Calling all undamaged females... Anyone?

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Interesting comment, Sedaka - with my ex (who had been sexually abused as a child, and bullied), she never wanted to tell me things that bothered her, not because she wasn't asertive enough but because she thought it was my job to read her mind (this isn't just me, NT men also hate being expected to read minds) - then of course the pressure would build up and she always exploded eventually. On my part, I felt that I could not talk to her about things - communication is a two-way street and if she refused to tell me things, i didn't feel I could tell her things (and when i did try it usually didn't go down well).

Someone on this board mentioned about men not knowing what they want, I might be a prime example. I'm not sure if I want to ever be in a relaitonship again (the only thing I do know is that casual dating is not for me, I have neither the social skills for it nor will I put with the inevitable drama of relationships for something that isn't serious) - though it's a purely theoretical question as it's been a very long time since I met a girl I was interested in that wasn't very much taken for the long haul, and most girls would rather jump out the window than date me anyway.

You and thousands of other guys buddy. Of course you could treat a woman right. I could treat a woman right. Anyone can treat a woman "Right". Of course, she gets 100 guys a day who think just like you, and, in the way the game is played, none stand a chance, because they are all the same. She wants the guy who is different, but can still show the qualities you mentioned.

She doesn't want a nice guy. She wants an ATTRACTIVE guy who CAN be nice at times. Do what you want, but I'm just saying how the world works. You can either agree with what's been proven by others for thousands of years (Not solely my opinion), or you can continue being stuck in a rut. Your choice.




LePetitPrince, you're half right.

Women are always attracted to alpha males (Depends on definiton of what is "Alpha")

...but cmon dude, Testosterone levels? Women being immature for thinking on emotion? ALL men have Testosterone. Some of us lack the confidence that comes to getting women, and therefore, wastes that testosterone on feelings of anger, inadequacy, and frustration. And women will always be emotional, because that is how they are. That's a good thing, actually, because of the fact women are attracted to personality, and even the ugliest-looking guy can get women if he has a gold personality. You've got the right idea, but there is no logical theory to explain relationships. I assure you, if getting women was a logical process, EVERY GUY ON THE PLANET would have a harem by now.

They dont like the alpha males because they're jerks or cheaters. They like them because, unlike most "nice" guys:

-They're confident.
-They dont give a rat's ass what others think of them
-They will go for what they want, and not feel guilty
-They live by their own rules, instead of looking to others for approval

..of course, "Nice" guys end up getting the women whom have become warped, jaded, and traumatized, and they STILL end up not having a relationship or getting any, because they think "Oh, If i help her out of her misery, she will repay me with love." Not at all man.

Still, you've got the idea Prince. PM me on the subject if you're still curious.

...And Sedaka:



OMG! You love those aggressors eh? lol. That's the fighting spirit! =P.

...but back to seriousness, You're definition of "Aggressive" = "Confidence"

Of course you go for the confident guys. You're usually used to guys who put you on a pedestal, and that, in itself, is bad. Those nice guys pour out their feelings, and dont realize that, in the process, you're mood changes to sympathy for them. When sympathy sets in, sexual attraction is officially dead, and the guy has become a "Friend". Am I on the money here or what? xD.

You're not to blame for liking as*holes. as*holes, although being jerks, UNINTENTIONALLY show those attractive qualities in a man, and of course you're going to be attracted. Same thing if a supermodel went up to a guy, grabbed his crotch, and told him to meet her in the parking lot by her red porsche. The guy would JET there faster than Road Runner going for birdseed. Again, the as*hole being who he is is the equivalent of the crotch grab, and of course you'll melt for the as*hole's personality.

So who's to blame: as*hole or nice guy?

Neither. They're both the bad guys. as*holes for abusing women and being jerks, and nice guys for manipulating women into sex by guilt and ass-kissing. (I find more fault in the nice guy, but that's just me).

The answer:

MEN: Find the balance. Find what's good about the as*hole, and what's good about the nice guy, and become the ALPHA MALE (Key point: as*hole and Alpha male are NOT the same thing).

WOMEN: You choose what's better: The attraction to the as*hole, or the avoidance of traumitization. I know it feels good to talk to confident, unique guys, even if they are douchebags, but think long term. Instead, find the alpha male. You can do it.

@blackbull...

there's a diff in aggressive versus confident.... i realize i wasn't defining things too clearly. i've dated "nice" guys that are really confident, hell they asked me out ect!

i just mean something along the lines of the baby bird effect... the louder babies get more food, so to speak.

i just tend to need very verbal people (for reasons more obvious to me now)

i can deal with meeker confident guys... but i will tend to dominate more, which is fine as long as they like it (or dont and speak up about it).

people interact differently with each other... i was just speaking of generalized trends that i have experienced. not rules of thumb strictly.

That really doesn't make much sense though, your passions are what they are. If some people have more flex than others maybe I can see that; at least in my own experiences though it doesn't work unless someone's being themselves and doing what they want because they want to.

hey hey HEY ...STOP where you are!! !! ! Don't start with the jerk/nice dilemma, plz!! ! Where did you spot the word 'jerk' and 'nice' in my post?
I didn't deny the qualities of alpha males (ie. confidence) , girls prefer alpha males because they are MASCULINE , and the qualities that you have mentioned (confidence , rat's ass....etc) are masculine qualities.
Natural inborn alpha males have naturally higher level of testosterone : they are taller,more challenger, stronger and look more masculine and that's why they become more confident ---->that's why girls like them ...but the side effects of Testosterone are aggressiveness,dominance tendency(can be good or bad) and higher sex drive...this is a biological fact , so higher level of Testosterone doesn't only make you physically superior but it can make you more challenger and dominant which are necessary characteristics for success in life.


The indicators for high-status males in the society today are not so much related to intelligence and education, as they are position, wealth, and notoriety. It’s not the intelligence or degree that one has, it’s the ability to manipulate surroundings, people, and one’s environment to their own advantage, as well as to achieve monetary gain, and of course power in the process. It’s not always the intelligence/education one has, but the ability to aggressively use whatever skills/assets, personality strengths, social skills, emotional intelligence, and having the desire for dominance to do so that equates with what being an alpha male in modern day society is. Having traits for dominance is almost futile or self-defeating without the intelligent use of manipulation, and the keen ability to control others. Otherwise, silly fools will be put in their place. By of course, the real alpha males.

The big question is, though: Why does it have to be that way? I just make my best effort to ignore society's rules on most things. I think I can count the number of times I succumbed to peer pressure back when i was in High School on one hand (and those events didnt involve serious things like drugs and what not). For all intents and purposes, I am pretty much unaware of what fashion trends are, and just wear what I like. I basically follow that list that Black Bull mentioned about alpha males:



And yet, I don't get women.

Last edited by ToadOfSteel on 12 Jan 2008, 11:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You know, my brother has had crazy girlfriends in the past. His current one is the worst. She is manipulative, controlling, and disrespectful to those that live in MY house.

I think all that still depends on the person, two people can make that same decision, still dress pretty well, still sport a pretty solid and confident sense of self, be self-assured, and it can get very different results just based on whether or not society is willing to accept them as that. If they do, great, if not they're fighting a constant uphill battle with people quite often ignoring them and trying to act like they don't exist just because they can't up the dirt on them to turn the tables and make them go away. Over time one can learn their way around it but they still never fully overcome the place society has put them in - at least not without luck shining on them in some way.




And again, those are great, they should work, but it has way more to do with what a person's beliefs are, their sense of reality, etc. etc.. If by luck your beliefs make you prone to a mild bit of bragado, that's a good thing. If not, it takes averaging yourself between that and keeping in mind the parts of you that don't seem to work by society's standing (once all that's been tried). Sometimes you'll still end up SOL, as you said at the bottom. Who you are matters more as the relationship progresses, what you are genetically seems to matter the most at the beginning and early onset.