What are your red flags in relationships?

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The bolded and underline has to be a joke, right???

I'm just confused how on earth trying to help someone makes someone a narcissist. Look I get it that you've been abused and traumatized and been through really horrible s**t, but it's not right to label entire swathes of men and women narcissists just for the mere crime of having a benevolent heart and wanting to help others.

Can you clarify your comment please?

I do that one myself when trying to help someone. I also talk about my problems I've had or still have when trying to help relate to someone if my problems seem somewhat similar. Us Aspies are sometimes thought to be Narcissists thou so maybe I am one & maybe everyone is depending on how you look at em

I didn't say that no one should offer advice or problem-solving for others. I said that if you are meeting someone for the fist time, and you mention a problem but their only response is "Here's how to fix it", and they don't get to know your strengths, weaknesses, concerns, or ability for following those instructions, there's something missing. If they don't even want your input but only offer their own, it's a red flag that they might continue speaking over you through the relationship.

It's especially true if they don't mention the problem again or inquire to see how you're feeling about it later on.

Example: "So, I'm having a problem because of ____________".

"Oh, all you need to do is ____________. " (Then switches the topic or doesn't invite dialogue on the issue).

That's a lot different than offering support and advice to people we know well, in a conversation style, asking if they think the input might be helpful / useful, and following up to support them as it unfolds.

Please note I didn't say it makes the person a narcissist. I said it's a "red flag" that they're the wrong person, and they COULD BE a narcissist. Most people are on their best behaviour on first dates and they seek to have reciprocal conversations. If a date starts out with one person solving the other one's problems and not asking for dialogue, that's a warning the relationship will stay this way regardless of how you'll choose to label it. It's a form of trivialising or invalidating the other person, or their problems, even if they have good intentions.

It's a red flag. I didn't even say it was a dealbreaker. It's something to notice, and be wary of. If I saw the person again I'd be watching to see if the pattern continued.

And no, I don't joke about personality disorders but thanks for asking.

Here are my red flags. So I hate hate HATE radical feminists with a passion, and thus the following red flags for me indicates the woman I'm with is a radical feminist or bad person in general:

For everything wrong she or other women do there has to be a mitigating factor, extenuating circumstance and or context to justify or exculpate her bad behavior, such as being on her period, being stressed out, etc.; but every single errancy, infraction - real or perceived - or mistake from me or another guy is ipso facto men acting like pigs, men being irredeemable monsters, or something where the guy is a super villain without any sympathy nor empathy. Basically the types of people who support Amber Heard.

Gender roles are emphasized only when it benefits your interests but gender roles are completely meaningless when it involves sacrificing from your needs or wants to please your partner. For example radical feminists I've met have no issue with men being the ones expected to pay for their partners, to spend on them whenever they want as frivolously as they want, and basically they want a man to be the traditional man who conforms to chivalry, but as soon as the man asks his partner to fulfill his needs and adhere to traditional gender roles in ways that make him happy or sacrifice from her interests such as asking her to make him a meal after he comes home from work exhausted, all hell breaks loose and that man is a terrible misogynist and a symbol of patriarchy. Basically we call such people parasites. It's either gender roles for both or no gender roles: no such thing as gender roles when you like it but only when you like it.

If the partner expects her flaws and mistakes to just be ignored and overlooked or chalked up to a mitigating circumstance but my flaws and mistakes need a 10 hour mea culpa and long apology for and she holds a grudge then that person is a hypocrite.

If my partner wants to treat others how she herself doesnt want to be treated, or expects others to treat her how she herself doesnt treat others, then that person is a parasite and narcissistic and not worth my time

Basically anyone who exhibits a hypocrisy where "what's good for me isn't for thee" can leave. I don't tolerate hypocrites, radical feminists who think women have all these rights but no responsibilities, and that they're entitled to fair treatment but dont want to be fair to others.

I have plenty of red flags and it's great to be aware of them, I guess, but my issue is managing to not overlook them and having the courage to leave if they show themselves after I've formed an emotional attachment to someone. My last relationship that ended recently left me wanting to work on that (among other things) before even thinking about dating again.

I thought of another red flag. She acts like a mom with me. While I do need people to be straightforward when they want something from me like directly telling me what to do, how to do, & when it needs to be done; I do not need nor want to be micromanaged..

I see this red flag in my current partner. To the point she follows up my eating habits.

I see this red flag in my current partner. To the point she follows up my eating habits.

@The_Face_of_Boo

You see a red flag but you stay together anyway?

Maybe it’s not really a red flag, but an annoyance.

I see this red flag in my current partner. To the point she follows up my eating habits