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Forever being alone as a Aspie

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IsabellaLinton
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21 Apr 2020, 2:03 pm

Whale_Tuune wrote:
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and NT women are especially cruel overall, to anyone that doesn't pass their filters regardless of gender or situation . they are the type of people who would in days past, be part of the crowd with torches to burn the 'witch' or 'warlock' among them.


I agree with the essence of this. In my experience, NTs are judgmental regardless, but NT women usually much more so. Women are expected to be the more socially adept gender, which is why it might be hard for Aspie men to date them.

There's also the dilemma with Aspie women nowadays when we don't have many friends because of how judgmental NT women can be. The guys we do date may be attracted to us because of our social isolation and loneliness, which is how we end up with abusers and manipulators. Especially nowadays if you don't have your gaggle of girlfriends NT guys will suspect something is wrong with you.


I agree with this, 100%.


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Marknis
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21 Apr 2020, 5:36 pm

nick007 wrote:
Luhluhluh wrote:
blooiejagwa wrote:

It is dismissive to suggest that the experience that if you are 'off' NT women are more likely to pounce on you outright is ridiculous if that is OPs experience or indeed, mine...being a female NOT romantically inclined to other females and having lived in 4 countries in different cultures about 12 schools and subsequent adult life as well as travelling to many more throughout my life.


So yeah... like I said... if everywhere you go, you have a problem, maybe the problem is you?

I mean, I don't know how to make this more clear. I'm not trying to attack anyone or single anyone out. But if a person has an ongoing problem and it's with EVERYONE, then the only common denominator is YOU. And it would be far smarter to figure out WHY you seem to have this ongoing issue and how to fix it rather than spending all your time placing blame and being angry about it and expecting the general population to change to suit you, which is going to solve exactly nothing at all and nothing will ever, ever change.
What if the problem is due to intolerance like if someone is gay or trans in the bible-belt & everyone they meet hate them. Or the way African Americans were treated in the US after slavery ended :?:


Even if you aren’t gay or trans in the Bible Belt, you get assumed you are if you aren’t seen with a girlfriend or wife. Regardless, I agree with your post. I also hate how others are quick to label us as “incels” or “Red Pillers” just because we struggle with finding love. I don’t want anyone telling me to give up.



The_Face_of_Boo
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21 Apr 2020, 5:44 pm

Show us a photo of you, rick.



The_Face_of_Boo
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21 Apr 2020, 5:49 pm

Muse933277 wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Relationships are difficult so long as you expect them to be all about you.

The moment you let go of that, you'll be fine.



Well, that's not true.

I do hate these throw away lines.

I am a very caring person and I look out for others, but doesn't matter what I do for guys. They don't magically fall for me.

I'll give an example of how I have a nice little relationship with someone. Take my brother-in-law's best friend for example. I do look out for him. Make sure he's ok. Invite him places. I don't expect anything back from him. He's just part of our lives and I make him a part of things because he's one of us. And my friend's brother too. He's a great guy. We talk about music mostly. I've invited him along to things we do. We're on good terms. We have not fallen for each other either.

I've known quite a lot of men actually, I've just treated them as humans and not expected anything. No one fell for me. We had no sparks.

Mysteriously he hasn't fallen for the girl that looks out for him :D

It's not a magic panacea to just be caring and someone will fall for you.

Ah, well, at least this made me write about some of the nice people I know.

How long before this thread gets locked? I give it an hour.





He’s probably not physically attracted to you, that’s why. Either that or he’s got a girlfriend.
If he found you attractive, he likely would have made a move by now.

For the vast majority of men, they want someone who they find physically attractive. If the physical attraction isn’t there, it doesn’t matter how nice you are, how much you two have in common, he won’t even consider you. Also we generally want someone in our age range. If you’re a 25 year old man, you’re probably not looking at women in their fourties, unless they’re super hot.


A good example would be an 80 year old woman. I ain’t ever going to be attracted to an 80 year old woman no matter how much she’s there for me.



Pssst... it’s the same for the both genders; don’t believe the clichés.



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21 Apr 2020, 8:19 pm

The problem with most of the guys that "complain" about women, the misogyny stuff (saying all women are mean, rotten) not that they all say kinds of things like this either, but the attitude is primarily the symptom of their negative experiences and not the cause.

Other than that, real true misogyny is very rare.



WantToHaveALife
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15 Aug 2020, 8:01 pm

i thought this was worded perfectly in terms of specific descriptions, but at the same time, its a reminder how it has irritated me for many years now, that the FA community seems to be male-dominated. Here it is:

The male to female birth rate is around 107 men for every 100 women (by early adulthood, it's closer to 105 to 100). In relation to heterosexual relationships at least, there aren't enough women for every man to have a partner (in youth). Additionally, as most people can survive just fine without a partner, in progressive societies there is only minimal pressure for most people to partner up at all. Desirable people can (and should) hold out for suitable partners rather than dating everyone who comes along. Accordingly in youth, heterosexual men face higher competition than do heterosexual women.

Another is gender roles.

"Due to gender roles in heterosexual relationships, in our society, life, the world, men are usually expected to take the lead and initiate romantic/sexual relationships.

This requires a certain amount of confidence and social skills, social dynamics and social intelligence, conversation ability and human interaction ability, certain social behaviors and social understanding, which can be very difficult to develop for those who've faced a lot of social isolation and rejection for many years.

People who fail to develop these traits due to lack of positive experiences, are much less able to compete with their peers for romantic/sexual relationships.

As said before, men being generally expected to initiate, the lack of these traits affects their ability to find and attract a romantic/sexual partner to a much larger degree than it does for women."

i thought that was a very powerful and valid post, perfectly worded.