Why do women send mixed signals?

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Hidi and I had some good, long talks this weekend. We are back to being friends, she missed me as much as I missed Her. She is also working on her addictions.

Hey Ken you know what I think?
Yea!
You should go to AlAnon.

People with aspergers and autism may be on the wrong planet with these human creatures, but compared to the planets men and women come from people with aspergers are right next door.

The reason is mainly that our culture has courtship arranged VERY unstraitforward. A lot of things about human life are unstraitforward, but courtship is unstraitforward even for normal people. Most people have learned akward ineffective methods of communicating between each other, especially between the sexes. Everyone is expected to learn the game and play in it. Even though a lot of people know and have thought about how much of a pain in the ass the current arrangement is. They consider it easier to play the game than to change the rules.

I think you are an a$$ for not respecting my wishes. I asked people on here to not to tell me to go to ALAnon. But you ignore that. You would think someone that at least knows what AS is and when someone with AS asks people to do something, you would know they are straght forward. Too bad you don't respect people enough on this fourm. Burn in Hell. You have AS, that makes it worse. Do you not respect your students like this too?

Well, Heidi and I had another talk last night. She said that we will stay just friends, no sleeping in the same bed, kissing, touching, ect.. Even though I know she liked it. She now says she was wrong to do that in the first place. I still have feelings for her that way. She was the one that lead me on. Why do women do this crap?

same reason men do - people do that crap cos they won't take responsibility for their own behaviour, and cos they don't think of other people.

Sounds like she flat out doesn't know what she wants. It is kind of wierd in the sense that most girls won't even touch a nice guy just because they'd feel horrible if they led him, not sure if she may have had some feelings for you that she couldn't sort out or maybe she was that self-absorbed in her problems that she couldn't tell or just didn't care that it wasn't the cool thing to do.

Men do it, too. I have had a guy say exactly that and then end upin bed with him leadign me on again the same night (or the next).

All I can say is this: keep your distance. Getting sexually intimate will make it much, much more painful for you than it already is. I was stubborn and thought that if I could just convince him, get through to him, that if he could just realize how he really felt, that he really wanted me, etc etc etc...so I persisted. And it screwed up my life (although there were bright spots of happiness in between). I wouldn't do it again, I should have gone on with my own life and pursued my own future and goals until I met soemone who truly wanted me.

Because I hate to say it, but having sex with someone like that doesn't resolve their uncertainty or waffling, and neither does having a baby with them or even getting married. It leaves you in the very insecure and unsatisfying position of being with someone who still isn't sure if they want you, and it is heartbreaking.

During the talk she told me it was wrong for her to invite me to her bed, give massages, ect. I asked her flat out: "Did it feel wrong?" She seemed to enjoy it. I think she is scared of how she really feels.

Yes, and she may well have enjoyed it, even if she won't admit it. But that doesn't matter. The point is that someone who acts as she does will crush your heart into powder and then refuse to take any responsibility for it, even as you are left trying to recover what is left of your life and self esteem.

I know how hard it is, but the only healthy thing for you to do is leave it alone, and that may mean not having an ongoing and active friendship for a while, until your ardor simmers down somewhat.

I would say exactly the same thing, by the way, whether or not she were a pothead.

Heidi and I have beren hanging out alot, talking. She is a little more touchy with me. We just hug right now, nothing more. But last night, out of the blue, we were watching TV and she just tells me she bought a thong. I don't know what to think about this.

Lol, I wouldn't read into that.

I wish I knew why women like to give mixed signals - but from my experience, I would say that the vast majority do give mixed signals. One minute they're acting like your best friend, then the next minute they tell you you're creepy and that they're scared of you, and you get blocked on MSN.

I think a lot of women get their jollies from flirting heavily with a man, then acting like they did nothing.

I'm not that good with girls and their mixed-signals... like i have more problems to think about..
if a girl wants to talk to me.. she has to talk honestly and say what is on her mind.. or else we really won't get anywhere.
i wish that AS becomes more known in the world.. so i don't have to explain to everybody what it is... and they won't understand and think i'm some sick guy or something....... well i hope i said something useful.

There is more method to the madness that is woman than is first apparent to an aspie man. May I suggest two excellent books, if you haven't read them already?

The System: How to Get Laid Tonight by Roy Valentine

This book is a treasure. It brilliantly and concisely explains the battle of the sexes, the body language and games involved, and it is written to men. Every aspie guy should read this book. Whether you're in a relationship now, or you are looking for one, you won't be sorry you spent $12 and a couple of hours to read this slim volume. As the title suggests, the emphasis is on seduction, but that doesn't do justice to the deep truths this book explores. Forget the thesis in the title and treat yourself to a no-nonsense tour of The Rules. Your romantic life will never be the same. Nobody can jerk you around after this one.

How to Succeed with Women by Ron Louis and David Copeland

This book is more mainstream and in-depth, a best-selling classic. These two guys are experts on male-female relations, and they go over volumes of priceless information about how to succeed in communicating with women. They cover everything. This book is like the Bible, and nearly as thick. It's cheap, especially in paperback. If you are like most aspie guys, you will slap your forehead and yell, "Oh! I get it now!" every page or so you read of this great book.

You can get both these at your local Borders. When you get sick playing the game without knowing the rules, pick them up.

Perceptive of you, ELLCIM. Roy Valentine addresses this first thing in his book I recommended above, The System.

Women do just that. They have it down to a science. The more admiration they can get without giving anything and the more men they can leave panting and unfulfilled, then the more points they score and the more status they have in our society. The trick is to learn how to show some interest but no open admiration. This takes points away, and women get very curious about you...

Anyway, read the book!