Possible ways to help many autistic people find love?

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If I wanted to f*** a robot I'd go buy a bunch of toys from Adam & Eve.

Without the aforementioned time travel, even if all the OP suggested was accomplished tomorrow, it would still be too late to help someone at my age.

That all sounds great in theory, but aren't you overlooking the little fact that most people don't have the means to travel the world looking for a soul mate? I'm trapped in my hick Bible Belt state where no woman of any race wants jack to do with me.

I think the most important issue is to create neurodiverse-friendly meeting places. In the past, people were more local in their social activities and so local gatherings and clubs that contained the same people every time tended to form. Today, it's more of NT preferences and people have much larger social networks, that are more shallow. While dating culture works fine with superficial social networks, it doesn't work well for NDs. NDs need to meet potential partners regularly over longer time spans for strong connections to form, and I believe this is the major factor why so many autistic people have trouble finding suitable partners today.

So, an autistic-friendly "dating culture" is one where the same people can meet regularly over longer time spans. If such things can be arranged, I'm sure more autistics of both genders would find love.

Several members on Wrong Planet have succeeded in taking this approach. This includes Fnord and Kraftiekortie. And I suspect many, many more Aspies have succeeded in this approach. You don't have to travel to a foreign country, just focus on other cultures, other races in your own backyard.

From what I can gather, Fnord and Kraftiekortie seem more financially successful than most of us.

I’m not financially successful. I’m not as indebted as I used to be—but I’m barely above water.

I have also been through bankruptcy and homelessness, but I did not give up and decide that a lonely, impoverished life was all I could accomplish by taking on the role of "Perpetual Butt-Monkey" and complaining endlessly about it.  I decided to prove my detractors wrong and make something of myself.

I apologize if I misspoke.

Can either of you elaborate on this approach Jimmy mentioned? What exactly is it and how did it work?

Your weight is not necessarily a dealbreaker.....but it would help if you lost some weight.

It would also help if you wouldn’t let the past influence the present. I know, easier said than done. But I did exactly that, and it helped.

I believe that another of our members also falls within this category. His name is EikonaBridge. I haven't seen him around recently, so he may no longer be active.

The approach is to seek a partner outside the normal bounds of race, religion, culture. One of the traits of Aspies is that we are non-traditionalist.

YOU will need to be able to add something to the marriage.

Also there are a number of sayings about the word "necessity". Such as "Necessity is the mother of Invention". "When necessity speaks it demands". In a marriage it is more than just about YOU. It is your partner and your offsprings. They depend upon you. You are the protector, the anchor in the storm. YOU must go the extra mile, do whatever it takes to make the family survive and keep them afloat in the storm. It pushes YOU to the limits of your capability. If you are unwilling or unable to do this, it is probably best to not even try this approach.

Like I said, I’m not a great success. I’m short, and I have little charisma. I’ve been a clerk for 40 years with no promotions.

If I was a statistic, I would be a 60-year old virgin. Don’t listen to the dickheads who say Aspies or autistic folks can’t find love....because they can and do!

Look at my avatar. That’s me. Am I Brad Pitt?

I’ve gotten by—by being myself, and not caring what people think of me. And by not allowing the past to influence the present. And by learning to listen to other people than myself.

And by saying SCREW THE PAST.

Yes I can, but never again.  The last time I tried to do that, the reality of my words triggered some people who had constructed their own "realities" around why they were so sad and lonely.  They perceived as personal attacks any attempts to show them why their "realities" were false, and lashed out at me for being ableist, condescending, elitist, and an all-around troll.

They were not looking for ways out of their situations, but only affirmations of the lies they tell themselves, and I refuse to lie to people just to make them feel good about themselves when telling the truth -- however painful -- might inspire them to make the effort to become better people and escape their misery; but in doing so, I get caught up in a seemingly endless cycle of circular arguments punctuated by "Yeahbutisms" and lame excuses.

I will never fall into THAT trap again.

I actually prefer women who are not of my race. And I don't even have a religion. But that hardly seems to matter, since no woman of any race seems interested in me.



I understand this might come across as a "yeahbutism", but I've tried so many different strategies and approaches. I've tried pursuing different career paths. I've tried going back to school. I've tried moving to a different part of the country. I've tried moving to another country. I've been to several different therapists over the past decade. I've tried testosterone therapy. I've tried joining gaming groups. I joined a gym. But every time I've tried something, there was either some obstacle in my way or it simply ended up doing nothing to change my situation.

While I have been swiftly turned away by every woman I've ever attempted to form a romantic relationship with, the bigger obstacle I've faced is that the vast majority of women I've met in the past decade have all been married or in relationships. I actually feel confident that if I could somehow meet and get to know every woman on the planet at a point in her life when she is single, I would be able to find a suitable partner. But the reality is that the available pool of single women keeps diminishing the older I get. To find a single woman who meets the laundry list of criteria that includes mutual attraction, being interesting and engaging intellectually, accepting of me as I am as a neurodiverse atheist, and not possessing any dealbreakers like smoking seems virtually impossible when the pool of available women is this shallow. Too many stars have to align.

Last edited by dorkseid on 14 Feb 2021, 12:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Fnord and Kraftiekortie, you guys are from an older generation. Is it possible that that might have something to do with why you've been more successful than most of us younger men? My understanding is that society used to be more closely tightknit that it is nowadays, and it was common for families and communities to be actively engaged in helping people find partners. Now, we are often all on our own in trying to find someone. In fact, I've only had another person actively introduce to a potential partner once in my entire life.

Are we taking in subtleties like how someone talks?. Doesn't matter how great your income is if you have a nasal voice that sounds like nails on a chalk board.

I watched a thing in YouTube about a woman complaining about being single and most comments were about how horrific her voice was.

I'm constantly mistaken for a woman on the phone.