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So, in short: do you believe everyone should sacrifice themself and force themself to love someone they find unattractive?

Sure seems that way. It would require the re-institution of "shotgun" weddings, however.

And whenever such a marriage turns out unhappy, we claim there was too little self sacrifice, I guess.

They apparently find me attractive or do you consider ones welf attractive, cause I thought attractive means physical appearance.

So women who I guess find me attractive, like my interests, and personality reject me solely cause I’m poor.

Guess it’s like refusing to eat your favorite food now cause they reduced the price so it must not be good.
What I mean is they’d probably like me and we’d probably get along great, heck they’d probably come to love me possible, but won’t even try cause how much money I make?
Seems pretty superficial. What if they end up with a horrible guy instead or alone forever.
Quite few end up with monsters, like my dad. Sure he’ll cheat on them, abuse them, rape their kids, but hey he’s got money
I’m not making that up, he’s a known child rapist and abuser. But he’s got a good income and has no issue getting women. When he’s in relationship he’s always got side women.
People don’t press charges.
Other ps boyfriends beat them, but hey they got thst income. From my view it seems people who make more value humans less. Look how well off people treat poor and homless. They don’t see them as humans more as pests.
Guys with more money tend to cheat more, while settle for just one woman.

So I’m torn. If I’d grown up rich I’d have women, but I’d probably not be the caring kind person I am.
The well off people I’ve met are as*holes who only care about themselves and look down on others. But they don’t have issues getting relationships or sex.

Another catch is if I won lottery tomorrow or got a good paying job I couldn’t date, they’d just be after the money nit me, they wouldn’t love me.

So I’m screwed

The conundrum is that we're all on a collision course with becoming unattractive, for the ladies every day the passes is another crack on the face, and for the men every day that passes is another which will wear down the edge we have, the lady will lose the love she gained based on her glamour, the man will lose the love he gained based on his works.

Love isn't about force, you can't force yourself to love a thing, but the very nature of love is sacrifice, to love a thing despite not having any reason to love it. This requires compassion, mercy, pity, all the virtues combined into one heart. Like Chesterton says this is really the only way out of this trap; this is how couples will learn to keep on loving each other into old age, otherwise the trap is sprung and the vanity exposed. We can't escape from time.

In the end, if you want to escape this existential trap, you have to learn to love and not lust, but humans thus far have demonstrated that they're not capable of that, if it was love that was properly given in this world it would be a paradise, but it's not. It's a sad horrible place full of bastard children born out of lust, each generation repeating the same mistakes of their parents.

Men that love money are rewarded with this world, they gain a piece of this world, but this world passes away. This is what I try to tell men like sly, who have been given every sign under the sun that they need to fly away and aim for the next world.

And through him I say that to everyone else as well; this world is no good. It's done, it's time to move on for a better planet.

This might be the best and funniest thing I've seen in a while. I still laugh whenever I read it. This actually appeared on Craig's List in October of 2007.

THE QUESTION:

What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy.

I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 – 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to Central Park West. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

– Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics - bars, restaurants, gyms.

- What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings.

- Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?

– Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?

– Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows – lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

– How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY.

Please hold your insults – I'm putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them – in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

It's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 432279810

THE ANSWER:

Dear Pers-431649184:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.

Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity ... in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold ... hence the rub ... marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way. Classic "pump and dump".

I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

Can you leave the income off entirely? Why not do that?

While high income can peak initial interest, and low income can damper initial interest, income isn't going to change anything long run. You are either a match with someone, or you aren't.

It's a bit like starting with the luxury stores to see if you can find that dream purse on sale for $50. A bit of a "why not reach first"? Back in the days when women had to rely on men to support them, mothers used to tell daughters that it was just as easy to fall in love with a rich man, than a poor one, so why not do the former? I won't deny that even though the world has changed and women can earn their own living, such thinking has persisted. It was survival for woman for centuries; it won't change overnight. But it also isn't the end all of it, and focusing on this aspect of the game isn't going to help you get what you want.

Dating sites naturally lend themselves to "shop the luxury stores first and hope you luck out" mentality. Start with the wish list and then move on down. Very few people actually exist at the top of wish lists, however, and eventually most of those people will have to deviate from it. I'm sure you have your own wish list. Shoot, I know from reading this site long enough that everyone has their own wish list, some more realistic than others. You can't blame someone else for doing exactly what you would do: start from the top and work your way down.

Being at the end of a list doesn't mean you are second or third or fourth best, however. With the right person, it all gets discarded anyway. What matters is finding the right person for you. For most of us, that person will look nothing like the manufactured fantasy we've picked up from our interactions with society. But when you have it, you are super glad it doesn't. You finally realize what you actually needed, and it never was the luxury Jaguar.

Last edited by DW_a_mom on 04 Nov 2019, 6:10 pm, edited 4 times in total.

If you leave off your income, the general perception is that you have little or no income.

Got it. Maybe then dating sites just aren't the answer for someone like Sly. Shoot, in all the hundreds of married people I know, I can, at the moment, only think of two couples that met through a dating site.

If someone is worried about income hurting their chances, they need to meet women in situations where their assets are discovered before their income is.

Just say it's none of your business. That what I would do.

And....in truth....your income IS none of anybody's business.

Why is your income even on the site? What site are you using? Tinder and OkCupid sure as hell don't ask you to put up your income. The fact of the matter is that low income is a red flag. It's not about people being shallow - nobody wants to be poor, living paycheck-to-paycheck, constantly stressed and wondering how they're going to sustain themselves financially.

So on a dating site, where people are ALREADY PICKY because it's impersonal and they have the power of choice, low-income people are going to be ignored. The same women who'd reject you online for low income might date you if they knew you IRL and could see other qualities in you that are attractive, but online none of that comes through. Don't use dating sites that put your income up. Don't use dating sites for middle-class or professional people. Don't pin all your self-worth on dating sites, because frankly many, many guys who do fine IRL don't get s**t online.

And try, try, try, try to raise your income. Work more hours, change jobs, take up more casual or side work. I know the job economy is kinda f****d right now, but there's always something you can do. You might need to get some more education - save up for it. Move to a shared rental to cut your living costs, cut back on any unnecessary expenses and save your money to support you getting an education. A year-long diploma could open a door for you that is currently shut. A degree in the right field can certainly open doors.

You're only 31. So many people aren't retiring until they're 70 these days. If you started work at the earliest age you could, 15ish, then you've complete 16 out of 55 years of work. That's barely a third of your career. You still have HEAPS of time to turn things around, but you have to get started. If you're at rock-bottom right now, then you've got nothing to lose by at least trying.

Yep..."real life" is not "dating sites." Absolutely!

It’s mandatory. It’s integrated into their matching system ie people pay so they can sort out poor guys like me or for guys sort out fat ugly women. Those are things you can pic. How does dating ai determine who’s ugly?

I don’t have a wish. Maybe if I’d grown up rich I would. Would I prefer w thin small woman, sure but o won’t refuse to date father bigger women. In fact I refuse the thin small wome. I swipe reject on them and if one swipes me or messages me(super rare now A days for any woman) I ignore them.
Same with any women I find pretty.

Women are taught they need middle class income guy or up, they need vacations to Europe, they need to eat out every week if not every day. There doesn’t seem to be any homebody’s anymore nor any poor women, and in my arena despite the us being 60% obese 90% of the women here are thin, so bigger women are rare.

Most people won’t tell you that’s how they met, they make a up a lie.

Women in person treat me like trash or outright ignore me so how should I do that?
And then on top I’m super shy and because how women treat me I’m terrified to talk to any cause I’m not good enough and they get mad.

Plenty of fish it’s also the last dating site or app that lets people message without being matched or female.

Funny I never worry about living paycheck to paycheck nor to the people at work. Guess we just live within our means, however middle class people are always worried about it, they live like rich, spending twice what they earn. I dont know why women would choose that over someone who lives within their means. And vacations are a big part of that. Sorry vacation to Europe is and always has been a rich person thing. Working people can’t really afford it and go into debt to do it.

I don’t spend money I don’t have. I save money. So I’m not worried about how I’ll pay for that car that’s twice what I make. Seems to be middle class issue. Why’d they buy a car they can’t afford or in slot of cases, cares they can’t afford. Why do they need 3 cars?
Sure if I won lottery I’d get a truck, car, Jeep but wouldn’t even if I was middle class. Then they buy boats, and atvs and horses they can’t afford either. And it all stacks up and they like crap how am I going pay for all this. I’m glad to not have that stress.
I wouldn’t live much different if I was middle class or if I was rich. It’s funny some rich people live like poor people. They even take public transportation, even though they could use car service or helicopters.

Honestly besides buying the cars, I’d get a small place and be a shut in mostly. I’d keep the same tvs I have now. I’ve noticed slot of poor people are that way, seems growing up with nothing makes you learn to make nothing last a long time. Growing up rich makes you think money is nothing.theyre always be more money. Responsibility? What’s that?

I could easily live off 5,000 a month it baffles me people can’t. I live off far less now.

I’m disabled I can’t work more hours. I can’t do side work I can’t improve my income.

I’m in a shared rental.

I can’t get education, you kidding me do you have any idea how much it cost? 3,000 a term and that’s community college and just the classe cost, not the books and such. And I already have 11,000 student loans. If I go back to school I ahbe to pay it, and I can’t save more then 2,000 by law.

I have a useless associate degree.

Yes it is. Those same women who reject poor man online. will reject him in person.

Internet is full of women asking people what to do cause their guys poor. They love him but can’t be with a poor guy.

Mean do you think I’m a as*hole offline cause I’m nice online? No people are who they are off and online. That guy who says he’ll only date thin blonds isn’t going approach fat women in person.

Likewise first date and they like so “ what do you do for living “ and I’m like “ I work retail” will be the last date.
Though this always comes up before any date. It’s like women’s number one question. If you fail your out.