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techstepgenr8tion
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26 Aug 2007, 10:15 pm

gwenevyn wrote:

Same here.

Trouble is, with aspies, they either wear their hearts on their sleeves or they are as heavily guarded as Azkaban.

My interest is of the latter variety.

Smart move though, people like that at least know what that want I think and have a little more dedication as well as harder-forged personalities. If you have an evolved identity you kinda need evolved identity in someone else to really feel like they'd appreciate you as much as you'd want to be appreciated.

gwenevyn
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26 Aug 2007, 10:23 pm

techstepgenr8tion wrote:

Would you be able to rephrase that for my sake? I don't understand. An evolved identity is what? And why would it be more shielded than other types?

techstepgenr8tion
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26 Aug 2007, 10:30 pm

Shielding means you want more control - ie. you want to keep things at bay that are left of center, aren't right for you. Yeah, part of it is defending your dignity from getting dragged through the mud (socially speaking) but the other part is just wanting what's right for them. I'd think to really be picky, maybe its just my own experience, it takes a lot of personality and knowledge of self to really be there.

I guess its very true that many different types of people have their hearts on their sleeves but when people are easy to jump at something it feels all too often like their jumping at the simple superficial aspects of a person and its unnerving to someone who has a real multi-layer personality and identity. They know that all this could easily mean nothing, despite the other person's best intentions, once they've really revealed themselves to this other person; kinda like the odds are they're misguided and wouldn't understand the whole of the person which tends not to feel like a good basis for a long-term relationship.

I guess its just that in a nutshell, some are fine with a superficial connection, some need more, but for a person who needs a deeper connection being with someone who's more superficial about it its like still being single, you feel just as alone in so many ways.

gwenevyn
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26 Aug 2007, 10:38 pm

techstepgenr8tion wrote:

I guess its just that in a nutshell, some are fine with a superficial connection, some need more, but for a person who needs a deeper connection being with someone who's more superficial about it its like still being single, you feel just as alone in so many ways.

Thanks. I think I understand better now.

However, I have never noticed any correlation between openness/willingness to communicate and shallow personalities. Nor between guardedness and depth of personality.

Kilroy
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26 Aug 2007, 10:41 pm

gwenevyn wrote:

Kilroy wrote:

gwenevyn wrote:

Trouble is, with aspies, they either wear their hearts on their sleeves or they are as heavily guarded as Azkaban.

My interest is of the latter variety.

you know I am a bit of both now that I think of it...
I get all excited and sh**...thinking what if's
but in the back of my mind I KNOW nothing will ever happen
I try not to get carried away and say stupid things

Aww...!

I know how that is. Honestly this is the most vocal and direct I've ever been about anybody I've liked. It seems like I've pretty much lost anyhow, so I figure "what do I have to lose?"

When I was 14 years old I remember I had a brief crush on this boy named AJ. He said something funny on the first day of school and I decided I liked him. Know what my M.O. was? Don't ever go near him, don't ever look at him, and especially don't talk to him! You can guess how far I got with that. :lol:

I decided I had to modify my approach drastically after that incident (or, rather, non-incident). I had a lot more success after that point, but I've still always felt a little like running and hiding as soon as I see someone I like. Even now, when I see this guy's username on the main forum page under "last post", I get a feeling of excitement mixed with stark terror, hahaha. :roll:

I fear rejection and heart break

and its happened pleanty
thats exactly what I do when I like someone
except online-then I make a complete ass of myself :cry:

but I know I'll never meet any of you...so that fills me with releif and tremendous sadness

techstepgenr8tion
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26 Aug 2007, 10:44 pm

I guess I misunderstood your wording then. When you said someone with their heart on their sleeve vs. being more restrained I read that more in terms of how quickly they fell head over heals or how much control they exercised over it.

If you solely meant communication your probably right, both types I just described can be introverted, extroverted, and all blends inbetween.

gwenevyn
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26 Aug 2007, 10:50 pm

techstepgenr8tion wrote:

Oh! Heh!

Lately I've been finding that I don't communicate what I mean as well as I think I do. :oops:

I'm glad it ended up that we were referring to different things though. I was starting to panic, sort of, about something you'd said. But now it makes sense to me.

Pugly
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26 Aug 2007, 10:52 pm

techstepgenr8tion wrote:

Just because someone wears their heart on their sleeve doesn't mean they haven't spent a long time thinking and coming to that expression.

It takes a long time for me to feel something, but when it happens... it's there and it's strong. I'd go nuts trying to hide it for too long.

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techstepgenr8tion
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26 Aug 2007, 11:07 pm

Pugly wrote:

Well yeah, I guess no one group is completely one way or another but it kinda seems like the people with more substance on average are more particular; could be wrong though.

calandale
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27 Aug 2007, 1:08 am

Tim_Tex wrote:

Or Iran, North Korea, Belarus, Cuba, Sudan, Zimbabwe, Sierra Leone, Somalia, Syria, Lebanon, the Palestinian territories. Saudi Arabia, Venezuela, and Bolivia are gray areas right now.

Tim

Cuba? I'd prefer it to Saudi, for certain.

Danielismyname
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27 Aug 2007, 8:04 am

Yeah.

Pandora
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27 Aug 2007, 9:20 am

calandale wrote:

Tim_Tex wrote:

Or Iran, North Korea, Belarus, Cuba, Sudan, Zimbabwe, Sierra Leone, Somalia, Syria, Lebanon, the Palestinian territories. Saudi Arabia, Venezuela, and Bolivia are gray areas right now.

Tim

Cuba? I'd prefer it to Saudi, for certain.

I wouldn't want to move to any of those places - too dangerous and too hot.

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Tim_Tex
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27 Aug 2007, 9:31 am

And Zimbabwe has a 10,000% inflation rate!

Tim

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calandale
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28 Aug 2007, 3:45 am

Pandora wrote:

I wouldn't want to move to any of those places - too dangerous and too hot.

Cuba's probably safer than Miami,
and about as warm. Not my taste in
climate, but it's a pretty orderly place.

AlexC179
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28 Aug 2007, 9:15 am

If I wasn't enrolled in school at the moment, moving wouldn't be out of the question for me. Florida weather right now is damn hot and humid.

I think with this being an Aspie site that a good portion of the people here can be oblivious to the fact that someone has an interest in them unless it is obvious. People just need to reach out, which is about one of the most difficult things to do. I know I have probably sent at most 5 PMs on this site, not an easy thing for me to do that much is for sure. I have put forth more of an effort on a couple of other sites to be honest. It is still much easier than how I make friends in real life.

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29 Aug 2007, 2:23 pm

gwenevyn wrote:

When I was 14 years old I remember I had a brief crush on this boy named AJ. He said something funny on the first day of school and I decided I liked him. Know what my M.O. was? Don't ever go near him, don't ever look at him, and especially don't talk to him! You can guess how far I got with that. :lol:

That's my method, too. And I'm sticking with it. If I am just consistent enough, sooner or later it must work, right? I mean, practice makes perfect, and I have honed my technique for a long time. Any day now...

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