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33 year old never been in a relationship- need help.

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Nades
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05 Jun 2024, 12:25 am

WantToHaveALife wrote:
Nades wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
Nades wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:

People are free to seek out consensual sexual relationships, but no one is obligated to have sex with you. This is all reeking of entitlement.


I never said that. I said people are entitled to seek out sexual activities, which they absolutely are by law. This right shouldn't be interfered with by others, which his girlfriend was by stringing him along for a long period of time with her terrible mentality towards him, which I imagine his social difficulties contributed towards. Interfering with it is just not respecting consent.

I never said they were actually entitled to sex. That's completely different.


when it comes to paying for sex, if it is between consenting adults and no one is being forced into it, both people mutually agree to it, then it should be no one else's business.


When did you find out your ex girlfriend wasn't interesting in any sexual activity? Was it from the offset or was it many, many months down the line?


months later down the line unfortuneately, and i will admit, i stayed with her longer than i should have because, i didn't want to break up with her again due to not wanting to become alone and single again, and more so, not want to have to go through the drama and burden of having to put myself out there all over again, not want to have to court a woman all over again, which i will resent until the day i die.

As for Nick007, you have a sexless relationship at the moment, you are still a virgin too?


Sounds typical. She picked you because in her eyes you were a soft target. Her other ex boyfriends were probably autistic too. She's one of those people who believe others with disabilities are not worthy of physical intimacy and their needs are not worth considering and she had a well rehersed plan from the offset. Reaching the age of consent is just a technicality for her......if you're autistic that is. She wouldn't dare try with an NT man, she actually sees them as sexual beings.

Dating people like her long term might be an option for some, but at an older are age they need to get used to the idea of partners having their needs met by other women and they either have to agree to it, date asexual men or get a load of cats.

People like her never change.



IsabellaLinton
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05 Jun 2024, 1:54 am

I have a load of cats and a rockin' sex life.
Where does that land me on your virtue scale?

Also I'm autistic but he's not.


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Nades
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05 Jun 2024, 1:58 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
I have a load of cats and a rockin' sex life.
Where does that land me on your virtue scale?

Also I'm autistic but he's not.


Not even on the scale at all. You had fair and reasonable intentions when you met.



IsabellaLinton
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05 Jun 2024, 2:01 am

Nades wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
I have a load of cats and a rockin' sex life.
Where does that land me on your virtue scale?

Also I'm autistic but he's not.


Not even on the scale at all. You had fair and reasonable intentions when you met.


I did?

Actually I had no idea what my intentions were.
I had severe PTSD from sexual violence.
I hadn't had sex consensually for over 20 years.
Closer to 25 actually.
I hadn't even flown solo because I had no desire.

I did think he was cute, and Iiked talking to him.
The rest fell into place with lots of time and patience.
I was actually surprised how well I recovered in that way.


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Nades
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05 Jun 2024, 2:16 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Nades wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
I have a load of cats and a rockin' sex life.
Where does that land me on your virtue scale?

Also I'm autistic but he's not.


Not even on the scale at all. You had fair and reasonable intentions when you met.


I did?

Actually I had no idea what my intentions were.
I had severe PTSD from sexual violence.
I hadn't had sex consensually for over 20 years.
Closer to 25 actually.
I hadn't even flown solo because I had no desire.

I did think he was cute, and Iiked talking to him.
The rest fell into place with lots of time and patience.
I was actually surprised how well I recovered in that way.


Wanttohavealifes GF had a very long track record or roping men into celibate relationships and took zero regard into their desires. Transparency and respecting sexuality was the bottom of her list of priorities.

Reaching that level of yuck takes some serious doing and luckily, the vast majority of women are not like that. She didn't see men remotely the same you did.



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05 Jun 2024, 2:22 am

I'm glad my partner didn't see me that way.
He hadn't had sex in eight years when we met.
He was widowed and hadn't wanted to date again.

Until me (lol).
I don't know how, but he knew it would work.
It took me almost a year to be ready.


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05 Jun 2024, 5:19 am

Nades wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
Nades wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
Nades wrote:
I never said that. I said people are entitled to seek out sexual activities, which they absolutely are by law. This right shouldn't be interfered with by others, which his girlfriend was by stringing him along for a long period of time with her terrible mentality towards him, which I imagine his social difficulties contributed towards. Interfering with it is just not respecting consent.

I never said they were actually entitled to sex. That's completely different.


when it comes to paying for sex, if it is between consenting adults and no one is being forced into it, both people mutually agree to it, then it should be no one else's business.


When did you find out your ex girlfriend wasn't interesting in any sexual activity? Was it from the offset or was it many, many months down the line?


months later down the line unfortuneately, and i will admit, i stayed with her longer than i should have because, i didn't want to break up with her again due to not wanting to become alone and single again, and more so, not want to have to go through the drama and burden of having to put myself out there all over again, not want to have to court a woman all over again, which i will resent until the day i die.

As for Nick007, you have a sexless relationship at the moment, you are still a virgin too?


Sounds typical. She picked you because in her eyes you were a soft target. Her other ex boyfriends were probably autistic too. She's one of those people who believe others with disabilities are not worthy of physical intimacy and their needs are not worth considering and she had a well rehersed plan from the offset. Reaching the age of consent is just a technicality for her......if you're autistic that is. She wouldn't dare try with an NT man, she actually sees them as sexual beings.

Dating people like her long term might be an option for some, but at an older are age they need to get used to the idea of partners having their needs met by other women and they either have to agree to it, date asexual men or get a load of cats.

People like her never change.

We don’t and can’t know what her intentions were. Maybe she thought she’d be ready for sex at some point. Maybe she had fears surrounding sex or had experienced sexual trauma. Maybe she was still figuring out her own sexuality. Maybe she just didn’t get to the point where she felt comfortable or safe enough with any of her partners but thought she would at some point. There are lots of possibilities. It seems extremely unlikely that she was intentionally preying on men with disabilities. We don’t know whether her previous boyfriends were autistic or not. We don’t know how she views men - NT or otherwise. There’s too little evidence to come to a conclusion about that.


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05 Jun 2024, 5:58 am

WantToHaveALife wrote:
nick007 wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
As for Nick007, you have a sexless relationship at the moment, you are still a virgin too?
We've fooled around some & had sex a little but it's been like a couple years since we've done that.


and are you saying you never had sex until your 30s?
Correct. I've had a couple opportunities in my 20s but there were reasons I turned em down. One was because I was in my first relationship at the time. The relationship was mostly long distance & we did not have much unsupervised time together in person due to her being a bit younger than me. The same weekend I had turned down an opportunity with the roommate of one of my couisins(I spent the weekend hanging out there) my gf admitred to cheating on me with her ex because he offered her a drug. After that I cared a lot more about being with someone who did not use illegal drugs & also would not cheat than care if she'll have sex with me or not.


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05 Jun 2024, 6:28 am

TwilightPrincess wrote:
We don’t and can’t know what her intentions were. Maybe she thought she’d be ready for sex at some point. Maybe she had fears surrounding sex or had experienced sexual trauma. Maybe she was still figuring out her own sexuality. Maybe she just didn’t get to the point where she felt comfortable or safe enough with any of her partners but thought she would at some point. There are lots of possibilities. It seems extremely unlikely that she was intentionally preying on men with disabilities. We don’t know whether her previous boyfriends were autistic or not. We don’t know how she views men - NT or otherwise. There’s too little evidence to come to a conclusion about that.


I think it's highly unlikely she didn't know her end goals before entering multiple relationships. First or second time, perhaps, but not well into the 20s after multiple ex boyfriends. She knew her hang-ups by then and choose to chuck them on someone else who was unwilling or not able to cope with them rather than working on them herself.

It seems selfish to me.



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05 Jun 2024, 10:39 am

I don’t know enough about her situation to judge it. For example, we don’t know how long she was with previous boyfriends for. Maybe the relationships were short-lived. Maybe the people involved had conservative values. I didn’t have sex with guys that I dated when I was religious.

For reasons I won’t go into, it seems quite likely to me that she didn’t get to the point where she felt comfortable or safe. Perhaps she didn’t breakup because she was hoping that would change. It’s impossible to say.

It’s a shame we can’t hear her side of the story. I don’t think it’s right to vilify her for choosing not to have sex. People are perfectly free to make that choice. If she didn’t want to have sex, it was the right choice. Given their incompatibility, it might have been good if one or the other had broken up sooner. It also seems like communication on both sides may have been lacking. Whatever the case may be, it can’t be changed now. However, it sounds like it could be a good learning experience.


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05 Jun 2024, 10:44 am

nick007 wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
nick007 wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
As for Nick007, you have a sexless relationship at the moment, you are still a virgin too?
We've fooled around some & had sex a little but it's been like a couple years since we've done that.


and are you saying you never had sex until your 30s?
Correct. I've had a couple opportunities in my 20s but there were reasons I turned em down. One was because I was in my first relationship at the time. The relationship was mostly long distance & we did not have much unsupervised time together in person due to her being a bit younger than me. The same weekend I had turned down an opportunity with the roommate of one of my couisins(I spent the weekend hanging out there) my gf admitred to cheating on me with her ex because he offered her a drug. After that I cared a lot more about being with someone who did not use illegal drugs & also would not cheat than care if she'll have sex with me or not.


Me too

I had an opportunity for sex when I was a teen but did not consent because I was too young to understand what I was REALLY getting myself into!

Just like @nick007 I finally lost my virginity in my early 30's with my boyfriend David



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05 Jun 2024, 11:09 am

OFF YOPIC: Congrsts Isabella on your Healing you have been able to get ..... :) :mrgreen:


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05 Jun 2024, 11:14 am

TwilightPrincess wrote:
I don’t know enough about her situation to judge it. For example, we don’t know how long she was with previous boyfriends for. Maybe the relationships were short-lived. Maybe the people involved had conservative values. I didn’t have sex with guys that I dated when I was religious.

For reasons I won’t go into, it seems quite likely to me that she didn’t get to the point where she felt comfortable or safe. Perhaps she didn’t breakup because she was hoping that would change. It’s impossible to say.

It’s a shame we can’t hear her side of the story. I don’t think it’s right to vilify her for choosing not to have sex. People are perfectly free to make that choice. If she didn’t want to have sex, it was the right choice. Given their incompatibility, it might have been good if one or the other had broken up sooner. It also seems like communication on both sides may have been lacking. Whatever the case may be, it can’t be changed now. However, it sounds like it could be a good learning experience.


Being on the receiving end myself and knowing other autistic men, i can sort of read between the lines. Besides the one I dated the longest, I also had others who were interested in me but noticed the warning signs sooner.

The background and reasons as to why such anxiety exists only becomes relevant if people are willing to work on it but she seems like someone who certainly wasn't and didn't. She hidden the fact she was a virgin who had hang ups until she knew feelings had developed months down the road. She went out of her way to hide them and also showed a lack of consideration for wantohavealife's interests. In fact I doubt she even cared at all.

Women like that aren't common, but they seem to look for autistic men with a higher frequency. They need to be given a very wide birth.



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05 Jun 2024, 11:17 am

We seem to have come to very different conclusions based on the available evidence - both in this specific context and in a broader sense.

You can’t really judge it based on women that you’ve known or heard about because every woman and every situation is different. It’s impossible to know what her hangups were or, indeed, if she even had any.


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05 Jun 2024, 11:24 am

The level of demonization to which this woman none of us know is being subjected to is ludicrous. You'd think she conned him out of his inheritance, stole his dog, his pickup truck and his old acoustic guitar so he won't even get a hit country song out of his experiences, instead of just not putting out.


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05 Jun 2024, 11:34 am

funeralxempire wrote:
The level of demonization to which this woman none of us know is being subjected to is ludicrous. You'd think she conned him out of his inheritance, stole his dog, his pickup truck and his old acoustic guitar so he won't even get a hit country song out of his experiences, instead of just not putting out.


And ironically when men have actually done things like that to the women on WP and we mention it, we get no sympathy. Many members think we're exaggerating or lying, but even when we say it's true it's nowhere NEAR as bad as when they don't get sex with a woman.


My inheritance was stolen and my ex killed my dog.
He stole and sold my mother's car.
He pawned away my kids' electronics including X-Boxes.

But hey, that doesn't matter.

Dudes here gotta get laid.


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