08 Jan 2021, 1:23 pm
Double Retired wrote:
A small aside: Neither my bride nor I wondered if I might be on the Spectrum until January 2018. We then both did a bit of research and by April 2018 we both believed I probably was on it.
My bride was mildly opposed to me getting a formal diagnosis. She was concerned that officially having the label might make my life a little more difficult. I chose to pursue a diagnosis despite her concerns because I wanted to know for sure--and I believed I had reached a point in life where the label would just be a minor side point of limited interest.
P.S. We won't know 'til after the pandemic, when we can return to "normal" life, whether or not she gets to say "I told you so!"
My bride was mildly opposed to me getting a formal diagnosis. She was concerned that officially having the label might make my life a little more difficult. I chose to pursue a diagnosis despite her concerns because I wanted to know for sure--and I believed I had reached a point in life where the label would just be a minor side point of limited interest.
P.S. We won't know 'til after the pandemic, when we can return to "normal" life, whether or not she gets to say "I told you so!"
... ... ...
As always, it is a pleasure reading your comments...
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08 Jan 2021, 3:10 pm
Clueless2017, You radiate a cheerful sunnydisposition. It's sort of frightening. 
I'm going to guess your lucky husband feels a mix of happiness, love, and confusion--with a pinch of terror. (That, by the way, has been my experience with my bride. The terror toned down after awhile but hasn't gone completely away, the love has grown. 
)
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08 Jan 2021, 11:24 pm
MrsPeel wrote:
But it's also clear to me that for many NT women, being married to an aspie husband is very challenging. It is not uncommon for the wife to start feeling a bit neglected and unloved.
Clueless2017 wrote:
As for me, UNDERSTANDING ASD is most important, because it makes all the difference in my relationship to my beloved Aspie husband...(I am a professional researcher as are all Legal Assistants)...The more i understand ASD, the more kind, the more compassionate, the more forgiving, I am to my beloved Aspie husband...In his own words, I am "b-e-y-o-n-d good as a person" (sounds beautiful in Spanish)...Coming from him, i will take it as a compliment...
I would agree that being married to an Aspie can be difficult but I believe that it can also be difficult for an Aspie to be married to an NT. When I read posts here by members who are or who have been in relationships, there are two main types of issues. NTs who are in bad relationships with Aspies or people they suspect of being Aspie & the NT is trying their best but failing miserably. & the other type is an Aspie who is in a bad relationship with an NT or someone who has some other disorders & the Aspie is trying their best but failing miserably. I wonder if sometimes both types are two sides of the same coin so to speak. Maybe the NT & the Aspie are both trying their best but neither can see the other's perspective or side. Understanding is very important for both within a relationship. NTs can have bad relationships with other NTs & Aspies can have bad relationships with other Aspies. Both partners need to try & work together & meet each other halfway in any relationship.That said I also wonder why some people get in serious relationships in the 1st place. A couple had major problems when they were dating & they get married or have kids somehow expecting that things would suddenly be better even thou the problems did not really get better while they were dating. People should NOT get in relationships expecting a frog to suddenly transform into a prince/princess like in some Disney fairy-tale. The movie Shrek is much more realistic. Someone who was born an ogre will always be an ogre. An ogre can work on himself & make various changes in his life & personality to accommodate others but he still won't stop being an ogre.
09 Jan 2021, 2:55 am
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09 Jan 2021, 9:13 am
Mrrrrr-wheeew... I sssmell fearrr~
Some blood pumping, a heart racing, it tickles down my spine
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09 Jan 2021, 9:49 am
Double Retired wrote:
:sunny:Clueless2017, You radiate a cheerful sunnydisposition. It's sort of frightening.
I'm going to guess your lucky husband feels a mix of happiness, love, and confusion--with a pinch of terror. (That, by the way, has been my experience with my bride. The terror toned down after awhile but hasn't gone completely away, the love has grown. )
I'm going to guess your lucky husband feels a mix of happiness, love, and confusion--with a pinch of terror. (That, by the way, has been my experience with my bride. The terror toned down after awhile but hasn't gone completely away, the love has grown.
)I'll have to agree, if you wanted to be the brave one, but for me if I cover the creepy grin wp emoji it becomes much more warm of a sentence, especially with the dots. Im very finicky about emojis and 3 hearts is neither 1 nor 10/a line, so its kind of overdoing it but not obviously. Im guessing the emotions behind these are excitedness. But it's also constant, with everyone any stranger. I can only warm up slowly or get entertained by huge heart rows to express personality. [except when i go hyper and can't stop giggling and bouncing when meeting new autists] Smiling a lot is unexpected. Reminds me a bit of lovebombing. Im guessing it's fun or emotionally paying experience for her and she's happy to learn.
I have issues with the explanation of some things on my behalf, that can seem to overpower me a bit in a discussion and having lots to explain can make me shut down or irritable. Im forgiving, understanding and accepting though so it doesn't dawn on me and I don't think much of it. I know it's probably not her intention and she enjoys personality topics and knows quite a bit about that. I like her as a person, and im impressed shes happy despite the lack of affection she gets. I worry it's just perceived and unhealthy for her.
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09 Jan 2021, 12:30 pm
Rexi wrote:
...for me if I cover the creepy grin wp emoji it becomes much more warm of a sentence...
Perhaps. But I might be projecting based upon my bride. (With respect to my ADHD bride, my feelings are a lot of and a hint of ...I think her feelings with respect to me, her Aspie husband, are a lot of and more than a hint of 
.)
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09 Jan 2021, 12:46 pm
idntonkw wrote:
Being married to an aspie man or woman is not for everyone, because, let's face it - it's less fun, less satisfying, less social, less normal, less and less of everything.. not that there aren't good things about it. Depends on one's needs and expectations!
Sadly, a lot of marriages end in divorce. These divorce rates indicate marriage has adversities besides neurodiversities.As an aside, my bride is fond of a famous quote from Ruth Bell Graham, wife of evangelist Billy Graham. By the way, my bride was born and raised in Texas and used to shoot competitively. I think I should behave!! !
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09 Jan 2021, 1:38 pm
Double Retired wrote:
idntonkw wrote:
Being married to an aspie man or woman is not for everyone, because, let's face it - it's less fun, less satisfying, less social, less normal, less and less of everything.. not that there aren't good things about it. Depends on one's needs and expectations!
Sadly, a lot of marriages end in divorce. These divorce rates indicate marriage has adversities besides neurodiversities.As an aside, my bride is fond of a famous quote from Ruth Bell Graham, wife of evangelist Billy Graham. By the way, my bride was born and raised in Texas and used to shoot competitively. I think I should behave!! !
The rate of breakups is much higher when not in a marriage but then again the rate of being stuck is lower [17 percent of married people are not stuck in unhappy marriages; lack of intimacy is on the top of what women are unhappy about, men need appreciation and validation on needs as opposed to critiques and they care if they feel good]
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09 Jan 2021, 10:34 pm
Double Retired wrote:
:sunny:Clueless2017, You radiate a cheerful sunnydisposition. It's sort of frightening.
I'm going to guess your lucky husband feels a mix of happiness, love, and confusion--with a pinch of terror. (That, by the way, has been my experience with my bride. The terror toned down after awhile but hasn't gone completely away, the love has grown. )
I'm going to guess your lucky husband feels a mix of happiness, love, and confusion--with a pinch of terror. (That, by the way, has been my experience with my bride. The terror toned down after awhile but hasn't gone completely away, the love has grown.
)... ... ...
You may very well be right...I have specifically asked him if he realizes how blessed he is to have ME...Because i always reiterate to him how blessed i am to have HIM...And without hesitation, he responded with a resounding "Siiii!" (Spanish for Yes)...I have also asked him specifically if he is happy with ME...And with deep sentiment, he has responded "Muuucho" (Spanish for literally "a l-o-t")...
I, of course, has asked him if he loves me, too...And he has responded with reassurance "Claro!" (Spanish for "Of Course!"...
I should clarify that i have asked the above-mentioned questions only once in recent times and on separate occasions...I do NOT bombard him with questions...When i have asked, i have done so to force him to reflect on our relationship--even for one moment...NOT because i need to hear it from him...Although that is nice...NOT because i need the reassurance...Although i appreciate it...I already know...I carefully observe his attitudes and actions towards me...And this is how i know with all certainty that he truly loves me...As i always say, I AM BLESSED TO HAVE HIM...
However, you have left me wondering if i cause him TERROR...
...Sometimes, he does seems uneasy or nervous in my presence...But i attribute it to his medical condition and not to my causing it...Just crossed my mind that it may be ME...Perhaps, all along it has been ME!! !...LOL...
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09 Jan 2021, 10:58 pm
Clueless2017 wrote:
However, you have left me wondering if i cause him TERROR... ...Sometimes, he does seems uneasy or nervous in my presence...But i attribute it to his medical condition and not to my causing it...Just crossed my mind that it may be ME...Perhaps, all along it has been ME!! !...LOL...
You cause me terror (just a little)! In the unlikely event that my bride and I ever knowingly meet you and your hubby, I am confident that you and my bride would get along wondrously and your hubby and I would quietly, somewhat fearfully, sit off to one side looking a bit shaken and rolling our eyes a lot.
...Sometimes, he does seems uneasy or nervous in my presence...But i attribute it to his medical condition and not to my causing it...Just crossed my mind that it may be ME...Perhaps, all along it has been ME!! !...LOL... 09 Jan 2021, 11:56 pm
nick007 wrote:
MrsPeel wrote:
But it's also clear to me that for many NT women, being married to an aspie husband is very challenging. It is not uncommon for the wife to start feeling a bit neglected and unloved.
Clueless2017 wrote:
As for me, UNDERSTANDING ASD is most important, because it makes all the difference in my relationship to my beloved Aspie husband...(I am a professional researcher as are all Legal Assistants)...The more i understand ASD, the more kind, the more compassionate, the more forgiving, I am to my beloved Aspie husband...In his own words, I am "b-e-y-o-n-d good as a person" (sounds beautiful in Spanish)...Coming from him, i will take it as a compliment...
I would agree that being married to an Aspie can be difficult but I believe that it can also be difficult for an Aspie to be married to an NT. When I read posts here by members who are or who have been in relationships, there are two main types of issues. NTs who are in bad relationships with Aspies or people they suspect of being Aspie & the NT is trying their best but failing miserably. & the other type is an Aspie who is in a bad relationship with an NT or someone who has some other disorders & the Aspie is trying their best but failing miserably. I wonder if sometimes both types are two sides of the same coin so to speak. Maybe the NT & the Aspie are both trying their best but neither can see the other's perspective or side. Understanding is very important for both within a relationship. NTs can have bad relationships with other NTs & Aspies can have bad relationships with other Aspies. Both partners need to try & work together & meet each other halfway in any relationship.That said I also wonder why some people get in serious relationships in the 1st place. A couple had major problems when they were dating & they get married or have kids somehow expecting that things would suddenly be better even thou the problems did not really get better while they were dating. People should NOT get in relationships expecting a frog to suddenly transform into a prince/princess like in some Disney fairy-tale. The movie Shrek is much more realistic. Someone who was born an ogre will always be an ogre. An ogre can work on himself & make various changes in his life & personality to accommodate others but he still won't stop being an ogre.
... ... ...
I agree with you 100%...I am flawed...I am most imperfect...But not more than others...I still like me...And my husband accepted me as i am...His flaws--not related to his autistic traits--i will not reveal here...Out of respect to him--my beloved (Aspie) husband
...Suffice to say, while pursuing me, he did have to make some drastic changes for me to accept him...To date, it is fair to say that our young marriage of less than two years is a work in progress...And we continue to make adjustments for each other to this day...I don't know what the future holds for my neuro-diverse marriage...But i pray for wisdom everyday...And i am grateful for each day that my beloved (Aspie) husband remains by my side...Some days, like tonight, it feels as if it may be the last
We have not argued in a while...We have been consistent to one another...WE LOVE EACH OTHER DEEPLY...However, my beloved husband often feels the need to run-away...I don't know if he wants to run from me or from himself...He refuses to follow-up with his neurologist who is an expert in ASD...So, he is not benefiting from the medical help he so desperately needs..Meanwhile, i continue to pray for a miracle...
10 Jan 2021, 12:00 am
Double Retired wrote:
Clueless2017 wrote:
However, you have left me wondering if i cause him TERROR... ...Sometimes, he does seems uneasy or nervous in my presence...But i attribute it to his medical condition and not to my causing it...Just crossed my mind that it may be ME...Perhaps, all along it has been ME!! !...LOL...
You cause me terror (just a little)! In the unlikely event that my bride and I ever knowingly meet you and your hubby, I am confident that you and my bride would get along wondrously and your hubby and I would quietly, somewhat fearfully, sit off to one side looking a bit shaken and rolling our eyes a lot. ...Sometimes, he does seems uneasy or nervous in my presence...But i attribute it to his medical condition and not to my causing it...Just crossed my mind that it may be ME...Perhaps, all along it has been ME!! !...LOL... ... ... ...
I already very much look forward to that day...It will be so-o-o WONDERFUL, indeed...Thank you for your friendship...And that of your beloved bride...God bless your marriage with peace, tranquility, and happiness...
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10 Jan 2021, 12:36 pm
Clueless2017 wrote:
I already very much look forward to that day...It will be so-o-o WONDERFUL, indeed...
You are kind but be forewarned, we are almost certainly old enough to be your parents...possibly even grandparents. We come from different universes. (Ah! But from the same Wrong Planet! 
)I doubt we'll ever meet in person but, if we did, I think there'd be amusement all of the way around.
10 Jan 2021, 12:57 pm
Double Retired wrote:
Clueless2017 wrote:
I already very much look forward to that day...It will be so-o-o WONDERFUL, indeed...
You are kind but be forewarned, we are almost certainly old enough to be your parents...possibly even grandparents. We come from different universes. (Ah! But from the same Wrong Planet! )I doubt we'll ever meet in person but, if we did, I think there'd be amusement all of the way around.
... ... ...
If it ever happens, which i know is very unlikely, i promise to bring the champagne...To celebrate
Double Retired
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10 Jan 2021, 1:01 pm
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