CAn I just have a moan about my husband please?

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well he might be, his nick name from people that knew him before he was a christian was "pycho". His imprisonments (three), were all for violent offences. He was involved with "protection".

He has never been abusive physically, but threatens and I back off... but he has said that if he did hit me he would not stop, and I would not survive...????

I know nothing of this side of his life, because he had been "born again" when I met him. and I had no interest in draging up his past. He has no contact with any criminal action, and rarely leaves the house.

So on discussion he does addmit to haveing "voices" .............. and did not disagree when I said he could be schiziod???


He takes a lot of prescription medication for pain and insomnia, mixed with half a bottle of brandy, keeps him nice and quite. I suggested that if he could have a diagnosis he could have propper medication, and free as he seems to be self medicating.

He said if I admit to anyone that I hear voices in my head, they will give me a "happy Jag" every week and then I will blow up like a balloon, and sit in the corner with my mouth hanging open, unable to look after myself or the kids. "I have seen it happen to people, I am fine taking the stuff I take.blah blah......"

So HELP........ where is the schizoid forum???

m

This man is seriously abusive ? Do you really want to live your life out with such threats and having children in this environment, he needs professional help, and you need to get out of there. Protect your children and yourself.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoid_p ... y_disorder

At the bottom of this article in the 'external links' section is a link to a schizoid forum.

thanks

He sounds very manipulative, which is a hard thing to do if you are not socially clued up. Personally I wouldn't take his or anyone’s word for what he is until he diagnosed. But why stick around to find out?

You haven't got a relationship, you know almost nothing about this guy's past. He must have been very good to convince to you marry him and have kids. He has so go you rapped round his little finger that you even buy this whole spiritual nonsense. Tell you something his spirituality amounts to nothing. He has no spiritual guidance to offer the children and you have no good reason to stick around.

I forgot to say, you may need to look into schizotypal and/or schizoaffective disorders, they also hear voices. I think they're like mild forms of schizophrenia.

I'd just like to echo what toadofsteel and others have said that the worst of what your describing are not AS symptoms. I'm implying only that your partner has problems far, far worse than AS, so I'm not sure what the AS 'angle' is.

This is an AS spectrum forum after all. You may well get more something more useful for you discussing it in forums for partners of violent drug addicts, if such a thing exists.

You sound very mixed up about all this - you say he's off drugs but only taking amphetemines. Well, he's not off drugs at all then, is he? He must have a very powerful hold on you if he can distort your common sense thinking round to his view in this way. I think that if you're intentions are sincere you should stop chatting on forum's and get professional help ASAP.

I dread to think why on earth you ever got involved with such an unsavoury specimen while rejecting the 99% of men that are not violent psycopaths.

That sux.

I was trying to put a different spin on things and got accused, basically of having a "kept" woman. When in fact, that is exactly the kind of relationship that I did not want and never do want. Oh well, no problem there, this can be an emotional topic. For me the verbal abuse was a two way street and the mental abuse by her and her family was terrible.

I hope things improve. Being taken advantage of by a person is bad enough and then when lawyers and laws take advantage of you again it makes life very hard.

Wow, I am so sorry that you have to live with this

Well, I'm not really concerned with whether or not he has AS. The truth is that if he continues doing drugs and drinking, he is going to hurt both himself and you. He should not be speaking to you this way or treating you like this, I can't conceive any excuse for this. There may be reasons he does it, but no real excuses.

The other problem is that your husband does not want to seek diagnosis. The tragic truth is that he is robbing himself of the chance to get help. I have AS, I have trouble taking criticism, but one thing I do know, those around me who tell me what I need to change most certainly do love me. I'm not wrong about everything, but as far as my perception about the world around me goes, I am quite off. Though, by acknowledging a problem, I can work towards fixing it. My first relationship failed in a week because I had no idea how to do anything. I couldn't talk, I had no good ideas, I had a lot of unrealistic presuppositions, and it fell flat on its face. Next time around it's a little bit different, and I've found out how to interact with people. There are a lot of hindrances for an AS/Autistic person, though they can be worked through (to some extent, sometimes not all of it) with effort on the AS person's part.

However, drugs and alcohol are not an AS thing. I don't know if your husband's condition presets him (hope not) to those, but AS people are still capable of knowing and understanding right and wrong, and he does need to take responsibility for that. His condition isn't an excuse for bad behavior.

For your part, it does take a stable person to deal with someone that has AS. Your world perceptions are different, your ideas and ways of thinking are different (especially in terms of the opposite sex), everything about you is different, and that can be frustrating (it's frustrating for me, sometimes, dealing with NTs because thought processes are so different). For putting up with as much as you have and trying to find a solution, I commend you for that. However, don't be a pushover. If you feel you are in a sinking ship, something needs to change. You have a much better grasp on that than he does.

If you have to, leave for a time. Not necessarily divorce, but move out, and let him feel the sting of his words toward you. Sometimes pain is the one way that we really learn to pay attention.

I pray that the two of you can be happily reconciled. God bless you.

Mild might be the wrong word; while they have different scopes and exhibitions, they can be equally difficult to manage and work through... perhaps it is because of the oscillations in levels of functioning.


M.

Thank you Capriccio for taking time to add your comment on a forgotten thread.

Your word are very kind.

If my husband does have mental health issues, then I feel that his value as a human being is still important, and maybe it is my interpritation as an NT of what he is saying could be wrong??

Yes I could also be manipulated, and I do feel confused, and I am so used to how he talks, that it I am sort of numb to his comments.... And yes i am concerned about the effect on the children...

but the problem is that he seems to be two people. When he is "pig man" as I call his horrid side, I know his behaviour is wrong, then he can be lucid and ok for a short period, so i feel it hard to leave, because it would break him if I did....

But then there is another side, in that... if i do leave because of his mental health, waht sort of message is that teaching my children.......... to give up on someone, just because they are different, or troubled?

Thank you all for your comments.
m.

ouch..
I'm sorry to say this, but it seems like he's wanted out of the relationship for the last 8 years.
My dad (aspie) stuck around for 20 years because of us kids, but as soon as I was a teenager, they got a divorce.
He's now at a place in his life where he's happy and free.. probably a bit lonely, but now finally doing what he wants.
Your kids know the unhappiness in your relationship; it's good he wants to stick around, but he can still be there for them if you two separate.
I usually don't advocate divorce, but him saying those things must cut into you like a cold knife.
You deserve better. I would never stand to be with anyone who's so cold. It must hurt to drag it on.
There are men out there who have a lot of love in their hearts and are ready to pour it out on you and treat you like a queen.
Sorry again if I'm putting break-up thoughts into your mind, but I'd be sad to imagine you dragging this on for any longer.
You deserve to be happy!

mmmm

Yes reflection, my husband would be happier without me.

This is true.
Maybe I should give him what he wants and leave, then i can be seen as the bad guy, and he can just put me down as another woman who is selfish, and put her own needs before her family.

He has had 3 long term previous relationships... two of which children were involved.

He said today... (sorry to moan, but I can here cos nobody knows me)

" the fact is that i only married you because we had sex...(out of marrage) I felt we had no choice, it was a mistake, it should never have happened"

He says that I tempted him with my "worldlyness" and caused him to stray from his single path.


We did have a passionate start... I loved him dearly, and wanted to change all the bad things he pointed out in me..... I became pregnant within months of marriage. and since that conception I can count on one hand how many times we have had sex since then...


But I have been blessed with two miracles. They are lovely boys and I would do it all again to get them!!

jsut continuing the moan...

m.

I wouldn't leave because of his mental health. If you word it like that, it does sound like you have a bias. The problem is not necessarily his AS though; the problem is that he is addicted to drugs and is an alcoholic, and he won't do anything to help himself. As far as AS goes, he won't get a diagnosis, ergo he won't get any help for it. There are solutions for living with someone who's main issue is just his Asperger's Syndrome, but drugs and alcohol are a terrible other thing. I know you came asking for an AS perspective on it, and I think the best perspective is this; he's not incapacitated as a human because of his AS, although it may give him difficulties. AS is considered high-functioning, implying that he definitely has at least regular human thought capacity, and therefore can be held accountable by his conscience. Personally, I think this is wholly selfish what he's doing.

There may be some underlying reasons. There are things that aspies generally go through as kids because they are usually so different. I was always the weird one in class, kids said I was gay (I did act a little girly because I had no brothers and couldn't socialize well with other guys, though I'm not gay), I had a high voice, I'd do things I didn't realize were immature, and a few other things (I think you get the picture). If he has Asperger's Syndrome, he may have experienced similar things, and people do look to drugs and alcohol for such reasons.

I basically say that because I don't want to make a monster of your husband; he is a human being after all. Though, you're not obligated to stick around if you have become his punching bag. No human being should have to go through that, even from someone you sincerely love. For your sake, and the kids' (an abusive father is detrimental to a family), you may have to split up for a time and see if that forces a resolution, but this is a very bad situation to be in. Once again, I'm sorry you even have to go through this

If you don't mind me asking (and you don't have to answer if you don't want to), has he cheated on you? Is he cheating on you?

By the way, you're welcome. I'm glad I could help you.

Capriccio

No one thing my husband is not.... is a cheat

He has no interst in women, sort of finds us irritating. I dont think he has a libido.

He has admitted to having voices, I think he may well be schitziod.



m.

My problem with him is that he puts the blame of everything on YOU. And now you are doing it too. It's common of women in abusive relationships. Do you want your children to treat their wives this way? Because if you stay, all they will know is how your husband treats you. They will think it is normal. Your husband is not going to change. Why would he? He gets to do as he wishes while you take care of everything and take the blame for anything that goes wrong.

"I tempted him with my worldyness". I honestly laughed when I read that. It is complete and utter BS and shows that he will never take responsibility for anything. My husband and I had a lot of chemistry, had sex -and got pregnant- before I had planned. But I don't blame him. It was OUR decision, we both wanted it and both accepted the consequence. It takes two people to have sex and make a baby.

Anyone can be a christian. Being religious does not give you an excuse to act like a jerk (and yes, I am christian). There have been many religious people who manipulated, cheated, lied etc. through life. Going to church or confessional every week does not take away your responsibility for your own actions. I know that he says not to judge him for being in prison, but past actions do predict future ones. Especially if they don't change. He wasn't convicted once- it was 3 times, so he didn't "make a mistake and learn his lesson". Look at his actions, not his words and for goodness sake, stop punching your ticket for the guilt train.

"He has never been abusive physically, but threatens and I back off... but he has said that if he did hit me he would not stop, and I would not survive...???" Please, please, please read that. Over and over. He is going to hit you, he is going to hurt you. He is working his way up to it. Who will protect your children when he does? You may think he won't because he hasn't yet. But look at his behavior. He didn't start out treating you this badly. It's a process and it's not going to get better without something drastic happening- if ever. If you feel you cannot leave now, at least have the number and address of a women's shelter. Go and talk to them. Know your options. You are a strong woman and you will be able to survive without him. You and your children will probably be much better off.