Love life once you get to your late 20s/early 30s

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My problem in my early 20's wasn't by body/size, but my face. It was hideous-looking, every part of it! One waitress even said to her colleague that I had "creepy eyes" (and I overheard it), gave me deliberately slow service, and my food came messy-looking; I got a slight vindication by tipping her 10 cents. (While today, at age 37, in the midst of a scamdemic, the service I get is always top-notch, and I tip waitstaff as much as 33% of the bill, to show gratitude for their risky front-line work.) No girl wanted anything to do with me, which is understandable: nobody likes an ugly guy.

Being at my wit's end, at age 21, I went in for a plastic surgery consultation, hoping to make my face look better. The surgeon took a picture of me, and loaded it into his computer. While the computer simulation of my new face was sexy-looking, the good part ended there. The surgery would cost at least $10,000, plus 6 weeks of aftercare and its associated costs, neither of which I could afford. The surgeon must have seen how upset I looked, because he took pity on me and waived the $50 consultation fee he was gonna charge me.

It worked out somewhat well later on. I aged into my looks at 26 years or so. (That is, my face aged to match the looks I already had.) I knew because women started being more receptive to my approaches. One even kissed me on a first date. The ultimate change happened at 29, when I went on a cruise, and got overwhelmingly positive reactions from the women I met. I didn't have sex with them, obviously, but they seemed happy to dance with me, rather than having the "ew! get away!" reaction I got from women 10 years prior.

Not only that, today I can afford the $10,000 and the PTO needed for the aftercare. (If not, my fee probably wouldn't get waived, since my stupid mask would hide my upset look.) I work a lucrative government job that pays very well for the role I do, and has bragging rights to match. (Its drawback is that I'm conservative, while my employer is liberal.) And today, I look pretty damn handsome! Still, I feel kind of cheated for being ugly while young. And at times, I wonder how my life would have turned out differently if I actually got that plastic surgery.

So you are saying you *did* get plastic surgery?

It is nice to hear a positive story overall, here, for a change.

Who needs plastic surgury? Just wait until either your looks improve naturally over time or your sex drive goes down. Either will solve the problem without the surgeon's knife.

No, I did not. Back then, I didn't have the money for it nor the time for aftercare/recovery, which was supposed to be 6 weeks, and probably painful at first to boot. Today, I have the money and the time. Only the surgery became redundant. I'm handsome enough naturally now, thanks to aging into my looks, and my sex drive is barely 1/10th of what it once was. So the incentive to pursue women and the necessity to look good are mostly gone. All the women I know personally is strictly as friends, and the most I did is dance with them. One thing that current good looks help me with now isn't so much women's interest, but rather people's respect in general.

In fact, in 2017 thru 2020, I went through a period of full-on aversion to sex. I couldn't even handle making out (snogging) unless I was really drunk, although I still enjoyed hugs and cheek kisses. My sex drive returned to its current level in late spring of 2020, probably as a reaction to the loneliness from Covid lockdowns. Today, I see escorts occasionally, but it's merely a proverbial mental wellness checkup, if that, as opposed to being my sanity saver.

when i was 24 i was getting more opportunities to have sex compared to now aged nearly 31?

does your love life tend to get worse as you get to your late 20s/early 30s?


I think biologically the peak of attractiveness is between ages 14-25.

It might have absolutely nothing to do with you at all. If you start talking marriage, you might have better luck being that you are past 30 now. Are you in a position to marry? Also, when you were younger, were the women as young as you? If they were, maybe they were okay with just a romp because they were still young and had their whole life ahead of them. Your current peers (30 and older) want to get married. The younger women see you as old especially if you are lumped up from boxing - like an old lion - full of battle scars. Sexually, young women see men going downhill at 30 and may suspect that you are already married and just out for a sexual diversion. Jamesy, you're better off getting married - look for a bride - a decent, loving woman. Women who hit 30 and aren't married start to feel panicky thinking that they will be alone forever. They may not be as opportunistic as the younger ones and much more understanding. It might be time to hang up your gigolo suit. Brehus made a strong point too about fidelity.

It is nice to hear an 'ugly duckling' story, here, for a change.

After I get the vaccine, I intend to 'fraternise also, down the line.
It has been a hell of a long time between 'drinks'.

I resumed "fraternizing" long before anyone got their vaccines. (But shhhhh! ) The loneliness from the lockdowns was too damn much! Paid sex was basically a stand-in for the simple social gatherings I craved but couldn't get. If me and the escort just talked, cuddled, held hands, and made out (UK: snogged), I'd enjoy it too. But it's a flat-rate for an hour, not a per-act rate, to skirt the anti-prostitution laws in the US. So given the cost, I did everything.

One thing that also helps is to firmly and whole-heartedly BELIEVE that you look good. And anyone who says otherwise is an idiot who doesn't know what they're talking about. If believing that you're good-looking is a bridge too far, then believe that you look good enough for your regular life. Most of us aspie men will never be able to go into bar and pick up a woman; it's a skill too advanced. But whatever socializing you do, like board games or partner dancing, you gotta believe that your looks are good enough for that.

I was an "ugly duckling."

Not quite a swan....but certainly not at the "ugly" level.