My gf seems to be bothered that I am 'white and privileged'.
I think it would really come down to the details. One might deeply love their partner as an individual and still be utterly oblivious to why something is deeply offensive to them and not everyone handles those sorts of corrections with grace and empathy.
If one is both insensitive and unwilling to improve when corrected about something that's demeaning to an entire group of people their partner is a member of all the love and respect for the partner as an individual doesn't negate that they're clearly comfortable with people like their partner being demeaned simply for being a member of that group.
Too often people (on here and elsewhere) complain about race cards when literally it's just people mentioning how their identity is relevant to their perspective and if that's the race card then the race card isn't a valid criticism at all and is just a dishonest deflection used to invalidate non-white perspectives.
This was buried at the bottom of the previous page. Just quoting it to bring it to people's attention because it made some important points IMO.
Well, a card is a justification, It's just a way to say "I am morally superior to you," therefore , listen to me, do what i say. I have authority."
Hypothetical.
You can either
A. Object. Say the 'card' they just pulled is invalid.
B. Throw another card at them (beginning to sound like Pokemon.)
"e.g. I match your race card, with my disability card. uh-oh your race card, just evolved into a woman are oppressed card. I need something strong..to counteract this..."
And watch the thing escalate...
or scenario
C. "Sorry, you are right. I see the error of my ways. I'm sorry i offended you. I will never do that again." Just feel the testosterone drain out of that iron pony. "I'm sorry, for being so ignorant, white, privileged..." I mean you could really humble yourself to a pathetic level, if you wanted to.
or maybe
D. "I appreciate your point of view. But I'ma really big fan of Arnold Schwarzenner. Even thought his conservative in his philosophy,and you may be liberal in yours. I don't think it's fair you should bust my balls, because of one off-hand remark from this Austrian bodybuilder."
I might have chosen something along the lines of "D."
Personally.
One movie, shouldn't turn into a political argument.
Like i said.
If the person in question is no longer allowed to find things funny, that he previously found funny.
Lust?
Random chance?
SHe thinks she can change him?
The whole thing is just BS.
Non compatibility.
Not together for the right reasons.
I might have to agree with Aspie1. Dox.
Eject.
Or atleast reconsider.
...
Now...
Since I wasn't there.
Being second hand anecdote.
I cant determine if her reaction was unreasonable or had solid justification.
But what i do know is...
People who like each other , don't argue, they have fun.
They don't try to control, change each other,into something different than they already are.
Or brow beat them,or try to act morally superior.
They respect each others differences.
_________________
AQ: 27 Diagnosis:High functioning (just on the cusp of normal.) IQ:131 (somewhat inflated result but ego-flattering) DNA:XY Location: UK. Eyes: Blue. Hair: Brown. Height:6'1 Celebrity I most resemble: Tom hardy. Favorite Band: The Doors. Personality: uhhm ....(what can i say...we asd people are strange)
Sorry at this point I am coming to believe y'all are overthinking this.
I just saw into the future...I had a vision*.....A prophecy.
This is what I saw, two people arguing...
Ladypony: What thing?
Ironpony:Well its the last straw...
LadyPony: What straw
Ironpony:I'm leaving you.
LadyPony: what?
Ironpony: I can not tolerate this treatment.
LadyPony: what treatment?
Ironpony:You have serious emotional problems,
LadyPony: i'm sorry i dont understand...
Ironpony:Your sorry.I'm sorry. Everybody's sorry.
LadyPony: huh?
Ironpony:It's not funny anymore. Goodbye!
Ironpony:I can not love a woman who does not find Arnold Schwarzenner funny.
LadyPony: What did i do wrong? Arnold who?
Ironpony: You know exactly what you did...dont play mind games with me...
LadyPony:
_________________
AQ: 27 Diagnosis:High functioning (just on the cusp of normal.) IQ:131 (somewhat inflated result but ego-flattering) DNA:XY Location: UK. Eyes: Blue. Hair: Brown. Height:6'1 Celebrity I most resemble: Tom hardy. Favorite Band: The Doors. Personality: uhhm ....(what can i say...we asd people are strange)
BTW some random trivia gossip i heard recently. To put things in perspective.
My aunt has a friend ,who she works with. Her friend is with this alcoholic. She 53, he's 73... he sits in his chair most days in a drunken stupor, drinking whiskey, rum. She then puts him to bed at night. Cause he cant do it himself.
So in comparison, this relationship seems a match made in heaven.
It's amazing what people will put up with though.
_________________
AQ: 27 Diagnosis:High functioning (just on the cusp of normal.) IQ:131 (somewhat inflated result but ego-flattering) DNA:XY Location: UK. Eyes: Blue. Hair: Brown. Height:6'1 Celebrity I most resemble: Tom hardy. Favorite Band: The Doors. Personality: uhhm ....(what can i say...we asd people are strange)
I agree with most of what Juliette and others are saying.
There certainly is still racism out there, and the history is self-evident upon even very cursory research.
There certainly is discrimination all over the place. It’s obvious.
But somebody saying they are “bothered” by me being white, crosses the line.
And it’s erroneous to conclude that one is “privileged” merely by virtue of being white. This is self-evident even upon very cursory research.
I’ve had similar statements made to me by people either in a bad mood, or people who were tired of me.
This doesn’t mean this was the mindset of his girlfriend. But I don’t like being resented merely because I’m white.
AngelRho
Veteran
Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,366
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile
I think it would really come down to the details. One might deeply love their partner as an individual and still be utterly oblivious to why something is deeply offensive to them and not everyone handles those sorts of corrections with grace and empathy.
If one is both insensitive and unwilling to improve when corrected about something that's demeaning to an entire group of people their partner is a member of all the love and respect for the partner as an individual doesn't negate that they're clearly comfortable with people like their partner being demeaned simply for being a member of that group.
Too often people (on here and elsewhere) complain about race cards when literally it's just people mentioning how their identity is relevant to their perspective and if that's the race card then the race card isn't a valid criticism at all and is just a dishonest deflection used to invalidate non-white perspectives.
This was buried at the bottom of the previous page. Just quoting it to bring it to people's attention because it made some important points IMO.
Well, a card is a justification, It's just a way to say "I am morally superior to you," therefore , listen to me, do what i say. I have authority."
Hypothetical.
You can either
A. Object. Say the 'card' they just pulled is invalid.
B. Throw another card at them (beginning to sound like Pokemon.)
"e.g. I match your race card, with my disability card. uh-oh your race card, just evolved into a woman are oppressed card. I need something strong..to counteract this..."
And watch the thing escalate...
or scenario
C. "Sorry, you are right. I see the error of my ways. I'm sorry i offended you. I will never do that again." Just feel the testosterone drain out of that iron pony. "I'm sorry, for being so ignorant, white, privileged..." I mean you could really humble yourself to a pathetic level, if you wanted to.
or maybe
D. "I appreciate your point of view. But I'ma really big fan of Arnold Schwarzenner. Even thought his conservative in his philosophy,and you may be liberal in yours. I don't think it's fair you should bust my balls, because of one off-hand remark from this Austrian bodybuilder."
I might have chosen something along the lines of "D."
Personally.
One movie, shouldn't turn into a political argument.
Like i said.
If the person in question is no longer allowed to find things funny, that he previously found funny.
Lust?
Random chance?
SHe thinks she can change him?
The whole thing is just BS.
Non compatibility.
Not together for the right reasons.
I might have to agree with Aspie1. Dox.
Eject.
Or atleast reconsider.
...
Now...
Since I wasn't there.
Being second hand anecdote.
I cant determine if her reaction was unreasonable or had solid justification.
But what i do know is...
People who like each other , don't argue, they have fun.
They don't try to control, change each other,into something different than they already are.
Or brow beat them,or try to act morally superior.
They respect each others differences.
I think there’s just too much risk in scenario C that we lose ourselves for the sake of being agreeable for the sake of keeping a relationship intact. Intact relationships are not the same thing as healthy relationships. I think men and women respect each other when both have a backbone. Then it’s just letting the relationship be guided by common values. My wife and I don’t 100% agree on everything all the time. But we do agree we are both on the same side. You face more resentment by being agreeable because your SO feels they’re carrying more of the emotional burden.
An acquaintance of mine is married to one of those anti-confrontation types who pretty much leaves everything up to her, and she really only married him for the money. I don’t know if things are different now, but in the 2 or 3 years prior to COVID she was cheating on him on a regular basis with different men. I don’t blame him for her cheating. I think she’s a disgusting human being. But I can’t say what she’s doing is entirely unexpected given she wants a strong man, and that requires standing up to her.
I also think he’s showing signs of dementia, and he’s taking medicating for heart problems, plus he has always had a nasty smokeless tobacco habit. Tobacco mouth issues aside, it’s disgusting to think that any woman claiming to love a man so much would kick him to the curb for no good reason. If I’m sick or losing my mind, I hope I can count on my wife being at my side in support. What she does after I’m dead is entirely up to her.
I'm not against apologizing to somebody if I genuinely feel I've done something wrong, but C. really is an exaggeration, a caricature, of somebody acting spineless and weak. Though I'm sure they exist.
_________________
AQ: 27 Diagnosis:High functioning (just on the cusp of normal.) IQ:131 (somewhat inflated result but ego-flattering) DNA:XY Location: UK. Eyes: Blue. Hair: Brown. Height:6'1 Celebrity I most resemble: Tom hardy. Favorite Band: The Doors. Personality: uhhm ....(what can i say...we asd people are strange)
Your girlfriend is insecure. She needs to feel validated. To deflect her insecurity, she makes you the one with the problem. You don't have a problem. You don't represent every white person on the planet.
However you are in a relationship and you are partly responsible for their emotional well being. The more insecure they are, the more you will have to do to help them feel safe. This is up to you, as to how much you can give. She is communicating to you what she needs (to feel safe). You can then respond to make her feel safe, by acknowledging her. If you can't keep up because it is not natural for you to constantly take care of her feelings then she is not for you. I'm sorry to say that. But she also need to put in the work to not have be so insecure. If you are both willing to work. Then why not continue. However it shouldn't solely fall on your shoulders to up keep her emotionally stable. You are probably opposites. Be wary of manipulation to bring you down and gas lighting. All the best
Well she seems to become more and more agitated but even though I told her I acknowledge it so I am not sure what else to do. I also feel that she is being Linda of prudish about this like she is being " political correct" perhaps for the sake of it. Buy should I tell her that on an effort to try to get her to be less prudish and to suggest the idea that's ok to be less and no shame in that?
So what does she want from you?
So what does she want from you?
I don't know now.
funeralxempire
Veteran
Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 40
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 29,491
Location: Right over your left shoulder
Violent protestors shouldn’t be arrested because they happen to be a certain race? Because arresting people who take part in destroying property and looting is unfairly targeting people who happen to be a certain color? Why can’t people just not destroy priperty?
They rarely if ever succeed in arresting rioters but they sure manage to beat-up a lot of peaceful protesters and the defence is to always talk about rioters.
_________________
I was ashamed of myself when I realised life was a costume party and I attended with my real face
"Many of us like to ask ourselves, What would I do if I was alive during slavery? Or the Jim Crow South? Or apartheid? What would I do if my country was committing genocide?' The answer is, you're doing it. Right now." —Former U.S. Airman (Air Force) Aaron Bushnell
If I ever become a county sheriff, my jails will be so brutal, I'll have a 0.01% crime rate before my first term ends. I'm going to protect law-abiding citizens and licensed gun owners, not opportunistic violent criminals.
_________________
86 the 46
Don't tread on me!
No aid or comfort to the liberals. No way.
My rights don't end where your feeeelings begin!
Then they came for me. But by then, there was no one left to object.
If you're conservative when you're young, you have no heart! If you're liberal when you're mature, you have no brain!
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