What the HELL is wrong with girls?

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Haha, wow.

Ahhh...I love it when people come in and reply without even reading everything.





I have a job.
And yes, I'm moving out in a year or so.
That I already know.

Hmm, yes, it couldn't be that you have never given me the unblock list i have asked you for a dozen times......

Wuv woo, cupcake.

Thanks for trying to help LoveableNerd, but before you give such extreme advice to teens, you need to get the rest of the story. I'll show the same consideration when you are a parent, k?

Also, i know you mean well and would love to give the pat answer that would solve all of his problems. I would too, but it simply does not exist. Life is a bit more challenging than that.

But thanks for caring, really. I appreciate it.

Yes, I agree that life is more difficult than that. My apologies for the pat answer, but what else was I to gather from this?


I'm 34, still live with my parents (moved back in with them at Dad's insistence 9 years ago - it made good economic sense at the time - but I'm still here). They weren't opposed to me having a GF when I was younger, but didn't show a whole lot of concern for my unhappiness over not being able to find one. I got the pat answers to wait until college, and then to wait until I got my degree and got a job (in a field where there is a 95:2 guy/girl ratio no less). I hate to be so critical of my own parents, because they are having a hard time now and we have become quite close in my adult years, but when I was a child and teen they frequently made decisions placing their own convenience above my well-being. It's only NOW that they are starting to panic because they're at the age where they'd like to have grandchildren (my only sibling and his wife have been trying but she has miscarried four times).

It was in college (away from Mom and Dad) when I came unto my own a little bit and did make some friends, and did date a little bit, but not much due to the same problems WhateverDude started this original post about, and I hate to break it to everyone but if anything they are worse about that in college than they are in HS. That's where the party girls from HS get married, and the formerly quiet, studious girls we might have been compatible with come "out of the shell" and fill the party girl void.

Being on his own for awhile will help him develop confidence though. In spite of feminism, most women are still looking for a man that can take care of them. Before he can even think about projecting that capacity, he has to know that he can at least take care of himself.

>_>

Yes, we all have to establish our own independence, and some practice at it before taking on a family is certainly preferable. In fact, i have always told my children that my job is to work myself out of a job. It is just that your post had kind of a "screw your parents' input" and "run screaming" feel about it. The problem with that is what is not seen on the thread, as is true with most, is that the problem runs deeper and/or differently than it appears. (Not to mention that the parents didn't even get a fair trial here. ) We are complicated creatures, and even have difficulty understanding ourselves much of the time, and what we say when venting should not be taken as hard evidence. In short, the posts only scratch the surface, and influencing a teen, whether intended or not, to push off his/her strongest (and in some cases only) true supporters, especially based on so little and unsubstantiated information, is an injustice to that teen.

I will not even state the rest of the case, as an internet forum is not the place for family communication to be worked out. For your comfort, though, you can look at my post before the one you quoted for a clue and be assured that all possible help has and is being offered to help him work through his frustration which can be soundly blamed only on AS and growing pains.

Oh, P.S. Apology accepted. Tx

For the longest time I got that image. I am considered by many to be an attractive, fit looking guy, but have had very few relationships (if you could even call them a relationship) throughout my life, and in most of those I was asked. I thought it was because I wasn't the bad boy every girl looked for, because I wasn't the badass they craved. Over the past year, when I started getting out there a bit, I realized it wasn't for that reason I was alone.

It's not because i'm not the badass, ladies like a nice guy.

It's because I have something called Asperger's Syndrome.

I'm too shy. I have some trouble speaking my mind. I'm not really considered to be that strange, in fact, i've been told that i'm easy to talk to. I just haven't learned to apply it to dating yet. Why? Because flirting is about taking things outside of the box and not being literal with things you say, and in that respect either i'm way too subtle or don't pick up on their subtlety. I'll leave some place and a friend will point out "why didn't you flirt back?" Well, maybe because I didn't know she was flirting. In some cases, it's more obvious but I just don't know how I should respond. It would be great to find a girl who can understand why I act the way I do around them, why i'm so clueless. Unfortunately, everything still comes down to survival of the fittest, just like it was since the beginning of time, so explaining doesn't do s***, just scares them off.

What do I do about it, I let it go. I don't bother with an explaination about my condition, or even make excuses. I've come close to relationship status with someone I started to care about, only to be driven away. That hurts the most, to know someone truly liked you, but was driven away because you tried their patience too much and they didn't know what they could do, thought there was something wrong with you or, even worse, thought they had something to do with it and gave up altogether, getting frustrated and not returning calls.

Not being an as*hole is not the reason they won't date nice guys, as*holes are just more straightforward and will tell them what they want to hear, meaning they are blindsighted. Nice guys won't lie. It's not to say some are not attracted to asshats like the stereotypes say, but even then more than likely it's just that jerks are confident, and it's CONFIDENCE, not being treated like s*** that attracts them.

Don't worry too much about it right now. Other seventeen year old girls like yourself don't even know what they're looking for and since more guys than not their age scream arrogance, chances are they'll end up with one of them. As they get older and so do you, they know what they're looking for, and most will be searching for guys just like you, sweet, sincere and modest. The friends who rejected you might be on account of you two becoming such close friends. The more "good friends" you and her become, the less likely they are to consider you a relationship prospect. You'll find the right one.

Sorry about the long post. I didn't mean to offend anyone either, I just thought i'd share my thoughts and whether you agree or not, are disgusted or not, these are my thoughts on the matter and they aren't changing.

What he said.

you meet those online!

and they don't have to be from your town (though it sure helps if they are)

I also recommend swing dancing. You can manhandle lots of chicks, and stay in shape doing it!

Sometimes that's the best advice.



Agreed.

Maybe if WhateverDude waits awhile, and then changes his nickname and accesses WrongPlanet only from computers other than the ones in his home, he can post here again in peace and privacy.



Great. Good to know you've got nothing to do with it.

And maybe if you knew that WhateverDude actually approached me and asked to communicate about AS this way, you would not be posting in ignorance now. But you did not know that because you only have a microscopic piece of the story. So thank you; you prove my case quite plainly. I simply attempted to very carefully point out that forum posts only contain a minuscule fraction of the needed information to determine the advisability of giving such extreme advice to any teenager on the net. To do so is simply irresponsible at best and dangerous at worst (but not for you, how lucky). The comments, if you will look back and read carefully, were addressed to one other poster concerning one piece of emotionally charged, uninformed advice.

I appreciate that you are concerned, but your "help" in this instance (this post, these quotes) is sadly misplaced. If you choose to truly believe that you can make such judgments based on an emotional rant from someone you have never even met and whose information you cannot verify, and, btw whose full mental state you know nothing about, no one can save you from your delusion. I hope that is not the case.

Btw, thanks for seconding me on the swing dance idea.

Last edited by deadpanhead on 01 Jun 2008, 5:47 am, edited 3 times in total.

Nothing to see here.

well...that was a pleasant read...

It's proven to me one thing; styles change, music changes, even people change, but high school goes on forever...

Ok, let's look at your representative sample.

Now once you're in the dating age, what do you want? Normal? Safe? Boring?

NO!, you want excitement! thrills! emotional rollercoastering through relationships! the thrill of the chase! the play-by-play after the date, wild, crazy loving (however far it goes)

Who supplies that? the boy (or girl) next door? No!..the thug in the hallway, shaking down nerds for pocket change. Or the slut driving all the guys wild. Before you have perspective, these look pretty darn attractive..

there are (thank heavens) only a limited supply of those. But it does set up some competition. But that's the name of the game; you're always going to have competition. It's the nature of the species, women choose the man they want to chase them... (sometimes...

You have so much time ahead of you...at least benefit from our 'older person' mistakes, and not make them...

No, it certainly isn't the place for that. Sorry if it caused a family problem. I merely offered the advice I sometimes wish I had been given at that age, but in all fairness to my own parents they had no idea I had AS. Even now, in spite of all the problems I had growing up and all the problems they had with me, they don't want to believe I have it. The latest is that I am nothing like that 5 year old kid in the news (could it be because I'm not 5 years old anymore? lol). Anyway, I'm sure if they had realized it then, and the problems that it was causing, they would have made different decisions that would have helped me grow instead of further isolating me. So he is lucky that you are aware of it and are trying to help him.

LOL! No, no problem here between the two of us but some posters apparently have a huge problem with us! Funny considering that they know not a thing about us. It's amusing in one way, but sad in another. I truly am grateful for your obvious empathy and desire to help however you can. Just knowing that others have been there, too, and are listening is a comfort. And lots of good insight and ideas have been offered. Thanks again.