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The Grand Inquisitor
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08 Apr 2020, 6:08 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
DaniDiNardo wrote:
Lots of guys say they don’t want a single mom because she has baggage (emotional and otherwise).

No, I think it's generally because they have no interest in raising another man's child, and perhaps want a family of their own.


If someone already has a kid, that's a pretty strong indicator they're willing to have kids, not that men are immune to stupid, self-defeating behaviours.

That could be true, but it could also be the case that for her, the kids she already has are enough.

In any case, I think the main issue that some men have with dating single mothers is the first thing I said.


It's probably not a bad thing if it keeps the sort of man-children who would make that their deal-breaker from reproducing.

Because you'd have to be a man-child not to want to take care of and provide for children that you didn't have a hand in producing :roll:



funeralxempire
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08 Apr 2020, 6:16 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
DaniDiNardo wrote:
Lots of guys say they don’t want a single mom because she has baggage (emotional and otherwise).

No, I think it's generally because they have no interest in raising another man's child, and perhaps want a family of their own.


If someone already has a kid, that's a pretty strong indicator they're willing to have kids, not that men are immune to stupid, self-defeating behaviours.

That could be true, but it could also be the case that for her, the kids she already has are enough.

In any case, I think the main issue that some men have with dating single mothers is the first thing I said.


It's probably not a bad thing if it keeps the sort of man-children who would make that their deal-breaker from reproducing.

Because you'd have to be a man-child not to want to take care of and provide for children that you didn't have a hand in producing :roll:


If that's so important as to be a deal breaker yes, you lack the emotional maturity to raise children and society will benefit from you not reproducing or raising anyone else's kids.


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The Grand Inquisitor
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08 Apr 2020, 6:23 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
DaniDiNardo wrote:
Lots of guys say they don’t want a single mom because she has baggage (emotional and otherwise).

No, I think it's generally because they have no interest in raising another man's child, and perhaps want a family of their own.


If someone already has a kid, that's a pretty strong indicator they're willing to have kids, not that men are immune to stupid, self-defeating behaviours.

That could be true, but it could also be the case that for her, the kids she already has are enough.

In any case, I think the main issue that some men have with dating single mothers is the first thing I said.


It's probably not a bad thing if it keeps the sort of man-children who would make that their deal-breaker from reproducing.

Because you'd have to be a man-child not to want to take care of and provide for children that you didn't have a hand in producing :roll:


If that's so important as to be a deal breaker yes, you lack the emotional maturity to raise children and society will benefit from you not reproducing or raising anyone else's kids.

How is not wishing to raise someone else's kids a sign of immaturity? Especially if you don't want kids/aren't sure about having kids yourself.



that1weirdgrrrl
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08 Apr 2020, 6:43 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
[
Because you'd have to be a man-child not to want to take care of and provide for children that you didn't have a hand in producing :roll:


It's not your hand you use for that


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funeralxempire
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08 Apr 2020, 7:32 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
How is not wishing to raise someone else's kids a sign of immaturity? Especially if you don't want kids/aren't sure about having kids yourself.


Clearly you've missed the point somewhere. The conversation has always been regarding people who know they wish to have kids. You're moving the goal posts because you sound foolish and immature defending the foolish and immature. You wouldn't need to move the goal posts if you didn't understand that you appear foolish and immature for defending foolish immaturity.


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Marknis
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08 Apr 2020, 8:42 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
DaniDiNardo wrote:
Lots of guys say they don’t want a single mom because she has baggage (emotional and otherwise).

No, I think it's generally because they have no interest in raising another man's child, and perhaps want a family of their own.


If someone already has a kid, that's a pretty strong indicator they're willing to have kids, not that men are immune to stupid, self-defeating behaviours.

That could be true, but it could also be the case that for her, the kids she already has are enough.

In any case, I think the main issue that some men have with dating single mothers is the first thing I said.


It's probably not a bad thing if it keeps the sort of man-children who would make that their deal-breaker from reproducing.

Because you'd have to be a man-child not to want to take care of and provide for children that you didn't have a hand in producing :roll:


If that's so important as to be a deal breaker yes, you lack the emotional maturity to raise children and society will benefit from you not reproducing or raising anyone else's kids.

How is not wishing to raise someone else's kids a sign of immaturity? Especially if you don't want kids/aren't sure about having kids yourself.


I also struggle with irritability and I don’t have the finances to support a family. If my life situation was better, I would be more open to the possibility of having children in my life



The Grand Inquisitor
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08 Apr 2020, 9:10 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
How is not wishing to raise someone else's kids a sign of immaturity? Especially if you don't want kids/aren't sure about having kids yourself.


Clearly you've missed the point somewhere. The conversation has always been regarding people who know they wish to have kids. You're moving the goal posts because you sound foolish and immature defending the foolish and immature. You wouldn't need to move the goal posts if you didn't understand that you appear foolish and immature for defending foolish immaturity.

Have I missed the point or am I moving the goal-posts? Or are you asserting that both are simultaneously true?

Neither of us ever specified that we're only talking about people who know they want kids, and while I'd guess you're probably only talking about men who want kids, your stance seems so strange to me that I couldn't be sure, and my original statement holds true whether we're talking about men in general, or whether we're only talking about men who want kids. I mentioned men who don't want kids within my question because I wanted you to clarify whether your statement applied only to men who know they want kids or not, and if not, I'd have been eager for your justification.

All that said, you evaded my question. How is not wishing to raise someone else's kids a sign of immaturity?



funeralxempire
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08 Apr 2020, 9:13 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
How is not wishing to raise someone else's kids a sign of immaturity? Especially if you don't want kids/aren't sure about having kids yourself.


Clearly you've missed the point somewhere. The conversation has always been regarding people who know they wish to have kids. You're moving the goal posts because you sound foolish and immature defending the foolish and immature. You wouldn't need to move the goal posts if you didn't understand that you appear foolish and immature for defending foolish immaturity.

Have I missed the point or am I moving the goal-posts? Or are you asserting that both are simultaneously true?

Neither of us ever specified that we're only talking about people who know they want kids, and while I'd guess you're probably only talking about men who want kids, your stance seems so strange to me that I couldn't be sure, and my original statement holds true whether we're talking about men in general, or whether we're only talking about men who want kids. I mentioned men who don't want kids within my question because I wanted you to clarify whether your statement applied only to men who know they want kids or not, and if not, I'd have been eager for your justification about that.

All that said, you evaded my question. How is not wishing to raise someone else's kids a sign of immaturity?


I believe I've already addressed your question, for starters by pointing out that that wasn't what I had said.

Let me repeat myself: making it your deal-breaker is a sign of immaturity, and if it's a deal-breaker for you then it's probably best for all involved that the person for whom it is a deal-breaker not insert themselves into their lives. One demonstrates immaturity by fixating on something relatively trivial like the fact that an otherwise very suitable potential partner already has a kid when one desires to have kids with their ideal partner and one views an interesting in raising kids as an ideal trait for a partner to have.


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The Grand Inquisitor
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08 Apr 2020, 9:39 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
How is not wishing to raise someone else's kids a sign of immaturity? Especially if you don't want kids/aren't sure about having kids yourself.


Clearly you've missed the point somewhere. The conversation has always been regarding people who know they wish to have kids. You're moving the goal posts because you sound foolish and immature defending the foolish and immature. You wouldn't need to move the goal posts if you didn't understand that you appear foolish and immature for defending foolish immaturity.

Have I missed the point or am I moving the goal-posts? Or are you asserting that both are simultaneously true?

Neither of us ever specified that we're only talking about people who know they want kids, and while I'd guess you're probably only talking about men who want kids, your stance seems so strange to me that I couldn't be sure, and my original statement holds true whether we're talking about men in general, or whether we're only talking about men who want kids. I mentioned men who don't want kids within my question because I wanted you to clarify whether your statement applied only to men who know they want kids or not, and if not, I'd have been eager for your justification about that.

All that said, you evaded my question. How is not wishing to raise someone else's kids a sign of immaturity?


I believe I've already addressed your question, for starters by pointing out that that wasn't what I had said.

Let me repeat myself: making it your deal-breaker is a sign of immaturity, and if it's a deal-breaker for you then it's probably best for all involved that the person for whom it is a deal-breaker not insert themselves into their lives.


I'd agree that if it's a deal-breaker for you, it would be best not to insert yourself in their lives. I'd say the same about if you don't plan on sticking around.

funeralxempire wrote:
One demonstrates immaturity by fixating on something relatively trivial like the fact that an otherwise very suitable potential partner already has a kid when one desires to have kids with their ideal partner and one views an interesting in raising kids as an ideal trait for a partner to have.


Thanks for clarifying.

Ultimately, it depends on what kind of family you want, and what appeals to you about having kids.

I'm not sure whether I want to have kids or not yet, but one of the factors that weighs into the equation is passing on my genes. If I'm not going to be a biological father, then I'm not interested in having kids. I don't see whether or not I get to pass on my genes and continue my family name as a trivial difference. If you do, we just fundamentally disagree.

I'm also not interested in a family dynamic where there are step-children, half-siblings, all that sort of thing. As it relates to family structure, I'm after something more traditional.

Just because these things may not be important to you doesn't mean that they shouldn't be important to anyone, or that someone is immature for valuing things you don't value.



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09 Apr 2020, 5:05 am

I wish I would have had kids.

I’m not perfect. But I’m not ashamed of my “genes.” I’m a viable person, even if I am autistic.

Plenty of people on the Spectrum have raised kids successfully.



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09 Apr 2020, 9:45 am

It’s not a matter of genes for me. It’s more about fearing I will wake up at 70 and still be unable to get even a f*****g coffee date.

One of my neighbor’s actually asked me recently if I was dating since she knows that my siblings have children. I told her I wasn’t but not because I don’t want to, I am just very shy. I didn’t want to go into depth about having Aspergers as well as being socially isolated because it would take too long to explain and I don’t know if she would understand or not. That question will always be a stab in my soul unless things change for me.



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09 Apr 2020, 3:05 pm

Marknis wrote:
One of my neighbor’s actually asked me recently if I was dating since she knows that my siblings have children. I told her I wasn’t but not because I don’t want to, I am just very shy. I didn’t want to go into depth about having Aspergers as well as being socially isolated because it would take too long to explain and I don’t know if she would understand or not. That question will always be a stab in my soul unless things change for me.


Congratulations on the appropriate response! This is miles of progress from the couple at the library. Seriously you're doing awesome.

And now she knows you're looking but you're just shy. She might try to think of girls to set you up with. Or not. But it's a possibility now, and possibilities are good


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12 Apr 2020, 6:41 pm

that1weirdgrrrl wrote:
Marknis wrote:
One of my neighbor’s actually asked me recently if I was dating since she knows that my siblings have children. I told her I wasn’t but not because I don’t want to, I am just very shy. I didn’t want to go into depth about having Aspergers as well as being socially isolated because it would take too long to explain and I don’t know if she would understand or not. That question will always be a stab in my soul unless things change for me.


Congratulations on the appropriate response! This is miles of progress from the couple at the library. Seriously you're doing awesome.

And now she knows you're looking but you're just shy. She might try to think of girls to set you up with. Or not. But it's a possibility now, and possibilities are good


It’s not likely she will. She even told me it’s not going to happen if I stay in my house. It’s not a matter of waiting around for me, it’s a matter of constantly being an outsider and failing to integrate into other cultures because I am always missing something. The fact I don’t drink or smoke has caused strike outs for me but the culture for both things where I live is very crappy.



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12 Apr 2020, 7:54 pm

Marknis wrote:
that1weirdgrrrl wrote:
Marknis wrote:
One of my neighbor’s actually asked me recently if I was dating since she knows that my siblings have children. I told her I wasn’t but not because I don’t want to, I am just very shy. I didn’t want to go into depth about having Aspergers as well as being socially isolated because it would take too long to explain and I don’t know if she would understand or not. That question will always be a stab in my soul unless things change for me.


Congratulations on the appropriate response! This is miles of progress from the couple at the library. Seriously you're doing awesome.

And now she knows you're looking but you're just shy. She might try to think of girls to set you up with. Or not. But it's a possibility now, and possibilities are good


It’s not likely she will. She even told me it’s not going to happen if I stay in my house. It’s not a matter of waiting around for me, it’s a matter of constantly being an outsider and failing to integrate into other cultures because I am always missing something. The fact I don’t drink or smoke has caused strike outs for me but the culture for both things where I live is very crappy.


Well after the COVID-19 crisis eases up and social distancing ends you could make a resolution to yourself to go out more.

Now that you know that there is a possibility you can have something to look forward to as you continue your studies and work, unless Libraries are non-essential then she can't hold that over you for not having your own house. How can you buy anything if you can't work?

It might be unlikely but, having a small chance at something is better than staying put in the situation you're in right now and having no chance.


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13 Apr 2020, 9:43 pm

AquaineBay wrote:
Marknis wrote:
that1weirdgrrrl wrote:
Marknis wrote:
One of my neighbor’s actually asked me recently if I was dating since she knows that my siblings have children. I told her I wasn’t but not because I don’t want to, I am just very shy. I didn’t want to go into depth about having Aspergers as well as being socially isolated because it would take too long to explain and I don’t know if she would understand or not. That question will always be a stab in my soul unless things change for me.


Congratulations on the appropriate response! This is miles of progress from the couple at the library. Seriously you're doing awesome.

And now she knows you're looking but you're just shy. She might try to think of girls to set you up with. Or not. But it's a possibility now, and possibilities are good


It’s not likely she will. She even told me it’s not going to happen if I stay in my house. It’s not a matter of waiting around for me, it’s a matter of constantly being an outsider and failing to integrate into other cultures because I am always missing something. The fact I don’t drink or smoke has caused strike outs for me but the culture for both things where I live is very crappy.


Well after the COVID-19 crisis eases up and social distancing ends you could make a resolution to yourself to go out more.

Now that you know that there is a possibility you can have something to look forward to as you continue your studies and work, unless Libraries are non-essential then she can't hold that over you for not having your own house. How can you buy anything if you can't work?

It might be unlikely but, having a small chance at something is better than staying put in the situation you're in right now and having no chance.


What possibility are you talking about and the library has been closed so I can’t study there. Even if I could, I wouldn’t want to because of the people I have to work with make me sick.



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14 Apr 2020, 2:50 pm

that1weirdgrrrl wrote:
Marknis wrote:
One of my neighbor’s actually asked me recently if I was dating since she knows that my siblings have children. I told her I wasn’t but not because I don’t want to, I am just very shy. I didn’t want to go into depth about having Aspergers as well as being socially isolated because it would take too long to explain and I don’t know if she would understand or not. That question will always be a stab in my soul unless things change for me.


Congratulations on the appropriate response! This is miles of progress from the couple at the library. Seriously you're doing awesome.

And now she knows you're looking but you're just shy. She might try to think of girls to set you up with. Or not. But it's a possibility now, and possibilities are good


I don’t feel awesome at all.