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Is it ''abnormal'' for a 25 or 30 year old to be a virgin ?

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MaxE
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05 Mar 2024, 6:55 am

Nades wrote:
Mikurotoro92 wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Mikurotoro92 wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
I might fall down the stairs when I use them, but if fear of falling down the stairs was enough to keep me from using the stairs, it would be an irrational fear.

Yes, overall the likelihood of being in a car accident or plane crash isn't enough to justify refusing to use those methods of transportation. That's what causes that level of fear to be described as irrational.


Well for what it's worth in the episode of SpongeBob "Roller Cowards" him and Patrick eventually overcome their fear of riding The Fiery Fist of Pain roller coaster

So are you saying the only way to get rid of those fears is to just face them anyway?

Like learn how to drive and have sex?


Pretty much. If it's something that you're really stressed by, you can take baby steps and manage risk, but ultimately work towards those goals rather than flinching away from opportunities.

But also, to not let a single bad experience discourage you from further attempts at gaining a skill or trying an experience.

I don't say this as though it's not an issue I struggle with constantly, it's just one that I know I can't let win. Ultimately it's a self-defeating tendency.


I guess this stuff is scary to me only because I have yet to experience them!

Once I finally have sex and start driving I will have freaked out over NOTHING!! !

Now like you said I MUST start taking baby steps and managing the risks

I know what needs to be done in order to drive (go to DMV and take a driving test) but what about sex?

How can I actually put myself in the position to have sex without having to wait until marriage?

How do I get to that point?


You analysed your situation correctly. You're experiencing anxiety about it simply because you never tried it before. Your response is the correct one with pushing ahead regardless knowing it'll get easier from there and one day the anxiety will melt away.

As to how to get to that point without getting married, you just don't need to get married. Most people lose their virginity outside of marriage in a haphazard manner anyway. My first time was in a grubby university flat half drunk. It might be worth either progressing kissing into touching (baby steps and he mentioned) or even setting a time and day but not putting any emphasis on overcomplicating it.

I think it a bit soon to worry about anxiety. In your case, the two most basic steps would be:

a.) Find somebody you think you are ready to do it with, and get to a point in your relationship with them that you mutually understand that, in principle, you and they are ready to have sex together.
b.) Have a private place where you can do it.

You haven't achieved a.) yet. If and when you do, you should be able to discuss your anxiety with them (him) rather than us.


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cyberdad
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05 Mar 2024, 6:59 am

Nades wrote:
I don't know exactly why this was the case but I'm assuming biology played a role. Once past 35 fertility starts to decline in males and females so it was probably an intentionally created stigma in the hopes of discouraging "leaving it too late".
.


Also > 35 the probability of a miscarriage, birth defect etc steadily increases the older the pregnancy.



MaxE
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05 Mar 2024, 7:00 am

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
Nades wrote:
Mikurotoro92 wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Mikurotoro92 wrote:

Well for what it's worth in the episode of SpongeBob "Roller Cowards" him and Patrick eventually overcome their fear of riding The Fiery Fist of Pain roller coaster

So are you saying the only way to get rid of those fears is to just face them anyway?

Like learn how to drive and have sex?


Pretty much. If it's something that you're really stressed by, you can take baby steps and manage risk, but ultimately work towards those goals rather than flinching away from opportunities.

But also, to not let a single bad experience discourage you from further attempts at gaining a skill or trying an experience.

I don't say this as though it's not an issue I struggle with constantly, it's just one that I know I can't let win. Ultimately it's a self-defeating tendency.


I guess this stuff is scary to me only because I have yet to experience them!

Once I finally have sex and start driving I will have freaked out over NOTHING!! !

Now like you said I MUST start taking baby steps and managing the risks

I know what needs to be done in order to drive (go to DMV and take a driving test) but what about sex?

How can I actually put myself in the position to have sex without having to wait until marriage?

How do I get to that point?


You analysed your situation correctly. You're experiencing anxiety about it simply because you never tried it before. Your response is the correct one with pushing ahead regardless knowing it'll get easier from there and one day the anxiety will melt away.

As to how to get to that point without getting married, you just don't need to get married. Most people lose their virginity outside of marriage in a haphazard manner anyway. My first time was in a grubby university flat half drunk. It might be worth either progressing kissing into touching (baby steps and he mentioned) or even setting a time and day but not putting any emphasis on overcomplicating it.


I still want to get married mostly for the wedding and honeymoon experience (and the fact that you can have sex basically at command!) but that is very true what you said!

So you're suggesting like how my ex Robbie tried to initiate sex with making out and passionately kissing only this time it actually moves into the bedroom?

Well I mean that's obvious

My question was NOT about how to get a man to initiate sex or vice-versa

The real question is... how do I get a man to invite me to his house or vice-versa in order for sex to actually take place?

I am tired of being here in my boring house in the middle of nowhere every weekend when I would MUCH rather spend the night at a man's house and have some fun with him!! !

Again, how do I get to that point?

Well it's 4AM in California, maybe time for a lullaby?


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Mikurotoro92
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05 Mar 2024, 7:14 am

MaxE wrote:
I think it a bit soon to worry about anxiety. In your case, the two most basic steps would be:

a.) Find somebody you think you are ready to do it with, and get to a point in your relationship with them that you mutually understand that, in principle, you and they are ready to have sex together.
b.) Have a private place where you can do it.

You haven't achieved a.) yet. If and when you do, you should be able to discuss your anxiety with them (him) rather than us.


True but I might be getting there with Jonathan, Jesse or Jerry

Just need one of them to call me their official girlfriend first

Then I can move to the next phase (spending the night at his house or vice-versa)! !!

Yeah technically I am in a relationship with Jerry but I'm not so sure if he is the man I want to lose my virginity to!

As for private environments to "do the deed" besides their houses, my house or a hotel there is also Day Program itself which has MANY lockable and secluded rooms that would be conducive to sex or at the very least hot & steamy make-out sessions but...I don't dare try it because of the possible repercussions if we get caught!



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05 Mar 2024, 8:20 am

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
Nades wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
Nades wrote:
It can apply to many things beside virginity so I don't see why virginity is somehow free from scrutiny.


scrutiny from whom?


From anyone. I don't understand why it's acceptable to say someone's fear of flying or refusal to learn to drive is irrational assuming they have no underlying reasons for their fear, yet somehow mentioning a fear of losing virginity being irrational despite no underlying reasons is judgmental.

Some people are just naturally anxious and they need to realise that what many people do with ease won't come naturally to them and they'll need to give themselves more of a push. The problem starts when they fail to analyse the situation and just hide instead.

There really are people who just refuse to step outside their comfort zone as funeral said and I don't see the purpose it serves by pretending they don't exist. I've seen plenty of them including one virgin.


I have legitimate reasons for my fear of driving, fear of flying and fear of intimacy/sex

With driving I am afraid of getting into a car accident

With flying I am afraid of a plane crash

And finally...

With intimacy/sex I am afraid of pregnancy/childbirth and the pain resulting from a man sticking his dick in my vagina

This is the reason that making out and passionate kissing is the farthest I have gone!

The only one of those I actually did was flying in an airplane which was scary but it was just a short ride from San Francisco to Anaheim for Disneyland

Let me put a quote from a certain blue-eyed yellow cartoon character that sums all of this up nicely:

"I don't want to face my fears!" "I'm afraid of them!"- said by SpongeBob SquarePants in the episode "Roller Cowards"

Yep me too Spongie!! ! :heart: :heart: :heart:
I think a fear being rational or not depends on why your afraid of it & if you would still be majorly afraid if steps were taken to minimize your worries.

Driving :arrow: Fear would be rational if you have a condition that makes driving more dangerous for you like bad vision, slow visual processing, or major problems paying attention. It would also be rational if you have no driving experience but it would be irrational if your fear prevents you from trying to take take Drivers ED so you can not gain the experience.

Flying :arrow: Fear would be rational if you'll be riding through sever weather or with a very inexperienced pilot. It would also be rational if your prone to motion-sickness but it would be irrational if your so afraid that you decide not to fly instead of asking a doc to prescribe a motion-sickness med.

Sex :arrow: Fear would be rational if you do not know the other person well or have good reason to suspect they will be abusive or not respect your boundaries. Fear of pregnancy would be rational but it would be irrational if your so afraid that you decide never to have sex instead of discussing birth-control options with a doc.


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05 Mar 2024, 8:30 am

Mikurotoro92 wrote:

I still want to get married mostly for the wedding and honeymoon experience (and the fact that you can have sex basically at command!) but that is very true what you said!

So you're suggesting like how my ex Robbie tried to initiate sex with making out and passionately kissing only this time it actually moves into the bedroom?

Well I mean that's obvious

My question was NOT about how to get a man to initiate sex or vice-versa

The real question is... how do I get a man to invite me to his house or vice-versa in order for sex to actually take place?

I am tired of being here in my boring house in the middle of nowhere every weekend when I would MUCH rather spend the night at a man's house and have some fun with him!! !

Again, how do I get to that point?


I wouldn't worry too much about marriage yet.

I would just stick to keeping it all simple with moving on to touching. The location doesn't really matter to much so long as it's private and legal. It sounds like you might be overcomplicating it.



Mikurotoro92
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05 Mar 2024, 9:13 am

nick007 wrote:
Mikurotoro92 wrote:
Nades wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
Nades wrote:
It can apply to many things beside virginity so I don't see why virginity is somehow free from scrutiny.


scrutiny from whom?


From anyone. I don't understand why it's acceptable to say someone's fear of flying or refusal to learn to drive is irrational assuming they have no underlying reasons for their fear, yet somehow mentioning a fear of losing virginity being irrational despite no underlying reasons is judgmental.

Some people are just naturally anxious and they need to realise that what many people do with ease won't come naturally to them and they'll need to give themselves more of a push. The problem starts when they fail to analyse the situation and just hide instead.

There really are people who just refuse to step outside their comfort zone as funeral said and I don't see the purpose it serves by pretending they don't exist. I've seen plenty of them including one virgin.


I have legitimate reasons for my fear of driving, fear of flying and fear of intimacy/sex

With driving I am afraid of getting into a car accident

With flying I am afraid of a plane crash

And finally...

With intimacy/sex I am afraid of pregnancy/childbirth and the pain resulting from a man sticking his dick in my vagina

This is the reason that making out and passionate kissing is the farthest I have gone!

The only one of those I actually did was flying in an airplane which was scary but it was just a short ride from San Francisco to Anaheim for Disneyland

Let me put a quote from a certain blue-eyed yellow cartoon character that sums all of this up nicely:

"I don't want to face my fears!" "I'm afraid of them!"- said by SpongeBob SquarePants in the episode "Roller Cowards"

Yep me too Spongie!! ! :heart: :heart: :heart:
I think a fear being rational or not depends on why your afraid of it & if you would still be majorly afraid if steps were taken to minimize your worries.

Driving :arrow: Fear would be rational if you have a condition that makes driving more dangerous for you like bad vision, slow visual processing, or major problems paying attention. It would also be rational if you have no driving experience but it would be irrational if your fear prevents you from trying to take take Drivers ED so you can not gain the experience.

Flying :arrow: Fear would be rational if you'll be riding through sever weather or with a very inexperienced pilot. It would also be rational if your prone to motion-sickness but it would be irrational if your so afraid that you decide not to fly instead of asking a doc to prescribe a motion-sickness med.

Sex :arrow: Fear would be rational if you do not know the other person well or have good reason to suspect they will be abusive or not respect your boundaries. Fear of pregnancy would be rational but it would be irrational if your so afraid that you decide never to have sex instead of discussing birth-control options with a doc.


You do bring up valid points

I took Driver's Ed in high school so I actually have more experience than I realize with that

I really had no choice but to go on the plane to Anaheim and I decided to conquer my fear of flying because I would have completely missed out on Disneyland!

It's the longer trips I am concerned about like out-of-state or even out-of-country

I someday want to travel to Japan but I'm worried about the 8 or 9 hour plane ride and the extreme weather they deal with there!

That and simply not having the money is what is stopping me from achieving that goal

Yet ANOTHER argument towards me getting married since my future husband and I could go on our honeymoon there

As for sex...

Let's just say for all intents and purposes that I decide to have sex with Jonathan or Jesse

I have known them for 5 months now

(started Day Program in October last year)

HOWEVER I haven't really gotten to know them one-on-one yet

Is that enough time to seriously begin considering sex with them?

Or do I need to actually start dating them first?

I trust Jonathan

He would NEVER EVER hurt me!! !

Which would make him the best choice of a candidate to lose my virginity to!

If I have to I will suck it up and go to OBGYN for the Pap smear so I can get on birth-control

Once that's done I just need to become his official girlfriend then we can proceed to "sexy time" without any more shilly-shally to quote a character from the 3rd movie of SpongeBob SquarePants Sponge on the Run

The correct order of steps to get to sex is as follows:

Step 1: Find a man at Day Program or elsewhere to start dating

Step 2: Once we start the dating process find a way to get invited to his house (or vice-versa)

***Alternatively you could go to a hotel or other secluded environment***

Step 3: Go see the OBGYN and get a Pap smear to be put on birth-control

Step 4: Engage in some hot passionate kissing and making out

Step 5: SEXY TIME!! !! !!

This feels like one of those maze puzzles where you have to figure out the correct route to the destination from the starting point

I can see it now...

"Help Sara get to Sexy Time!"

The answer would be upside-down and in plain sight!

Maybe I am overcomplicating things...



Mikurotoro92
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05 Mar 2024, 9:24 am

Nades wrote:
Mikurotoro92 wrote:

I still want to get married mostly for the wedding and honeymoon experience (and the fact that you can have sex basically at command!) but that is very true what you said!

So you're suggesting like how my ex Robbie tried to initiate sex with making out and passionately kissing only this time it actually moves into the bedroom?

Well I mean that's obvious

My question was NOT about how to get a man to initiate sex or vice-versa

The real question is... how do I get a man to invite me to his house or vice-versa in order for sex to actually take place?

I am tired of being here in my boring house in the middle of nowhere every weekend when I would MUCH rather spend the night at a man's house and have some fun with him!! !

Again, how do I get to that point?


I wouldn't worry too much about marriage yet.

I would just stick to keeping it all simple with moving on to touching. The location doesn't really matter to much so long as it's private and legal. It sounds like you might be overcomplicating it.


I know but marriage is my ultimate goal!

So kissing and touching will lead to sex?

Is that what you are saying?

Yeah Day Program won't work because the staff will IMMEDIATELY suspect something is up if any of their "consumers" are missing

That means the best choices for sex are:

At his house or vice-versa or other secluded environment like a hotel



Nades
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05 Mar 2024, 9:58 am

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
Nades wrote:
Mikurotoro92 wrote:

I still want to get married mostly for the wedding and honeymoon experience (and the fact that you can have sex basically at command!) but that is very true what you said!

So you're suggesting like how my ex Robbie tried to initiate sex with making out and passionately kissing only this time it actually moves into the bedroom?

Well I mean that's obvious

My question was NOT about how to get a man to initiate sex or vice-versa

The real question is... how do I get a man to invite me to his house or vice-versa in order for sex to actually take place?

I am tired of being here in my boring house in the middle of nowhere every weekend when I would MUCH rather spend the night at a man's house and have some fun with him!! !

Again, how do I get to that point?


I wouldn't worry too much about marriage yet.

I would just stick to keeping it all simple with moving on to touching. The location doesn't really matter to much so long as it's private and legal. It sounds like you might be overcomplicating it.


I know but marriage is my ultimate goal!

So kissing and touching will lead to sex?

Is that what you are saying?

Yeah Day Program won't work because the staff will IMMEDIATELY suspect something is up if any of their "consumers" are missing

That means the best choices for sex are:

At his house or vice-versa or other secluded environment like a hotel


Kissing and touching doesn't necessarily lead to sex and sex often doesn't have kissing and touching immediately prior but for the most part kissing and touching especially is a decent place to start.

Places can be anywhere including outside.



Mikurotoro92
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05 Mar 2024, 10:05 am

Nades wrote:
Mikurotoro92 wrote:
Nades wrote:
Mikurotoro92 wrote:

I still want to get married mostly for the wedding and honeymoon experience (and the fact that you can have sex basically at command!) but that is very true what you said!

So you're suggesting like how my ex Robbie tried to initiate sex with making out and passionately kissing only this time it actually moves into the bedroom?

Well I mean that's obvious

My question was NOT about how to get a man to initiate sex or vice-versa

The real question is... how do I get a man to invite me to his house or vice-versa in order for sex to actually take place?

I am tired of being here in my boring house in the middle of nowhere every weekend when I would MUCH rather spend the night at a man's house and have some fun with him!! !

Again, how do I get to that point?


I wouldn't worry too much about marriage yet.

I would just stick to keeping it all simple with moving on to touching. The location doesn't really matter to much so long as it's private and legal. It sounds like you might be overcomplicating it.


I know but marriage is my ultimate goal!

So kissing and touching will lead to sex?

Is that what you are saying?

Yeah Day Program won't work because the staff will IMMEDIATELY suspect something is up if any of their "consumers" are missing

That means the best choices for sex are:

At his house or vice-versa or other secluded environment like a hotel


Kissing and touching doesn't necessarily lead to sex and sex often doesn't have kissing and touching immediately prior but for the most part kissing and touching especially is a decent place to start.

Places can be anywhere including outside.


I can attest to that!

I would DEFINITELY want the heavy kissing and make-out session (foreplay) before sex so it's easier to get aroused

I'm not comfortable with outside sex at least not yet



Mikurotoro92
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06 Mar 2024, 8:48 pm

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
Nades wrote:
Mikurotoro92 wrote:
Nades wrote:
Mikurotoro92 wrote:

I still want to get married mostly for the wedding and honeymoon experience (and the fact that you can have sex basically at command!) but that is very true what you said!

So you're suggesting like how my ex Robbie tried to initiate sex with making out and passionately kissing only this time it actually moves into the bedroom?

Well I mean that's obvious

My question was NOT about how to get a man to initiate sex or vice-versa

The real question is... how do I get a man to invite me to his house or vice-versa in order for sex to actually take place?

I am tired of being here in my boring house in the middle of nowhere every weekend when I would MUCH rather spend the night at a man's house and have some fun with him!! !

Again, how do I get to that point?


I wouldn't worry too much about marriage yet.

I would just stick to keeping it all simple with moving on to touching. The location doesn't really matter to much so long as it's private and legal. It sounds like you might be overcomplicating it.


I know but marriage is my ultimate goal!

So kissing and touching will lead to sex?

Is that what you are saying?

Yeah Day Program won't work because the staff will IMMEDIATELY suspect something is up if any of their "consumers" are missing

That means the best choices for sex are:

At his house or vice-versa or other secluded environment like a hotel


Kissing and touching doesn't necessarily lead to sex and sex often doesn't have kissing and touching immediately prior but for the most part kissing and touching especially is a decent place to start.

Places can be anywhere including outside.


I can attest to that!

I would DEFINITELY want the heavy kissing and make-out session (foreplay) before sex so it's easier to get aroused

I'm not comfortable with outside sex at least not yet


Plus making out and passionately kissing is fun!! !

Maybe even more than the actual main event (sex)

What do you guys think?

Is the lead-up (foreplay) more fun than actual intercourse?



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06 Mar 2024, 11:29 pm

I would have to admit my own feelings on the subject, the main event is the main event IMHO.



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06 Mar 2024, 11:41 pm

auntblabby wrote:
I would have to admit my own feelings on the subject, the main event is the main event IMHO.


True but there is nothing like a hot make-out session with a man!! ! :heart: :heart: :heart:

Admittedly I am not very qualified to talk about sex because I haven't done it yet



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07 Mar 2024, 12:05 am

I’m 53, I never had sex.



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07 Mar 2024, 12:18 am

^ Is it possible to see your boyfriend?

Or is he too far away?

All my potential suitors either live in the next town or nearby so once I get to know them sex WILL become possible!

Once I start spending the night at their houses or vice-versa

The only thing is when I am actually in a room alone with a man hopefully I don't freeze up and try to back out of it due to fear!! !



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07 Mar 2024, 5:21 am

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
Plus making out and passionately kissing is fun!! !

Maybe even more than the actual main event (sex)

What do you guys think?

Is the lead-up (foreplay) more fun than actual intercourse?

It can be, sometimes.


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