Majority of autistuc men dont have a girlfriend?

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Slight disagreement. A woman on the spectrum is totally prone to getting viewed as strange. The creepy/dangerous stigma, on the other hand, not so much.

You're 100% correct when you say we run the risk of getting all sorts of negative stigmas if we unknowingly violate some social norm when pursuing a partner (and needless to say, it's easy to unknowingly violate a social norm when you're on the spectrum).

The violating a social norm thing doesn't just apply to pursuing a partner either. It can also apply to pursuing a friend. When I was an incoming college freshman, I joined a facebook group for the incoming freshman class at my college. One of the admins from the group, also an incoming freshman, spent the whole summer before college chatting with me. He certainly created the impression that he wanted a real life friendship. Yet every time I approached him in person once college started, he acted standoffish (I eventually stopped trying with him). At the end of our 1st semester, he blocked me on facebook. To this day (15 years later), I have no idea what I did to drive him away. My guess is: Back when we only knew each other online, he probably was interested in ultimately developing an in-person friendship, but I probably unknowingly violated some social norm when interacting with him in person (which made him lose any desire for a friendship with me).

Getting back to the topic of pursuing a partner, I myself weigh less than the typical woman, yet even I'm viewed as dangerous.

And here's what I really don't get about the dangerous stigma: Hardened career felons have no trouble getting a partner, despite really being dangerous. On the other hand, a harmless skinny man (like me) whose only "crime" is being socially awkward is somehow viewed as dangerous? What gives?

As for your testosterone comment, are you saying testosterone is what drives a man to make a move on a woman? If so, I'm not sure how true that is. I have a lot of body hair (which means I probably have more testosterone than the typical man), yet I don't dare to make a move on a woman in the vast majority of cases.

Similar story here. In college, I typically stayed in my college town for summer (and took summer classes).

My final summer of college, however, I had recently gotten a girlfriend. My parents forced me to spend the summer at home for no reason other than they didn't like the fact I had a girlfriend. They wanted to break us up (and they were successful at breaking us up). They even celebrated when the girl broke up with me (and they thought I was stupid for being into the girl, thought I was stupid for being sad at the breakup, etc)

Then I remember, even after that, throughout my early 20s, my mom would tell me any girl who expressed interest in me was scamming me in some way.

yeah, reminds me of a guy whom i'm in contact with, he has autism, he claims he is high functioning, but it won't surprise me if its worse, however, i think he has more mental and health problems.

I can't help but feel sorry for him because, he had a negative bad experience back when he was in college, since i wasn't there, i obviously can't really assess what he did wrong since i wasn't a witness, and i'm still kinda not so good socially either, but he told me that a girl and her guy friends ended up filing a restraining order on him, and he got labeled a creepy stalker by just about everyone at the school, and yes got expelled.

He told me this about him as well, and i strongly believe this contributed to his overall well-being as a person, mentally and socially, as a baby, he was born premature, quite early though, and research and studies confirm that being born premature as a baby, does overall affect ones mental and social ability, overall well-being as a person.

He does have friends though, however for most of his life, he said he never had friends, and to no surprise, to no shock at all, he still has never had a girlfriend before, never kissed a woman before either.

That's messed up, I don't understand why your mom would try to sabotage you like that. That said if you do find another girlfriend you may want to set some boundaries with your mom so she can't interfere.

^^^My mom had major concerns about me in the early stages of my relationships. My relationships started online & mom worries about internet stuff. Mom doesn't do online banking or other online financial stuff & she still has me make Amazon & Ebay orders for her & dad. She worries about ID theft every time there's a date breach in the news. Mom also couldn't really grasp why a woman would be interested in me if the woman wasn't hoping to move in with me at my parents or get my possible inheritance when mom & dad die. My parents have a very comfortable lower middle-class lifestyle but mom would not have allowed a woman to move in with me there & it's not like I'm allowed access to their money & resources

Mom didn't actively interfere in my relationships but she did flip out when me & Cass first slept together in my bed & we were almost 30 & me & Cass just slept & cuddled Mom got a low more relaxed after I moved out of my parents to move in with Cass. My mom has always kinda alternated between being protective & worrying about me or resenting me for not being more independent & for mooching off of her & dad. Mom had threatened to kick me out since I was a teen when we had big fights. I'll readily admit I was very unstable & very demanding but I'm alot more laid back & easy going living with Cass. I'm probably lucky mom didn't really interfere in my relationships but she's happy I'm not still living with her & dad & that I have someone else to kinda take care of me.

I agree. It greatly depends upon the right environment for us to have a decent chance at a relationship (for those seeking one). We are naturally at a disadvantage in social situations that have NT rules we do not understand. Unfortunately that issue is part of being human. We cannot understand everything in life perfectly, no matter who we are. We have to find our own niche if it happens to exist.

My only relationship also started online. We were long distance for over 5 years before moving together. We're married and have a daughter now.

She's neurotypical though a bit of a rebel / loner, gets along well with people but prefers a small social circle. Had 2 ex boyfriends who treated her badly, she said she found a kind and trustworthy man in me.

Apart from that just a few extremely awkward dates and drunken misbehaviour on my part.

Just to clarify, what I meant here is "if men do ask, people will accuse them of being forward (e.g., creeps) for doing something outside the normal social code".

Currently when women ask, men might be thankful but other women in particular tend to treat us like pariahs. Then if things go wrong on the date we're also told we were asking for it or we were forward / slu*ty, or it's our own fault, or what have you.

Is that how it is?

I was approached as a teen many years ago. She was one of the popular, older girls, into drinking, partying, etc. I was just socially inept and into books. She approached me out of the blue, gave me her email address and told me to write. I just sent one email and forgot to reply when she wrote back, because I didn't understand what was going on. 2 weeks later she sends another one saying "write back or I'll scratch your eyes out, you dumb***."

We exchanged emails for six months, then she said she didn't want an "email relationship", and threw me to the lions (bullies).

I still don't understand things from her point of view... Can you shed any light?

No. I don't understand most humans, sorry. Women can be particularly baffling.

I'm not sure I understand any humans...

Your story reminds me of this scene from Legally Blonde.





https://youtu.be/18-LLjQBGko?si=9eLZnaZtWPQCAzHf

I'm not quite following you now ... Am I the dork with the books?

I'm not calling you a dork. I actually think that guy's pretty hot, and he's a nice person who is in Law school.

My point is that some teenaged girls might try to put on a show by talking to someone they don't really know, just to boost their own self-esteem for an audience.

I have no idea if that's what happened to you but it made me think of the movie regardless.

I does make sense because she was sharing that email account with a friend. Maybe more friends, who knows...

Would it be an ego boost for her to show how much she could make my head spin in front of her friends?

Yes, or at least I assume so - even though she's also trying to boost yours.