How to avoid Dating a Narcissist

Post Reply New Topic

I’ve already answered but I think the best way is to research narcissism so you can recognise it in people whether you’re dating them or not, and to have the wherewithal to leave relationships where it occurs.

In addition to researching narcissism, a good way to keep track of their behavior is to jot down all the narcissistic behaviors your partner did, and all the sincere empathy behaviors he/she did, and get advice from a friend or relative (or several) and ask them what they think. You will have a much better picture and will be able to put together conclusions about them you never would of thought of on your own. Alternatively, you might want to jot a score (for yourself) of each act. (e.g. My partner wouldn't stop calling me, then we went on a date, then the next day, I tried to reach him and he ignored me out of nowhere, etc.)

Set expectations.
When those expectations are not met, considering breaking it off.
If the person corrects mistake and you start to get along keep the relationship.
If the relationship does not meet your expectations break it off.
If you are up front about what you expect in relationship and it does not work its sad, but break it off.
I think people who stay in relationships even after it does not work are desperate.
I also think narcissistic people can be able to have relationships, but compatibility is important.
I also don't know many people who at one or other time don't display some sort of narcissistic trait.
What separates the disorder from functional human is the frequency and severity.
If you actually like the person and they are narcissistic why break it off.
If the person is not good fit, it does not matter what is wrong with them break it off.
Why study narcissism, when you can just look at what is good for you.
Narcissism has been plastered all over the internet, and while reading about it, I learned that it really does not matter.
Just set standards and expectations and stick to them.
Narcissistic people as far as I know erode boundaries only if people let them.

Hi Highlander

You seem to have good patience and acceptance of narcissistic individuals. Just be careful to not let them lie, cheat, or steal from you either.

Hello Wrong Planeteers,

- Anyone who experienced bad experiences with a narcissist are welcome to share them!

I had written about that autistic male who I had a crush on and who I believe was a covert narcissist and I had written about him on several occasions. However, he treated me like a yo-yo.

On the contrary, I have had a few friends who were narcissists and I have learned that we don't pick them, they pick us. The main reason is because they are either threatened by us or want to control us due to the fact that they live in their own little world.

Agreed,

In 90% of dates, it is the narc that makes the move.

When they are persistent and move in too fast, that's a red flag.

Beware of all those out there to get you and who lack moral values!

I've never dated a narcissist before. My boyfriend is not a narcissist.

I have had narcissist friends before but that might not suit this discussion as it's in L&D.

Its great,

If your bf was not a narc, he is probably an empath, especially if he never puts you down

Do some work on your childhood to determine if you have CPTSD, or if you have unresolved emotional issues from childhood. These aren't necessarily the same thing but they can both predispose people to abusive relationships, quite often involving a narcissist who love bombs or tries to white knight. Those people can pick up our vulnerabilities and play us like a fiddle. It usually becomes a recurring pattern.

I have broad theory of human behavior I have adopted from other sources:

Evolutionary pressures (or creation) did not favor people who were 100% correct all the time. It favors people who were correct most of the time or were certain they were correct even if they were not. There are examples of this such as people falsely fleeing a perceived danger surviving over people who more accurately perceive danger. It does go deeper than that though.

People use confirmation bias to maintain their illusion of correctness. If something goes against their beliefs they suffer cognitive dissonance and literally have delusions to maintain their world view. There is a human bias for humans to favor other humans that are certain. Being falsely certain is a favorable reproductive trait also. Humans are attracted to it.

I think it is interesting that people who are. Narcisists do not perceive that they have a problem. They go to therapy and don’t see an issue.

I think the only point I am trying to make is that if someone acts delusional by trying to gaslight someone there is a more broader theory that they are using confirmation bias and encountering cognitive dissonance which gives them delusions. Narcisists are especially susceptible to delusions.

I think a lot of people who are narcisists know they are and don’t see a problem with it. They may even fine tailor their behavior with that knowledge.

Here is one more random thought about narcissists. I find it interesting that if a narcissists gets in trouble with the law and is ordered to counseling the counselor is likely to label them as suffering from depression.

It is because they don’t see themselves as having a problem. They just have a problem with the world not catering to their delusions. That makes them unhappy so they must be depressed.

Someone being paid by a client isn’t going to call them a narcissist but rather say they are depressed. My point is that it is crazy.

One thing I know is that not only do they not want to admit having a problem, I know 2 of them who refused to even seek help. They hate going to doctors.

One note to all.

If someone tells you something that makes you feel bad about yourself, do NOT take it personally.

It is usually the narcissistic mentality of the other person. In this case, if that becomes abuse, then it's time to move on.

Hello Wrong Planeteers,

When you are going on a date, I would like to repeat a simple easy-to-remember red flag when dating a partner. One word:

CHARM

Yes you got it. It's one thing for a partner to be friendly and polite and call you from time to time to hang out.

It's another thing for a partner to tell you he loves you 10 times a day and is being excessively friendy and providing unnecessary compliments.

Don't become entangled in this trap.

If you had a 'Too Good To Be True' experience recently, I would love to hear from you.

Hop onto my Wrong Planet rover and tell me more.

Hello Wrong Planeteers,

Here is an interesting article that will explain the 3 KEY METRICS to detect narcissism and that applies to us Aspies:

1) Immaturity metric
2) Empathy metric
3) Jealously metric

To learn more:

https://medium.com/relationship-stories ... 7eaab35ab8

If you dated a partner who violated any one of those, that is a big red flag.

If ever your partner said 'I feel insecure' that is an automatic TOTAL red flag.