Assumptions you make about women based on dress sense

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Pugly and Sarah, how do you two keep from getting too nervous when those situations happen? Even when people have introduced me to their friends in just a... friendly way, I still kind of freeze up. I say very little and usually can't come up with much besides answering any questions I might be asked. Is it just practice that makes you more comfortable?

No.

I'm actually very lucky in that my friends are all people I met through magazines I've written for, and through DJing. Whereas some people on this forum probably feel that they can't talk about their interests with new aquaintances for fear of boring them, I'm expected to talk at length about subjects I'm actually interested in, (ie. music, music, music). My knowledge is actually perceived in a very positive way.

If I meet people who aren't into these things and I have to make normal conversation, I'm stumped. I don't really have any friends around the place I grew up, its all centered around London and a specific scene.

But having developed a social network thats based around my interest, I feel a lot more confident and can talk.

Usually there is something going on, it's not just " you two are introduced... we'll let you guys get to business." some kind of shared experience or event that we can make comments and interact together is needed. And friends of friends tend to have similar things going on personalities and such...

There is something to grab hold of, with random strangers... nothing.

I'm not actually that nervous talking to other people anymore, if I have something to say. If I don't have anything to say... I don't try to force it nowadays... it's just too uncomfortable for everyone involved.

I'm really working on talking about random things that come into my head only if it's about the present current social event... or someone else's situation. 9 times out of 10... no one is interested in exactly what I do... or the level of detail I can go into with it.

i for one don't mind the way you used to dress.

:: hugs ::

I'm just going to say what I think unpolished. I don't care what you think about what I think.

Quite frankly, I don't think guys even notice much about the way women dress, unless it is fantastically slu*ty.

Sometimes I notice that a girl is all dolled up and to me, if she didn't intimidate so much, I would consider that a sign to talk to her because she is signaling that she is making an effort to be noticed and she is signaling that she might be open to talk. The problem is, a lot of guys don't even know enough about fashion to always tell when she's dolled up. This makes it so that the clothes a girl wears doesn't matter nearly as much to a guy as she thinks it does because he doesn't even know what he's supposed to be looking for. The clothes probably matter a lot more to other girls. Very rarely will some guys even notice a girl's clothes unless it is so slu*ty he thinks he can get an easy lay.

heh.... I think most guys have only a few classifications for women's clothing, hair and makeup:

frumpy
casual
kinda' dressy
fancy-schmancy!

*each classification can still add the suffix "slu*ty" by adding midriff, visible panties or pantylines, poking nipples, and/or cleavage. Let's face it, the more skin a guy can see - the more he goes into automatic [panting and grunting] "must... mate! Woman.... sexy!"-mode.

Most polled guys seem to prefer a little makeup, but certainly not "too much".

Other than that, we don't really notice or care how much effort you may or may not have put into what you're wearing or how you look.

I'm really trying to think about this; more along the lines that you do want to project you, you want to project your idenity, and you want to be bringing out your looks as far as you can without getting creepy attention or having to deal with hypersensitivity issues from the make-up.

One thing I'm thinking is with your hair, have you ever had highlights done? I'm just thinking if you have light brown hair, get something like a shade of blonde that's maybe just a few clicks above your normal color and try and find out if your friends or family know of anyone who does a real good job of highlighting. Also, short hair can look slick and while your style doesn't look bad I'm thinking you could still find a cut that would bring out more of what your wanting to.

On the make-up side though, if you want to keep it minimal that would actually work alright on you; though I think you do want to wear a bit of a lash accent and an eye-liner. That and, while I've never worn make-up (well at least when I'm not playing with my guests in the well downstairs) I'd imagine the lip liner probably isn't as bad as lip gloss - that and I think it looks a lot better, mirror shine or thick lipstick just looks funky.

Exactly, I just let our mutual friend chat us up and when one of us says something the other can laugh about and relate to - that's the in.




Yeah, that's where I'm at myself - its almost like if you can learn to be comfortable with at least an appropriate amount of silence your ok. I feel like I'm getting a lot better at saying the kind of things that are required, just in the sense of not scaring people or showing psychological/personality eccentricity, but over all I'm finding its still more about strategic timing and knowing the flow over the quantity of content.



Yeah, if you start a conversation talking about work or something bland it almost seems to piss people off. With the tangents though, for one it feels like my throught processes are starting to travel along the right lines to where if everyone veers right from a topic I veer right as well instead of left or foreward; that was one of those things I used to do all day long that would odd-angle the hell out of people and it takes just getting the psychology. Its a hard thing to learn but I feel like I'm getting on with it better.

What sucks right now though is that my eye contact and physical composure is getting shot to hell, also I'm having to really bite my cheek hard not to laugh to myself over jokes I heard somone say an hour ago or other real creepy stuff like that. Seems like my nervous system is my biggest hang up and a lot of things can put a lot of play and variabily into just how much I have to fight with it to actually feel and vibe the way I want to (some times its an average battle, right now there's such a flood that its more like triage).

No, it isn't. Women are incredibly competitive about men.

Still, there will be a judgment based on looks. This is unavoidable. One of the most damaging things that come from religion and feminism is this idea that people can be modified, that there is some cosmic SHOULD that everyone needs to abide by, instead of recognizing how people ARE. It's ignoring reality in favour of some bullsh*t fantasy, and then getting pissed off when this fantasy never comes true.

When I used to see a girl, I was either attracted or not attracted, and I never really knew why or bothered to break it down, qualify and quantify. I think most guys are like this. It was only a couple years ago that I began breaking people down based on their dress and style.

I read a lot of detective fiction in my time and that has helped, and so has odd things like watching TV judge shows (you can make guesses, and then compare that to the actual outcome when the decision is handed down) and Dr. Phil. I've also done a lot of crowd control work and making quick and accurate judgments about people is a handy way to avoid getting the Christ beaten out of you.

Sherlock Holmes is the man too, he was based on a real guy, and as a game I'll dissect random people based on their appearance, and once you get good you can use it to scare the living s**t out of people for kicks. "AHH! How did you know that?" Basically it's cold reading, like that douche John Edwards does to fool people into thinking they are talking to dead relatives.

So what I do now is when I notice that I'm attracted to someone, I'll make a concerted effort to know WHY. If she is wearing certain things, they are simply a reflection of her inner world, so if you know how to do this you are actually knowing someone in a very intimate way right off the bat. For instance, I'll take "thrift store chic" over someone in a designer dress and diamonds, simply because it shows a certain courage and independence. It takes imagination to dress some ways, and other ways simply take money and a monkey-see-monkey-do attitude. Most girls dress for other girls's acceptance, and those who don't give a flying f**k about that show up on my radar BIG TIME.

So, that's why I was so pleased that you were dressing how you wanted to dress, because that way you can show off your personality. That is actually a great filter in terms of who approaches you, because you aren't being fake and playing to other people's expectations.



To a degree, I think you're right, it has to do with the atmosphere. Still, the guys that approach you in this situation still want to have sex with you, they're just not as drunk and desperate! In clubs and stuff guys will all hang out in a pack drinking to get their courage up, their buddies egging him on going, "Don't be a p****, go talk to her! Go go go!" And there's going to be a lot more tension because he's worried about how he looks in front of his friends more than he cares about you on a personal level. There's not only the threat to his ego coming from rejection (this is KILLER on guys, it takes massive courage to approach a woman you don't know, and I still get anxious as hell when I talk to a good looking girl, I just stopped hating myself for it) but a threat to his ego from his friends making fun of him for getting shot down.

In a more relaxed atmosphere they're still interested, but there isn't so much pressure, therefore a connection can be made on a deeper level, much less superficial.

Well, try asking yourself why this is happening. You sound like you beat yourself up for a lot of stuff, and I'm simply basing that on your word choices, like "really creepy". It's only going to come off as creepy if YOU think it's creepy! At the risk of making you uncomfortable, you're a pretty good looking guy (help me out, ladies!) and it's pretty much your game to lose. It's like she's thinking "Wow," at first, and eventually she's edging her way out the door once you start messing up.

If you start laughing at a joke you heard an hour ago, so what? Can you really find a good reason to think it's creepy to laugh at a joke? That's what they're there for! If you find that happening, just say that you're laughing at a joke you heard a while back. It happens to everyone, and if you're honest and up-front about it rather than making an effort to cover it up, people will be more comfortable with you - she will have no idea why you've just been laughing to yourself and then stopped all the sudden and looked guilty. She'll think she's in for a round of putting the lotion on its skin. That's the difference between "creepy" and "quirky". Just try and take it easy on the tuck dancing.

No intent to mislead, coming at the question from an angle you wouldn't suspect. Come up with the most elegant arguments you want, but nobody gets your point unless you involve them. Most conceptions and misconceptions people hold are based on deep-rooted emotion-based things, and unless those are addressed it's all a waste of time, and when you get down to it, an insult to their intelligence.

I might rile you up, but I'll never insult your intelligence.

I'll try and play a little nicer though

Ha! I thought so.

Boy are YOU lucky!

Only the silly ones.

Oh c'mon now. I seen your pics and some of them are very hot, very competitive, and I don't think you're silly at all.