never break up (even though usually thats not the case). Now, what does it mean that we will never break up? It means we will marry some day. In other words, as crazy as it might sound, when I date someone I intertain the idea that we might marry and have kids. Yes, its weird to be thinking of this during the first week we date, but if you follow the above logic, you will see where I am coming from. Now, suppose I date, and have kids, with a woman of different color. Then my kinds would be different color than me. So they wouldn't feel like "my" kids any more. Thats not to say that other colors are worse. I mean, if I was black I would want my kids to be black. If I was asian, I would want my kids to be asian. So its not about what is better or what is worse. Thats about wanting my kids to look like "me", whatever I happened to look like.

Now, if you ask me why do I want my kids to look like me, well, let me answer your question with a question. What is the point of having kids? Its not that you don't want humans to die off: there are still plenty of other people that have more than enough kids to keep population from dying out. But one thing that "will" die off is "me": I am going to have to die some day. So since I don't want to die -- but I will -- my mission is to contribute something that is "like" myself as much as possible. One of my "contributions" that I want to make is the ones related to theoretical physics: I have some unusual theoretical physics ideas that nobody is buying, and I want to get them published and convince people of them, at least enough people to keep passing them after I die. The other "contribution" I want to make is genetic one. I want to have kids that look like me as much as possible. And one of those two contributions doesn't replace the other one. I want both. So in order for my kids to look like me, they better have same color.

And here is another food for thought. When Jews only want to marry other Jews, you don't say its racist, but when Whites want to only marry other Whites than it is? Well, I happened to be Jewish (although I believe in Jesus). So if I were to limit my choice even further to only Jews, you wouldn't say its racist, but since I am "open minded" enough to include all Whites in my search, then suddenly I am. Thats a bit of a double standard.

I have had three long term relationships including a 28 year marriage, I have had more short term relationships than I can remember. I bet more than Fnord

My long term relationships were with dark skinned men, one
Israeli arab from Nazereth (3 years) who was a medical student when I was a student nurse in Jerusalem, one Belgian jew of Egyptian descent (2 years) who I met in the midst of the Yom Kippur War and I married an Israeli jew of Yemenite descent (28 years).My 3 children are very dark skinned with curly hair and gorgeous. I am very white skinned .

I am currently in a long term casual relationship (3 years so far ) and value my independence too much to want anything more serious, besides I am too old and stubborn for anyone to take me on as a full time partner. I find men of my age to be condescending know it alls and rigid thinkers,and I prefer younger men for casual relationships . Who would believe it but some intelligent and fit young men actually like self-opinionated, stubborn, buxom, ancient redheads like me. Hallelujah.

Last edited by Teach51 on 29 Jun 2019, 2:41 pm, edited 4 times in total.

You're originally from Russia, aren't you?

Yes I am.

Hmmm. I don't get that sense from you. I feel like you kind of look down on us. I'll admit I'm only getting that from a few things you've written. I don't know you in person, but I don't think I'd consider you for marriage. I'd feel constricted by your very specific definitions of what a good woman is.

But I guess you want someone not like me. Which is fine, I guess. But us more outspoken women who want to be heard aren't all that awful.

I stated above that pride is my biggest sin; I have a hard time not looking down on people in general, regardless of sex, though I'm trying to improve here. I don't discriminate on the basis of sex, but I regard women in general slightly more highly than men.

The reason I feel I understand women well is not that I feel they're simple, but that I actually regard myself as being in many ways rather feminine.

I didn’t claim that you were racist. I was just asking a question.

Even if you have a child with a white woman, it doesn’t mean that the child will look like you.

My kid looks a lot like me, but I would’ve loved him just as much if he didn’t. If I would’ve married my first boyfriend like I had wanted to, my kid(s) would’ve been half black. They might not have looked like me, but they still would’ve had my genetics. Then again, I’ve always wanted to adopt, too...

Children are precious no matter what (or who) they look like.

Interesting.

I think I was much more arrogant when I was younger. I think that meeting lots of different people and learning about their different circumstances has helped me mellow.

Yes, this is helping me, too. I really want to love and have compassion for everyone, but I'm just incredibly bitter about the world and it's easy to blame people for the sorry state it's in. I try to see the good in everyone, even when I seem most contemptuous. My ideals here are Dostoevsky's Alyosha Karamazov and Prince Myshkin.

I tend to understand and identify with people better as I’ve gotten older, especially people who are struggling with various difficult circumstances, but I’ve also developed stronger feelings and personal opinions about things through life experience. I can understand where someone else is coming from even if I don’t agree.

I have a firmer stance, as far as relationships go, about what I will or won’t tolerate. I was extremely sheltered and naive as a young adult since I was homeschooled and didn’t have any idea of what I wanted or was looking for.

Do you know more about what you want now than when you were younger? Or do you just want different things now?

Are you a member of the Russian Orthodox Church? I'm a Roman Catholic, but my heart is very close to the former Church because, as I suggested above, much of my understanding of what Christianity means and what a Christian should be like is informed by Dostoevsky's ideas about Christianity. I never really liked Tolstoy; I know a woman who swears by his rendition of the Gospels and the (unorthodox in both senses) accompanied philosophy of Christianity. The same was true of Ludwig Wittgenstein, but I don't approve of a Christianity calculated from first principles.

That's an interesting question. A hard life has made me very tough and I don't pretend to be weaker than my partner any more in order to sustain a relationship. I have discovered though that there are great men around who can appreciate a woman who is strong minded and independent.
I like men more now than when I was younger and understand them better. I had a very violent father which made me very submissive in my early years and consequently I made the wrong choices.
I just need the male energy in my life now and sex, without having to compromise and validate men at my own expense because that's what I always do. I don't think it's a particularly healthy choice but I haven't met a man in a while who was worth conceding my autonomy to. I love my alone time.
I am too much of a free spirit to ever have got married and I lost so much of myself while trying to give support to my ex husband and children. I ignored my own needs for too long.
He wasn't worth it and ultimately did everything bad in the book and I held on for the sake of the kids.
I don't like reliving the past but I ended up having to re-create my life from scratch after 28 years of marriage because of my ex's behaviour and dishonesty which shattered me initially but led me to a poorer but much happier life. I seemed to build a better me from all those pieces. I thought WTF it's time to do what you want, and that's what I am doing . ]

What you seem to be missing is that people don't complain "just" to complain. When they complain about something, they "perceive" the threat to be real. The fact that their perception might be wrong sometimes is a different question. But you can't deny that they perceive it. And if they perceive a threat, they have every right to address it. Like, for example, I am afraid of dogs, because I was bitten by a dog when I was 6. I know most dogs don't bite, but I am still afraid of them. So people that put their dog on the leash respect my right more than people that don't do it -- even though from the outside point of view you would say I won't be bitten in either case and they just "respect my right to complain", but thats not true.

In any case, back to the feminism issue. Lets say a woman perceives a man disrespects her. On his end he doesn't disrespect her: he just has bad communication skills, but she feels that he is. In this case, the "good" definition of feminism -- giving woman what she wants -- would give her a right to act on her perception that he disrespects her and avoid him. On the other hand, in patriarchal society, she would be pressured to continue to interact with them since, in their mind, women are inferior and, therefore, should put up with being disrespected.

But you see, the misperception on BOTH sides is that they assume the woman was disrespected to begin with -- when in actuality she wasn't: the men just had bad social skills. So when patriarchy people defend the man since "a man has a right to disrespect a woman", they are actually wrong on two accounts:

a) No, the man doesn't have a right to disrespect the woman
b) The man in question didn't disrespect the woman in question to begin with

But they miss BOTH of those points, so they come to the defense of a man -- but for a wrong reason.

I personally wish for people to be able to sit down and discuss what did the person actually mean to say or do, before they accuse anyone of anything. And this is not even about gender relations, that is about all people in general. Like, back in 2006, the male professors were trying to kick me out of school (i wasn't kicked out, since a retired professor come to a rescue) but I am pretty sure if they were to let me state my case and openly discuss things, I would have convinced them that I am not a bad physicist I was just stuck on something particular. But they didn't want to talk about it. And they were mostly men So its not even a gender issue.

But back to the issue with women, I noticed women cross the street when I walk. So they PERCEIVE IT as if I am going to rape them -- but I know I won't. At the same time, I know many of them were raped, and I know they have to avoid the men that rape them. But the problem is: what does it have to do with me? THey don't cross the street in front of all men -- as evident from multiple male friends they are having -- they only cross the street in front of me. So its not even anti-male discrimination, rather its anti-asperger discrimination. They have that misconception that men with Asperger are more likely to rape them than men without Asperger, and this misconception is wrong. But pro-patriarchy people don't challenge that misconception; instead, they simply challenge the premise that rape is bad -- and thats where they are WRONG. I wanted someone to come forward and say "yes rape is horrible, but people with Asperger have nothing to do with it". Nobody seems to be saying it.



I know it was directed at her, but since it was posted in public I was wondering if there are some things I could get out of it.



Glad we relate on this point.



I think the "abnormal" aspect applies to today as well, except that the attitude to abnormal people is different. In the past the attitude was "if someone is abnormal we have to fix them", but today's attitude is "if someone is abnormal we have to give up on them". I actually complained to one girl whom I talked online as to why people give me platitudes such as "serve the Lord" or "focus on your career", and she told me its common for singles in their 30-s to be told those things, since people assume that, since they are still single, there is a reason for it, so they aren't a dating material. But in the past, as you said, when they see you as single when you shouldn't be, they fix you up with someone. Thats why I am saying that both in the past and in the present they think its weird, but the reaction to weirdness is oppsoite.

The other thing I noticed is that when, in the current society, people give up on people that are weird, they present it in a "good" way. They say that the person is "different" and "difference" is something good, and to be respected. So, one of my supposed "differences" is that I will never marry and have kids -- but different isn't bad its just different, thats why they are encouraging me on my single way. But wait a second, TO ME that "difference" IS bad. But they aren't buying it. Cause they are too brainwashed with political correctness.

I mean, back in 2006 I would have been expelled from graduate school if the professors didn't agree to work with me. But they were telling me "you don't seem to be interested in what I do" and I was like "yes I am interested", and they weren't believning me. But wait a second, if they care about me so much, that they are a lot more concerned about my interests more than I do, why didn't they care about the fact that I would get EXPELLED?! And with women its the same thing. Again in 2006 there was one woman who dumped me because she thought I was "unhappy" and she wanted me to be "happy". I kept telling her "Yes I am a lot happier in a relationship than as single". But she wasn't buying it. She was "telling" me I would be more happy as single -- even though its not true --and then dumping me for my own good.

Anyway, the point I was trying to illustrate in those examples, is that today's society is very much biased towards "helping" the "minorities" to "be who they are". But what if someone in a minority group doesn't want to be who they are? Well, they force them to. Thus liberals don't respect the rights of minorities any more than concervatives do. BOth groups want to force them to do something: concervatives try to force them to change, and liberals try to force them to be who they are. Think for example of anti-gay therapy. Back in the 60-s gays were forced into therapy against their will, but today a gay person who wants that therapy all on their own would be denied it -- again against their will. See what I mean? By the way, did you watch a movie "breaking code" about a gay mathematician who was prosecuted in the 60-s? I think, in one aspect, he was one lucky guy since the woman tried to persuade him to date her in hopes of converting him into being straight (well, he didn't "take" that luck, of course, since he didn't want it). But today we have the opposite scenario: gay men are trying to date straight women, but they get rejected. So if you take the type of gay that "wants" to date straight woman, he would rather live in the 60-s than now. Although of course the type of gay man that wants to date men would rather live now.

In any case, I am not gay. I am just using that as an analogy to illustrate how people treat the people with Asperger. Back in the 90-s I remember reading a website by a certain autistic girl how she resented the fact that people were pushing her to be normal and she would have preferred if they could just let her stay autistic. Well, right now, in 2019, I have the opposite concern: everyone wants me to stay autistic so that I can "accept myself for who I am", but I am the one who wants to change. Actually, back in the 90-s, I remember people were telling me I should change but I would just laugh at that: I thought all I needed was my studies in physics and people were a disraction. I just wish people had the 90-s mentality today, I would have taken a good use of it. ALthough who knows whether its the time period or the fact that I am older (and people tend to give up on older people in general).



Interesting that you mentioned the word "individualist". On the surface, "individualist" means who cares about fitting in, so nothing to look at you down for. But I said the word "on the surface" for a reason. If you look a bit deeper then -- as I just described -- people use an excuse "be who you are" as a way of ostracizing you. So is THAT what you were referring to with the word "individualist"? Were you saying the same thing I just said in the above few paragraphs?



I am surprised you mentioned Plato and Aristotle. I was assuming it was 20-th century phenomenon. At least, when I look at the movies, then 18-th and 19-th century society seemed a lot more cultured.



Are you saying that, subconsciously, people link the stock market to friendships? As in, obviously, they aren't trying to get financial help from their friends, but in terms of their INSTINCTS they are trying to be friends with people that THEORETICALLY would enrich them -- kind of like a woman has an instinct to date someone who would protect her from the wolf, even though in practice there are no wolfs around? Thats an intersting line of thought, since "stock market" instincts would have only had one century to develop, which seems like not enough time. But what do you think?



The hard part is the age. If I dress better, would women be willing to date someone who is that old?



The problem is: I don't see any examples of ANYONE who is mature based on the above definition you just gave. I mean can you tell me statistics: how many percent of people listen to their friends and how many percents don't? If 99% of people listen to their friends, then OF COURSE that makes me feel ostracized. If only 50% of people listen to their friends, then how come I am still single?



I agree that if people "use" a cartain thing as a "tool" to ostracize me, that doesn't make that statement wrong. But that DOES make me less willing to act on it. I want to do all those nice self improvement things because "I" chose to, not because people suggested it to me when they had clear ulterior motive.

On a separate note, yes I need to improve my walk with Christ, since Jesus said put him first and I clearly spend a lot more time obsessing about those other things than reading the Bible. But you see, what should I do in my alone time has nothing to do with what people are telling me to do. The question is NOT "should I spend more time in prayer", the question is "why are people telling me about it as a way to avoid answering my questions". See the difference?



So how do you expect to marry without dating first?

To me, dating isn't about sex. It is about emotional connection, being exclusive, etc. etc. etc.



Speaking of Christian sects, my own attitude towards them is different since I am coming from Jewish background and some of the Christian sects have Jewish elements to them. No not Mormons -- but the Seventh Day Adventists and Jehovah Wittnesses do. As far as Mormons go, I guess I like them simply because I like sects in general. I just like to explore the "weird" ways of looking at the Bible. So IF I could date Jehovah Wittness, I totally would, that would be really exciting -- I just know it wouldn't happen since the Jehovah Wittnesses would never date anyone outside their sect. But, as far as Seventh Day Adventists go, I used to go to the Adventist club on campus back in 2006--2009, and back then I assumed that Adventists wouldn't date outside their sect, but I was probably wrong. I mean, three years ago, I met a girl on a dating site who was Adventist, and the fact that I wasn't didn't stop her from considering dating me -- but then she rejected me due to my Asperger. So now I wish I were to talk more to people at those Adventist bible studies. In any case, I ran into one of those girls a couple of years ago which is quite a bit of coincidnece since that club was in Michigan and now I am in New Mexico. But she is married now (incidentally, to a black man). They are both adventists though, so who knows whether she, in particular, would have been open in dating non-adventist. But "if" she was, then I feel really bad about it. Because she seems like a good match to me by other parameters too, like we are both scientists, and she used to be a top student, etc. But I guess its too late about it. As a Christian I don't believe in devorce and remarriage, so I won't take her even if there was such an opportunity.


I don't know about other groups you mentioned, but with eastern european women, yes for sure. It seems like eastern european families are more close to each other than the ones in the west. Incidentally, I view eastern europeans as White, I don't get why some Americans don't seem to.



I don't care about height that much. I would say, however, that I prefer the women that aren't obese -- well two of the three girlfriends I had were (and the third one was long distance) so it would be nice to just experience what its like to date a woman who is of a an average shape.



Actually, I was able to convince first two of my three girlfriends to go in the direction of "converting" from Christianity to Messianic movement. Well, not really convert: I couldn't get them to stop eating pork, but I could at least get them to go to a couple of Messianic services. But I think I could probably convert them with some more effort. I got my second girlfriend to "somewhat" refrain from bread on passover (although she still ate things that are too close to bread for me to ever eat). No it wasn't true conversion, they just did it for me, but hey that counts for something.

Hmm. I'm relating less and less to this thread. I'd never try and convert a partner. Just as I wouldn't expect them to convert me.

I want to already get along and meet half way. I eat pork, but I wouldn't expect them to abstain if I did. Just as long as they remembered not to make me a ham sandwich we'd be meeting in the middle in my opinion.

This is why I'm single. I can't find someone as easy going as me.

I can relate to a lot of what you say. I had a very difficult marriage and was very much a doormat. I was raised to be one.

In any future relationships I might have, I want to maintain my autonomy, and I never want to remarry.