My gf only wants to have spontaneous unplanned sex.

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It's unfair if either of you insists the other one only does things their way, but that can result in compromise or realizing it's an irreconcilable difference.

Well I guess I don't understand what the big deal is. I feel like saying to her 'you know we live in the 21st century and it's okay for a woman to want sex, without having to make it seem like she is ashamed for planning it in advance'. But not sure if saying that is a good thing.

Are you comfortable? that seems to coming back to the crux of the issue.

Oh comfortable how exactly? I mean I want to have sex with her of course, so does that mean I'm comfortable?

Are you comfortable with spontaneous unplanned romantic sex?

I would not say that, but should tell her how you feel and that you're struggling with that, maybe she thinks you like having it spontaneous and unplanned or maybe she has a reason she doesn't like to plan it so much. But you'd have to have that conversation with her. Maybe you and her could come to some kind of middle ground.

But depending on the reason she may not be able to plan it out every time, not everyone knows when exactly they'll be in the mood or up for it ahead of time. Or maybe there are things you could do to help get her in the mood or maybe things you do that put her out of the mood. Maybe she could at least let you know if there is a likelihood of having sex when you hang out, or if she is planning on spending time with you doing non-sexual activities.

But no one here can truly tell you what is going on in her head, you'd have to ask her. I mean I kind of get the impression she doesn't even know this is an issue...