Love on the Spectrum: US edition

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I think what Muse933277 meant is somebody whose appearance in some way leads an observer to conclude they are autistic. I don't think there is any sort of "traditional" meaning. That was not a good way to express what Muse933277 had in mind.

To be honest, when most people think of someone who is "traditionally autistic looking" they think of someone who is a man and kind of nerdy looking with nerdy interests. And this reason is obvious, most people who have been diagnosed with high functioning autism have been traditionally nerdy and introverted men.

I am female and a gigantic ton of my learning to mask was 1) presenting as gender normie and 2) not presenting as nerdy, getting rid of the Nerd Accent, etc.

What counts as nerdy looking? Glasses and bald?

Sheldon Cooper is “nerdy-looking and acting.”

He is a caricature of a nerdy Aspie.

But I don't understand how autistic people are more nerdy looking than NT if that's the case?

It's not about reality, it's about whether or not you fit a stereotype. Even clinicians buy it. That said, what most people don't really see from the outside is that "nerd" is actually a subculture.

When I was a just-recently-unemployed tech worker married to a university employee, whose "thing" was tabletop gaming and going to sci fi cons, heavily involved in an older incarnation of nerd culture, whose recent work narrative had been being unable to hold jobs outside of tech, and who dressed like a square and had a snorty laugh and a nerdy accent and a weird sense of humor, I had no trouble getting diagnosed.

My diagnosis came into question by later clinicians when I started dressing Suburban White Lady and changing my voice to not sound nerdy!

FYI I started to reply to this but ended up writing a three page monograph about the history of The Nerd as image system from between roughly the 1970s-1990s (beginning with military-industrial jobs no longer being "cool" or aspirational to a giant chunk of young people, and the rise of 70s youth culture, with square STEM types appearing to have value systems that clashed with the new expectations of youth, and going on through Revenge of the Nerds in the 80s and then Trenchcoat Mafia up to Geek Feminism) that nobody f*****g asked for and that had nothing to do with this post. I *should* write that *somewhere.*

There were nerds before the 1970s. Trust me.

The more intellectual ones were called “eggheads” from the 50s till the early 70s.

Dang, hadn't thought of that. Yeah. And the sci fi subculture space I and my dad were part of, that had a lot of Silent Generation engineers/etc in it, actually goes back that far.

Oh I see. Can other ASD people avoid looking nerdy by dressing differently or hitting the gym or talking differently?

For example, my brother is also ASD and I think he would have a much better time dating if he would just not speak in the 'nerdy' voice he speaks in.

There isn't a "type".

TBF all reality TV does this. It's the formula that guarantees drama. My problem with the UK program casting this Aspie guy was his not wanting to date a disabled girl. He was nice enough but he clearly came across as self-conscious and not wanting to be associated with the group. The reason he was in the show became obvious when walked up to random NT girls in local shops (I recall it was some coastal English town) and his pickup lines were overly cheesy. The local girls must have known they were on camera? as they all seem to be good sports.

Oh I see. As for guys thinking that autistic women might be a handful compared to NTs because of the moodswings mentioned before, and all that, in my experience though, I have dated one autistic woman so far and she did not test me compared to NT women though, so is it worth putting up with all of the ADS traits though, if it means no testing, if this is common in ASD women, compared to NT?

What traits would you say you'd have to put up with from ASD women, compared to ASD men? Just curious.

Oh well in my experience NT women have often tested me by seeing what I will do in certain situations or how I will answer questions to see if I was alpha male enough for them I guess, but so far, my ASD gf does not do that at all, and wonder if other ASD women are often the same therefore.

I went on a date with an autistic woman once. Now she is not representative of all women on the spectrum, but I can safely say with 100% certainly that was the WORST woman I ever went out with and we had ZERO things in common.

She was crazy, and even admitted to it. She was your typical sorority girl that liked to drink, party, do drugs, and make out with random guys at a bar. I was the total opposite of that. Didn't like to drink, didn't like to party, never did drugs, and was the total opposite of promiscuous.

It was a blind date, that's how we got set up. But looking back, whoever set us up clearly didn't screen for compatibility because she was probably the least compatible woman I've ever went out with.