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Whale_Tuune
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09 Feb 2021, 9:05 pm

I threw out a date and time and he said "Sounds good!"

I still am unsure if he was expecting me to send a message, or if he is aware that I was trying to ask him out...?


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that1weirdgrrrl
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09 Feb 2021, 9:55 pm

Whale_Tuune wrote:
I threw out a date and time and he said "Sounds good!"

I still am unsure if he was expecting me to send a message, or if he is aware that I was trying to ask him out...?


Hang out with him and see how it goes. I would give more weight to in-person interactions than online interactions.

I hope you two have fun together!


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The_Face_of_Boo
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10 Feb 2021, 1:36 am

Whale_Tuune wrote:
I threw out a date and time and he said "Sounds good!"

I still am unsure if he was expecting me to send a message, or if he is aware that I was trying to ask him out...?


He’s very aware unless he’s a total doormat.
This is a date.



Whale_Tuune
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12 Feb 2021, 7:01 pm

Just got back. I had fun talking with him, but I remain unaware of whether or not he feels romantically towards me... or if we went on a date...


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r00tb33r
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12 Feb 2021, 7:09 pm

Whale_Tuune wrote:
Just got back. I had fun talking with him, but I remain unaware of whether or not he feels romantically towards me... or if we went on a date...

What signs besides wanting to spend time with him have you given him?

Ultimately if you really want this you can make the first move and say, bake him something. After that it will be his turn to do something.



Whale_Tuune
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12 Feb 2021, 7:20 pm

I feel like I did make an ambiguous move.

In retrospect, it's not exactly that I was asking him on a date so much as... a test run? I liked him and wanted to know if we could have a good conversation on our own without it getting awkward.

I thought that we could, but... I don't know if there was much flirtiness? Granted, this was directly before he went across the cafeteria to meet with his friends at Hillel. Like his buddy was just sitting right across from us at the cafeteria. Awkward af in terms of flirting. I know that this dude will be ribbing him about whether I have feelings for him. Little chance for a private-ish conversation of whether or not this was a date... lol.


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blackicmenace
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12 Feb 2021, 7:56 pm

Why don't you mention to him that you would like to spend some time with him, perhaps just the two of you next time? That is if you're interested in pursuing this further.


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Whale_Tuune
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12 Feb 2021, 8:15 pm

I have and did. Scheduling hiccup meant that he ended up going straight from us hanging out to his club meeting across the cafeteria. I was not going to stop him and ask him how he felt about me while all his friends were right across the room.


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blackicmenace
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12 Feb 2021, 8:39 pm

My apologies for my misunderstanding, I hope he likes you and don't feel bad if it doesn't work out. When you meet the right person all the trials and tribulations will be worth all the trouble along the way.


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MaxE
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13 Feb 2021, 11:00 am

You need to give some clear indication of physical attraction. It seems women will assume this is obvious or a given, when it isn't.


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Whale_Tuune
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13 Feb 2021, 3:36 pm

I kicked him under the table playfully, bit my lip when he spoke, leaned in. Idk.

The issue like I said was that this was hardly a private location... and his friends were all across the room... and face masks and dividers abounded.


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Pepe
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13 Feb 2021, 5:31 pm

Whale_Tuune wrote:
I have had feelings for a friend of my brother's who is also friendly with me for about a year. He seemed friendly, nice, even a bit flirtatious, and we seemed to get along well. He was funny, smart, and kind (I'd thought).

So after months of just hoping something would happen, I shot him a message saying "Hey, do you wanna hang out sometime, I know the semester is busy for both of us but you're fun to talk to :)"

He invited me to a religious club thing (he's Jewish) and I'm not Jewish, so I was super lost, but I was like, I don't know what's gonna happen, but I'll go.

When I go, he's not there for the first half hour, so I start talking to other people (I'm trying to put myself out there more). Then he shows up, says hi to me briefly, then says "I'm gonna sit over there", sits at the table across from me, and talks to his friend all evening. I keep chatting with the people at my table but I'm feeling increasingly more awkward, so after I finish the snack that I brought with me (because you need to order food) I say goodbye to everyone and leave.

After that, I'm kind of upset because it felt like he hadn't been interested in speaking to me and instead wanted to promote an event. I felt really left out. I sent him a message on instagram which says: "Hey, [name], I'm glad that you invited me to Hillel, it was really fun to meet new people, and they're all really nice. But I wanted to tell you that when you didn't talk to me during dinner even though you invited me, it very much hurt my feelings. It sent a message to me that you weren't really interested in spending time with me, and that was really not polite. (From my perspective.) I wanted to let you know, because if there was some kind of misunderstanding, I'd like to clear the air so that there isn't any bad blood between us. I apologize if this is too lengthy or blunt, but I prefer to be kind of direct because miscommunication kinda sucks."

It doesn't seem like he's seen the message yet, and I don't know if I come across as overly clingy or emotional. I'm really just trying to be up front so that he knows how I feel about the situation, then can articulate how he feels. In my experience, guys don't really like being direct. That said, neither do girls. No one seems to like difficult conversations, so I hope he doesn't leave me on read (or just ghost me completely). It would be really sh***y of him to do that. Plus, he is good friends with my brother and I don't want to have a blow up that makes them feel awkward with each other either.


For what it's worth, you were totally reasonable in what you said and how you felt, imo.
Kudos.

Your post is 7 days old.
I hope things have developed in a positive way, further down the thread. :wink:



Pepe
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13 Feb 2021, 5:36 pm

Dog1 wrote:

Men really appreciate that kind of directness in communication from a woman - and it might flatter him, too.


That is what I would have thought, also.



Pepe
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13 Feb 2021, 5:40 pm

Whale_Tuune wrote:
update: So I sent the message, let it sit for 18 hours. My brother who is friends with the fella told me that he's kind of oblivious sometimes, and I should send him a second message elaborating on my intentions.

I had also sent a message on discord about including some of my friends on the server my crush ran. That evening, he messaged me on discord about the club thing, but he didn't seem like he'd been active on instagram at all.

My friends on discord urged me to send him a message on discord, but I felt that may have read as overbearing. I called my brother, who then basically said "Do whatever, send or don't send a message, either one works."

eventually I settled for sending him a message, asking him to check his instagram. Then I followed up on instagram clarifying my feelings. then I turned off all of my notifications. I don't want to deal with the waiting.

update: he messaged me on discord saying he'd look at my ig message.


I think you are brilliant.
He would be lucking to have you as his GF.

You would make a good mother, also.
Am I jumping the gun? :mrgreen:



Pepe
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13 Feb 2021, 5:44 pm

Whale_Tuune wrote:
Like it's almost 4 am, he is still on discord, and has not checked insta.


Not looking good.

I could skip to the end of the 'book', but where is the fun in that? :mrgreen:

DuckHairback wrote:
I think you handled that really well. I can imagine a lot of people would have very hurt by his behaviour - you laid out how you felt in a very clear and un-melodramatic way.


Whale_Tuune is an impressive young woman with a very level head.



Last edited by Pepe on 13 Feb 2021, 5:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

CollegeGirlAnon
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13 Feb 2021, 5:54 pm

I wish I could advise you but I have found that men (and women, including myself sadly) have exhibited some bizarre behavior in general.

I would keep the lines of communication open in any case.


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