Statistics that makes me enraged

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I am just really burned out and frustrated how things just never go my way but they will work wonders for other people. I am not getting any younger and sometimes just want to kill myself. Even back when I was 17, I feared my time was running out.

I would rather risk failure by trying than to excel at doing nothing.  Only those who do nothing never risk failure.

Yep, it’s still pretty rare although it’s probably more common than it used to be.

Even if they aren’t initiating, it doesn’t mean that they aren’t expressing interest, though. We might mildly flirt, pay more attention to the guy than would normally be expected, smile more, and do other things of that nature with the hope that he will initiate.

Probably most women that don’t initiate will do this sort of stuff. If not, there’s a good chance that she isn’t interested.

What I’m trying to say is that this all isn’t as black and white as we’ve all been implying throughout this thread.

Obvious flirting can be like initiating...

Are you in therapy?

I’m seeing a wide variety of irrational thinking here. Catastrophisizing, black and white thinking, and all or nothing thinking.

Irrational thoughts aren’t doing you any favors.

You have to stop focusing on your frustration and try something new. That’s all there is to it. You also can’t think in terms of things being an absolute success or failure. You can’t give up on something (like a meetup group) before trying it out for awhile.

Even my ex-friend who called herself a feminist still didn’t make the first move and her boyfriends disallowed her from having male friends.

I am in therapy but my family, the work environment I am in, and the general attitudes of people from the Killeen-Temple-Fort Hood region sabotage me and curtail any potential growth.

One of the Meet Up groups I had attended for a few years and I finally quit after constantly getting pushed to the wayside in it. I tried to join a college anime group but the people in it didn’t even want to talk to me. I tried two groups in Austin, one for aspies and another for depressed people, but my motivation for them died because I was far behind the others in those groups.

I wasn’t meant for this life. I was born prematurely because I almost died in the womb.

That remainds me of one specific girl in a math class, four years ago, who was always sitting almost next to me (not next seat but the seat after next) and looking at me. It took me a month to gather up courage to initiate conversation with her -- and I finally did one time after class and we talked for half an hour or even more. I guess I regret I didn't do it more.

But, back to the point of this thread, what about the women other than her? I guess you said yourself in the quote above: if the woman doesn't do any of it she isn't interested. So your own quote implies that women other than her (with few other exceptions from the distant past) are not interested. So why are you telling me to initiate things with them if thats the case?

I meant that it is rare for a woman to be the blatant initiator.

Of course, women do indicate, through subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) means, that they would enjoy it if a certain man would initiate, and express interest in “getting to know” a woman better.

I know you meant that. I was just trying to stress something that we hadn’t gone into yet.

Most aren’t going to be interested. That’s life.

At some point, someone has to exert some effort or else no one would ever find anyone. Lol

Maybe a girl could become interested once she got to know you as long as you don’t become “enraged” for silly reasons.

a) Even if it was true that "most" people aren't interested in any given individual, what exactly do you mean by "most"? If I encounter "one woman per day" being interested then still "most" women aren't interested (since I run into 100 passer-bies per day and only 1 of them expressed interest) but this is still *a lot*. But thats not what happens in my case is it? In my case, the last example of a woman showing obvious interest was 3 years ago. So should I wait for 3 more years for the next opportunity? Do you see how horrible it is now that I am 1 week short of 40?

b) When I say I don't initiate I mean I don't initiate face to face. I "do" initiate on dating site. In any case, there were a few women on dating site who actually told me that the reason they don't want to date me is my Asperger (I put that I have Asperger on my profile, but those particular women still talked to me at first yet then decided that my Asperger is more serious than they thought). So should I shrug it off as "most people aren't going to be interested"? I don't think so. Especially since some of them made assumptions about Asperger that don't even apply to me but they think they do.



How about next time the woman shows interest in non-verbal fashion like that girl did 4 years ago I will approach her? I can agree to that. I just don't want to approach all the other women who don't show any interest. So how long do I have to wait for the other woman -- like the one 4 years ago -- to come along?



I read the study that says that it takes only 30 seconds to make first impression and after that it can never be altered. Then there were other studies that put some other numbers that are much less than 30 seconds.

I personally think its unfair. How can you judge a person if you don't even know them? But since I know thats the case, I am being stuck not knowing what to do -- which is precisely what makes me "enraged", as you put it.

Life isn’t fair. Why whine about something you can’t change? (Do I need to quote the Serenity Prayer again?) You’re pretty lucky to have been born in the present time period in a relatively liberal country without very severe disabilities.

Apply some strategies that people have given you in this thread.

Get out and socialize more. I’m not telling you to just limit yourself to women who are obviously interested. Socializing and making some male and female friends will probably help you.

1. I don't know how to socialize either. This is the other thing I am frustrated about.

2. Even if I learned how to socialize, I want life partner too.

You could find a life partner through socializing.

Have you ever given therapy a try? You could work on social skills there.

I wish I had known I was supposed to initiate before I reached 17 and became clinically depressed. My life would’ve gone in a different direction but it’s too late now.

I wasn’t even supposed to be born. The fact I nearly died at birth is proof enough. My failures are signs that I need to return to oblivion.

Just why did I desire love so much but got denied?

I did, but it doesn't seem to work. What tends to happen is I spend the entire hour rambling about the latest thing that happened (kind of like I do here on this board) and then the time is up.