Aspies do not get married or have children.

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i really would give anything like my parents to have and provide for my family, many say i would make an excellent husband and father, but nobody comes and asks me out, hehe

same-ohh but I am not that into women
I am...and would be with one if she was the right one...
but I just...ya know

If that's you in the photo, you're certainly very good looking.

I agree, he is good looking.

I don't have any problems maintaining my current relationship with my NT boyfriend. However, he is not a normal "NT" and does have some Aspie traits though not nearly enough to constitute a diagnosis. The benefit to this is that he can really understand me and is very patient with me. He doesn't make me feel stupid and he knows when I am having an "Aspie moment" before I do sometimes. He doesn't have any social/communication skills problems so when we're in public he does all of the talking & answers questions for me when he can tell I am confused or startled.

I don't really have any friends outside of our relationship, except for a few people I see once or twice a month - the rest are internet friends. It's too hard for me to focus on more than one friendship or relationship.

I read something like this the other day - in some article, a pyschologist said that people on the autism spectrum would never say, "I love you."

Can you believe this??? WOW!

I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you

Well, on the bright side if and when I tell a woman that I love her she knows I'm legit and not trying to get in her pants. For me to say it I need to feel the circular flow of trust, respect, and understanding to where she's locked in stable with me and I can be myself around her - otherwise even if she thinks she loves me truth is its doubtful that she really knows.

While she's wrong in principle she might have a point in spirit. I'm pretty certain that if I were male, I wouldn't be married. Probably the main determiner between married AS males and unmarried AS males is gainful employment. Likely if you compared employed AS males to unemployed AS males, you'd see a higher rate of marriage and offspring for the employed AS males. Yet if you then compared employed AS males to employed NT males, you'd likely see a lower rate of marriage and offspring in the employed AS males than in the NTs. Likewise, there is probably a higher rate of marriage and offspring for unemployed NT males vs. unemployed AS males. Whether it is noble or not, women do see steady employment in a male as a sign of stability and safety.

However, the notion that autistic people, high or low functioning cannot have relationships, is very wrong. Even low functioning autistics tend to be very, even over-attached, to their primary caregiver, and high functioning autistics tend to be close to a handful of people but usually not more.

It really is too bad that this notion of zero empathy and "cannot form attachment" is out there for autistics. I recently heard a biographer of Einstein interviewed, who insisted that Einstein could not have been a high functioning autistic because "he was able to form relationships."

Sometimes I like to think this may happen but other times I get down on myself, lose all hope and throw all my dreams away. Keeps me from getting anywhere, but I dont know how to react in any other way when it happens.

I am requesting this thread be closed or locked, because the posters dont realize the person supposedly quoted has already
said that the quote was inaccurate and repudiated the article in question, so this discussion over the alleged quote is pointless.

This thread was originally started in response to statements allegedly made by researchers at the Yale Developmental Disabilities Clinic. As soon as they posted the disclaimer saying that they were misquoted, I added this information to the very beginning of the thread.

Since then, the focus of this thread has become misrepresentation of Asperger's Syndrome in the media. This continues to be a valid topic for discussion. To date, and to the best of my knowledge, USA Today has not published a retraction. And, there's a similar thread taking place at the bottom of the USA Today story, which continues to contain the mis-quotes.

If you find this thread pointless, don't participate. Thank you for your concern.

Query: Do you have any association with the Yale Developmental Disabilities Clinic or USA Today? Why do you care about getting this thread shut down?

Good fortune,

- Icarus the Unrepentent

I am madly in love and am also an excellent mother.

That being said, the whole concept of love was completely lost on me for a long time. I thought it sounded nice in literature but only as a theoretical concept or an excuse for tragic endings. I was always was too logical to buy the classic love stories. I can see through the ridiculous, dysfunctional relationships that most consider to be 'love' and still believe that the vast majority of people have no idea what love is, they just convince themselves that their sexual urges and need for companionship, stability, security and someone to have children with are something bigger than themselves and blah blah.

Even now, when I say I love my man, our relationship is nothing like most relationships and our love is based on as much logic as feelings. I always say that feeling in love is no excuse to be with someone.

As for having children, I always had a strong need for children but I can see that my motivations and emotional responses to my daughter are not always the same as most people.

Anyway, my point is that I think aspies would not marry and have children just because it is what everyone else does. We tend to need a better reason than that and are not satisfied with anything but our ideal I know I would have no problem being alone forever, so for me to want to invest my life in a relationship and go through all the obstacles I have in order to achieve intimacy, it has to be worth it.

I do not know the stats, but I would venture the hypothesis that it takes longer and more work to end up in a relationship, but that those we have (I don't count the disasters we probably all went through as teens or young adults trying to fit in or at least get laid) are more meaningful than the average NT.

Love based on logic? Wow, you just blew my mind. (Close or lock this thread indeed...) That statement is entirely unfathomable to me. Would you be so kind as to elaborate on this point? To me, love is a feeling, not necessarily rational (in fact, usually not); the logic of a relationship logistics I also understand; and I also understand that these two things are often at odds (but in the optimal cases, are in a state of synergy).

But love based on logic? Input error; please explain. Please?

Good fortune,

- Icarus the Logical Illogical Lover

Well, the dry boring angle of it that people love to hate like its some kind of health food; real 'love' is a social contract; pretty much saying your throwing in with someone because what you and them can establish between you is worth that much to both of you. Its an unwritten code of respect, its a desire to strengthen that bond and keep it that way - partly inherent design we have but in the end its just a wise behaviorally-economic decision. In the end I'd call infatuation the emotion and love the choice and commitment.

I do this. For most of my feelings... they come out when I've been thinking long and hard about something. I just don't stop and say, I really like this person.

I think about it, oh they said something smart and funny... that's neat.
Oh they like these sort of things... great.
Wow, they show great patience and compassion... I'll take a note of that.
They show interest in me... oh boy! I really could be with this person... she's great.

Then my heart comes in and tells me to do crazy unthinkable things that I just have to do them.

Logic leads me to love... love compels me to do whatever I need to do.

When logic and love are best friends... it's a pretty good system.

Last edited by Pugly on 27 Aug 2007, 1:10 am, edited 1 time in total.

I'm an excellent driver.